Somewhither: A Tale of the Unwithering Realm (70 page)

Foster looked sheepish while looking cowed, and maybe there were a few more barnyard animals thrown in to his expression at the same time. I unclenched my fist, not wanting to jar that look off his face, since I was enjoying it.

He turned and said something in Dutch to Ossifrage. The old man said something back in that language, wrinkled his face in a look of contempt, and spat on the ground.

Foster raised his eyebrows and shrugged, answered briefly and turned back to Penny. “Master Ossifrage says he and She-Monkey flew to the Great River and to the Grove of Ningirsu earlier today. The grove was the rendezvous spot, correct?”

Penny looked worried, and put her hand to her iron-circled throat. “Why? What has happened?”

“Prince Dakkar was beset by the sea-monsters and sea-machines of the Magicians when he sent his side boat to shore. She-Monkey and Ossifrage were standing in the air, hidden in a cloud. At She-Monkey’s plea, Ossifrage made the flotilla of the Magicians too light to dive. Ossifrage parted the clouds, and Dakkar looked up with his spyglass and saw the two of them. Ossifrage gave the agreed upon signal, but Dakkar climbed through a hatch in the deck, turned his iron ship, and fled, seeking the twilight beneath the sea.”

Penny looked lost, shocked, woebegone. “What does this mean?” she said in a small voice.

(When she looked like that, I wanted to take her in my arms and comfort her, and kiss her trembling lip. Of course, I am a guy. Guy-chemicals in the glands influence my thinking.)

“It means,” said Foster with a sigh, “That he’s abandoned us. Ossifrage calls him a craven. Ossifrage says he and She-Monkey went to the Nine-Star-Aligned Chamber to check the horoscopes for another way out.”

Penny whispered, “It cannot be true!”

Foster said, “I can vouch for what he says. I was there, in the side boat before a plesiosaur in barding capsized the side boat and one by one swallowed the sailors as they floundered in the river-water. I did not see Ossifrage or She-Monkey, and I know no one saw me, which was good.

“It was good: because the dinosaurs, coracles, squids and struthopodes were in the water; beneath the water were unseen ashrays and bunyips with steel-capped tusks uglier than bull walruses and more huge; in the air were the creepy little pig-face men with flying ears; and on the shore were the wise-eyed mastodons wielding pikes in their trunks and carrying iron castles filled with Pygmaioi archers on their hairy backs. All were looking for survivors from the capsized boat.

“But someone must have seen me, because when I entered the Grove of Ningirsu, instead of you waiting, there was a Macrocephali with a head larger than a pumpkin and a body smaller than a starved monkey sitting in a sedan-chair carried by slaves. He must have figured out where I was, because next I knew, Calingi with flame-wands were burning the grass and topiary bushes all around and under me, and they lit the whole sacred acre on fire. A squad of Soracte fire-walkers came dancing over the tiptops of the flames toward the sound of my screaming
ouch, ouch, ouch
. Then when I tried to climb a tree to get above the fire, a trio of Oeonae hidden in the branches snared me with lassoes woven with spells and starlight and the darkness of dusk drawn from the star of Hesperides. Their spell drove the moonlight in my tarn cloak away, and so I was caught. I made my face like theirs, which fooled them for a moment, because they are stupid, but then they passed around one of those accursed eggs they eat, and when I could not take a bite, they knew I was human.”

He was silent a moment, frowning, and said reluctantly, “I am afraid … very afraid … This means that the Dark Tower has been anticipating all the raids and sinkings of Prince Dakkar all this time, all along, but just letting him think he was foreverborn.”

A grim silence hung in the air for a moment between Penny and Foster.

I said, “Abby tells me if you commit sins, it breaks the — uh, it weakens the effect.” I had been about to say
breaks the spell
, but I thought
weakens the effect
sounded more scientific. “So piracy should have been right out. How many forever people are there? You said there was only one.” This last was directed at Penny. “Where do they come from?”

Penny said, “Only one who is loyal to the Wisecraft. They come from the world called Tharsis, which has been invaded years ago, but is not yet fully conquered. I don’t recall what the deviation event was for that branch.”

Foster said, “I know. In their history, John the Baptist appeared two thousand years ago, but their promised Messiah has not arrived yet. The Wise of that world are called Therapeutae, because of their ablutions and healing baths, and they foreswear the love of women and the fruit of the vine. They hunted down and destroyed all other forms of the Craft save their own. The world is said to be wealthy beyond dreams, and ruled from a city of silver towers, called Agadir.”

Abby stepped closer and said softly, “Your pardon, great and wise ones, noble sea-witch, noble ghost-walker, noble abomination. May I speak?”

“Yes,” I said, “Provided you never think you have to ask again. We’re brother and sister, remember?”

Abby said slowly. “The sea captain. Is his name truly
Dakkar
? It sounds much like a word in the One Language.
Daqqu-re’u
. It is short for
Daqqu-re’u
-
hinnu
.”

When Abby said it, of course I understood the meaning.
Re’u-hinnu
meant skipper, a ship’s master.
Daqqu
meant the smallest crumb, the pulverized, the left-over, the remnant. It meant something too small to notice: a nobody, a nameless man.

Captain No One. It was a strange name for a sea pirate.

I said, “Who is he?”

Foster said, “Our getaway van. Which got away without us.”

Abby said, “Never have I seen the Sea Pirate of the Ocean of Uncreation. His name is known and feared throughout many immensities.”

Foster said to me, “The reason why the Dark Tower is afraid of him is that he stole the latest, biggest, best and most baddest badass dreadnaught, chock-full of experimental weapons and hexes, right out of the shipyards of the Dark Tower where she was just built, and during the theft he turned the super-weapons on the ships still being built, and blew them to scrap as well as the headquarters where the plans were stored. And he took the naval engineer who designed the vessel with him as his first mate. It was a huge slap in the mouth for Anshargal, the warlord here, and an even more huge kick in the — uh — pants for the Enmeduranki, the chief of Astrologers, because no one predicted it. That is why we thought Dakkar was a foreverborn.”

To Abby I said, “Did Ossifrage lead you to the rendezvous with Dakkar, or did you lead him?”

She said, “I led him.”

“How did you know where it was?”

“The Big Man told me to meet the Pirate in the Grove of Ningirsu, and seek escape through him.” When she said it, I knew that
Ningirsu
meant
Battle-god
.

I said to Foster, “Is her Big Man one of your Wisecraft? How many groups are there? Can they help us? Smuggle us off the planet?” I was thinking maybe the ratcatcher bird could carry a message to him, and he could talk sense into Penny’s pretty, blonde, bookworm head.

Foster said something to her in a language that sounded like Italian with a German accent.

She answered back, “Coppersmith.”

He turned to me, “Monkey-Girl was taken by the local Romany away from her master Slaughterbench a few years back, and adopted as one of us. The local tribe is of the Calderash clan.”

“Gypsies stealing children? I thought that was a myth.”

“Monkey-Girl is famous throughout the Tower. She whose destiny no star can see is the only free soul in this whole world, so, naturally, she had to be one of us.
Rom Baro
is our title for whatever man of the tribe by strength, luck, cunning, or merit wins the heart of the people, and speaks for them, and leads.”

“You don’t have elections? Royal families?”

There was a lilt of laughter in his tone. “We are a free people.
The
free people. Rules are for chumps.”

I said wryly, “So you make it a rule not to make rules?”

Foster said, “Something like that. The local Romany tribes would not be able to help us off-world. The Astrologers know where all the gates are, and when they are fated to open and shut.” He turned to Penelope, “I thought if Sea-Prince Dakkar selected the landing, I could get ashore unforeseen by star-mages, and with my cape of mist, unseen by men.”

Penny said sharply, “You’ve created another reason to reopen old quarrels among the wise. The Nightriders will be forced to repudiate your trespass, or else back you and defy the Empress of Undersea. Either way, they are shamed.”

He shrugged and smiled a charming smile. “First, the Prussians are not my people, as you just reminded me. I merely live among them. Second, the Nightriders are not involved. Only me. I am of the free people. When the Wise are unwise, it is the way of the Romany to remind you.”

Interesting. I wondered how divided this Wisecraft was. I said, “Hold it. This interdimensional spy network you told me about didn’t send you after all? Why did you come?”

He looked me in the eye and straightened his shoulders. “A Scout is trustworthy, loyal, brave. I was not going to leave my patrol leader a prisoner in the Darkest Tower. And I never again want to hear you say
You should have been there
. I’m here. I’m here for you, buddy.” He raised his fist, and I bumped my fist into it.

“Troop Two!” he said.

“Second to none!” I answered.

Penny said angrily, “That is enough! MY plan—”

I caught her eye and spoke softly to her in that way my dad sometimes can do, when speaking softly is louder than shouting. “Your plan to stay captive long enough to sneak into the library would not do anything for the other young ladies imprisoned here with you, would it? Your fellow harem girls.”

The look of surprise on her features was priceless.

“You were just thinking about you,” I added. “Weren’t you?”

Her face fell. “Okay, cleaning boy,” she said, when she could raise her eyes to mine again. “You may be smarter than you look. Tell me what plan you have.”

“Are there more girls?” I pressed, “Ones who are resting, or drugged, or something? Don't you think we should help them escape?”

Penny said, “There are two other watches of slave-girls, one hundred fifty in all. This is the maiden wing: we’re all virgins.”

Well. That was more information than I'd bargained for. It was also the moment that I knew she was not from Earth. Girls on my world are ashamed of being virgins.

I turned. “Abby, repeat this to the party. Ossifrage has to levitate back to the aerial burial chamber we just left. Nakasu has to go with him not just to lift the debris off the coffin, but to hold the lid shut so that the Cold One does not get out. Abanshaddi has to go with them both so she can use her needle to point the way. Foster, you will go and keep everyone unseen, so you guys can go in, get the coffin, and get out, and get back here lickety-split. And finally, Miss Dreadful—”

“Please don’t call me that,” she said. “It’s not my name.”

“Very well, Penny,” I said, and perhaps my voice betrayed how much I enjoyed saying her first name. It seems she noticed, for she blushed again. “Penny, your job is to get Wild Eyes to gimmick the needle so it points to the right place.”

Foster said, “Did you call us
the party
?”

I said defensively, “I play D&D. If I didn’t, I’d call us something else. But, come on. Abanshaddi is the thief, Ossifrage is the cleric, Nakasu is the fighting man, and I am the Highlander.”

Abby stamped her foot angrily. “I am not a thief! You impugn my name!”

“Sorry. You’re the spy,” I said.

“That’s not a character class.” said Foster.

“I think Spy is a character class in Fourth Edition,” I pointed out.

“No, I meant Highlander. Besides, what am I?”

“Uh, Ranger? Druid? You’ve got a longbow.”

Penny said, her voice dripping sarcasm. “He’s the burglar. Just not a nice one like Bilbo.” This disoriented me for a moment, because I was so accustomed to thinking of her as a sea-witch from another dimension, I forgot that she was an Earth girl, too. Maybe she had time to read
The Hobbit
on her yachting trip around the world.

This thought prompted me to ask, “Penny, by the way, why did you sail around the world? If you are not from our dimension, you wouldn’t care about our world records. Or do you sail around the world on all worlds?”

Penny said, “It was to draw a ward, a charmed circle. The only way to inscribe the whole world was to go all the way around the globe. This is why the Dark Tower cannot gain a proper foothold there. A power hostile to me reached across the dimensions through wind and wave and capsized my boat. Who it was, I have no idea. Luckily, you still have some dolphins on your world who remember the old ways. With their help, I found the broken spirit threads. I was able to continue the magic circle from the position of the break, and the Moon gave her verdict that the ward was legitimate. It counted. I did not have to go back and redo the whole thing. The hard part was not sailing so quickly and skillfully as to blow my cover. All the seas of all the worlds have songs that are almost the same, but each with its own mood and hue and beauty. The waves tell me of home. I love sailing as much as I love dancing!” She sighed a lonely sigh and shook her head so that her hair made a very slight, wet noise. I knew she had been on Earth for at least five years. I wondered how long it had been since she last saw home.

“I’ve been meaning to ask,” I said, “How can you dance? How do you have legs? Where is your tail?”

She smiled, “Mr. Muromets, it is hardly proper to inquire about a young lady’s tail in such a fashion. Only Wild Eyes can see it.”

Foster saw the dumbfounded look on my face, and said, “She means it is made of dream-stuff called ectoplasm. It is a spiritual tail, so only spirits can see it. It works the same way the feet of an Abarimon work.”