Something Had to Give (27 page)

“Hey stranger, it’s good to see that you are still alive.” He looked sober and talked to me like I hadn’t been dodging his phone calls all semester.

“Yeah, well you know how that goes. I’ve just been busy with classes and stuff.” I avoided eye contact staring down at my now empty bowl of cereal.

“Stuff, huh? Does that stuff include this out of town joker you’re dating?” He said this with a smile and it was still a wonder to me how he knew I was with someone else.

“Stuff means things other than classes.” Of course stuff included Jason, but I didn’t see where that was any of his business.

“So, I’m not good enough for a straight answer about this guy?” I knew how persistent he could be and that he would not let it go. “I know I was acting like an ass over the summer, but man, you wasted no time moving on to someone else.”

I didn’t even know how to respond to him. He felt like he deserved answers, but I didn’t. It just seemed really weird discussing my current relationship with an old boyfriend. “I don’t even know why you are asking. You wanted out so I let you go. I wasn’t out looking for someone new. It just happened.”

“After like a week though? I mean was he in the picture all along?”

“No he was not in the picture all along.” I was beginning to get annoyed. How dare he accuse me of cheating? “Like I said, meeting him just kind of happened. It was unexpected.” He looked sad after my explanation and I started to feel bad, but what did he expect?

“Well I guess it’s what I deserved. I was being a jerk and I don’t even know why. I was just feeling lonely and mad that you were gone. It’s my fault.” His apology had come a little too late, but at least he owned up to what he had done.

“How do you know about him anyway? Did you have spies in Tennessee?”

“You don’t know? Your sister told me. I thought you put her up to it.”

“My sister? No I didn’t put her up to anything. When did this happen?”

“I called back to talk to you and she answered sounding trashed. I thought you were there drinking with her. She said I shouldn’t call back anymore because you had met someone and was barely there anymore anyway.”

Bitch! I called her this over and over in my mind but the expression must have been all over my face.

“I’m sorry,” He continued. “I’m sorry you had to find out this way. I thought you knew about it.”

“No I didn’t know, but it’s OK. It’s not your fault.” To say I was livid was an understatement. I had to stop myself several times from running all the way back to my apartment just to call her and blast her. I knew I had to calm down though. Calling her upset was not going to help anything especially since we would have to be in the same house over the holiday. It definitely was not something I planned to let go though.

Eric and I sat talking for some time that evening. He had a pretty rough summer as he told it. Come to find out he had taken my advice and found a job waiting tables, but lost it when his car broke down. The friend he was staying with went back on their agreement and told him he had to leave after a few weeks so that his girlfriend felt comfortable staying there. At that time, he had no job, a broken down car, and nowhere to stay. This was on top of feeling like his girlfriend abandoned him. Things slowly looked up when a guy he had worked with let him stay on his couch and he was able to find a job in walking distance of the apartment. It was after he broke up with me that he started drinking and as he described it, “it just sort of became a habit.” He didn’t feel like he had a problem, but after what I saw at Hammerjax a couple of months ago, I felt differently. For me it was scary to think about what he could become and how alcohol could change his life. Before I knew it, it was 7:30pm and the dining hall had cleared out for closing. It wasn’t my intention to get on the road quite so late, but I had to get going. I felt good about the place Eric and I left things at. We weren’t quite friends, but I didn’t feel like I had to avoid him any longer. If only he had stayed the guy I talked to that evening, we would have been perfect.

It was well after midnight before I made it home to Charlotte. Daddy wasn’t so thrilled that I had been on the road so late but didn’t give me much grief. I certainly was not in a rush to get home and the long drive gave me plenty of time to think about things that I had talked about with Eric. There was no way I would allow myself to blame myself for his drinking and bad summer, but I did sympathize with what he had gone through. After what he told me I was glad I didn’t stay. I wished that he would’ve looked past his anger and talked to me about what was going on. The fact that Shanna had told Eric about Jason was still upsetting. Drunk or not, it wasn’t her place. I didn’t even know how to bring it up, but I did know for sure it wasn’t going to be pretty. We needed to talk about everything including the drinking and drug use. I just hoped the conversation wouldn’t ruin our relationship permanently.

Boredom got the best of me by day three. Kristen wouldn’t be home for another few days, Daddy was out of town and I was literally climbing the walls trying to find stuff to do. I had even resorted to help Mommy clean the house that was already spotless. It was obvious that I was not going to make it until the New Year following Mommy around the house. I needed to find a job. But where, though? I was so over the crazy crowds in the mall food court and the mall in general, but with the limited time I would be available, it seemed like the only option. That night as I talked on the phone with Jason, he came up with the idea of helping me get on at the H&M in Charlotte. He knew the manager well and offered to talk to her about giving me some hours while I was home. It was still a retail position, but I wouldn’t have to go through a lot of training and it would keep me busy.

The very next day, Trish, who was the manager for the store in Charlotte called and asked me to come in either that afternoon or the next morning. When she called I was on the couch watching a horrible string of morning talk shows so the opportunity to get out the house sounded great to me. I was so excited about getting out the house that I didn’t even think to ask if I was working a shift or coming in to meet with her. To be on the safe side, I wore a casual but comfortable outfit with flats. When I arrived at the store right at 2pm, it was a mad house. The busiest day at the Chattanooga store had nothing on the crowd that was currently in the store. I quickly figured out who Trish was by the way a customer was loudly complaining about the lousy service she had received. The way she handled the customer reminded me a lot of Felicity and I was glad at that moment that it seemed as though she would be a cool manager. I approached her when she was done with the customer and maybe it was my imagination but it seemed to me that once I told her who I was that her whole demeanor changed. She gave me a very weak handshake, as she looked me up and down several times before she told me to follow her to the back. My first instinct was to turn and make a beeline for the door, but I had to remind myself that it would be a bad reflection on Jason. Trish showed me a place to put my stuff down in the back and as she pretended to look through random papers on the table, she told me over my shoulder that she needed me to stay until closing, helping out on the floor. Her attitude towards me made me wonder what Jason had told her about me and what she had been expecting. I felt pretty stuck though and the feeling sucked.

The Charlotte store was a lot larger than the one in Tennessee and I definitely worked harder during that shift than I did probably the whole summer. It was non-stop folding, straightening and hanging. My 30-minute lunch break felt more like 5 minutes after waiting in line for food and I felt like I was constantly under the microscope. Every time I looked up Trish was right there telling me to smile more or to make sure I was interacting with customers. By the end of the shift I refused to even acknowledge that she was talking to me. I didn’t know what her problem was with me or why she bothered to hire me if she hated me at first meeting. I was tired and over it. The only good thing about the shift was that I was able to leave right when the store closed. I went to the back to get my purse and there was a paper with my schedule up until Christmas day. Not only was I scheduled to work every day, but also it was a closing shift every day except one. I was pretty sure at this point that she had only hired me to carry out some sort of vendetta against Jason or me. Determined not to feed into her antics, I stuffed the paper in purse and walked out with the assistant manager without saying a word.

Going in for each shift was truly a struggle. Though I had talked to Jason every night, I didn’t mention how Trish acted towards me. I knew he would probably say something to her and I just didn’t see anything good coming from it. So instead, I did my best to ignore her and brush off her comments. There were even times when I would walk off while she was mid-sentence. I knew she wouldn’t fire me because then she wouldn’t be able to harass me. Mid way through my third shift I noticed that two hours had gone by and Trish had not come by to annoy me or “check-up” on me. As it neared the end of my shift I felt a relaxation that I hadn’t felt since I had started there. It was nice to not have to be worried when she was going to pop up behind me. Still, I was not willing to get too excited since I believed that she would find some other way to make the working experience miserable. I was off the following day, which was Christmas Eve. The other thing that kept my excitement to a minimum was that Shanna was coming home and there was still that situation to deal with.

When I pulled up to the house, Shanna and Craig were already there. The sight of Craig’s truck in the drive way made me want to put the car in reverse and drive far way. If I wouldn’t have been so tired, I would have at least driven around until I thought everyone in the house was asleep. As I walked up to the door, I could smell dinner cooking and hear laughter from the living room. I could only imagine what long exaggerated story Craig was telling with Shanna encouraging it and Daddy throwing in his own corny jokes. I wasn’t in the mood for any of it. When I walked in everyone said hello and as Shanna stood up to hug me I literally found myself gasping in shock at how thin she was. I was amazed that our parents didn’t notice this and say something to her. She looked awful! Either they didn’t want to face the facts that something was truly wrong with her situation or I was imagining how bad she looked. Not wanting to seem antisocial, I joined them in the living room and grimaced through the stories being told. Craig was going out of the way, it seemed, to include me in the conversations, but I still didn’t like him. I chose to only force a smile or give one-word answers. By the time dinner was ready, I knew I couldn’t handle sitting through a meal with them. Just the thought was nauseating. In lieu of dinner, I went up to my room to shower and call Jason. When we hung up, I could still hear everyone downstairs having a good time. I hated to be a sour puss, but nothing seemed enticing about joining them.

∞∞∞

Christmas Eve and Christmas Day went by without any drama or much excitement either. Daddy had to end up going into the office on Christmas Eve, so I spent the day helping Mommy cook. It wasn’t necessarily how I wanted to spend my day but it was better than having to hang around Shanna and Craig. They decided to hog the living room TV with one of Craig’s dreadful documentaries and I just couldn’t force myself to be around them. Mommy seemed to enjoy the company and help. It was early afternoon when Shanna and Craig left to do last minute shopping and after declining their invite to go, I finally took a seat to relax in the living room. On Christmas Day I did more of staying to myself. My gift from my parents was a cell phone that I had been asking for and I spent most of the day setting it up and playing with it. Aunt Michelle and my cousins came over and we all enjoyed having dinner together. Dinner with the whole family was the first time in those two days that I felt happy. My mood had changed so much that I had decided not to confront Shanna. It just didn’t seem worth it to confront her or continue to be angry over her actions. It was her life and her decision on how to live it.

A few days after Christmas, as I was lying on the couch reading a magazine, Shanna thought it was a good time to approach me. I was dreading my upcoming work shift and just flat out didn’t want to be bothered. I wasn’t sure what was going on with Shanna and Craig but they had been in her room all morning and as I was coming out my room, I could hear them both talking loudly. The look in her eye as she approached me in the living room told me that they had been fighting and she was looking for a way to displace her anger. How convenient for me.

“Oh no, Shanna is entering the living room the same time as you. You better run quickly to another room.”

Here we go I thought. Of course I was the easiest target for her. Her comment instantly made my blood boil and as much as I didn’t want to feed into her crap, she had immediately pissed me off. “I’m not running. It looks like I’m in the right place to be your punching bag since you’re afraid to stand up to your boyfriend.” I got up to leave to avoid further conflict with her, but of course she wasn’t done.

“You’re always the victim huh? You’ve been avoiding me since I got home. Yet I’m the one that’s in the wrong.”

“Yep, you’ve got it all right Shanna. Keep talking as I leave, but be sure to let me know if Eric calls for me this time; that is if you can remember anything, you alcoholic crack head.” My words seemed to stun her. I was able to make it all the way up the steps and to my room without her responding or coming after me. I knew I had taken things too far and hit below the belt. Why did she have to start with me? I was prepared to let things go and yet after a fight with Craig she had to come after me again. I was sick of it and if this was how our relationship was going to go, I didn’t want to be deal with her. When I left for work, the house was so quiet. It was creepy. Shanna was in her room, but Craig was on the couch with his head back and eyes closed. I had many speculations, but no idea what they were fighting over. Mommy was nowhere to be found that I could see, which was odd for her, but I didn’t have time to look for her more.

The incident with Shanna stayed on my mind the whole time during work. I was supposed to be keeping the stock on the floor as neat as possible, but in reality I was wandering around torn between the thought that I was justified in going off on Shanna and the thought that I should try and apologize. Trish must have realized that she wasn’t going to get much productivity out of me on the floor and switched me to the register for the last three hours of my shift. It was only the second time since I started working there that I had even been allowed to touch the register and it was a welcomed distraction from obsessing over my personal life. Those last few hours seemed to fly by and after the store closed, an already bad day got worse when Trish asked to speak to me before I left. I had no idea what she wanted, but I immediately put it in my head that it wasn’t going to be good. In the back of the store I waited impatiently for her to get off the phone and let me in her office.