Some Things Never Change: An African American BWBM Urban Fiction Romance (10 page)

Lou put on her
sneakers and decided to go jogging, this was her catharsis. She
sobbed loudly with tears streaming down her face. As she ran,
ignoring people’s raised eyebrow and inquiries as to whether
she was alright.

She ran for a few
hour, oblivious to the miles and distance she cover. Her iPod blared
the most depressing songs of heartbreak that added to her depression.
Normally these songs gave her great pleasure until she could finally
relate to them but not in a good way. She mentally listed all the
reasons it was important to stay away from Wayne. He drove her wild
with hot sex. He had the cutest dimples when he smiled that disarmed
her and made her forget what a charming snake he was. He was a drug
dealer and hung out with criminals.

She never in a
million years thought she would mix business with pleasure by
sleeping with someone at her work place. Especially a new job that
she actually enjoyed. He led her into a life of deception. Neither of
them wanted to lose their jobs and felt that if people on set found
out they were sleeping together it could cause conflict. She felt
like she had crossed the finish line with him and he had broken her
heart. She felt ten times a fool, so naïve and trusting of a man
she hardly knew. Wayne was different from all the men she had ever
dated in the past. He was complicated by nature and could be very
honest.

She felt that
everything he told her wasn’t a lie there was some aspects of
truth in his statements but it’s as if she had to read between
lines. She didn’t want to be the only one putting her all into
the relationship either. He had to show his commitment to them by
giving up his criminal activity, that was the only way things could
work out between them. He kept company with street thugs that had
mean and nasty attitudes. She didn’t think she was being
judgmental. She recalled how scared she was that night she went to
Wayne’s hookah party. She could have gotten hurt or got
trampled in the stamped that erupted when the cops came on the scene.
She wanted to have kids later on in life. She wanted them to grow up
with a dependable father who they could trust and count on. She
really doubted at this moment that Wayne was husband material much
less daddy potential.

He was always picture
perfect and the epitome of handsomeness. He knew his worth and his
arrogance knew no bounds. She found herself battling his pride more
than everything else. He could be just as stubborn and independent as
she when he wanted to be. Would that be a problem for them later on
in life? She wondered if also, due to his handsomeness, she would
have to ward women off him for the rest of her life. She admitted
that she had a very possessive and jealous streak. Women would give
the panties off their pussy to date him. He had only to crook his
middle finger at them and they would come running. She wondered how
she would react if he cheated on her. Some things were always best
not to think about or it would drive Lou insane.

Lou softened when she
recalled the way he looked at her when he apologized for hurting her
feelings. She had to believe that the good in him would make things
work out between them in the end. All negativity faded when she duly
noted the main thing. He loved and cared for her, it was there in the
way he looked at her and his actions even if he had yet to say it.
Instinctively she knew that he felt the same way about her that she
did for him. They enjoyed each other’s company so much that
they always hated to part whenever the outing came to an end. These
upcoming two weeks were going to be torture on her libido. She had
gotten used to the active sex life they had both been leading these
last few weeks.

The always wanted to
spend each waking moment in each other company, that kind of love was
fleeting since neither of them were blind to each other’s
fault, but equally accepting. There was just something about Wayne
that enticed her, drew her to him, she couldn’t put a finger on
it but it was there in the way he breathed and the touch of his skin
against hers. Whenever they had sex it was mind blowing, orgasmic,
and full of passion. She never ever felt that wanton with anyone else
nor had she been eager to leave her comfort zone but with Wayne she
was willing to try anything he threw her direction. He could have
asked her to jump and she would say how high.

After she finished
jogging she went in and took a quick shower.

Just think about
Wayne had exhausted her more mentally than that of the jogging. She
wanted to sleep so badly but her mind was unsettled. There was no
rest for the weary. She put on some hot chocolate, the warmth of the
mug and the steam that came out of it was a soothing experience for
her. She wondered what it would be like to grow old with Wayne by her
side. No matter how she tried to think about other mundane topics,
her mind always came back to rest on Wayne. It was definitely going
to be a long and dry two weeks. Eventually she got tired of fighting
the sleep and fell asleep in her bed.

“Wayne I’m
sorry that you had to learn the hard way that crime doesn’t pay
in the end. It might seem like easy money until things start to fall
apart. Don’t be mad at Lou for confiding in me, she only had
your best interest at heart.”

Wayne sat on the bed
and found everything else to stare at except Michael. He felt
disgusted with himself and the precarious situation he found himself
in so he couldn’t quite meet his boss’ eyes.

“Would you be
interested in going to therapy? I can’t force you, I can
explain how it works and I highly recommend it.”

Wayne nodded. “I
know how it works Michael. I recognize I need the help. I don’t
know how things got so messed up. So go ahead and make the
arrangements.”

“I’m glad
you're willing to take a step in the right direction and I will be
here to help you along the way. You will be easily tempted to fall
back into old habits, ignoring it won’t let your past go away.
Discuss it, get it off your chest and move on with your life. If you
want to be with Lou later on in life you have to be willing to make
the necessary sacrifice and cut all ties with the drug trade. Or you
will risk losing your current job and Lou, you don’t want that
now do you.”

Wayne stopped Michael
and asked him. “So how do you know so much about the recovery
process?”

Michael took a deep
breath before he answered.

“I’ve
been through it myself, I started selling dope on the street corner,
and then I did what most people who are in the business of selling
drugs avoid doing, I tasted it and became addicted. It was the
biggest mistake I could have ever made in all my teenage years. I ran
myself out of business with my constant craving and I was willing to
steal just to fund my addiction. Luckily, the last person I attempted
to rob was a retired cop, who had a soft spot for children. He didn’t
press charges but asked that I be allowed to be fostered under his
care. The judge allowed it as it would be one less mouth for the
government to be burdened with. It wasn’t easy but he curbed my
rebellious nature, gave me books to read that fostered my
intelligence. I was basically home schooled by his wife who was also
a retired teacher. She encouraged me to get my GED and I won a
scholarship to do arts at local university and look where I am now. I
was a failure at one point in my life Wayne but I got out of that
slump and so can you.”

Wayne stared at him.
“Wow. I had no idea.”

“Yep. That is
the story of my life. It isn’t something that I go around
sharing with people but you reminded me of myself when I was young.
You have the potential to do great things and I don’t want to
see all that talent go to waste.”

He continued. “I’m
an old man now, but I still have life and vitality, and I believe
that we must guide our younger generation if we want better for our
society just like someone guided me. We always have a choice in this
life and it’s entirely up to us to make the right decisions,
some of us need more guidance than others, we as men need to take our
roles more seriously and train the younger generation the right way.
I'm not perfect and I’m not complaining either I’m just
stating a fact. No matter how bad you think life is for you, someone
else out there envies you for the little that you have and would take
the clothes off your back and the food in your stomach if given the
opportunity. So when life sends you lemons make lemonade out of it
and the best tasting lemonade too.”

Wayne sat back and
smiled, listening to the older man talk with such passion, motivated
him to be like him. He accepted his offer for help and went with him
that very same day. He didn’t want Lou to resent him and he
felt that she needed a breather from him.

“You got a
beautiful woman who adores you, a car, your own apartment, money in
the bank and your gainfully employed. It’s finally time for you
to move on with your life and make better decisions toward a brighter
future.”

“I’ll
just be patient. It's all gonna happen in good time.”

*****

Wayne had finally
moved back home after his extended stay with Michael. All of
Michael’s comments were like a song on repeat in his ears. He
knew a struggle was coming when he couldn’t make money the
illegal way and it scared him to be held back from making good money.
He knew Lou was smart and he prayed she would forgive him for taking
the cowardly route and skipping her house without an in person
goodbye.

Two months had
passed, he hoped her anger towards him would have cooled down by
then. He liked the direction the new scripts had taken, it somewhat
mirrored the way his life was going. He knew that to impress Lou he
would have to pull off the best acting in his short lived career to
make her forgive him of all his transgressions.

It was also hard
coming to terms with the death of his best friend. He kept thinking
that there was something he could have done to change the outcome of
the war with the Bainbridge gang. He felt guilty for suggesting that
they get involved in this lifestyle. Maybe if they hadn’t
Sizzla would still be alive.

He attended the
double funeral for both Sizzla and his cousin, they had died side by
side and were buried the same way. Wayne felt haunted that he was
alive when so ,any men had passed away. Even now, he haunted the
grave site of Sizzla and poured out his sorrows. Always he left with
a peace of mind like Sizzla was listening and encouraging him to move
on with his life.

He avoided Lou
because he had too much to deal with and he felt guilty about the way
he treated her. Therapy had really done wonders for him. Finally he
came to term with his past. It had always bothered him the way his
father had abandoned him and his mother. It distracted him and he
often did poorly when he was thinking about his father, he had his
alcoholic mother to contend. She also smoked and from the early days
of five years old, she would send little Wayne to the shop to buy her
favorite beer and cigarettes. He grew to hate her habits because she
often didn’t care if there was food in the house as long as she
had her drugs to turn to, she was fine.

Around eight years
old, Wayne had started stealing. At first it was other kid’s
lunches when they were distracted with games. He would help himself
to their food. He would also help himself to their toys and resell
them to other kids for money to buy food to put on his table. Little
Wayne always had that fear in the back of his head that he would get
caught so he always put his stuff in Sizzla’s locker so that he
never got caught. He didn’t like stealing and felt deep down
that it was wrong so he moved on to card shaking. He was able to con
a lot of his school mates out of money and would often get reported
by the students that he fleeced.

He got hauled into
the Principal’s office one day and it was a life changing
opportunity for him. The principal reminded him of how smart he was
and there were scholarships he could take advantage of if he only
worked hard. He began to settle down and continued his studies but
took a lot of ribbing from the guys. They teased him religiously and
called him a nerd. Soon they began picking fights with him, he
couldn’t let Sizzla fight all his battles for him. So he set
aside his books and took to the streets with Sizzla. His mother
didn’t seem to care if she noted his absences or late night
appearances she never said a word.

When he started
flossing jewelry and name brand clothing, she never asked how he came
by them. Her only demand was that he put food on the table and gave
her enough money to fund her addiction. The older he got the more he
reminded her of his father. She would start quarrels for no reason.
She was the only person that could abuse him and get away with it.
When she was angry at the bad behavior reports she got from the
school, she would pummel him with her fists. When he started to grow
too tall for the strap, she flung whatever was at her disposal such
as a hair brush or shoes.

The moment Wayne
towered her, he never took any flak from her. After that he could
give as good as he got and she washed her hand of him, tired of the
disrespect and his nasty attitude. At the tender age of fifteen, he
was the ladies’ man and he was bringing girls home like
clockwork to have sex regularly with them. He always used a condom to
protect himself, no way he going to fund a baby on the little that he
was earning. He didn’t want to catch any of those dreaded
diseases either. He never grew attached to any of the young girls,
they were always too clingy and wanted him to lavish them with gifts
and take them on dates, that was money he didn’t have so he
used them and sent them on their merry way. Now that he knew Lou he
instinctively knew that no other woman could ever hold the same value
and appeal that Lou did.