Songwriting Without Boundaries (51 page)

Walking alone down the matted path

I weave a trail through the wood

Listening closely to the sound of my breath, exhaling

Bundled and warm in a fleece jacket

I gently untie my hood

As the sweet scent of poplars takes me away, sailing

As opposed to yesterday’s tetrameter/pentameter pieces, see how the shorter second line pushes forward without the help of rhyme. If fact, you don’t hear the first rhyme until the end of line 4. In Andrea’s piece, path/jacket is a partial rhyme—only the stressed syllables (path/jack) rhyme while an unstressed syllable (et) hangs over.

Both pieces take you on a nice walk with their sense-bound language.

Now, you do it.

5 minutes: Traffic Cop (xxaxxa)

SUSAN CATTANEO

At the intersection of Bow and First

He’s Moses parting seas

A prophet of the asphalt, shining black with tar

In orange vest and polished boots

He preens and strikes a pose

His hand conducts a symphony of cars

CHANELLE DAVIS

He waves his arms left and right

Blasts his whistle and frowns

The morning traffic slowly stops and starts

Each car like a drop of blood

Pumped down the plastic tube

Into the city, into its beating heart

Even without rhymes in the tetrameter and trimeter lines, the line lengths push forward pretty strongly. For a deeper look, see chapter sixteen, “Understanding Motion,” in
Writing Better Lyrics
. It’s true, however, that without the xxaxxa rhyme scheme relaxes the forward push.

Check out the metaphors in Susan’s piece, and the simile in Chanelle’s.

Your turn.

DAY #13

COMMON METER
AND PENTAMETER

Again today you’ll work with common meter and pentameter, creating six-line sections that move forward until the end.

Keep your writing sense-bound, and keep your eyes open for metaphor. As usual, set a timer and respond to the following prompts for exactly the time allotted. Use the whole time, whether or not you complete your final section.

Rhyme your ten-minute piece abcabc, and your five-minute piece xabxab.

Sight Sound Taste Touch Smell Body Motion

10 minutes: Trash Collector (abcabc)

STAN SWINIARSKI

Rancid old salads and musty wine bottles

He don’t mind the stuff

He’s got a pension that many folks would kill for

Waterlogged cans weigh him down as he toddles

Toward the waiting truck

Just ten more years and he’s heading for the shore

Some yearn for pride and some work for status

That don’t light his fire

He’s got two kids in college, doing well

The flies buzz and they swarm but it doesn’t matter

’Cause time is on his side

In the end he knows his time will tell

Being a surgeon was not in the cards

He puts his family first

Seeing them happy quenches this man’s thirst

Some folks may say that his life is too hard

Covered in grime and dirt

But this man know’s what it all is worth

SUSAN CATTANEO

Rumbling, lumbering down the street

Brakes squealing loud

A metal armored tank that’s stuffed with trash

Smelling, sweltering, summer heat

Gunk, rancid and foul

Dripping on the asphalt like a rash

Bottles, cans, jelly jars

Newspapers stacked like towers

Last night’s chicken bones and totems

A headless doll, crayon-scarred

A torn skirt of flowers

A letter swearing promises now broken

Everybody’s got their secrets

Toss them in the can

Neighbors hide behind their shuttered shades

It can’t be fixed, so just don’t keep it

Hearts and hope be damned

Throw them out and watch the memories fade

In Stan’s third stanza, notice how the duplication of the rhyme sounds first/thirst/dirt/worth works against the motion created by the line lengths, somewhat confusing the issue with conflicting road signs.

I like Stan’s portrait of the trash collector and Susan’s lists, especially: “A torn skirt of flowers” and “A letter swearing promises now broken.”

Both pieces use sense-bound language effectively, provoking images of the weekly trash collection. I can hear the garbage truck coming.

Your turn.

5 minutes: Mowing the Lawn (xabxab)

CHANELLE DAVIS

Up and down my little lawn

I push for even lines

In my tight black singlet, cut-off denim jeans

A deafening buzz fills the air

Snowfreeze clouds melt in the sky

Slashing through the clumps of luscious green

SUSAN CATTANEO

His broad, brown back is stooped

A war of work in his eyes

Fighting the mower with taut and angled shoulders

Carving green in pretty rows

Perfectly aligned

Machine machete, fallen green soldiers

With this rhyme scheme, you don’t hear the first rhyme until the end of line 5, which adds some push for the final rhyme. The line lengths are doing the heavy lifting again, creating the forward push. Both line length and rhyme are traffic cops, but line length has a higher rank—captain, as opposed to sergeant.

Your turn.

DAY #14

UNSTABLE STRUCTURE: ABBA

Wow! Day fourteen and you’re still here. Good for you. Today you’ll work with an unstable structure, one that will help support lyric ideas in the unstable camp—loss, heartbreak, hope, dreaming, etc.

Start with the first two lines of common meter:

Now, instead of matching line 1, match line 2 and rhyme it:

Even with the rhyme, the structure feels a little funny. You feel like there might be more coming, but you have no idea what it could be. It’s unstable. For more on this point, take a look at my analysis of the second verse of “Between Fathers and Sons” in chapter three of my
Essential Guide to Lyric Form and Structure.

Without the rhyme, the feeling of suspension is even more obvious: