Song of the Brokenhearted (29 page)

“Let me at least hold her for a minute. She is my grandkid.”

Ava reluctantly passed Emma over to Jessie. There was a surprising sense of loss in Ava's arms, and she watched carefully as Jessie carried Emma to the old couch that was piled with laundry—hopefully clean laundry.

“Have you seen your father?” Aunt Lorena asked, motioning Ava to sit down at the dining room table.

The question surprised her. “My father?”

“Yeah, your father, did you forget you had one? He's the one in prison.”

The floor was littered with stray socks, crushed leaves, and yellow potato chips.

“Not yet,” Ava muttered.

“So you're gonna see him?” Jessie pressed in a sarcastic tone as she bounced Emma.

“Maybe. I came out here for another reason.”

Jessie laughed and looked her over. “I knew you wouldn't want the kid. Told that stupid daughter of mine when she hatched this plan.”

The baby lifted her face upward, watching Jessie, and Ava considered scooping her up to leave then and there.

A boy who looked about ten walked out from down the hallway carrying a bag of chips and crunching on a mouthful.

“That's Amber Lee's second one.”

The boy stared at her without much expression, continuing to crunch on his chips.

“Hi, I'm your cousin Ava,” she said, smiling at the boy. He stared back without any change in expression.

“Tell her your name,” Aunt Lorena said sternly. When he didn't respond, she slammed her hand on the kitchen table. “Manners!”

“Jarrod,” the boy muttered with a mouthful.

“This family is going to hell,” Aunt Lorena muttered. “These kids keep having kids and dropping them off with us 'cause they're on drugs or in jail or have some far-fetched ideas in their head. What happened to raising your own kids?”

“If they'd keep their legs together, we wouldn't have this problem,” Jessie said, bouncing Emma on her leg. Ava suddenly felt sick to her stomach.

“So Miz Dallas-High-and-Mighty, we know why you're here. Why don't you head back to your fancy life?”

Ava stood and rushed over to Jessie. “I'll take her.”

“You have no rights to her.” Jessie held her away from Ava with a mean smile on her face.

“Bethany left her with me. I'll talk to her about what we should do with Emma.”

“Emma, huh? Is that what she named her? Poor kid didn't have a name for the first few months. I don't know what they put on the birth certificate.”

“I should get over to my brother's house anyway. I came here looking for Bethany.”

“She's not here, as you can see. But I'm her grandmother, so the baby should stay with me.”

Aunt Lorena watched the scene as if amused. The dogs started barking, and Ava noticed the children gathered on the stairs watching as well.

“Mama, give Auntie Ava the baby.”

Bethany stood in the doorway to the kitchen.

“Sneaking in the back now? I thought you was gone,” Jessie said with a snarl.

Bethany stood with her long legs in a “just try me” stance that Ava thought was part of every woman's DNA at one time or another. Ava took the chance to grab the baby from Jessie. Emma smiled her wide grin, showing off her pink gums.

“Isn't this convenient timing?” Aunt Lorena said, leaning back in the old dining room chair. “That Benny should mind his own business.”

“Uncle Beans cares more for me and that baby than you do, Aunt Lorena.”

A sense of déjà vu swept over Ava as if she'd been in this conversation with her family over and over again.

“Is that one out there the father?” Aunt Lorena asked, motioning toward the front window. A guy stood smoking a cigarette on the porch, gazing out across the land.

“No,” Bethany muttered with her arms crossed.

“She won't tell us who the father is. She don't know who the father is.”

Bethany glared at Jessie. “You just hush it. You don't know what you're talking about. I know who it is, but it ain't none of your business. When my daughter is old enough to ask me who her daddy is, then I'll tell her. Until then, I don't want my baby daddy around and neither do any of you. It's best left as it is.”

Jessie made a huffing noise and plopped back onto the couch.

“Do you want my kid or not?” Bethany asked Ava.

Ava felt the weight of Emma in her arms. “I do . . . but . . .”

“That's fine by me. You take her, or you can leave her while you decide. It's up to you. I'm gonna find her a good home. I won't let her live in this pit I grew up in, that you grew up in too. My baby isn't gonna have this life. I'm making sure of that.”

Ava nodded. “I need to know how to reach you. There are legal avenues we have to follow no matter what happens. You might change your mind too. But I'll take her while my husband and I decide what to do.”

Bethany glanced at Emma with a pained expression as she swallowed hard. “Deal. Let's shake on it.”

Ava grabbed the hand the girl offered. Had they just made some kind of family pact over Emma?

“Leaving just like that? Back to Dallas?” Aunt Lorena said.

“I'm going to see my brother.”

“I bet you don't go see your daddy.”

Ava frowned at that. What did they care if she saw her father or not? He wasn't related to this side of the family, though they'd all attended Daddy's church when they were growing up.

“No, I probably won't,” she said, staring back at her aunt.

“I'm gonna walk you out,” Bethany said.

Several children followed, until Aunt Lorena screeched at them to come inside. Ava realized that she hadn't met all of them and had no idea who they were.

The shadow of the house was long and narrow across the ground as they walked toward the cars.

Frankie and Benny had disappeared, and Ava caught a stench of something she didn't want to recognize. The family had always supplemented their income with some kind of illegal activity, and cooking drugs had been their most profitable.

“I wish I could take them all,” Ava said, glancing back at the house.

Bethany nodded, her eyes studying Emma. The baby seemed to finally notice her and perked up, kicking her feet as she smiled.

“Can I hold her?” Bethany asked meekly.

“Of course,” Ava said, passing Emma into her mother's arm. Tears fell quickly down the girl's cheek.

“I never guessed that I'd love something so much.”

“There are ways to keep her. We could help, at least as much as we can.”

Bethany touched Emma's head and seemed to breathe her in. Ava could see the resolve in her eyes.

“Can't do it. I'm too messed up right now to be her mama.

I'm as bad as this place,” she said, motioning toward the house. “I appreciate you talking to me on the phone, though. Made me feel like I could get out, do something, clean my life up, and make something of myself. Then I'll have babies that I can raise. Maybe Ems will forgive me when she grows up. She'll see what a better life she had and that her mama loved her enough to get better.”

Bethany wiped at her eyes and cradled Emma against her.

“I never knew a baby could feel so good. I'd do anything for her.”

“So how are you going to change your life?” Ava wanted this girl to succeed, to make her plans really happen. They'd both seen enough failed dreams in this family. She glanced up at the house and knew that as little kids, none of Ava's aunts or cousins wanted their lives to become this.

Bethany shrugged as she looked at the guy who walked by them, offering Ava a nod before he hopped in the driver's seat of an old Trans Am. His hand moved in and out of the window as he took drags from the second cigarette Ava had seen him smoking since she'd arrived.

“I like him. We might have a chance. He's a decent guy.”

“You need to get out of here, at least for a while.” Ava had a memory of Bethany as a child with long blond hair, always wearing her mama's high-heeled shoes.

“I'm trying. My guy thinks I've got some talent. I sang at a talent show at the fair last summer. Got runner-up. But I don't know. I'm stuck here in the valley, don't ask me why. I went to Vegas with some girlfriends for a bachelorette party, and one time I went to Disneyland after my daddy got his settlement for that tractor accident. It's all right going places like that for a time. But I think this is where I belong.”

Ava saw a slight dip in her chin that reminded her of Sienna. The girls were only a few years apart.

“It doesn't have to be like that, Bethany. I'm sorry that I haven't been here for you while you were growing up.”

“Oh, I don't blame you. You had to do what you had to do. I don't blame you one bit. Just like I'm doing with Emma. We do what we must to survive, right?”

They were words of someone who'd seen too much in her young life. Bethany kissed Emma's forehead and held her against her for a moment longer.

“Take her now, will you?” Bethany passed the baby into Ava's arms.

“I can't make any promises, except that she's not growing up here,” Ava said, feeling a sudden burden for the other children she was leaving behind. Then she remembered all that was happening at home. They were broke, losing everything. She and Dane didn't want to raise another child. How could they even consider it? But Ava couldn't speak one word of this as Emma held on to her arm and laid her head against her shoulder.

“Tell her I love her.”

“I'll tell her,” Ava said as she watched Bethany hurry toward the Trans Am. The engine roared to life before Bethany had hopped inside. A moment later, they were turning around and Bethany leaned forward, her hands covering her face, her shoulders shaking with sobs. The guy put one hand over her back and gave Ava a sad look as he drove by.

From the corner of her eye, Ava saw faces peering through the window of the house. She wished to load up all of the children, but she couldn't save them all. She didn't know if she could save this one, or even how she'd hold up herself. But that was God's job, she reminded herself.

Benny came out from the barn as Ava buckled Emma into her seat. They hugged and she saw the tears in his eyes.

“Bye, Beans. And thank you.”

He nodded and said good-bye to Emma as she fussed in her car seat.

“I better get to driving before the baby gets too fussy.”

“Come see us more often, Ava Lynn.”

“I'll try. Or you come to Dallas. And tell Franks good-bye.”

Ava took another look at the farmhouse and wondered if she'd ever see this place again.

Aunt Lorena appeared on the porch, put her hands together over her mouth, and shouted, “Go see your daddy!”

Ava just waved and turned on the engine. It was definitely time to leave. But as Grannie's old farm grew smaller behind her, Ava knew for sure that the place she'd dreaded and avoided for all these years had no more hold on her life. God had brought her back to reveal how He'd set her free long ago.

Twenty-Nine

“W
E'RE SURPRISING YOUR
U
NCLE
C
LANCY
,” A
VA TOLD EMMA AS SHE
fed her a bottle in a fast-food parking lot by the Walmart in town.

After feeding Emma and changing her diaper, Ava drove the thirty minutes toward the house where she'd spent most of her years as a child.

Her parents had bought the land when she was a toddler. When Daddy was sent to prison, he offered the place to the kids. Ava gave her half of the deed to Clancy. It was not land she cared to own.

Ava turned down the driveway, the gravel crunching beneath the tires. The road branched into a Y with the house in one direction and the barns and mechanic's garage in the other. The trees had grown higher and blocked out much of the darkening sky, even with branches empty of leaves.

She followed the trail of abandoned cars that she could see in a field along the left. Ava guessed where she'd find Clancy.

With a glance in the rearview mirror, Ava could see Emma's eyes closed. The long gravel road had lulled her back to sleep. How grateful she was for such an easy traveler.

The huge workshop came into view with a circle driveway around it. A sign sat on the ground, leaning against the outside of the workshop, that read Grub's Auto Repair. Clancy had told her this sign had hung over the garage of his auto shop in town until he shut it down. He had more business than he could handle. Expanding wasn't in Clancy's blood, and he didn't need the headaches of two garages, so he moved back to the workshop on his property.
Simplify
was Clancy's motto.

The workshop appeared freshly painted but the metal roof showed its age with long, rusted streams along the grooves where the winter rains had stained it. A newer truck was parked to the side with shiny rims and gleaming red paint.