Song of the Road (35 page)

“Did you eat?”

“A little. It’s hard to.”

“Yeah, I guess it is. How is she?”

“Just hanging on. The doctor said that she probably wouldn’t wake up.”

“That’s the best way . . . if you have to go.”

“Sometimes I’m not sure she’s still breathing.”

“Put your fingers here on the veins.” He moved her fingers up to Dolly’s wrist. “Do you feel the pulse?” he asked in hushed tones.

She looked at him with big, solemn eyes bright with tears and shook her head.

He took Dolly’s hand and pressed his fingers to the veins in her wrists. “It’s there, but it’s faint.”

When she took her mother’s hand again, he put his arm around her and pulled her close. He heard her sniff and turned his head to put his lips to her forehead.

“Try to think that this is the best under the circumstances. She’s been sick and unhappy for a long time. She’ll not have to suffer a trial.”

“Doctor Morris said that the reason she told him she’d killed Frank could be that she didn’t want me to be blamed for it. Do you think that means that she loved me a little?”

“I’m sure of it. There would be no reason for her to tell otherwise. She drank rotgut whiskey all through Prohibition, and what you get now is not much better. The drink warping her mind is the reason she said mean things to you.”

“I . . . can’t imagine my not loving my baby.”

“How is Gaston taking all of this?”

“He’s been active. I’ve sat today more than I have since I came from Tulsa on the bus. I don’t think he likes it.”

It seemed natural for Jake’s big hand to rest lightly on her rounded belly. It occurred to her that he was the only one who had touched her there except for the doctor.

“He’s acting up a bit now. Maybe you should get up and walk around the room until he settles down.”

“I can’t leave her.”

“Then lean on me, scoot down and stretch your legs. It’ll give him more room.”

His voice was the softest of sounds. He searched her face for assurance that he’d not been too bold. When she obeyed his instructions and nestled trustingly against him, his heart turned over.

Caught in sudden yearning, she held tightly to his hand as if he were a lifeline and she were being swept to sea. Her emotions were mixed. She was scarred from battling with her mother and from her struggle to keep the court going. It was comforting to pretend for a little while that Jake really and truly cared for her.

“That does feel better.”

Time ticked away slowly. They didn’t talk. There was no need for words. The house was quiet. A tightness crept into Jake’s throat, and he thought how foolish he was to think that she’d even consider letting him hold her like this if not for the present circumstances. But he would take what he could get and store up precious memories for later.

It could have been minutes or an hour when Jake leaned toward the bed and took Dolly’s hand from Mary Lee’s. He held it for a minute, then stood and passed his palm back and forth across her open mouth.

“She’s gone,
querida.
”

He covered Dolly’s face with the sheet, then reached down and lifted Mary Lee to her feet and into his arms.

“She’s not breathing?”

“No. She just faded away.”

“Oh, my,” she whispered, and leaned her head against his shoulder and wrapped her arms around him. She was glad for his strength. Her back ached, her legs were weak and her heart sorrow-filled. She clung desperately to the security of his arms and strong, warm body. He held her firmly against him for a long while before he spoke.

“Deke will go for the doctor. He’ll have to sign the death certificate.”

“Then the funeral director will come?”

“Yes. You don’t have to decide anything right now.”

“I thought about it while I was sitting here. Folks will come to a service out of curiosity when they hear what she’s done. I don’t want that.”

“We’ll tell the undertaker not to announce when the burial will be.”

“I want just a small service at the cemetery.”

“Then that’s what you’ll have.”

He led her out of the room and into the kitchen, where Trudy, Deke and Eli sat at the table.

“Deke, you and Trudy take the truck and fetch the doctor. Trudy can show you where he lives.”

Mary Lee sat at the table while Jake made a pot of coffee. Eli moved around quietly and watched Mary Lee as if he expected her to fall apart. She looked at his anxious young face and took his hand.

“Don’t worry. I’ll be all right.”

“I heard it marks a baby to be close when somebody . . . dies. Do you think it will have one of those red marks on its face?”

“If it does, it won’t be because of this. If that was true, Eli, there would sure be a lot of people with red marks.”

After the undertaker had come and gone, Ruby, whom they had brought back with them when they went to notify the doctor, helped Mary Lee look for something suitable for Dolly’s burial. They found nothing in her room and went to look over Mary Lee’s things.

Jake and Deke took the opportunity to remove the soiled mattress and the bedding from Dolly’s bed. The foul-smelling mattress was left on the ashes of the previously burned mattress, to be set on fire in the morning. Eli started up the washing machine and laundered the bedding, not wanting to wait until morning.

When she was alone at last, Mary Lee went to the bathroom, washed herself from head to toe, put on her gown and went to bed. She lay there and cried quietly until sleep overwhelmed her.

Trudy cooked breakfast and, with Eli’s help, cleaned the living room. Because Dolly had sold almost everything in the room, they added a few pieces of furniture from the other rooms so that it didn’t appear to be so bare. Mary Lee greeted those who came to pay their condolences, and accepted the gifts of food. She thanked the callers and was grateful that none of them stayed very long. She was in constant fear that one of them would mention what her mother had done during the last days of her life.

In the late afternoon Ocie Clawson’s car drove in. Mary Lee didn’t think that she could cope with him today and was on her way to the bedroom when she saw Jake going to intercept him.

Jake had no qualms about facing him. He reached the steps as Ocie was about to go up onto the porch.

“Mary Lee’s not feeling well. She’s probably lying down.”

“Not feeling well? What’s the matter with her?”

“What do you think? The last few days have been hell for her. First Frank Pierce, now her mother.”

“Yeah, well, Frank got what he had comin’ and Dolly wasn’t no saint.”

“Maybe not, but she still was her mother.”

“You ridin’ shotgun here?”

“Doin’ what I can to make it easy for her.”

Ocie nodded and shifted the cigar from one side of his mouth to the other.

“Is she still pissed off at me about Bobby?”

“You’ll have to ask her.”

“He sold her a bill of goods. It’s what he did best. Lying was the only thin’ he was good at.”

Jake didn’t say anything for a minute. Then, “I don’t think he fooled her as much as you think. She found out soon enough what he was like.”

“A man’s pretty low that’d steal from his own pa. Guess I shoulda helped her bury him, but I was so damn mad that he turned out the way he did.”

“Yeah, you should have. It humiliated her to have to take charity from the county.”

“Well, that’s water under the bridge.” Ocie went back to the car and reached inside for a package. “Here’s a ham. Thought she could use it.”

“She’ll send her thanks.”

“When’s the buryin’?”

“Tomorrow. At the cemetery. She doesn’t want a bunch of gawkers.”

Ocie nodded and opened the car door. He hesitated before getting in, took the cigar out of his mouth and held it between his thumb and his forefinger.

“Jake, I’ve been meanin’ to ask, what’s between you and Lon?”

“Why do you want to know? It won’t change anything.”

“I’m thinkin’ that maybe he lied to me about you stealin’ my cattle.”

“You’re just now getting around to thinking that?”

“Well, hell, what would you have done? It was three against one.”

“And I spent two years in the hoosegow for something I didn’t do.”

“They took your herd to pay your fine?”

“You know damn well they did. And the land I’d paid down on.”

“I’ll make it up —”

“Goddamn you!” Jake’s green eyes flashed angrily. “Don’t offer me charity to make up for the wrong you did me or I’ll beat the living hell out of you. I don’t want a damn thing from you.”

“Pa thought a lot of you. I’d do it for his sake.”

“I thought a lot of him. He was a decent man. It’s too bad his son isn’t more like him.”

Ocie’s face turned a dull red. “Guess I had that comin’.” His eyes moved past Jake to where Eli sat on a stump, polishing his boots. “I never run the kid off. I didn’t know he was gone until I saw him here. Lon run him off.”

“Are you runnin’ things out there or is Lon?” Jake’s voice was laced with sarcasm.

“I want that girl and her baby at the Circle C.” Ocie’s voice turned hard. “The kid’s a Clawson, by God. Clawsons take care of their own. When she loses this place she won’t have anyplace else to go. You’re in no shape to take care of her . . . if you wanted to.”

“Don’t you worry about it. Right now she’ll go on the soup line before she takes a penny from you.”

“You could help change her mind.”

“Don’t count on it.”

Ocie got in the car and slammed the door. “Dammit, Jake, I’m not your enemy.”

“Bullshit! If you’re not my enemy, then who was it that helped put me in that hellhole and took away two years of my life? I had a hell of a time surviving in there. I had to fight someone every damn day and sleep with one eye open every damn night.”

“Shit.” Ocie looked at Jake for a long time and saw no softening in his expression. “You ain’t goin’ to give an inch, are you?”

“No. Would you?”

“I guess not. Give her the damn ham and tell her I’ll be at the cemetery.”

“Why?”

“Out of respect for my grandkid, that’s why.”

Jake stood for a minute after the car had pulled out onto the highway and wondered what had come over Ocie. He’d been almost decent for a change.

Chapter 25

T
HE CEMETERY, ON A KNOLL A HALF MILE
out of town, was dotted with aspens and pines. It was peaceful and quiet, except for the occasional birdsong, and blended perfectly with the background of the grass-covered, tree-dotted foothills of the mountain.

The small crowd that gathered for Dolly’s burial was there out of respect for Mary Lee and her father. The casket was carried to the grave by Jake, Deke, Eli and Mr. Santez. The early morning service was short; and after a hymn was sung, the coffin was lowered into the ground where Dolly would rest forever beside the husband who had loved her.

Mary Lee, in a shapeless black dress, courtesy of Mrs. Santez, and a small black hat with a net veil that came down over her eyes, stood beside the open grave, holding tightly to Trudy’s hand on one side and Eli’s on the other. Her face was pale, and her eyes, dark-ringed from the sleepless nights, were clouded with fatigue. Her eyes were full of tears, and she drew her lips between her teeth to keep them from trembling.

Good-bye, Mother. Through the years I have been ashamed that you were my mother. I’m sorry for that now. I thought I hated you, but I don’t. I love you. Not because of how you lived and how you made my life and Daddy’s so miserable, but in spite of it. I realize now how sick you were. I love you, Mother, and I’m sorry that you’ll never know the joy of holding your grandchild or the pleasure of loving and being loved.

She stared at the casket as it was lowered into the ground. After it was covered with soil, she placed the small bouquet of flowers Trudy had put in her hand on the mound and turned away from the grave.

She was surprised to see Mr. Morales, the lawyer, there. Mr. Santez, his wife and one of their daughters had come, as well as Ruby Bender and Trudy, Sheriff Pleggenkuhle, Paco García and his wife. Jake, Deke and Eli stood respectfully by while she spoke to each of them. Ocie Clawson was at the edge of the group, and good manners forced her to go to him and hold out her hand.

“Thank you for coming,” she said, and pulled her hand from his.

Jake was watching, ready to go to her if Ocie tried to engage her in conversation. But for once he had the decency to keep his mouth shut. She was so pretty. Even with swollen eyes she was pretty. Spunky too. Maybe too spunky for her own good. Jake’s eyes were drawn to her again and again.

Mary Lee rode back to the motor court with Mr. and Mrs. Santez. She was exhausted from the strain and the sleepless nights and went directly to her bedroom and closed the door. After removing the heavy black dress, she folded it carefully, then crawled into bed. Her problems were not going away. They would still be there a few hours from now, and she longed for oblivion. The minute she closed her eyes, she drifted into a deep, peaceful sleep.