Something More (17 page)

Chapter 25

Three weeks and not a word from Matthew. Carrie knew she messed up. Her life couldn’t get any worse. Brenda was on her case again. The frown on her partner’s face said more than any words he might have expressed. For the first time
ever
her career had no significance. Matthew inhibited her mind obstructing serious concentration on matters that needed her attention.

A pipedream.

No matter how hard she tried to fight it, reality smacked her right in the face. She’d lost every bit of dignity. She’d become one of those pathetic women who allowed her life to revolve around a man.

Matthew.

Somehow he’d slipped under her defenses and stripped her barriers. In her refusal to accept his importance in her life, she’d managed to destroy the one thing she now knew mattered most. Obliterate any chance of a relationship with a man who challenged and respected her.

Who said he loved her.

She crossed her arms and padded to the open French doors. A light breeze blew the floor length curtain in a wispy dance drawing her onto the wooden deck. Lights from the city glittered like stars in the night. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes while the scent of grass and trees filled her with longing.

Alone. She was so alone.

How had she come to this? How had she let herself get so involved to the point she wallowed in self-pity. She shook at the disgusting notion. A foolish young girl, she’d shunned, laughed at, and made fun of any woman or man falling all over each other. Sappy declarations of adoration, tender touches, and romantic gestures were signs of weakness. Being mad about someone would never happen to her.

She had no idea.

What was that saying,
the mighty have fallen
?

She’d fallen in love. She was a mess.

He hadn’t even called. But then, what did she expect? She’d lashed out at him. Accused him. Savage blue eyes haunted her still. Even though the evening was warm, a chill raced down her spine.

Sleep eluded her. She’d lost her appetite. When was the last time she smiled?

Her phone rang drawing her attention. Hope flared, for an instant. Then dashed as quickly as it had come. Why get her hopes up to be crushed once again. She thought to ignore the ringing, but the incessant tone urged her to answer. When she could no longer resist, she hurried inside and glanced at the caller ID.

Guinevere.

She pushed the talk button. “Hello.”

“Hello dear. I’m back.”

“Guenivere.”

“Carrie? Are you all right?”

Her shoulders drooped from disappointment. “You could tell from one word?”

“It’s in your voice, dear. Now tell me. What’s wrong?”

Dear Guinevere. She made Carrie think of the mother’s love she should have had. “I’m glad you called. I could use a friend right about now.”

“Whatever it is, it can’t be that bad. You’re a strong woman. Talk to me, dear.”

The woman had a way of bringing a peaceful calm to her nerves. Tranquility enveloped Carrie like a blanket. “Knowing you’re on the other end of the line eases my mind. I’ve never had the closeness and affection with anyone that I have with you.”

“I’m honored, dear.”

“No, Guinevere.
I’m
honored. And grateful. You’re one of an astonishing kind. You’re the epitome of grace. Elegance itself. You’re thoughtful. You’re smart. You’re sensitive.”

“Will you stop, please? And tell me the reason behind this.”

Carrie settled on the couch and curled her feet beneath her. “I can’t express how much you mean to me.”

“I would say the feeling is mutual, dear. Now tell me what’s wrong, before you make me cry. I can’t afford tears at my age.”

She never had a close friend growing up. There was no one to confide her teenage secrets. No one to nurture her, or soothe her hurts and fears. Life had made her grow up too fast. Her goal to help her sister fed her inner strength. The weight of the world that she carried on her shoulders had become a normal routine. This rare and heartfelt friendship she had with Guinevere bestowed a sense of amity.

“I had a rude awakening.”

“Not your young man?”

She gave a forced laugh.
Him too
. “A man, yes. Someone in my office.”

“Go on.”

“I trained him. He had the potential to be a high-status executive.” She hesitated, and then forced herself to go on in a rush. “I
trusted
him.”

After a lengthy silence, Guinevere said, “And he betrayed you.”

“Yes. That’s what I get for letting down my guard.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

“He could have destroyed the company,” Carrie blurted. She rose and impulsively paced the length of her living room. “I fired him. He made a few idle threats. Acted like he had friends in high places and even had the nerve, the balls, to say I’d come crawling to him. Can you believe that?”

“I’m sure you gave him a piece of your mind along with that boot.”

“Men!” On her soapbox, words rolled out of her mouth like a run-away train. “I’ve had it. I knew not to trust men, yet I let myself get blind-sided.”

“Carrie, I think there’s more here than this man at your office.”

“How was your trip to Scotland?”

“Forget Scotland. Now tell me. Did Matthew do something to offend you?”

She came to an abrupt halt.
Offend?
If you wanted to label a traitor offensive. Carrie closed her eyes in pain.
Matthew.
“He is a man isn’t he?”

“You’re putting him in the same category? You make trust sound like a dirty word. You can put your trust in the right man. Dear, listen to your heart.”

“I don’t have one.”

“Stop that. Pouting doesn’t become you. I thought you had feelings for your young man. You can’t let what happened to your sister drive the rest of your life. That’s not living, dear. We learn from our mistakes and move on. Didn’t you say, your sister is engaged? Sounds like she has moved on.”

“So she says.”

“Carrie, tell me about Matthew. How does he make you feel?”

Like heaven.

So why did she feel like hell?

Carrie plopped on the couch. “Oh, Guin. I haven’t seen him in weeks. The last words I spoke were hurtful. I . . . there’s something else. He betrayed me too.”

Silence stretched across the wire.

“Tell me what you think to be true.”

She didn’t know what to think. Or do. Maybe if she poured it all out, Guinevere would help her make some sense of the situation.

“The man I fired, Brad, revealed confidential information for his own gain. When I confronted him, he threatened me. He also insinuated Matthew was involved.”

“The skunk would have said anything to save his own skin. Or he wanted to hurt you. ‘Cause you doubt.”

“I thought so at the time. But the man who exposed Brad, saw him with Matthew.”

“And you immediately assumed? Do I need to remind you how to break up the word into three parts? You’re a good judge of character. You must have had your doubts about your employee. But you know your young man. You fought against your feelings for him, so I know you gave him a thorough going over before you opened your heart.”

Carrie leaned her head against the glass door and stared into the distance, just like she’d done a thousand times since Matthew stormed out of her office.

“Do you remember when I mentioned a once-in-a-lifetime love?” Guinevere said at last. “I had that. There’s nothing like being loved by a man you think is your soul mate. He was everything to me. I had him for a short while. I wouldn’t trade one precious minute of the time I spent with him. Someday I may tell you about him. I loved him with my whole heart, body, and soul. There are no words to describe the way he made me feel.” Her voice held a wistful longing. “The best way to describe the feeling, I floated. Love flowed around us. I too had a career, even though back in my day that was unheard of.”

Intrigued, Carrie asked, “What kind . . .?”

“A movie career.”

She blurted, “You were an actress?” She couldn’t believe it. The old girl sure had the air of presence, not to mention the confidence, to execute any scene, whether on stage, in a movie, or in a queen’s palace.

“I had no doubt in my mind that I would give it up for him. And when the time came, that’s exactly what I did. If your young man makes you feel anything like that, don’t throw it away. Examine your feelings, dear. Search your heart. You’re an adult now. Don’t live in the past of your teenage years. You’re smart enough not to be taken in by a false love. As far as your career, which is more important? Didn’t you say something was missing from your life?”

Everything Guinevere said was true. “I wish you were here so I could hug you.”

“I just called to tell you that I’m back from my holiday. I wanted to extend an invitation so I can tell you all about it. Come over and you can hug me then.”

“I’d like that.”

“I’m off. You have some thinking to do. Remember what I said. Trust your heart. “

“Guin?”

“Yes, dear?”

Growing up in a house where these words were never mentioned, Carrie found it difficult to force the words out of her mouth. “I love you.”

“Now you’ve gone and done it.” Guinevere sniffed. “I love you, too. Like my own daughter.”

Carrie hurt. She went over everything once again in her mind. Including Guinevere’s words.

You can’t let what happened to your sister drive the rest of your life.

She had. The incident from long ago had shaped her entire life. A sour taste formed in her mouth the way it did every time she thought about the boy who had gotten her sister pregnant and then dumped her. For nearly twenty years she’d let her sister’s rotten, teenage boyfriend set the course of her life.

Ellie survived. She had a beautiful daughter. The man she now lived with supposedly loved her. Ellie seemed happy.

How does he make you feel?

Like heaven.

If Ellie’s man made her feel anything close to the unbelievable sensations Matthew created in me . . .

No wonder Ellie thought she was in love.

Love.
Humph. Her parents never used the word. She loved her sister. And she loved Andrea as if she were her own child. Could she put a label on what she felt while in Matthew’s arms? Her toes curled, her breath became shallow, and she forgot everything else. Including her livelihood.

Would you give it up for the right man?

Everything in her life had been arranged around her career. Hell, her life was her work.

Until Matthew.

You’re putting him in the same category? Dear, listen to your heart.

Yes, she’d put him in a category—a
men
category. But, she was finding they weren’t all the same. Matthew
was not
Brad. There could have been any number of reasons Williamson had seen the two. They could have met by accident. Brad could have planned the meeting as a set up.

Matthew was a part of her life now. A big part. An important part. She didn’t want to lose him. Her career wouldn’t mean a damn thing if she lost Matthew. These past weeks were proof of that.

How ridiculous she had behaved, moping around, acting like a lost soul when he’d been out of the country those weeks. Good Lord! Cupid’s arrow had found its mark even then. When lightning struck and the house fell on your head, you just had to accept it. The ice-queen hard-ass had fallen in love.

Maybe some of her assistant’s fixation on ‘that special someone’ had rubbed off, had been rooting in her brain for some time. Affection was different from crave.

Crave, want, hunger, all were words associated with sex. But, she wanted Matthew heart, body, and soul.

Her chest hurt a little more. Could she trust a man that made her forget everything but him? Most of her life she’d felt something was missing, there had to be something more. That skepticism had not reared its ugly head since Matthew came into her life. The day he shoved her into that cab he must have chiseled a chink in her armor. Not only had he been a constant in her thoughts, he’d changed her way of thinking.

Edward accused her of throwing their relationship away. The egotistical boob had said, when she returned to her senses, she would come crawling back to him. Brad had used the same term. C
rawl.
Somehow, she knew Matthew would never talk to a woman that way. He would treat her like an equal.

It all boiled down to trust, didn’t it? A man who made her pulse race. A man she counted the hours—minutes—until she saw him again. A man who made her think of him instead of keeping her mind on business.

They both were used to the fast lane. Travel, business, high dollar world, and demanding jobs. He’d just completed a merger which would certainly demand more of his time. And he didn’t live in New York. Those were minor difficulties compared to the chance she’d be taking with her heart.

There was no doubt he wanted her, in the bedroom. That didn’t mean he wanted a serious, loving relationship, a lifetime together.

Trust?

Lifetime?

She waited for the threatening confinement to overwhelm her. Only a calm reasoning filled her mind. Where was the denial? A lifetime. Hmmm. Didn’t sound so bad. Once she’d made up her mind she wanted Matthew, permanent sounded just fine to her.

Oh, Matthew. I do love you.