Sons of the Crystal Mind (Diamond Roads Book 1) (26 page)

“Was… I… wrong?”

“I think you might have been.”

A strange sob escapes him and he seems to become lighter.

“I did… terrible things,” he says.

“Yes,” I say. “So did I.”

“No,” he says.

With effort, he turns until his horrified eyes look into mine.

“If only…” he says, “if only…”

His hand grips my fingers and then it slowly lets go.

New Runcton is silent. Hobb’s block slides down my back into the ground and I slowly descend as the floor cover sinks too. The bodies in their black cloaks are absorbed with Hobb the last to go, slipping down me as the Basis claims him.

I look out over a field of shadows under a bright surface. They blur, shiver and are gone as the Sons of the Crystal Mind go to meet their maker. Or, rather, mine.

39

Harlan helps me up the ramp into his ship; the hatch closes behind us and a slight jolt indicates take-off. Ursula sits trembling against the far wall, her glassy eyes bright and her breath rapid. Great scarlet burns weep on her beautiful legs, which are covered with a glowing anaesthetic sheath. I sit beside her and Harlan sits across from us. There’s a very peculiar pause.

“I-I’m sorry,” Ursula says.

Her voice has none of its usual confidence.

“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for,” I say.

I reach out to stroke her brutally cropped hair but she moves her head away.

“I wanted to stop you getting hurt,” she says, “and I had to watch those bastards beat you to pulp.”

“They didn’t quite do that,” I say.

“Charity, your face…”

My face does feel odd. At the moment, shock and adrenaline keep the pain at bay.

“At least we got out,” I say.

“How many people died?” she asks.

I look at Harlan.

“Three thousand, two hundred and sixty-two,” he says.

I didn’t ask Jaeger to kill everyone but I knew he would do something drastic and horribly efficient. That Hobb seemed to absolve me of it at the end changes nothing; he had no idea what really happened to his followers. As far as he knew they turned on themselves, an event as mysterious and terrifying as a genuine miracle.

Ursula groans.

“How did they find you anyway?” I ask her.

She looks down.

“They didn’t find me,” she says.

Harlan makes a funny noise in his throat. His expression is strange.

“She found them,” he says.

His words echo through me and get louder until the pressure seems to crack my chest. Ursula looks devastated, worse than from the pain. She hasn’t let the Basis heal her because she wants to punish herself for-for… joining the Sons of the Crystal Mind.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers. “It’s just… the fucking bastard Blanks. They shot you and burned me and left us in that stupid craphouse to get raped and killed. I hate them. I-I didn’t think it would end like this.”

Her words hurt more than the injuries to my body. I would need to multiply that pain by a hundred, even a thousand to come close. The one I love most has wounded me right in my soul, the secret part of me that keeps the rest together.

The little voice in my head just goes

                                                                  very

                                                                            
quiet

Out of the silence comes hatred for this vain, stupid woman. My rage has a voice now; not a roar but something cold and quiet. It sounds like Ellery’s brutal truth, Keris’s implacable will, Jaeger’s ruthlessness and Gethen’s utter disregard.

“Ursula, I found out who I really am. Part of my heritage is that I’m a Blank.”

Her eyes go very wide.

I continue, remorseless. I am the Guidance.

“There is more to know,” I say, “but I am not going to tell you because I no longer trust you.”

“Stop,” she whispers, “Charity, please…”

“The vix link the Blanks used was a recording of an atrocity that happened right in front of you,” I say. “Perhaps you could have saved 88 Rabian, perhaps not. We will never know now because you are unable to think for yourself.

“To save you I have caused the deaths of over three thousand men. I’ve made a deal with the New Form Enterprise and I don’t know how that will turn out for me. I did all this for you.

“And you are not worth it.”

She puts her nails to her face and starts to claw it. I pull her hands away.

“No,” I say, “none of that for you Ursula. I want you to think about what you’ve done. Eventually you’ll arrive at an understanding. When that happens tell me and I will work out how I am going to forgive you.”

Her eyes are stretched so wide no part of their lids is visible. She gives a tiny nod. After a moment I let go of her hands.

“We’re going to land. Harlan and I will get off. You go back to Centria and make sure Mum is okay. After…” I look at my wrecked body, “three days tell Gethen Karkarridan to call me via Aerac, not ifarm. Tell him I now own Fulcrus. He will know what that means. Do you understand?”

She nods, mute, terrified.

The ship bumps slightly as it lands. I get up and stride out of the cabin, giving no indication I’m in any pain. The hatch opens to reveal a MidZone day, the same day it was ten minutes and another life ago.

I walk down the ramp and across the broad roof of a triangular building. Harlan runs to catch up as I keep going and don’t look back. There is something in my eyes; tears, blood, both. I blink it away.

“I think,” Harlan says gently, “it’s as well you love her a little less.”

I nod. He is very wise. The armoured ship passes over us and heads for Centria.

“You’re not just any Blank are you?” Harlan says.

“No,” I whisper.

40

A tickling crosses my naked body as if I have surfaced through water yet remain dry. The tender contact reassures, like Harlan’s caress. Light is low and comfortable. Support structures under my neck and back recede and I settle onto a cool, hard surface.

       My mind feels calmer than it has for a long time. I remember gentle, whispered conversations but not their content, as if they were healing dreams. I open my eyes.

It takes a while to see properly. A dark friendly shape shifts nearby and a large hand takes mine as a streak of white above me becomes Harlan’s smile. Outlines resembling giant letters sharpen into Old World-style furniture: loops of ornate wood border rich purple fabric whose designs hint at lost kings and their imminent return…

I go to speak but I’m too dizzy. It doesn’t matter; I’m in no hurry. I yawn, a great lung stretcher that wakes my injuries although their clamour is an echo of what it was. I arch my back against the floor and extend my arms and legs carefully to push the sleep out. I feel latent, readied, the distant pain less an obstacle than a reminder of what I have survived.

“You’ve been out for three days,” Harlan whispers. “Here…”

A new pressure applies itself to my back, soft but also firm. The room seems to sink away as Harlan gifs a bed under me, a construction of mahogany swirls and rich pink drapery in keeping with the decor. I relax onto it as he runs his hands over my front. Warmth in my body rises sweetly in response and my breathing deepens.

“Easy now princess,” Harlan says. “You’re still healing.”

“I just need you to kiss it better,” I whisper.

He leans over and kisses my neck.

“Oww…” I drone, sleepy.

He leans back with a laugh.

“You’ll be all right,” he says.

“Gethen will call soon,” I say. “I don’t want him to see me like this.”

Harlan helps me upright until I sit on the edge of the bed, slightly short of breath. I look down at myself. Two thirds of my body are covered with red marks in a variety of shapes and sizes.

I get a diagnostic up. It describes external wounds including lacerations that will heal without scars in a few days, ripped muscles in my arms and legs, a twice-broken nose, eight cracked ribs and damage to one of my eyes that I didn’t even notice. Six teeth were loose and four were knocked out. The Basis has grown me new ones and I tongue them dubiously. They feel the same as the originals.

“Did you pay for all this?” I ask Harlan.

“Of course.”

“You really can’t keep doing that.”

“There’s nothing I’d rather spend my money on than you Charity Freestone.”

“Awww. Thank you though.”

He smiles and I feel a tug of loss.

“They broke my n-gun,” I say.

“You can’t break an n-gun. You can neutralise it but it just grows back. Try.”

The little target sight appears.

“Oooo!” I say, delighted. “I’d like to go and shoot something.”

“Soon baby, soon.”

“What are these ‘Other Therapies’?”

Harlan looks slightly uncomfortable.

“I took the liberty of running some psych programs on you,” he says.

“Oh.”

“They work while you sleep, like a mind massage. I was worried you’d have a breakdown.”

I look at the psych readouts. They are closed protocol so no one except me has access to them. I flick through the findings and notice the words ‘hypersensitive’, ‘resourceful’ and ‘unquantifiable’. ‘Unquantifiable?’ Typical.

“Did you speak to Jaeger?” I ask.

“He said to talk to you.”

“He and I exchanged terms.”

Harlan sighs.

“What terms?” he says.

“To rescue Ursula from the Sons of the Crystal Mind, I agreed to get Jaeger and five hundred of the New Form Enterprise to a set of coordinates one hundred metres inside Centria.”

“By when?”

“11am today,” I say.

“So you’ve only got five hours. How are you going to do it?”

“I’ve got a plan.”

“All right,” Harlan says, “what then?”

“Once the NFE are there, my terms are automatically discharged and I’m released from all obligations.”

“And if not?” Harlan says.

“The Basis will automatically assign operation of my Aerac to Jaeger.”

“That would give Jaeger control over everything you do,” Harlan says.

“At the time it seemed better to be enslaved by Jaeger than burned alive by Hobb,” I say.

“And now?”

“Ursula willingly joined the Sons of the Crystal Mind, who have since all been killed.”

The Basis may have fixed my body but it can’t do anything about the ambiguous, shifting bruise of guilt.

“You didn’t do that,” Harlan says.

“I caused it.”

“Jaeger made the tactical decision, not you.”

“Maybe.”

I want to look at him but instead keep my gaze fixed on the floor as I stand and grow the jumpsuit straight onto me. Dressed, I feel no less awkward.

“Harlan, Centria fought a horrible war to keep the New Form Enterprise out. I’m going to blow that victory.”

“‘That victory’ wasn’t as straightforward as you thought though was it?”

“I suppose not. I just don’t know what will happen.”

“Have faith,” Harlan says.

The Basis has cleaned and conditioned me so I don’t need to pull my hair through, which is a relief. Harlan likes it and intimacy seems wrong now.

“Jaeger thinks Keris has unlimited kilos,” I say. “Keris says she hasn’t. Given that Centria is bankrupt I’m inclined to believe Keris. What will Jaeger do when he finds out?”

“If it’s true then there isn’t anything he can do.”

“I still don’t know what the NFE ultimately want. All I’ve got is vague hints about ‘new humanity’, whatever that is.”

Harlan isn’t smiling anymore.

“You’ve agreed terms so it doesn’t matter,” he says. “You haven’t got a choice.”

The room seems chilly as we sit in silence.

For something to do I touch my face, which feels unfamiliar. I get a holo up but hardly recognise the hard-faced young woman who stares coldly back. My eyes… my eyes are scary. The Guidance glare out of them from a grey and purple bar of bruising. There is a bolshy pride in the mottling on my jaw while more pronounced cheekbones make me seem functional, uncluttered. My chest rises and falls; other than that I am still, more so than I used to be. The soft blonde flow of my hair seems deceptive, like decoration on a weapon.

Gethen calls.

“I need to take this alone,” I tell Harlan.

“Can’t do that,” he says.

I tut at him. He doesn’t move or react so I cancel the holo and turn. Gethen appears in front of me as a hologram, looking angry and worried. From this angle he can’t see Harlan.

I watch Gethen calmly. His higher status dictates that I should speak first. I don’t blink.

“You have Fulcrus,” he says finally.

I nod.

“What do you want to do?” he says.

“I want to listen Gethen, while you explain to me what is going on.”

“I don’t understand.”

“No? My parents were going to find out about you and VIA Holdings. You couldn’t let that happen. By your own rules you’d have to become an ex.”

Gethen looks at me impassively.

“I don’t think you’d have got far though,” I say, “what with all the Centrian exes out in Diamond City.”

Gethen shakes his head, as if he can’t believe how his valuable time is being wasted.

“You ordered Centrian soldiers to kill my dad in MidZone,” I say. “Loren knew you’d fail so she and Balatar hired a Velossin to do the job properly.”

“Nonsense,” Gethen says.

“Keris didn’t want me and Ursula to become exes and neither did Anton Jelka. You made sure of it though didn’t you?”

He licks his lips.

“Have you got any idea what happened to me because you did that?” I say.

He tries to stare me out but his gaze flickers away.

“Look at me Gethen. Look at my
face
.”

I see him register the damage as if trying to pass the time until I forget what I wanted and move on.

“Tell me about the Ruby War,” I say.

His eyes and nostrils both flare.

“We won,” he says.

“No thanks to you.”

Gethen is flustered now. He is too used to people doing what he wants and his experience is turning against him.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he says.

“It was never supposed to happen was it?” I say. “Someone was meant to let the New Form Enterprise into Centria. That someone was you.”

“No!”

“Keris wouldn’t have done it,” I say. “She fought them off, and to physically let an enemy in wouldn’t even occur to Ellery.

“Neither of them had any motive Gethen. You did though didn’t you? You were going to let the NFE in to cover the fact that you lost all of Centria’s kilos to a lunatic like Loren Descarreaux.”

Gethen jolts as if I’ve shot him with an Old World projectile weapon.

“Were you hoping Jaeger’s story about unlimited kilos was true so you could rebuild the finances before anyone found out?”

He looks at me, frozen and then bites his lips nervously and swallows.

“Anton was too good though wasn’t he?” I say. “He knew the instant Jaeger was near. What a shame Anton’s dead. You’re less safe now.”

Gethen opens his mouth but no words come and he shuts it again, slowly, with effort.

“Who else knew that Centria was bankrupt?” I say.

Gethen groans. His appearance is the same but he looks different, as if all the things that hold him together have begun to collapse.

“Ellery,” he says finally.

“No one else?”

“No.”

“Not Keris?”

Gethen looks surprised.

“Of course not,” he says. “Keris would never have sent your parents after the New Form Enterprise if she’d known. She authorised the mission when Anton Jelka told her he’d found the NFE. A one-man investigation was nothing out of the ordinary or I would have heard about it and stopped it.”

“Did Ellery know you were going to betray us?” I say.

He clutches at his jacket, stares at me and then shakes his head. Without his ruthless exterior he is a sad-eyed, desperate man.

“Gethen,” I say, “I want you to do something for me.”

“What?” he says.

“Balatar Descarreaux is still in charge of Centria Security despite Keris authorising his removal. Get rid of him and shut Security Control Surveillance down for forty-eight hours. No one else in Centria is to know, so leave the army functioning. Do you understand?”

“I-I don’t know how to-”

“Find a way.”

“It’s impossible…”

“Do it or I will tell Keris and Ellery.”

“I want to help but-”

“And Jaeger and Sol and Louis and-”

“All right!” Gethen shouts.

His hands tremble.

“How do you know about… them?” he says.

“Just accept that I do.”

Gethen runs his palms back over his head, a mannerism I now realise we share. After a while he looks up.

“Like anything, Security requires a budget,” he says, his voice shaky. “I shall divert certain funds…” He thinks for a moment. “When do you want it shut down?”

I look past the projection at Harlan, who smiles.

“Now,” I tell Gethen.