Some Loves (12 page)

“I’m so glad to hear that.” I would never stop feeling bad that he’d essentially lost his spot on the team because of me. Because he’d left Hudson to return to State so we could be together, not knowing what
a mess he’d come back to.

“Drew thinks I’ll have a pretty good shot next year. There are a lot of graduating seniors, including their starting catcher,” Noah said. “So if I make the team, there’s even a chance I might actually get to play. If I’d been on the team this year, there was a good chance I’d be benched most of the time. So maybe it all worked out okay in the end.”

“That’s awesome. I know you’re going to make it. I’ll be at every game. Or at least every home game,” I amended. “I can’t wait to watch you play again. You and Drew were always so impressive together.”

“Sounds like Drew will be playing a lot next year. He’s already put in a good word for me. Not that it will probably do any good, not at that level. It’s all going to be about my performance.”

“Then you have nothing to worry about,” I assured him. I meant it, too. Drew had been our pitcher all through high school, Noah our catcher. The two of them had a great rapport both on and off the field.

He squeezed my hand and I glanced up at him. I was relieved to see that a smile ghosted across his lips. I was relieved that I’d picked a good topic after all. I knew Adelaide was still center in his mind, but baseball appeared to be a good distraction.

“If I play this summer, are you going to watch me then too?” he asked.

I bumped his hip with mine. “Do you even have to ask?”

He laughed quietly. “I was hoping you’d say that. You know how much I like having you there.”

“And I love being there.”

“Do you have any idea where this trail comes out?” Noah wondered.

“I don’t have a clue,” I admitted. “Do you want to turn back?”

“Nah, I’m not ready to go back and face reality yet. Is it okay with you if we just keep going?” he asked.

“Absolutely,” I agreed. I mentally scrambled, trying to come up with another lighthearted topic. “So tell me, really, how is it living with Drew?”

I was treated to another small chuckle.

“The stories I could tell you,” Noah said with a smile in his voice.

“What are you waiting for?” I teased. “I’m all ears.”

The next morning, I awoke before Noah. We’d stopped by his parents’ house briefly the night before just to check in. They’d been headed to the church to meet with Adelaide’s pastor. It wasn’t something he needed to be a part of.

He hadn’t wanted to go back to his house. He hadn’t wanted to face his noisy roommates. Instead, after spending hours walking along the river, we’d come back to my house. We’d spent the evening talking. It had been impossible to ignore the gnawing sense of loss.

I was so grateful that Noah hadn’t minded sharing his grandma with me.

“Have you been up for a long time?”
he asked as he ambled into the kitchen. He looked disheveled in yesterday’s clothes. His expression looked pinched. He scrubbed his hands across his face and then blinked at me, as if trying to wake himself up.

I nodded
as I looked over my shoulder at him. I’d been working in the kitchen for almost an hour. “Kind of. I woke up early and couldn’t get back to sleep. I didn’t want to wake you so I just got up.”

“What are you making?” he asked as he took a seat at the breakfast bar.

“Banana cream crepes and Canadian bacon,” I said. I had needed to do something to keep busy. Making a decent breakfast seemed like a reasonable way to pass the time. “I also cut up some melon. Are you hungry?”

I’d made him a sandwich the night before. Unsurprisingly, he’d barely touched it.

“I wasn’t but the crepes look really good,” he said. “You didn’t have to go to all this trouble.”

I shrugged. “I wanted to. L
et me dish you up.”

Five minutes later, we were both seated with a plate of food in front of us.

“What are your plans for today?” I asked. I doubted he was going to class.

“I suppose I should go back to my parents’ house. They’ll be meeting with the funeral home today but other relatives are coming in. I think someone needs to be home because I’m pretty sure we’ll have a full house. I know Leah is there,” he said speaking of his younger sister, “so I should be too.”

“I’ll go with you,” I said.

He shook his head. “No, that’s okay. I don’t want you to miss class today.” I was about to protest but he cut me off. “Really, it’s fine. I appreciate you letting me hide out with you since last night. But I think it’s probably time for me
to face reality.” He stabbed at a bite of his crepe. “Believe me, I’d rather go to class but if I don’t show up today, my parents aren’t going to be happy with me.”

“Let me know if I can
do anything. I’ll copy my Ethics notes. I could maybe get your other assignments for you,” I offered. I didn’t really want to go to class. I wasn’t sure that I’d be able to concentrate. In fact, I was a bit afraid of having a breakdown. I didn’t argue though. I thought maybe Noah needed some time alone with his family.

He groaned and leaned forward on his elbows. “I have a test today. Hopefully the professor will be understanding enough to let me make it up.
I’ll e mail all of my professors when I get back to my parents’. I’ll ask if there’s anything you can pick up for me and let you know. Maybe they’ll be lenient if they know why I’m not in class.” He stabbed at the food on his plate.

I didn’t have much of an appetite either but we both managed to pick away until our plates were mostly empty.

“What’s this,” Noah asked as he reached over and tapped his hand against a stack of papers I had on the kitchen counter.

“Bills for the house, mostly,” I said.

He turned back to me with a look of concern.

“I pay them out of Mom’s checking account. Who would’ve guessed how frugal she’s been the last few years.” Or maybe that wasn’t entirely accurate. It probably had more to do with the fact that she had completely withdrawn from ‘normal’ life. She hadn’t gone out with friends, she hadn’t shopped, and she’d rarely eaten out unless it had been with Ty. Her withdrawal from society had inadvertently padded her checkbook. “Anyhow, she had my name added to her checking account.”

“What are you going to do when she gets home?”

I shrugged as I pushed a bite of crepe around on my plate. “I haven’t thought too much about it.
It will be weird having both her and Tyler back in the house. I’ve kind of gotten used to having it all to myself.”

“Don’t you get…I don’t know…lonely?” he asked.

“The first few weeks I really did. It was so quiet here without Ty. Now, I’m not home much. I’m either working, visiting Ty at Aubrey’s, or he’s here. I spend a lot of time at the dorms with Riley, too. So it’s not too bad. When I’m home I’m usually studying so it’s nice to have the place to myself for that.”

Noah dropped his gaze down to his plate again.

“Hey,” I said softly, “are you sure you don’t want me to skip class? I will.”

“Nah,” he said as he pushed his plate away. “But I should probably get going. I’m starting to feel guilty for ducking out on my family. Leah’s probably going crazy.
I should be there for her.”

“Maybe we can get her out of the house later today,” I suggested.

“I’m sure she’d like that,” he said as he got up. He took his plate to the sink and I walked him to the door.

“Thanks for breakfast,” he said as he leaned in to kiss my cheek.

I pulled him into a tight hug.
His arms wrapped around me and he held on for several long moments. “Call me if you need anything at all. Otherwise, I’ll be over as soon as my last class gets out.”

He left and I closed the door behind him. I blew out a breath as I leaned against it. I was dreading the next few days. I knew they were going to be a painful reminder of Evan’s funeral which was still far too fresh in my mind.

With a sigh, I pushed away from the door and headed back to the kitchen to straighten up. Keeping busy had always helped in the past.

***

The day of the funeral was pristine. The sky was cloudless and the most beautiful shade of blue. The sun was shining and the birds were singing. A light breeze carried the scent of freshly mown grass. I was sure that it was the kind of day Adelaide would’ve hand-chosen, if she could’ve.

Noah insisted that I sit with him and his family. I didn’t argue because I wanted to lend him my support in whatever way I could.
When Evan had died, Noah had sat by my side. Having his support had felt like the only thing that got me through.

The casket Adelaide had picked out was simple, but the mahogany gleamed in the sunlight. The hymns she’d chosen were heart wrenching classics.
I was grateful that I’d thought to pack an ample amount of tissues in my purse. We’d used every last one. The eulogy had been beautiful; the church has been overflowing with flowers.

The turnout at the church had been impressive. It was just another reminder to us all how well loved she’d been.
The numbness of her loss had started to wear off and reality had settled in. Still, it was hard to comprehend that she was gone.

“Are you two coming back to the house?” Mrs. Callahan asked.

“Maybe in a little while,” Noah said.

The crowd at the cemetery was just starting to disperse.
Oceans of people dressed in black flowed back out to the parking lot. I waited off to the side with Noah. His eyes had been glued to the hole in the ground. From where we were standing, the lowered casket wasn’t visible. Off in the distance, I saw the cemetery caretaker disappear into the small shed. He was probably anxious for us to go so he could fill in the grave. I shuddered at the thought. I didn’t want to be around for that and I didn’t think Noah should be either.

“Are you cold?” Noah asked as his arm went around me.

I leaned into him, appreciating the comfort that his nearness provided. “I’m fine.”

“Mom,” he said as he turned back to her, “I think we’re going to head out. If that’s okay?”

She glanced toward Noah’s father. He was still chatting, sharing stories, with some relatives that had flown in. Among the misery floated the sound of sad laughter as Adelaide’s antics were remembered.

I was sure that would make her happy; knowing people were remembering her with smile
s on their faces.

“That’s fine.
Just make sure you come back to the house before too long. Your aunt and uncle are leaving in the morning. They’d like to see you. It would mean a lot to your dad to have you there,” she said. “Emory, you’ll come back to the house too, won’t you?”

“I’ll be there,” I assured her. She gave me a weak smile.

Noah released me and moved in to give his Mom a hug.

“Noah, your grandma loved you so much,”
Mrs. Callahan whispered. “She’s always been so proud of you.”

“Thanks,” Noah said with a sigh.

“You were good to her. She appreciated all the time you spent helping her out, and visiting. She loved that you took the time to visit with her. You too, Emory,” she said as she turned to me.

“She was a wonderful person,” I said.

“She was so happy that the two of you worked out your differences. I’m just happy that she was around to see it.”

Noah laughed lightly. “Yeah, I know. I can’t even count how many times she told me I needed to figure out what was really important.”

“That sounds like her,” his mom said with a wry smile.

“Helen,” his dad called to her. “Come on over here please, there’s someone I’d like you to meet.”

She reached over and squeezed both of our hands. “Don’t be gone too long, okay?”

“Okay,” Noah agreed.

We said our goodbyes to a few people and then Noah grabbed my hand in his as he led me toward the parking lot.

“I was starting to fee
l like this day would never end. I can’t wait to get out of this place,” he said as he glanced over his shoulder to be sure no one else was close enough to hear. “The last few days feel like they’ve been dragging on forever. I’ve been dreading the funeral but now that it’s over, I feel like I can finally breathe again.”

“I remember that feeling. When Evan died, I just
wanted time to myself. Everyone meant well but it was just so suffocating. I wanted everything to go back to normal. Only it never did,” I said.

“
I keep reminding myself that she was almost ninety, even thought she didn’t act like it. I mean, I feel like I should’ve been more prepared,” he admitted. “And I should’ve been, knowing that she hadn’t been well. I know I should just be grateful that I had her in my life for so long. But it’s hard to concentrate on that right now.”

“I don’t think you can ever be prepared,” I told him. “Not really.”

We reached his truck and got in.

“Thanks for being with me today,” he said.
“Funerals are hard enough but I know that today had to bring back a lot of bad memories for you.”

“I wouldn’t be anywhere else. Your grandma meant a lot to me.”

“I know she did.” He blew out a sigh. “I am so not ready to face everyone at my parents’ yet. I don’t think I can deal with Drew right now either. I’m just feeling really restless. The last thing I want right now is to be contained in a room full of people.”

I agreed.
The last few days we’d been surrounded, contained to the funeral home, church, or Noah’s parents’ house.

“So let’s go back to my house. Or we could take a drive out to the country,” I suggested.

“A drive sounds good.” He took off out of the parking lot. Neither of us spoke for the longest time. It was enough to just be together at a time like this. He was right, now that the funeral was over; some of the oppression had lifted. Things would hopefully only get easier from here on out.

I knew he didn’t want to hear that his grandma was in a better place now. To me, that had always felt like an empty platitude, something I wasn’t ready to hear at first. But as time passed, I had to believe that.

I tried to picture her now with Noah’s grandpa. He’d passed away a few years before Noah and I had started dating. I’d seen pictures of him though, many of them. The picture that Adelaide had Noah and me searching for had been their engagement picture. Not only had Noah’s mom found it for her, but she’d had it framed. It had rested at the head of her casket at the funeral.

I liked to picture them the way they were in that picture. Young, in love, and so full of li
fe. I could see them; hand in hand, walking into the sunset of forever. It helped to picture her that way, happy and so alive.

“What are you thinking?” Noah asked as
we turned onto a dirt road.

My cheeks flooded with heat as I realized that I’d been smiling. The action felt incredibly uncalled for under the circumstances. Noah didn’t look upset with me, he simply looked curious so I let my small smile settle back into place. I decided to tell him the truth.

“I was thinking of your grandpa and grandma. Picturing them together actually,” I admitted.

“You were, huh?”

I nodded and told him exactly how I’d pictured them.

“I like that,” Noah said. “Do you really think they’re together?”