Something Fierce (22 page)

But every entry since that first night with Kerri had been about her. Somehow, he’d become a minor character in his own life. “The Book of Kerri,” he muttered. “The goddamned Book of Kerri.”

K
erri’s phone rang early
with Seth’s call and she didn’t answer it. He never called when they had already arranged a time to meet. So he was either calling to say he would be late or more likely—since he didn’t really want to go to the doctor or Mother’s party—to cancel. She couldn’t let him do that. So she didn’t answer or even listen to the message. He sent her a text an hour later and tried calling two more times. She took the battery out of the phone then and replaced it with a defective one from an old phone Timmy used to have. She knew Seth would not leave her hanging. He would come to the house and she’d have no idea that he’d tried to reach her. This was when they’d “discover” the problem with her phone.

Still, he may try to back out so she had herself worked up and in tears when he arrived. He looked rough from an obvious lack of sleep and she smelled booze underneath the toothpaste on his breath, but he pulled himself together for her. She told him that Lynn had stopped by that morning with sad news about a mutual friend—Joanne—who had overdosed on heroin. This girl had actually overdosed and Lynn had actually delivered the news, but it had been a few weeks ago, not this morning and the news hadn’t made enough of an impact on Kerri then to even mention it to Seth or her family. Through her tears, she told him about the troubled girl who always had an unholy alliance with drugs and whose problems got worse when her parents split and she moved out west with her mother. “I don’t know why it is hitting me so hard,” she said. “We haven’t been close in years. I don’t even remember the last time I talked to her.”

Seth held her and comforted her as she cried. The tears and the sorrow were real. They were not for Joanne, of course, but for Kerri’s realization that she had lied to Seth enough times now that she could never be fully honest with him. Despite what Mother seemed to think, he was no Prince Charming. He had an intensity that could drown a girl if she wasn’t careful, an edge that could cut her in half if she wasn’t smart. Which meant that part of her would have to stay hidden, keeping the truth from him at all costs and that part would always be alone. Even with the love of her life, alone.

And she cried for him too because he didn’t realize how badly he was hurt and consequently, how completely he was under her control. Like a determined athlete, he believed that as long as he could still play, his injuries weren’t too bad. When in reality, every moment he was on the field, his situation was becoming worse, the damage more permanent. Though she loved him, she needed him to maintain that illusion. “I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have you in my life,” she said, her head resting on his shoulder. “I really don’t.”

And, here, she was telling the absolute truth.

They kept their doctor’s appointment and Seth was prescribed sleeping pills. After some questioning, the doctor wrote another one for an anti-depressant. Seth scoffed at this, insisting that he was not depressed and had no intention of filling the prescription. Kerri could—and when the time was right—would present a strong case to the contrary.

The next stop was the phone store where she handed her phone over to some kid who ran a myriad of tests before thinking to check the battery. She took his expert advice and bought a new battery. It was a small price to pay for this time with Seth and having him by her side at Mother’s party tonight. When the phone came up, the unopened text and voice messages Seth had sent earlier appeared. “You were going to cancel on me?” Kerri asked, the phone to her ear as they drove to Scoops and Sprinkles, the place she’d once told him was the best ice cream in the area.

“Yeah, I was,” he said, but admitted he was glad she hadn’t gotten the messages, glad that he was there when she needed him.

“Do you ever need me?”

“More and more every day.” He smiled sort of sadly. “Let’s skip the party; go do something fun.”

She smacked him playfully on the arm. “The party will be fun! Besides, I really want you to meet my family. And they are really looking forward to meeting you.”

She’d planned to talk to him about the party, prep him so to speak, but they were having a good time together. Despite the tearful start to the day, things were lighter than they’d been in a while and she wanted to enjoy it. When they got to the house, the kitchen was a flurry of activity. Mother and Timmy were busy getting everything ready and she put Seth and Kerri to work the moment they walked in.

Kerri knew she had to talk to Seth before everyone arrived but realized that waiting until the last minute would work to her advantage. If she told him right as the party was starting, he’d be pissed, no doubt, but he’d be too polite to make a scene and the party would be underway and the drinks would be flowing and things would be alright. When she noticed Uncle Jack and Aunt Karla’s car pulling into the driveway and Grandpa and Grammy next to them, she grabbed Seth by the hand and led him down the steps to the den. “What it is?” he asked.

“I have to tell you something.”

“Okay,” he said when they reached the bottom of the stairs.

She had an overwhelming urge to kiss him just then and she did. She’d read in his journal that when they kissed deeply, he felt like he was pouring himself out and being refilled at the same time. And that was exactly what it felt like.

The world came roaring back when she heard the front door open upstairs. “Something sure smells good in here,” Grandpa said. There was a rumble of voices as greetings went around and coats were being shed.

Kerri pulled out of the kiss and looked into Seth’s eyes. They were bloodshot and tired looking, but there was a softness still lingering from the kiss. “Maybe,” she said, “you should sit down.”

“What are you talking about?”

There was more commotion upstairs. Aunt Karla was showing off a new scarf, Grammy was asking where her princess was, and then Mother was shouting, “Kerri!”

Kerri bit her lip and said, “Please don’t be mad.”

“Mad about what?”

“Kerri!” Mother shouted again. “Seth!”

“We’ll be up in a minute,” Kerri hollered back.

“Hurry up! Everyone wants to see you and meet Seth.”

“Just tell me,” Seth said.

“It’s kind of funny when you think about it.”

“Okay.”

“Promise you won’t be mad.”

“Cut the shit, Kerri.” The kiss was completely gone from his eyes now, gone from his whole face and that made her sad and scared and angry. “Just tell me.”

So she did. She told him that as far as her mother—and consequently, everyone coming to the party—knew, he was not forty, but thirty and though he was a teacher at Northeast, he’d never been
her
teacher.

His immediate response was a blank stare. Finally, he said, “You’re joking. Right?”

“Kerri!” her mother shouted again.

“Coming!” Kerri answered her mother and then said to Seth, “No. I’m not joking.” Though joking didn’t seem to be a bad idea, so she added, “You should be flattered. Not many people can pass for ten years younger than they are.”

“Why in the hell would you do something like that? And then lie to me about it?”

“I never lied to you.”

“The hell you didn’t. I specifically asked you if your mother had a problem with the age difference and you told me that she didn’t.”

“She didn’t and she doesn’t,” Kerri said. “I told you the truth.”

“You lied by omission. Same fucking thing.”

“Please keep your voice down.”

His face was flushed and he was shaking his head. “My instincts were right. You have been lying to me. What else have you lied about?”

“Don’t you think you are blowing this a little out of proportion?”

“No. I don’t. After all that ‘age is relative’ crap you turn around and pull something like this?”

“You don’t know my mother,” she said. In his journal, she’d read a lot about the guilt he still felt regarding the age difference. “If I had told her the truth, she would have refused to meet you. She would have pegged you as a sleaze ball that preys on girls half his age.” She could see the hurt on his face like she knew she would but he was leaving her no choice.

“I’m not like that. I don’t
prey
on anyone. I’ve never in my life…this is different. It’s—”

“It is different,” she said, softly. “I know. But I know my mother. She would have kicked me out of the house without even meeting you and now, believe me, it won’t matter. She’s crazy about you just like I knew she would be. I know I should have told her before now—”

“You should have told
me
!”

“I am telling you.”

“No, you are springing it on me at the last minute. This is exactly the kind of bullshit…I’m not doing this.”

“You have to.”

“No. Actually, I don’t.”

“Seth, please. I’m begging you. My mother has worked so hard on this party. If you leave, she’ll be humiliated. Don’t do this to her. Don’t do this to us.”

“I didn’t, Kerri. You did.”

“Please. It’s not like anyone is going to ask your age. Just don’t volunteer it.”

“They’ll figure it out but that’s not even the point.”

“The point is that for once in my fucked up life I’m happy and my family is happy for me. No one is going to be looking for problems. They are decent people. Nice people. And they just want to meet you. After tonight, I promise, I’ll tell my mother—”

“There isn’t any hanky-panky going on down here, is there?” Grandpa said shuffling down the steep stairs one at a time.

“Grandpa!” Kerri said. “You know I’m a good girl.”

“Yes, I do,” he said, with his thick, white crew cut and sweet smile. “The best. I was sent out on a mission to find you two and was told not to come back empty-handed.” Kerri met Grandpa at the bottom of the steps, towering over him by a good three inches. He took her in his arms and kissed her on the cheek. “My, God, you are a beauty!” He turned to Seth, offered his hand and said with a grin, “So you’re the young fella that’s got all the hens clucking upstairs.”

Seth shook Grandpa’s hand. “I don’t know about that,” he said. “I’m Seth Hardy. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Grandpa,” Kerri said, “if Grammy knows you called her a hen you’re in big trouble.”

“I never called her a hen,” he said. “Did I, Seth?”

“It didn’t sound to me like you were talking about anyone in particular,” Seth said, making an effort to play along.

“I like him already,” Grandpa said with a wink. “Come on you two, make me look good.” He angled his arm and Kerri hooked hers into it. They ascended the staircase with Seth in tow. Kerri turned back and gave him one last pleading look as they crested the top of the stairs.

Before Seth could say a word, Mother had a glass of wine in his hand and was introducing him to everyone. He was as polite and friendly as Kerri imagined he’d be, but she could tell he was still annoyed and was looking for an escape. That wasn’t going to be easy. He was the center of attention. For Rebecca, he was the best evidence yet that she hadn’t totally failed as a mother. For the rest of them, Kerri knew he was more than they could have hoped for: a writer, a teacher, a genuinely good guy and handsome to boot. He was a solid reason for them to believe that the rumors regularly circulating about her and embarrassing them all might finally be coming to an end. And it was true that since he’d come into the picture, she and her mother were getting along, Kerri wasn’t at the center of any high dramas or at war with a single other person. She was on the Dean’s List at school. Hell, she might even make Employee of the Month at the store.

After finishing his second glass of wine—rather quickly—she saw him start to relax. Though Kerri drank very little, she made sure Seth’s glass didn’t stay empty and soon, it was clear that he’d given himself over to the night. He listened to Uncle Jack’s adventures on eBay, asked Aunt Karla about her work with mentally retarded children, talked Johnny Cash with Uncle Ron and Kid Cudi with Timmy.

He belonged here. And she’d do whatever it took to make sure he stayed here.

She envied the way he was unguarded and comfortable when people asked him about himself. This, Kerri now realized, was why lying about his age—about anything—was unnatural for him, what he’d meant when he’d once told her that he found keeping secrets a lot of “unnecessary work.” At one point, she’d seen him start a story that he had to abort because it would date him, make him obviously older than he was supposed to be. He shot her a look and instantly, she was next to him, taking him aside. “By the way, we met at a book signing.”

“Yeah,” he said, “that’s what I heard.”

Grinning, she whispered into his ear, “I will
so
make this up to you.”

“Uh-huh,” he said, quietly, “and how are you going to do that?”

“Well, first off,” she said, leading him to a quiet corner, “I know I will have to be spanked for this.”

“This isn’t funny, Kerri.”

“It’s a little bit funny,” she said, demurely. “Right?”

He took another drink instead of answering.

“Besides, I’m not talking about one of your playful spankings or even one of your sexy ones. I deserve a real one. A punishment. Over your knee. With my panties down. A hard one.”

“That’s a start,” he said; she saw a reluctant smile. The “wicked” look she’d seen on their first date and many times since—usually when he was turned on—came over his face. It often affected his voice too, giving it a subtle edge, a kind of cockiness. “And then what?”

The way he said it made her belly tickle and she felt herself get wet. “Whatever you want. You know how I am after I’ve been disciplined. Obedient. Submissive. Eager to please.”

“Thought you were out of commission down there?”

“My mouth still works.”

“It better,” he said and she felt the tickling again and wondered if that yeast infection might miraculously be gone by tonight. Then, noticing her cousin, Dylan, looking at her, she felt her face burn. “What?” she said to him.