Some Assembly Required (27 page)

Patrick nodded and played along. The wet carpet squished under his feet. “And those throw pillows would add just the right pop of color.”

Benji leaned into him, and Patrick wrapped an arm around his waist. They hummed thoughtfully, and Patrick treasured the tenderness. He rested his chin on the top of Benji’s head. “If we’re going to pick out window treatments, there better be a goddamn ring on my finger.”

Benji stiffened in his grasp. Patrick tensed as well. In all of his fight to make it a positive farewell, he’d just dicked it up.

Benji wiped at his nose and sniffed. “I didn’t think you were the marrying kind,” he said softly.

Patrick arched a brow as Benji looked up at him. He was smiling brightly despite the tears that glazed his eyes. Patrick tried to collect his thoughts. “This isn’t about me,” he said, urging him on through the showrooms. “This is your day.”

Benji nodded and smudged away the water collecting in his lashes.

“Come on, now. You said so yourself. I’m going to be okay.” He would hold on to those words for years to come. Benji’s laughter and love would remain in his nonexistent heart. His kindness would be his persistent memory that he would persevere.

The future was a long line of unknowns for Patrick. What would happen the day the CASA closed for good? The day it was demolished? Where would he go then? What about Agnes and Karin? They were the only family he had known.

The unknowns were there, the reminders that things in life were never fair, nor were things in death. He smiled upon Benji, and when Benji returned the affection, he quickly looked away, trying to collect himself.

As they reached the long row of cash registers, the morning light slowly crept across the floor in long, flat golden pools.

Patrick shivered. He patted his chest, trying to slow his pounding heart. It was so stupid. He didn’t have a heart. Or any other internal organs, for that matter. He believed he had them because of the psychological sense he needed them.

Benji tightened his grip on his hand, and Patrick made a slight nod.

They reached the final steps next to the corralled shopping carts and stopped by the cheerful blue-and-yellow umbrella stands. Patrick laid his hands on Benji’s shoulders and then rubbed down the length of his arms. He said nothing as Benji watched him. All the while, Patrick silently committed him to memory.

Benji pressed closer, their bodies meshing one last time and their energies singing to each other. He reached out and grazed his fingers through the short scruff at the back of Patrick’s neck. Benji’s smile would be the one thing he’d miss most. That and his relentless optimism that CASA can indeed be a place of happiness.

The store would be a little emptier without him, but as Patrick lost himself in those big brown eyes, he knew Benji’s influence would live on. He looped his arms around Benji’s waist, pulling him tighter as their auras transferred back and forth. He savored the love between them.

Benji gave him an impish grin. “Are you going to kiss me, or are you planning to give me an aura charge for the road?”

Patrick puffed out his bottom lip in a mimicry of undue hardship. “How dare you make such an unseemly accusation. I’ve been nothing but a gentleman to you, cupcake.”

Benji curled his lip, chuckling. “Do you ever listen to yourself?”

Patrick leaned in and planted a kiss on Benji’s forehead. He inhaled his spicy scent. “Nope. And never will,” he mumbled against Benji’s skin.

As he pulled away to regard him, Benji got the drop on him by yanking him close to possess his mouth. Patrick tensed in surprise at Benji’s newfound forwardness, but then he relaxed into it. He cupped Benji’s cheek with one hand and held him by the waist with the other. Benji parted his lips, and Patrick answered the invitation, tasting his sweetness.

The nostalgia of their dinner date swept across his mind. He had been surprised then in the moment of passion in a human form. Now, he would treasure their last kiss together. His knees buckled with the shock of intense pleasure darting through every nerve. Benji held fast to him; despite his slight stature, he managed to keep Patrick from toppling.

They pulled away, panting for breath, and their foreheads beaded with a slight sheen of sweat fresh from spiritual climax.

Patrick croaked with a ragged laugh. “Jackass.”

Benji winked. “It’s your fault. You suggested it.”

“Ah. Blaming others for your actions?”

“I have this asshole boyfriend that does it all the time. So annoying.”

Sucking in a contented sigh, Patrick gave Benji’s rear a firm pat. “There will be other asshole boyfriends,” he said.

Benji nestled his head under Patrick’s chin and hummed. “Why do you think there would be others?”

“I don’t know.” Patrick snorted. “Are you done with assholes?”

Benji gave him a wink. Patrick had no idea what it meant. “I didn’t say I was done, did I?”

“Okay. Sure. Uh-huh, Yoda.”

“Everything happens for a reason,” Benji said and sighed sleepily.

Patrick swallowed. If he said any more, he’d lose his mettle. The words Benji had uttered while their heads shared the same pillow echoed through his head. Knowing he was loved like that, that someone thought he was worthy of that kind of devotion and fervent belief—it lightened something in him he hadn’t known was burdensome, even though it had been hard to hear. He glanced at the pneumatic doors and then back at Benji. He smiled as his chest expanded with a deep calming breath. Rubbing at his eye again with his thumb, he couldn’t fake that it was just something in his eye anymore. He cleared his throat and nodded with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

“Do you want Karin to walk you out? She’s better at this,” Patrick said as his voice embarrassingly cracked. Dammit. He had to keep it together. He couldn’t stand for Benji to pass on feeling guilty for leaving.

Benji took his hand, lacing their fingers together. He gently kissed Patrick’s knuckles. “I’m sure you’re just as good at it.”

Patrick snorted, trying to choke down the building lump in his throat. He nodded to avoid fucking up anything with useless words.

Benji turned to the doors, the sunlight on his face banishing the deathly cast they all had. His eyes seemed to catch a spark of something, losing their murkiness and becoming brilliant with life.

Patrick pressed his fingers to his lips. Once he would have faked yawning to save face. Now it was to keep from outward gasping. So this was what it was like for Karin? Watching Impressions come back to life right in front of her? Seeing them off as they gained clarity that CASA wasn’t the end—it was just an errand on the way to something bigger?

The rays filtered through Benji’s dark hair, and Patrick would have made a joke about it, but Benji looked like an angel come to Earth.

Stay. Patrick wished inside his mind.

Stay.

Stay.

Stay. Stay.
Stay!

He couldn’t keep Benji anymore. He had been selfish, arrogant, and outright malicious. Patrick cleared his throat, and Benji startled.

“You okay?” Benji asked and took Patrick by the hand.

Patrick nodded and had to clear his throat again before he could speak. “Yeah.” He smiled weakly. “You should go. I’m pulling a double today and got a fuckton of prep to do.”

Benji knitted his brows in that adorable way that was like a punch to the gut. It was at that first expression Patrick knew he was done for, even if he didn’t realize it at the time. Benji nibbled at his bottom lip. “You’ll remember what we talked about, right?”

Patrick smiled. “Absolutely,” he lied. “Make sure to tell all your new angel buddies about me.”

“Angels?” Benji snorted. “Since when do you believe in angels?”

“Since I met yo—”

Benji whacked him on the arm. “Are you getting all Hallmark on me?”

Patrick reeled back and feigned grave injury. “How could you accuse me of such a thing?” He playfully checked over his arm for broken bones. “I think I’ll live.”

They blinked at each other and then shook their heads.

“Living jokes really do get old,” Benji said as he glanced to the doors.

“You know what gets old?” Patrick said, crossing his arms. “Coffee. Coffee gets old. So go on. Get. Before Karin hogs all the creamer.”

Benji turned his back to Patrick, fully facing the doors. Patrick gnashed his teeth but forced himself to relax. He had to watch. He would have to watch this happen for many more years to come.

He took one slow breath and then another, his chest rising and falling, trying to steady his hammering heart. He closed his eyes and let himself accept the moment.

His yellow employee shirt, the very symbol of his purgatorial prison bled away into a soft, faded black Nine Inch Nails T-shirt, the white screen-printing of the distinct NIN logo cracked and ragged from the many years of wear and tear. The fabric of his skinny jeans shifted and shortened into baggy camouflage cargo shorts, the frayed hem brushing like spider webs against his knees. His toes curled and then eased into his well-loved black and red Air Jordans.

They were the last set of clothes he had wanted to see when he had first come to CASA. The reminder that he was once human. The reminder he had a heart.

Now he never wanted to take them off.

“Hey,” he said as Benji kept his attention fully on the doors.

Benji spun on his heel and then stumbled back. He tilted his head and pursed his lips.

“That’s you?” Benji asked softly. He arched a brow, and Patrick watched him puzzle through it.

Patrick nodded and stuffed his hands in his pockets. He blinked as a piece of crumpled cardstock brushed his fingers. Pulling out the piece of trash, he smirked and held it up for Benji’s examination. “
Aeon Flux
,” he said, reading the print on the ticket stub. He chuckled. “That was such a shit movie.”

Benji latched on to his worn-out T-shirt and hauled him close. Their mouths met. Patrick scrabbled for a handhold on Benji. Crushing him close, Patrick would force them to be one person if he could. Benji had coaxed him into being gentle last night, but there was nothing gentle about how they clung to each other. Shivering from their auras igniting, and the deep love that would endure, they breathed the same breath. Overhead, the electrical systems hummed to life around them. The auxiliary lights flicked on in marching rows, and the ventilation hissed and sucked the airflow.

The doors parted, flooding them with the blazing morning light. Construction crews flowed through the doors and around them like water over stones. Men clicked on their flashlights and gathered by the umbrella stands as they considered the floor plans. Fire marshals confirmed orders into their walkie-talkies. Harried employees followed next, leading work crews to the most affected areas. Patrick caught a glimpse of Tommy out of the corner of his eye. The poor kid seemed to notice him too. Patrick winked at him, and Tommy jolted like he was about to swallow his tongue.

Sighing, Patrick pressed his forehead to Benji’s, and they listened to the chattering wave flow around them. He ran his thumb over Benji’s bottom lip. “You’re making me late for work, cupcake,” he whispered. “We’re going to stop playing this ‘I love you, I love you more’ shit.”

Benji took Patrick’s thumb in his mouth and nodded. He let go of Patrick and then took a hesitant step toward the entrance as repair crews slid past them.

“It’s beautiful,” Benji said in awe.

Patrick blinked through the spots in his eyes. When his vision adjusted to the consuming light, he choked. “Would you look at that?”

Benji turned to him, his brows drawn in question. “You’ve seen it all along, haven’t you?”

Patrick shrugged. “It was faint, but yeah. I couldn’t make out what it was, exactly. But it hasn’t opened onto the abyss for me in a very long time.”

Benji looked out the doors and turned back to Patrick questioningly. “And now?”

Puffy white clouds drifted across the crystalline blue skies. The manicured trees lining the sidewalks seemed to glow green from within. Birds cooed to one another as they fluttered along. Patrick’s beloved robins zipped across his line of sight, heading away from CASA, across the shiny black parking lot leading into the horizon. A resplendent big box store monolith rose in the distance. The iconic red circular signage called them forth like a heavenly voice.

Patrick smiled faintly. “It’s a Scope.”

Benji beamed. “Not just any Scope. It’s a Super Scope. Bet it has a Queequeg Coffee inside.”

“Is that the frou-frou coffee place thing where people order shit with too many words and you pay six bucks for it?”

Benji gasped in mock affront. “Heathen.” He tilted his head and flicked a glance over Patrick’s outdated clothes. “Holy shit, you’ve actually never been to a Queequeg Coffee, have you?”

Patrick shook his head.

“Oh, man. I can’t wait to see your face the first time you take a sip.”

“I am not paying fucking six bucks for coffee with a name I can’t pronounce.”

It was a joke, but Patrick’s stomach lurched. Benji was talking like they had a future together. Like he’d be there with him. Like they’d be there together.

For the first time ever, standing in front of the doors didn’t make Patrick’s heart race and his palms sweat. He felt peaceful. At home. Right. He looked down at his outfit and snorted. At least at Scope he wouldn’t need to rely on Lost and Found.

Benji reached out for his hand. He nodded toward Scope. “Coffee date?”

There were a thousand reasons to say no. Maybe more. The unknown wasn’t any more defined today than it had been yesterday. But somehow it didn’t look as bleak with Benji by his side.

Slapping his hand into Benji’s, Patrick took the lead. “Race you.”

Agnes stepped lightly through the empty aisles. Silent serenity reigned over the affordable furniture.

She smiled, full of such pride the lighting flickered over her head. Patrick had finally taken the chance to leave. All it took was Benji’s gentle coaxing and infectious innocence to make Patrick realize he could breathe again.

Agnes wrinkled her nose. Gentle coaxing couldn’t be further from the truth. They had all dragged Patrick kicking and screaming like a child throwing the most irrational of tantrums in the middle of a department store.