SOMEONE DIFFERENT (9 page)

Her hand twitched a bit in mine, then it went still again. I smiled; Billy’d piss himself when I told him she’d turned up at our house, spent hours in bed with me, and all that’d happened was she’d fallen asleep.
That
, had never happened before.

But
... I don’t know; it was just cos she was so upset and quiet, and she’d had a rough time. It sort of made me feel like I ought to look after her, you know? Rather than just get straight on with it. When she kissed me, you could tell she proper meant it, and even though she’d been a total wreck when she’d first walked in, she’d chilled out pretty quickly – she’d have done it, I think, if I’d have pushed her.

But it didn’t feel like I should. I know it sounds stupid, but she was pretty messed-up
. It would’ve sort have been too easy, like if she was pissed or something and she didn’t really know what she was doing. Crazy, wasn’t it? It hardly made sense to me, so Billy’d have no chance.

Anyway, I looked down at her again and was tempted to leave her. Then I remembered what she’d said about her mum and dad and what they’d do if she wasn’t at home in the morning, and I reached over and shook her arm gently.

‘Anna, you’ve gotta wake up.’

She breathed in a big breath, then turned over.

‘Anna,’ I said louder.

Her eyes opened gradually. ‘Mmm?’

‘C’mon. We need to get you home.’

She sat up. ‘What time is it?’

‘Midnight.’

‘Oh, Jay, I’m so sorry. I
–’

‘It’s OK, it’s not a problem, it’s just we need to get a move on.’

She picked her top and jacket up off the floor.

‘Leave the hoodie on as well,’ I said. ‘It’s freezin’ out.’

She smiled. ‘Thank you.’

I put my trainers on, picked my phone up then looked at her. ‘Anna, how exactly did ya get here?’

She glanced at the carpet, then back at me. ‘I read the referral form in the office and found your address the other day, then tonight, I ordered a taxi from the pub at the end of the lane.’ She bit into her lip and dropped her eyes again. ‘The thing is though, I don’t think I’ve brought enough money for the taxi home.’

I put my arm round her shoulder. ‘Don’t worry, we’ll sort it. How much was it to get here?’

‘Almost eighteen pounds.’

‘An’ have ya got anythin’ left?’

She felt in her jacket pocked and brought out a couple of pounds in change.

I sighed. I had even less. We were about fifteen quid short.

Anna looked at me, and her eyes seemed even bigger than ever. Oh, why the hell hadn’t I got it? Why couldn’t I just hand over a twenty and say, ‘There ya go, babes, get diallin’?’

As we went downstairs, I still had no idea where I was going to get the money from. Anna rubbed her arms and scanned the house; you didn’t have to be a genius to work out what she was thinking.

I wondered about waking my dad up and asking him for it. But there were two problems with that: first, the thought of Anna meeting my dad made me squirm, and second, he’d probably tell me to get lost anyway.

His coat was hanging on the kitchen door handle, and I looked at it; there might be enough in there. But could I risk that again? No, not unless I really had to.

Then I got an idea. ‘Anna, if I lend the money off somebody, can ya definitely pay it back? I’d pay it for ya myself, but they’ll want it quick, and I haven’t ...’

‘Yes, of course. I could leave it for you on Monday, is that soon enough?’

‘Yeah, probably.’ I put my jacket on, then glared down at the little black box in the hall that monitored my tag. I’d never broken my curfew before, not once. And the judge’d made a big deal, hadn’t he, about what’d happen if we didn’t stick to all the conditions? Did he really mean it?

Anna came and stood next to me. ‘I’m so sorry,’ she said. ‘I never meant to cause you all this trouble.’

I smiled. ‘Don’t be daft. Come on.’ And I put my arm round her, and we stepped out into freezing air outside.

***

‘Yeah?’

Patsy spoke, then poked her face round the door. She looked at me, then Anna, then wiped her nose on the back of her sleeve. ‘What d’ya want?’

‘Patsy, can ya lend me some money, just for a couple of days?’

She scowled. ‘I dunno, Jay ... ya know after last time an’ all.’

‘You’ll get it back. I promise; Monday night.’

‘How much?’

‘Twenty.’

‘Actually, it is possible you could lend us forty pounds, please?’

Me and Patsy stared at Anna.

‘If you could,’ she went on, looking directly at Patsy, ‘I’ll pay you back fifty.’

Patsy’s eyebrows shot up, then narrowed again steadily. ‘Ya would, would ya? And where ya gonna get that from, sweetie?’

‘I have it already, at home. I just don’t have it with me at the moment.’

Patsy looked behind us into the road. My eyes flicked over to Anna and she grinned at me.

‘Monday?’ Patsy said suddenly.

I nodded.

‘Without fail?’

‘I swear down.’

‘OK. But listen, Jay
, you’d betta make sure ya do, cos, well ... ya know what I mean?’

I nodded again slowly, and Patsy reached into her pyjama pocket and peeled two twenties off a roll of notes.

She handed them to me, and I passed them straight to Anna.

‘Cheers, Patsy,’ I said, and we turned away.

‘Who is she?’ Anna asked as we walked back up the road.

I shrugged. ‘Just somebody I know.’

‘She’s pretty scary.’

‘She looks it, but she’s safe enough. Anyway, you din’t seem scared
– what’s the extra for?’

‘You.’

I stopped. ‘Oh no it’s not. I don’t wanna it.’

‘Jay, please.’

‘No way.’

She sighed. ‘OK then. Not for you, for me.’

‘What d’ya mean?’

‘I won’t get through this weekend if we can’t talk and send texts to each other. Please, put some credit on your phone with this.’ And she held twenty pounds out in front of her.

I looked at the note getting drenched in the rain. She knew, didn’t she? Just from being in our house, seeing what it was like, and me not being able to give her the money to get home; she knew I’d got no credit on my phone.

‘Please,’ she whispered. And she reached out, lifted my hand up, and pushed the money into it.

When my hand dropped down again, my heart dropped with it.

We went and sheltered in the off-license doorway while we waited for the taxi.

‘D’ya think you’ll be able to get out over the weekend?’ I asked her.

‘I don’t know.’ Her face looked worried. ‘If they find out about you, Jay, they’ll make things really difficult.’

Her words hit me harder than any punch ever had.

‘Because of school and revising and everything,’ she said quickly. ‘It’s not just you; they’d be the same with anyone.’ She tightened her grip on my hand and stared at me.

‘Yeah, OK.’ I smiled, and she smiled back, relaxing again.

‘And apart from that, Mum’ll have plans for us to go shopping, she’ll want me to ride Tia, and we have guests coming for dinner on Saturday night, so that’s definitely out.’

‘Can’t ya say you’re goin’ out with your mates or summat?’

She glanced at her Ugg boots. ‘I don’t really have many friends. Most of the girls from school are complete bitches, and the ones who aren’t all live miles away – Dad would want to take me and pick me up again afterwards.’

I rested my head against her hair.

‘If I can think of any way at all though, I will.’

We held each other really close, and by the time the taxi eventually pulled-up at the edge of the road, neither of us wanted to let go.

The driver peered out through the window, and I nodded at him. ‘Can ya hang on, mate, just for a minute?’

He shrugged and lit a fag.

‘Let me know as soon as ya get home,’ I said to Anna.

‘Course.’ She hugged me. ‘Thank you for tonight; it’s been unbelievable.’

I dipped my head forward and kissed her. ‘We’ll see each other really soon, yeah?’

She nodded as the driver tapped on the window.

‘You’d better go,’ I said gently.

Anna forced a smile and turned away, but just as she was about to open the car door, she spun back round and almost knocked me off my feet. We kissed right up until the driver sounded his horn, then Anna dragged herself backwards, and I watched them drive away.

When they were out of sight,
I stared down at the twenty pound note still in my hand. Normally, there’d have been only one place I’d have gone with that – Patsy’s.

But although a joint would’ve been wicked right then, I stopped and thought about it.

She’d given it to me so we could keep in touch, hadn’t she? Because she wanted to talk to me. It probably never even entered her head that I’d spend it on anything else; she trusted me. How would she feel if I ground it up and smoked it away?

I looked at it again; but twenty quid, it was quite a bit. What if I split it: fifty-fifty?

A tenner’s credit would go pretty quickly though, wouldn’t it? And I didn’t want that. Not just because she might get mardy on me, but because, well, being able to talk to her felt kind of important right then – like more important than anything else.

So I pulled the
hood up on my jacket, and I set off in the direction of the twenty-four hour petrol station that sold top-up cards.

16 – Anna

I sent him a text the minute I climbed back into my room. I didn’t really expect him to reply, because I thought he wouldn’t add the credit until the following day. But he did, and we sent messages back and forth for the next two hours. Neither of us said anything very meaningful, just messing-around things, but every time my message alert sounded, my heart speeded up like a Ferrari.

When we did eventually say goodnight, I lay back and thought about it all. I couldn’t believe what I’d done; it was so, ‘out of character,’ as Dad would’ve said. But, God; was I ecstatic that I had.

I’d been listened to, touched, and kissed, like never before; just the thought of it made me giddy.

And we were still strangers really, weren’t we? I knew hardly anything about him. Like, if I’m honest, I never imagined for one minute he lived in a house like that – I never imagined anyone did.

And it wasn’t just that it was so tiny, it was everything. I know not everyone’s got a hundred acres, a villa in Menorca and a housekeeper. But until you actually go into a house like that, you can’t imagine what it’s like.

At first I hadn’t noticed it so much, because I’d been in such a state. But as we’d left, it struck me; the dirty floorboards on the landing and stairs, the damp, mouldy patches on the walls – one part where the plaster had fallen off completely and you could see the bare bricks underneath. The skirting boards were all splattered –what with? And then, as we’d stood in the hallway, there’d been those drafts; icy-cold drafts that blew in through the gaps around every window and door.

And it smelled. Even though Jay hadn’t smoked at all while I’d been there, the smell of cigarettes clung to everything, including the clean clothes we’d put on. An old cigarette end was just one of the things I’d seen scattered on the floor. But there were other smells as well – smells I didn’t really want to wonder about.

My stomach twisted awkwardly, but I forced myself to think about it; if I’d have known all that before I went, would I have still gone?

I wasn’t sure. Because it really was horrible; cold and filthy and horrible.

That sounds shocking, doesn’t it? Snobby, stuck-up, middle-class. It makes me sound like my mother.

But if I’d have known about that estate and that house before I’d known properly about Jay, it might have been enough to put me off.

The feeling it brought with it was shame, but that was my honest answer.

So, I thought, as I curled up into a tight ball and grinned, it’s a bloody good job I didn’t! Because then I would have missed out on it all. His hugs and kisses, the way he’d made me feel better; his phone number and his texts.

If you thought about it, it actually made him even more special, didn’t it? The fact that he was so utterly gorgeous and caring and sensitive, yet he’d had to grow up in that hard, dirty, heartless place.

God, I pictured it again and cringed; what would happen if Mum ever saw it? Just looking in through the window would be enough to give her a nosebleed. If she ever found out I’d actually been there, she’d be hosing me down with disinfectant and putting bars up at my windows.

No; it was best for her – and me – that she carried on living in her castle built of bliss and ignorance. But that was OK, because as I’d just proved, they weren’t the only ones who could do things in secret.