SOMEONE DIFFERENT (19 page)

‘OK,’ she said. ‘We’ll pop back in a few days and speak to you again if that’s alright? In the meantime, I’ll leave my number; if anything comes to mind, anything at all, be sure to let me know straight away.’

They stood up and the man looked at his watch. ‘You’d better be off soon as well,’ he said to Anna. ‘You don’t want to miss that appointment, do you?’

Anna smiled ’til they’d shut the door behind them, then she turned to me. ‘Are you OK?’

‘Yeah – it just sort of brought it all back.’

She kissed my cheek then moved her head away steadily. ‘Jay?’

‘Mmm.’

‘You know when you told her you couldn’t remember anything about what they looked like? Is that true?’

I wet my lips. ‘Why?’

‘It’s just that when the nurse first told you about Billy, you said one of them had ginger hair.’

Shit. She really wasn’t just a pretty face. I went for a confused expression. ‘Did I?’

Anna nodded then grinned. ‘Well, actually you called him “a fucking ginger rat” but I assume you meant he had ginger hair.’

I had to laugh – it was the first time I’d heard her swear – it sounded weird.

She smiled as well, but not for long. ‘So, do you remember about his hair?’

I glanced away. ‘Not really.’

‘Well, you definitely said it. You should call her – even if you’ve forgotten about it now, you sounded sure at the time – it might be really important.’ Anna picked the woman’s number up off the table and took her phone out. ‘Here, use mine.’

I looked at the phone but didn’t take it. How was I going to get out of this?

‘What’s wrong?’ she asked.

‘Nothin’; I’ll do it later.’

‘Why? She said to call her straight away.’

‘I know, but a few hours won’t make any difference, will it?

Anna frowned. ‘Well, I suppose not, but what’s the matter; why won’t you phone her?’

‘I will; later.’

‘Do you want me to do it?’

‘For God’s sake, Anna. Will ya just leave it?’ My voice was louder and sharper than I
’d meant it to be, and she jerked back like I’d hit her.

Instantly, I felt like a right bastard. ‘I’m sorry.’

Her head dropped.

‘Really; I never meant to snap, it’s just ...’

She shut her eyes right tight and I thought she was going to cry. I scrambled off the bed, wrapped my arms around her and kissed her hair. ‘I’m sorry,’ I said again. And after squeezing her gently, I bent my head down to one side until I was looking up into her face.

She forced a smile, then went worried again. ‘So ... are you going to ...’ she said quietly.

I sighed and pulled her down so we were sitting next to each other on the bed. ‘Anna, you don’t understand, it’s not as easy as all that. I remember his hair alright; I remember everything. But where I live, you just don’t go grassin’ people up.’

‘You mean you could give her a full description of him?’

I blinked. ‘Yeah. More or less.’

‘You could tell the police what he looked like; the man who killed your best friend – the man who killed Billy?’

My mouth opened, then shut again.

‘But you’re not going to?’

‘No.’

Anna stared at me for a few seconds then shook her head. ‘You’re right,’ she said slowly. ‘I don’t understand.’

It stayed quiet for ages after that. My thumb ran backwards and forwards over the white sheet, and Anna sat completely still. I didn’t know how to put it any better than I already had. But she still didn’t get it. What did she think? That Billy’s death didn’t mean anything to me? That I didn’t care enough to make the phone call?

If only I could tell
her; tell her about everything, then maybe she’d see why I had to keep my gob shut. But maybe she’d see why she should dump me as well ...

Eventually, Anna stood up. ‘I have to go.’

‘Can’t you stay for a bit longer?’

‘Mum’ll be waiting, I can’t.’

I followed her to the door and watched her pick her school bag up.

‘It’s all proper messed up,’ I said. ‘I know it might seem simple eno
ugh to you, but you don’t know ’em; you don’t know what they’re like.’

She turned to face me. ‘So tell me then.’

My fingers found the back of her neck, and softly I pulled her towards me and kissed her. ‘OK, I will. But not now, there’s not enough time.’

‘I’ve no idea when I’ll be able to get here again though.’

‘Well, we’ll have to see what we can do.’ I kissed her some more, she squeezed me a bit, and left.

I went to sit back on the bed. Then after a few minutes, I picked my phone and my jacket up, and for the first time in four days, I wondered where my trainers were.

30 – Anna

‘They can’t make it this weekend unfortunately as Rory’s off hunting, but don’t worry, Gillian says before the holidays, definitely; they’ll pop over and see if they can help out with settling Tia down a little.’

Thursday afternoon. Mum and I had just arrived home from school and I sat on a stool in the kitchen as she showed me the new oil painting she’d bought, and tried to make me feel excited about seeing Rory again.

‘You know how experienced and confident he is with horses, I’m sure he’ll be able to get through to her; dampen some of that lively spirit she’s developed, make her start behaving herself and do what’s expected of her.’

My phone vibrated in my pocket. I took it out and held it under the breakfast bar. Jay; a text from Jay. My eyes scanned it.

Can u meet me near the woods now

Now?
He was here now? If I hadn’t grabbed the breakfast bar, I think I’d have landed on my backside. ‘I’ll take the dogs for a walk, shall I? Save Dad having to do it later?’ I jumped down, put my coat on, and the dogs and I were halfway out of the door before even she could argue.

‘But it’s starting to snow, and I’ve walked them once today already, and ...’

The door closed and her voice vanished.

I searched around, but I couldn’t see him anywhere at first. The already fading light cast long, dark shadows, and the snowy fog hung in thick clouds over the fields. But then he stepped out from behind a tree and took my arm.

‘You alright, babe?’ he said, and my cheek pressed against his icy, wet jacket as he hugged me.

‘Jay, you’re freezing. Why aren’t you still in the hospital; being looked after properly, being kept warm?’

‘I discharged myself the other day after you’d gone. I needed to see ya – I were gonna come yesterday, but I felt like shit; I couldn’t even get outa bed.’

‘Then you really shouldn’t be here, you’re still way too ill.’

‘I’ll be OK. I’m gonna see Becky about coming back to work – but I wanted to see you first.’

I bent my head as the snowflakes prickled my face. Jay put his arm around me and I felt his body tremble. ‘Come on,’ I said. ‘Let’s get out of this snow.’

The barn was inky black inside and only slightly warmer than outside, but it was lovely and dry, and the sweet scent of hay made it feel safe and cosy. We weaved our way through as far back as possible so Becky wouldn’t see us if she came in, then settled on to a bale of hay with our backs resting against the wall.

Jay pulled his hood down and I felt his cold hand take mine, but he didn’t say anything. I wondered about the police and the phone call and whether I should ask him about it. But the last thing I wanted was to spark any more arguments, and for some reason, it didn’t seem so important anymore anyway; having him there, and having him hold me, that’s what was important.

Jay must have read my mind though. I sensed his head turn towards me and he said, ‘About Billy ... an’ that cop ...’

‘Jay, really, it doesn’t matter. It’s nothing to do with me; you should do what you think is right.’

‘But I want ya to understand.’ His other hand touched my fingers and he twisted my ring gently.

My eyes had adjusted to the darkness enough for me to see him biting his top lip, before he said, ‘Ya know that warehouse
– that break in I told ya about? Well there were a bit more to it than that.’

God; what was he going to tell me? I wasn’t sure then that I even wanted to know, but before I could begin to explain it, Jay carried on quietly.

‘It were last year, and things were proper crap at home – like worse than normal. My dad were pissed-up all the time an’ bein’ a right bastard, an’ the guy my mum an’ the kids live with started gettin’ all ... well ... everythin’ were just shit. I stopped gonna school cos I couldn’t concentrate and I were gettin’ yelled at all the time, and me an’ Billy started usin’ more weed – I mean like a lot more weed. Until we ended up owin’ Patsy a right packet.’

‘Patsy? Who we borrowed the money off that night?’

‘Yeah. But behind her, there’s Riley, her brother – an’ he’s a proper psycho.’

‘And that’s who you actually owed the money to?’

He nodded. ‘So after a bit, he gets proper pissed off, and it’s lookin’ like it’s all gonna kick off, but then he comes up with this idea, right: me an’ Billy rob this warehouse an’ pass the stuff on to him, and he wipes the debt clean.’ Jay let go of my ring and his fingers folded around my hand instead. ‘I know we had a choice, I know we din’t have to do it – but he’d have absolutely battered us if not.’ He took a deep breath then let the air out slowly. ‘Which happened anyway in the end, din’t it?’

Without even thinking about it, I shifted closer to him. ‘It’s OK, really; I understand all that. I can see how it happened.’ I unfastened my coat a little way and pushed my hair back behind my shoulder. ‘But ... how does that connect to the guy with ginger hair?’

He paused for a while, then answered steadily. ‘What we nicked – what Riley told us we had to get ... were some boxes of charlie.’

‘Cocaine?’ The word came out as a shriek.

‘Yeah.’

‘And what; they belonged to that guy?’

‘Well, not him exactly. He said he were workin’ for somebody – whoever owned the Charlie, maybe whoever owns the whole warehouse. That dickhead were just doin’ what he were told.’

A car engine sounded on the drive and its headlights shone part way into the barn from the open doorway. Jay and I looked at each other, but we were well back out of its beam, and the car carried on up towards the house. ‘Dad arriving home from work probably,’ I said.

‘D’ya need to go?’

‘No, no; I’m fine.’ I took the hand Jay wasn’t holding off the hay and rested it on his leg. ‘So, how long afterwards was it, when you got arrested?’

‘More or less straight away. An alarm went off an’ the police helicopter were there in a few minutes.’

‘Did you still have the boxes?’

‘Nah. Riley’d got somebody waitin’ outside in a car; they took ’em off us an’ chipped – left us to get picked up by the cops. But that warehouse, see, it were jam-packed full of boxes. They won’t all have had charlie in ’em – Riley told us exactly which ones to get; these ones that said
Ironico
on ’em – but even so, all that gear would’ve been worth a right fortune.’ Jay twisted his shoulders round so he was facing me straight on. ‘What you’ve gotta understand, Anna, is we’re not talkin’ about some scabby old crackhead dealin’ weed on a street corner. These boys are serious, an’ nickin’ stuff off ’em for somebody else were bad enough; grassin’ ’em up to the cops, would be like completely crazy. They’d want to kill me, I wouldn’t be able to stay round here no more.’

His breathing had speeded right up, and I reached across and put my hand on the side of his face. Why did he have to have all that in his past? I know if he hadn’t used the cannabis he wouldn’t have been in debt, and if he hadn’t done the break-in he wouldn’t have been in trouble with the police, but ...

I shook my head. You could just imagine Mum’s response, couldn’t you? Her smug expression, her prim voice; revelling in the fact that he’d brought it all on himself, got exactly what he’d deserved.

But what would I have done in that situation? And how would I have coped, if I’d had to live in that house with those parents?

I swivelled up on to my knees and kissed his cold lips. Slowly, he reached round and drew me as close up to him as he could. ‘I were scared to death you were gonna dump me when I told ya about it,’ he said.

‘Well, you had absolutely no need to be – I’ve no intention of dumping you, Jayden Harris.’

‘I’d have understood it though, if you had; I mean, why would you wanna hang out with a loser like me who –’

‘Shush! I want to hang out with you because I ... because you mean a lot to me.’

‘What, even though I’ve done all them proper shit things?’

‘Yes.’

He kissed me again and I closed my eyes tightly. If only I could have kissed it all better; kissed the past away and made everything alright for him. But life doesn’t work like that, does it? You can’t change the past, and maybe it wasn’t just the past that needed changing. I pulled back a tiny way. ‘So what’s it like now?’ I said. ‘ ... at home I mean.’