Something to Believe In (21 page)

CHPATER THIRTY-THREE

“I
T
WAS
AWFUL
,”
L
ILAH
SAID
quietly into the phone as she related to Lindy what had transpired earlier that
day. Justin had left to go get her a hamburger after she’d professed a craving
but she suspected he’d needed a little time to regroup after that disastrous
meeting with his parents. “I think he was brokenhearted over what his father
said to him. Justin told me their relationship had been strained for a while,
but I think deep down, he hoped his father would see the changes he’d made and
trust him to make a choice that was right for his life. Instead, he cut him
down. Oh, Lindy...my heart broke for him and I didn’t know what to say.”

Lindy sighed. “There was probably nothing you could say. This
is between them. They have to hash it out and you have to let them.”

“I overheard some of the conversation,” Lilah admitted, feeling
guilty for eavesdropping but she hadn’t been able to stop. “He’s giving up his
career for me and his parents have cut him off completely. I feel terrible about
it. It’s as if I’ve ripped his family apart. I feel sick inside.”

“They actually said those things?” Lindy asked,
incredulous.

“And worse,” recalled Lilah, grimacing. “I think his dad thinks
I deliberately trapped him into something. Like I’m a gold digger or something.
I’ve never been so humiliated in my life.”

“What a bunch of jerks,” Lindy muttered. “Sounds like Justin is
better off without them.”

“Yeah, but that’s his family. And I know it hurt him deeply
even if he won’t admit it. I don’t know if I can go through with this...”

“What do you mean?” Lindy asked, alarmed.

“I just mean, I don’t think I can let Justin throw everything
away for me. It sounded romantic and noble when he declared that he would but
now the aftermath is just painful and upsetting. Without his parents’ support he
can’t continue to campaign and his political career will die before it’s even
begun.”

“What about his campaign supporters aside from his
parents?”

“They’re all connected through his father. Basically, he’s
gaining a lot of support because of the track record of his father. It’s easy to
back a horse you know comes from winning stock, that’s how Justin put it.” Lilah
heard Lindy shudder and she didn’t blame her. It all sounded like a foreign
language to her, too. “Nothing is as simple as I love him, he loves me. I was
naive to think it could be.”

“You can’t walk away. You’ll devastate him.”

“Without me, his parents will support him. I can’t ask that he
pay that big of a price for me. I know he will resent me eventually and I just
can’t bear that burden. I know myself. I can’t handle it.”

“Who’s to say that you’d ever have to?” Lindy disagreed.
“You’re making a lot of assumptions about a future that hasn’t even arrived yet.
Plus you’re all hopped up on hormones and your brain is on baby overload. Just
give it some time. Maybe things will change.”

“You didn’t see their faces,” Lilah said sadly. “There’s no
turning that around. At least not with his father. And I can’t go my entire life
knowing they hate me. And I shouldn’t have to. I don’t deserve that, right?”

“No, of course not,” Lindy murmured on a sigh. “This
sucks.”

“Yeah, tell me about it.”

“So what are you going to do?” she asked.

Lilah drew a sharp breath and closed her eyes as she answered
with a heavy heart. “I’m going to send Justin home.”

“And how do you hope to accomplish that?”

“By pushing him away. For good.”

* * *

J
USTIN
HADN
’
T
SEEN
IT
COMING
. Truthfully, he’d still been reeling from his
parents’ actions that he hadn’t realized how much damage had truly been
done.

“What are you talking about?” he demanded, staring at Lilah,
not quite sure he’d heard her correctly. “What do you mean you don’t want to be
together?”

She quietly smoothed the light fabric covering her stomach and
answered in a cool tone, “After the scene with your parents I’ve come to realize
we were being naive, and there’s no room for that now that we’re going to be
parents. Your parents hate me and will always resent me for getting pregnant. I
won’t live under that kind of scrutiny and judgment. It’s not healthy and it’ll
ruin all the good work I’ve done with my therapist to regain my mental health.
I’m sorry, Justin. I’m not willing to sacrifice my mental wellness for you. I
just can’t. I have the babies to think of first.”

“Lilah, I will walk away from them forever. They won’t judge
you—they won’t say two words to you. They don’t matter. Just you and I
matter.”

She graced him with a short look. “How will you support your
children? The job market is fierce. Without your father’s support, your
political career will fall. You know this. I think we both know I’m right. It
hurts right now to admit it, but someday, we’ll both agree this was best.”

“Bullshit.”

She stared. “Excuse me?”

“You’re running scared and this is the easy way. I’m willing to
fight but you’re backing out the minute it gets tough,” he accused, throwing his
hands up as frustration and despair ate at his ability to remain calm. He could
not lose Lilah over this. He could not! “My parents will come around. I know
it.”

“I don’t want them to bother,” she said with a shrug. “First
impressions can be a lingering poison if the impressions aren’t favorable.
They’re never going to forgive me for getting pregnant. There will always be a
suspicion that I got pregnant on purpose and I don’t want to waste my life
trying to prove to them that I’m worthy of their love. I have a family who loves
me. I don’t need their approval.” She drew a deep breath and continued even
though he’d opened his mouth to protest. “But you do. It’s plain to me now that
you’re desperate for your father’s approval. All that stuff you said you did
before we met...it was a child’s attempt at getting his father’s attention. If
you’re ever going to repair your relationship with your father—and I strongly
suggest that you try—I cannot be your roadblock to that success. They will love
the babies when they get here, but I will always be a reminder of what they deem
a failure. It’s just not worth it, Justin. Not for me.”

Justin fought against the rising panic that was nearly level
with the suffocating realization that she was right.

“Lilah...I love you,” he said, his voice breaking. How could
she be so heartless? “We can work this out if we do it together.”

She seemed to falter but held to her course. “I’m not going to
change my mind. I will send you updates about the babies. I will never keep you
from them. I swear. But we should probably talk with a mediator about future
custody arrangements. I don’t want to fight about the kids. It’ll only be worse
for them.”

“Stop it, Lilah,” he ordered, tears filling his eyes. This had
to be a nightmare. This couldn’t be real. She wasn’t leaving him. “You don’t
mean any of this. You’re freaked out and overreacting. This is fixable.
Please.”

She blinked rapidly and her lip trembled but she didn’t cave.
The sadness in her eyes told the story. She might love him but not enough to
battle his parents and his career.

“Goodbye, Justin.”

It was barely a whisper but the words stabbed him in the
heart.

Lilah...please...

And then she was gone.

* * *

T
HE
URGE
TO
WAIL
AND
SCREAM
at the
injustice of it all was trapped in a bubble of pain and sorrow just under her
breastbone but she managed to keep it down until she reached her room at
Larimar.

Then, behind the safety of her own walls, she sobbed until it
felt her eyes might bleed.

It was for the best, she told herself. It was for the best and
someday he would realize this painful moment was a blessing in disguise. He
would go on to do great things for many people and she had full faith in his
ability to change lives for the better. She knew this because she’d changed and
grown by knowing him during the short time they’d shared. And now she carried
two small bits of Justin that she could love and cherish her entire life. It
would have to be enough.

But still the knowledge gave her no solace. Her heart was a
broken, pulpy mess of shattered dreams and naive illusions.

She had to be strong for the babies. She had to be strong to
endure in the coming months. To do this alone—without Justin—felt wrong on so
many levels but she forced herself to believe that she was making a sacrifice
worth making.

In the meantime, she simply let her pain flow from her body in
racking sobs as she clutched at the bedding where she and Justin had cuddled
together mere hours ago—when she’d dreamed blissfully of a future that would
never be.

* * *

V
IRGINIA
C
ALES
HAD
NEVER
been overly fond of conflict
and as such, had endeavored to avoid it. Most people mistook her acquiescence
for weakness—including her husband—but Virginia had learned quite early that a
person needn’t knock down walls when finding a back door accomplished the same
goal.

“It’s really quite lovely here,” she remarked casually as she
gazed out across the crystal sea from their balcony. “I can certainly understand
the appeal.”

Vernon grunted something but otherwise remained focused on his
iPhone emails. He squinted and then gestured to Virginia, saying, “Get me my
reading glasses, will you? These damn screens are too small to read.”

“Of course, dear,” she said, handing Vernon his glasses. They
were supposed to leave St. John in the morning. Vernon seemed all too eager to
put this place behind him, but Virginia felt there was unfinished business to
attend.

The business between two women.

She had no intention of leaving this island until she’d spoken
to Lilah Bell. The woman was the mother of her grandchildren—ah, grandchildren,
just saying the word, although foreign, held a certain warm appeal—and Virginia
believed words had been said that were unfair.

But first...she needed to speak with her son. “I’m going out
for a bit. Do you need anything?” she asked solicitously as she grabbed her
purse and wide floppy hat.

Vernon barely acknowledged her, which was typical when he was
engrossed in his work. She didn’t hold it against him but she did file it away
for future reference. Virginia had an impeccable memory, some would say almost
eidetic, and she always knew what to keep and what to discard. The ability had
never failed her and she suspected, it never would.

It’d been several days since the distasteful event had happened
at Larimar and they hadn’t heard from Justin even though his room was not far
from theirs. She’d half expected him to show up so they could hash things out,
but his silence was just as damning as the rashly shouted words.

She knocked at his door but when no answer came, she let
herself in using the key card she’d acquired from the front desk.

The mess was appalling. Clothes that looked as if they’d been
ripped from the drawers and thrown around in a fit of rage—or grief—littered the
floor and the smell of whiskey floated on the stale, closed air, causing her to
delicately hold her nose and head straight for the window. Justin, smelling like
a distillery, lay facedown on his bed, sprawled as if a giant had tossed him
there, and for a horrifying moment, Virginia feared he was dead.

Until a loud, resounding snore followed.

Sighing, she jerked open the drapes and allowed the sunshine to
fill the room while she went about tidying and straightening until Justin
groaned as consciousness returned. She readied a pot of strong coffee while she
waited for him to fully awake.

“Good morning, love,” she said evenly, moving swiftly to hand
him a shirt and shorts as he was nearly naked. She looked away as he slowly
jerked on the clothes with a barely civil expression. “Rough night?”

“What are you doing here?” he asked flatly, rubbing at his jaw
and wincing as, no doubt, his head throbbed from a killer hangover. “Who let you
in?”

“Don’t be rude. I am here to talk with you, that’s all that
matters. Sit up, please. And drink this,” she instructed, handing him a hot cup
of coffee strong enough to put hair on his chest. She seated herself on the
opposite bed and waited for him to take a sip of the brew. She smiled briefly
with understanding when he seemed to appreciate the coffee, at the very least.
“What happened?” she asked, assuming by the torn up room and his equally
destroyed demeanor that all wasn’t well with Lilah.

“She left me,” he answered sourly. “Are you happy?”

Virginia digested the information and then asked, “Why?”

“Because she said my parents would never accept her and she
wasn’t going to fight both you and my career. And you know what...she was right.
Damn, if she wasn’t right. Dad will always look down on her and you’ll never
accept her as she is. So, she left me. Nothing I could say would change her
mind. You win.
Yay.
Go
Team Cales.” He ended with enough sarcasm to choke a goat.

A pinch of guilt straightened her back a bit. She supposed she
could see how their reaction would’ve been off-putting. Taking in her son’s
appearance, she judged he hadn’t showered since then, which was days ago, and if
she had a guess, his minibar was likely empty. And he didn’t seem eager to
shower and shape up. She’d never seen her cavalier son so...brokenhearted. “Do
you love her?” she asked in the plainest terms. “I mean,
really
love her?”