Solitary Man (3 page)

K
evin didn’t smile. In fact, his eyes darkened until they matched the color of the night sky. “And you don’t look too pleased that I have.”

“What do you expect? You scared me half to death. What’s wrong with you, sneaking up on me like that?” Nikki rubbed her arm where he’d grabbed her, more from a sense of shock than anything else. He hadn’t hurt her, not physically anyway.

“Join the club, princess. Just watching you tonight scared the hell out of me.”

Her heart skipped a beat at the endearment he so casually tossed her way. He’d always called her princess, from the first moment they’d met. He’d called her princess that night too, when he’d thrust inside her and realized she was a virgin. She should have told him, but she’d been too afraid he’d turn her away if she had. The risk was too great. She’d needed the comfort as much as she’d needed
him
.

He’d kissed away her tears and reached past her childish fantasies to what she’d foolishly believed was reality. In so doing, he’d touched her heart… and trampled on it the following day. Never again, she reminded herself and breathed deeply, allowing the cold air to clear her mind. Even the nausea seemed to fade, courtesy of the fresh air.

“What’s wrong with
you
?” he asked.

“Excuse me?” She blinked at his harsh tone of voice.

“What have you done with your life? Giving up teaching to work in a place like that.” He gestured toward the bar down the street. “Letting strange men paw you,” he continued without missing a beat. “Walking the streets alone in the dead of night, dressing like a… like a…” He shook his head and trailed off, obviously losing steam.

“Don’t stop now,” she murmured. “Not when you’re just getting interesting. Dressing like a… what?” she prompted.

“Forget it. Just tell me what the hell’s going on.”

“I don’t know what you mean.” She blinked twice, feigning ignorance, buying time. Student teachers didn’t earn money and she’d been forced to give up her scholarship because she couldn’t afford housing on campus or otherwise. Her life had changed so fast she could hardly believe it herself.

Explaining would take more energy than she possessed and she refused to bare her soul to a man who didn’t care. “And even if I did, I wouldn’t tell you,” she said, turning the brunt of her true feelings on him. There was a time when she’d have told him anything, but not anymore. She spun on her heels, intending to walk away.

He stopped her with a hand on her shoulder. No force, no strength to his grip, just a touch… and she turned back toward him. “Tony wouldn’t approve,” he said softly.

“Tony’s not here,” she reminded him, forcing the words past the catch in her throat. He muttered a harsh curse. She glanced up, hating the tears in her eyes, hating that he’d see her weakness. When she was weak she was at her most vulnerable, and she’d worked too hard to be strong.

“But I am.” He touched her cheek with one hand, with a single stroke of his calloused finger. The warmth shot straight through her, settling in her chest, perilously close to her heart.

Nikki fought the feeling and let his words register instead. Then she looked at him and laughed. She couldn’t help it, couldn’t control her reaction to what he’d just said because she’d come to him once before. She’d leaned on him, opened her heart, and relied on him to be there for her afterward. He hadn’t been. Instead he’d taken off and left her alone.

As if she’d slapped him, he jerked his hand away from her face. The cold wind blew across her cheek and the chill went much deeper than her skin. She wrapped her arms around herself but she didn’t feel warmer. Being alone hurt, she admitted to herself, but better being alone than rejected again. No matter how much she needed someone, she wouldn’t turn to Kevin. She didn’t trust him to be there when she fell.

“I don’t need you,” she told him. The nausea she’d suffered from earlier returned in force, but she fought against the wave that assaulted her. A few more minutes and she’d be on her own, and she could collapse in private. “Tony would have respected any well-thought-out decision and I’ve made mine. You’ll have to accept it even if you don’t understand.”

He muttered something that sounded suspiciously like “We’ll see about that.”

“It isn’t your place to see or not,” She took two steps and her knees buckled.

Kevin saved her from falling by wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her close. “Apparently it is. You’re overworked, exhausted and…”

“Just a little nauseous, dizzy. I’m fine or I will be after a good night’s sleep.”

His eyes narrowed as his dark gaze focused in on her. “Has this happened before?”

“Yes. No.” She could barely think, let alone answer. Maybe if his strength weren’t so potent, his scent so seductive, she wouldn’t feel as dizzy and overwhelmed.

All her strength went into remaining upright and focused. Once she got rid of Kevin, she could collapse in a taxi and pull herself together.

“Well, which is it?” he asked.

Nikki shook her head, but the rapid movement only made things worse. The last thing she felt before blackness claimed her was his strong arms beneath her knees and his softly muttered curse in her ear.

* * *

The sound of oil splattering in a frying pan woke her. It wasn’t the first time Nikki had opened her eyes since falling into the uncharacteristic faint.

She’d awakened earlier to find herself in Kevin’s car, his hand stroking her cheek as he drove. Because she’d been so exhausted, she hadn’t fought him. Lulled by the motion of the vehicle and the illusion of security she’d desperately needed, she’d allowed herself to drift back to sleep.

She swung her legs over the side of what she now realized was an unfamiliar couch and sat up. Her stomach rebelled at the sudden upward movement.
Breathe deep
. Nikki obeyed her silent command, but the odor of frying eggs worked against her.

“Bathroom’s over there.”

Nikki heard him and ran, making it just in time. How an empty stomach could cause so much trouble, she had no idea. When the shaking stopped and she felt steady enough to rise, she splashed cold water on her face and prepared to approach Kevin.

“You okay?”

She glanced up to find him standing in the doorway, his brow furrowed in concern, “Yeah.” She pushed her hair out of her eyes, barely able to meet his gaze. Throwing up wasn’t an everyday occurrence. Having an audience, especially having Kevin as an audience, made the situation even worse.

“Here, let me help you to the table.” He took a step toward her, but embarrassment forced her retreat. The back of her legs hit the toilet and he laughed. “I think I’ve already witnessed your worst,” he said. “Shutting me out now won’t make things better. Let me help.” His voice dropped an octave as he held out a hand.

She nodded and placed her palm inside his. Heat shot through her arm, setting off a warm tingling in her chest and stomach. One which she’d prefer to attribute to dizziness and exhaustion,
not
to Kevin’s potent touch.

She glanced at her watch. Only an hour since she’d left the bar. “Why didn’t you just take me home?” she asked.

“I figured you needed someone to keep an eye on you and Janine needs her sleep.”

“So you volunteered for the job?”

“I didn’t see anyone else around to catch you when you fell.”

“Thank you for that,” she murmured, realizing that she sounded like an ungrateful shrew.

“You’re welcome.” He pulled an old wooden chair from beneath the bleached oak table. The set was obviously piecemeal, an old rectangular table, two matching chairs and an odd assortment of others.

“Yours?” she asked, remembering a plain white table in his old apartment.

He followed her line of vision. “Came with the house,” he explained.

“House.” Nikki lowered herself into the chair before she had another wave of dizziness to contend with. “I thought you rented an apartment?” She kept her gaze glued to the scarred table, refusing to let the memories of
that
night,
that
place, resurface.

“It was a month-to-month lease, furniture and all. The morning I left…” He cleared his throat, obviously as uncomfortable with the memories as she. “When I left, I dropped a check with the landlord for an extra month’s rent along with a note asking him to store my things.”

He’d given the landlord more consideration than he’d given her, she thought. “And this house?”

“Was left to me by an aunt who remembered me in her will. I figured it was as good an excuse as any to come back to town.”

“It was but I wasn’t.” Nikki could have bitten her tongue in two the minute the words were out of her mouth. She knew without question what that night had meant to him. What she meant to him. Nothing. Not a damn thing. He’d used her to forget the pain, the same pain she’d been reeling from. Only difference was, she’d been drawn to him for months, probably years, and being in his arms had been an answer to all her dreams. Or so she’d thought.

He poured a can of cola into a glass and put it down in front of her. “Drink this. The sugar will help the dizziness and since I rarely touch the stuff, it’s probably flat and will settle your stomach.”

“How would you know?”

“My old man suffered from enough hangovers in his time.”

She wrapped her hands around the cold glass. “I wasn’t drunk.”

“Upset stomach. Close enough, now drink. Then we’ll talk.”

Her eyelashes fluttered down and she complied with his command. Almost immediately, the rolling in her stomach had begun to ease.

“Better?” he asked.

She nodded.

“Now has this happened before?”

“Not like this. I work nights and with the stress of the last couple of months… I’m just tired.” Her stomach chose that moment to remind them both that she hadn’t eaten all day.

He grinned at the loud rumbling that echoed in the kitchen.

“And hungry,” she admitted.

“I already dumped the eggs.”

“I couldn’t get those down anyway.” She doubted much of anything would sit well in her stomach, except… “Do you have any ice cream?” she asked hopefully, licking her lips at the thought of the cold treat easing its way down her parched throat.

“Yes.”

“And french fries?”

“You’re kidding.”

She shook her head. “Now that I’ve gotten my appetite back, I have this urge for french fries, too. Any in the freezer?”

He raised an eyebrow at her unusual request. “Sorry, but no.”

“Then it’s a good thing there’s an all-night fast food place near my apartment.” She graced him with a smile. “We can stop by… on my way home,” she said pointedly.

“You obviously can’t wait to get away from me. Fine, but from the looks of things you’ve been neglecting your health, and that’s got to stop.”

She glanced down at her too-thin body. Overwork and exhaustion had taken their toll. She shouldn’t care that he looked and found her lacking, but vanity won out. She more than cared… and didn’t appreciate the silent admission. “Thanks for the compliment,” she said wryly. “And here I thought I’ve never looked better.”

His eyes fell to her chest, then traced a heated path over the rest of her body and up again. Her breasts tightened and swelled beneath his visual caress. “Why are you looking at me like that?” she asked, uncomfortable under his scrutiny.

“Ice cream and french fries isn’t exactly a typical combination.”

She shrugged. “Works for me. Can we go?”

“In a minute.”

“I don’t have a minute. It’s almost four in the morning and I have to work tomorrow night. That means I need a decent meal and sleep… not necessarily in that order.”

He braced his hands on his thighs and rose from his seat, crossing until he stood before her. His strong hand reached out and touched her cheek. The pad of his thumb stroked beneath her eye. “Looks to me like you haven’t been getting much of either. Sleep or food. But I’ll go along for now. French fries it is.”

She followed him toward the garage, her gaze taking in his broad shoulders, the narrowed waist and the way his denim jeans hugged his behind. Memories and need assailed her.

She didn’t want this pull toward him complicating the life she was just beginning to build. “And then we’ll go home?” she asked.

His gaze settled on hers, intense and serious. “Yes, Nikki. And then
we’ll
go home.”

* * *

Kevin watched as Nikki inhaled french fries and a burger, as if she hadn’t eaten in ages. He would have found the sight amusing, if he wasn’t so concerned.

“French fry?” she asked, holding the bag out toward him.

“No thanks.”

She shrugged. “That’s okay. More for me.”

He didn’t know whether to tell her not to overdo it or to let her make up for lost time. Before he could decide, she distracted him with a question.

“Tell me where you’ve been all this time,” she said in between bites.

“The Florida Keys.”

Her eyes grew wide, but the pain there was obvious. “I’m glad you were soaking up the sunshine.”

He had no difficulty reading her mind or the betrayal she obviously felt. “While you and Janine were grieving, you mean.”

She glanced down. “Whatever.”

Reaching out, he lifted her chin with his hand. “It’s not whatever, it’s important. The truth always is and I wasn’t out enjoying the sunshine, I was making myself scarce so you two could heal.” He drew a deep, painful breath. “And I was grieving myself.”

He wondered if she’d go that one step further and ask why he’d walked out on her, but she jerked her head out of his grasp. “Makes for a good story,” she muttered.

Realizing he’d been given a reprieve, he glanced down. A few more fries remained. “Eat up.”

“I’m not hungry anymore. I’d like to go home.”

“I’m always happy to oblige.”

The sun was just peeking over the horizon as Nikki entered Janine’s apartment building with Kevin following close behind. She walked down the long hallway leading to the apartment. The lingering odors of food and the musty scent that always permeated the air seemed stronger now. Her full stomach didn’t appreciate the mixture of smells and she swallowed a groan.