time, blinding like Klieg lights, and then Cal frowning, crying
out.
Which was how he"d sounded against the wall, and Ray
remembered that he had to explain what he"d said. It was
important. “Cal,” he started, and then fell. He stared up from
the floor into stunned faces.
“Ray!” The rain of glitter felt wet and oddly cool, but
then Ray was so hot. And still so tired.
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“I"m so tired,” he confessed, though it was only part of
what he needed to say, but then his eyes were closing. The
last things he heard were Cal shouting, “Do something, you
dumb demon!” And then something long and low, like a
howl.
IT WAS his own howling that woke him up again, or he
thought it was. His throat was raw and his mouth dry, and a
commanding voice was ordering him to be quiet. Ray opened
his eyes but wasn"t sure he was awake. If he was, he wanted
to go back to sleep.
The room seemed tilted and didn"t smell like anything
he wanted, and in front of him was Calvin Parker. Detective
Calvin Parker, retired. A man who could have been Chief of
Police but had chosen love and had always seemed fine with
that decision. Ray would have been fine with it too, if he"d
ever really had that choice.
Of course, Cal"s mother had left the man long ago,
which just meant that Ray had been right all along. He
wasn"t really in the mood to be right, however. His body
hurt, everywhere. Especially his chest. Either his heart was
breaking or he"d been kicked in the chest by a bull. Possibly
both.
“Calvin? Where is everyone?” The room they were in
wasn"t that big, though it was private. It smelled too sterile,
but Ray couldn"t move much to scratch his nose. “Why are
you here? And where is here?”
“I"m here to give that kid of mine a break, though I
doubt he"s resting. He never listens to me. If anything, he"s
probably downing the contents of every coffee and hot
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chocolate machine on the first floor. I sent everyone else
home, even that stubborn partner of yours. Anyway, most of
these poor excuses for nurses are too afraid to push you
back into bed when you try to get out of it. Knock that off.”
“Yes, sir.” It was a habit really. Calvin was wearing a
worn flannel shirt and jeans up a little too high at his waist.
He rubbed at his head where most of his hair was gone and
had been gone for years, and then, as always, seemed
surprised to find he was bald. He exhaled loudly. Ray tried
again. “But I need to go see if—”
“I tried to tell you.” Calvin rolled his eyes but didn"t
move away. Ray was trying to figure out why he couldn"t
seem to move much despite wanting to when he saw the IV
drip. He"d been drugged. With effort, he focused back on
Calvin. “Fairies don"t do well with vigils. They get restless,
and when they get restless we all pay.”
He paused, and Ray decided that he was supposed to
share his smile. He didn"t. Calvin just moved on anyway. “I
came to see what I could do to help, and to see what had my
son so upset he forgot he was supposed to have lunch with
his mother today. Thank goodness Benny"s a good boy and
called me.”
Ray nodded, mostly because he felt he ought to respond,
even if he was dreaming. Calvin got that intense look on his
face, like he"d always used to get before mentioning his son
to Ray. He and Cal had never even met, and yet Calvin had
told Ray so much, all the time. What Cal needed. What he
was looking for. What he thought of his mother leaving. Ray
still didn"t understand why.
“Benny,” Calvin began heavily, “Benny was the only
person never to prejudge Cal… of course, they met when
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they were four. But everyone else…. You know what that"s
like, I"m sure,” he said pointedly, and stopped to aim a hard
look at Ray. Ray opened his mouth but didn"t defend
himself.
“The things people think are true without ever
investigating for themselves… well, it continues to amaze
and disappoint me. Like down at the station, what they all
assumed about… about his mother and me.” He rubbed his
head, still seemed surprised at the smooth surface of his
scalp. “I didn"t care, but….”
He coughed. “Damn it, Ray, look at me. Imagine it. It
was obvious after a while that I was getting older. That I was
turning into something she couldn"t want, and if she did I
couldn"t just let her watch me die. It would have hurt her so
much.”
Ray blinked, swallowed, but the force building in his
throat wasn"t a howl.
“I didn"t want her to deal with that, and I foolishly—and
mistakenly, as it turns out—thought it was what they
wanted. Happy, she always said. She wanted to be happy. I
thought
that
meant
protecting
her
from
future
unhappiness.”
It meant something else to a fairy, Ray knew, but Calvin
wasn"t letting him talk.
“She—Cal tells me that isn"t how they see things. I don"t
know anymore. My reasoning made sense at the time. Now it
just seems like fear got in my way.” His cheeks darkened.
“Fear of embarrassment or her leaving me, I don"t know. But
I can feel fear, don"t think I can"t.”
Ray stared, watched the color in Calvin Parker"s face
and tried to think of the legendary detective, afraid. Then he
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imagined him raising Cal, and it wasn"t so hard to picture. It
was no wonder he worried about keeping Cal safe.
“I knew when I met you, kid, that you"d have the same
problem. Look at you. Big, bad werewolf, intimidating almost
everyone you"d ever meet. Not even a manic little brilliant
idiot like my son would have been able to imagine that you"d
be terrified of him. I know she couldn"t. But you are, aren"t
you?”
“Calvin,” Ray tried at last. Calvin fixed him with a look
that was eerily like one of Cal"s, something that would have
pissed off Cal to no end if Ray had told him.
“He"s always avoided the station, and probably would
have forever if I hadn"t forced him into the consultant job.
And even then, though Murphy tells me that he"s damn good
at what he does, I know I"m not why he stayed.”
He met Ray"s eyes, and Ray suddenly flashed back to all
of those counseling sessions over scotch, and the occasional
lunch, all before he"d ever met Cal.
“You—”
“My son isn"t shy, but when he began dropping hints
that he"d heard there was a werewolf on the force now, and
about how tall he"d „
heard"
he was.” Calvin paused to make
air quotes and lay on the sarcasm. “Instead of trying to
bother me by just….” He waved a hand. Ray was too tired to
try to determine its meaning. “Doing what he always does, I
knew we had a problem on the horizon.”
“That"s why you….” Ray really wasn"t sure what to feel
here. But if this was a dream, he thought he should have
better drugs. He could have been dreaming of Cal. Not his
father.
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“No, Ray, I knew you"d have a tough time of it, even once
you were accepted as a cop. I just wanted… to at least be
there for you, since my son continues to, perhaps rightfully,
blame me for his mother leaving.”
He sighed again.
“Even after all that time. I should have known her
better. She was….”
“Unhappy,” Ray finished for him. Calvin scowled at him
for it.
“You ever seen fairy tears, Branigan?”
Nasreen, with her broken heart. Ray wondered how she
was doing, if she"d convinced Audrey, if she was happy
again.
“Yes.”
Calvin jerked his chin up, his scowl running even
deeper. He poked at the air like he"d poke Ray"s chest if Ray"s
chest didn"t hurt so much already.
“See that you don"t see them again or a demon will be
the least of your worries!” he ordered, then stepped back,
clearing his throat. Ray blinked rapidly. “I think my son has
waited long enough.”
“Yes, sir,” Ray answered, more from training than any
fear. Calvin nodded, then raised his head as though he was
listening to something. A creak, like a door opening. His hard
face softened in ways that Ray would have to struggle to
define even when drug free and wide awake.
“You should try to get some sleep.” Calvin spoke gruffly
a moment later and settled back into a chair that Ray hadn"t
even noticed. There were other chairs too, full of cups and
wrappers and abandoned jackets. Too many for one or even
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three people. “See, I told you, he"s just fine,” Calvin added,
and Ray tried to focus. “His partner told you he needed his
sleep.”
“But what about….” Ray trailed off, then wrinkled his
nose when he was shushed.
“Shut up and listen.” He couldn"t see Calvin anymore
and realized his eyes were closed again.
“No,” Ray told him, but heard his voice drift away. “I
need to see if he"s okay.”
“Oh, Ray.” Cal"s breath was like a fresh madeleine,
warm and so close. “I"m fine,” he whispered, nearly into his
ear, and Ray turned toward him, or tried to, inhaling, only to
fall back to sleep with that marvelous scent finally being
where he needed it.
“Seriously, kid, some self-respect please,” another voice
grunted, right before the sweet hint of Cal ignoring his
father"s words and saying Ray"s name one more time.
RAY jerked awake, flinching at his last memory and then at
the unpleasant pungency of floor cleaner and attempted
sterility. Hospital. That smell was unmistakable. Damn it. He
hated hospitals.
He frowned, but then the collection of sounds around
him, voices, rustling clothes, squeaking wheels and
condescending advice in the distance, made him work hard
to open his eyes.
He felt tired. Tired, but in a good way. As though he"d
finally gotten some real rest.
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Finding himself on his side in a hospital bed wasn"t
really a surprise, though he didn"t remember how he got
there. He was facing a wall decorated with some bad art, and
on a stand by his bed were some wildflowers in a vase and a
familiar heart-shaped box of chocolates with a note that
shimmered and smelled like Audrey Conti and happiness.
The box was already opened, with most of the chocolates
gone. There were wrappers scattered everywhere. Ray sighed.
Penn immediately came into view. She was in her casual
clothes but looked tired. She was smiling.
When she took his hand, he realized that he was
bandaged pretty heavily, along his arm and his chest and
possibly on his head, which felt fuzzy. But he squeezed her
fingers.
“Hey, Ray.”
“Hey, Penn. How long?” His voice rasped, and she
looked over. A moment later someone handed her a paper
cup, and she was feeding him tiny sips of water filled with
chips of ice.
“Just a day and a half.”
“Big, tough wolf just likes to worry people,” said
someone with a very distinct voice, like buttery pastry, from
somewhere where Ray couldn"t turn to see. Penn rolled her
eyes.
“I"m drugged?” he guessed. She snickered.
“Oh yeah. You kept trying to walk out of here, even half-
conscious.”
Which… sounded like something he would do. That
pissy little voice chimed in with something to that effect too.
Penn shushed it. “Anyway, you"ll be fine. Between the door,
and the wall, and the wall again, and the claw wounds, you
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had quite the night, but if you"d eaten anything the other
day….” She used guilt like his mother, or her mother for that
matter. “And been getting any sleep, you would have been
fine by now. But that faster-than-human regeneration ought
to have you out of here in no time. Steve"s really sorry, by the
way.”
“I"m sure.” He had enough ice water and pulled his head
back. She put the cup next to the flowers.
“Really. He loaded you into the ambulance himself.”