Sold To The Dragons (A BBW Paranormal Romance Book 1) (8 page)

Blake and Steven exchanged glances, their expressions nearly identical masks of shock and pain. Blake opened his mouth to speak, but before he even could, I addressed the group.

"I'll hand myself over. I don't even need to think about this. I'll do it."

Blake frowned, his dark brows nearly colliding. "Not while I still breathe. I won't let you.”

"No, you don't understand. I won't be gone for good. I have a plan."

CHAPTER FIVE

  Five days had passed since Tom was taken hostage. I'd tried and tried to get Blake and Steven to let me hand myself over to The Destroyers in order to get him released. I wasn’t able to convince them, despite the fact that I had a plan that I thought was a good one.

During these five days, I'd gotten my period. I wasn't pregnant. A fact that had been very unexpectedly devastating. The more time I spent with Marielle and her daughter, Ava, the more I realized how badly I wanted a child of my own. Though whether I wanted that child with Blake or Steven, I really wasn't sure. I was falling in love with both of them, and wasn't sure if I loved one just a little bit more than the other.

However, even if I
was
ever able to determine that, I knew in the end that it wouldn't matter which brother I felt I loved more. I'd be expected to marry whichever man got me pregnant first. And in the meantime, despite the three of us being worried about Tom and stressed about the whole situation, it was awfully fun to try for a baby with both brothers.

I knew Blake and Steven thought I was done trying to convince them to agree to let me hand myself over to The Destroyers in exchange for Tom, and I'd even thought I might be done myself. But late at night, after a marathon lovemaking session with Blake, I just couldn't resist one final try. With one arm cradling me, he had his eyes closed and appeared to be dozing off, and I very lightly ran a hand along one of his well-defined biceps.

"Are you still awake?"

"Mm."

"So am I. And I just can't stop thinking about your father, and how I could-"

"No, Kira. The answer is still no. A definite, unequivocal, final
no
."

I fell silent for a few moments. "Well, what if
I
say yes."

Blake didn't even open his eyes. "Doesn't matter. The answer will still be no."

"Even if
I
say yes, though? Even if I say yes that I'm going to do it?"

"Correct."

I fell silent again, my blood beginning to simmer. "So, I guess when I was purchased at auction, I really was just purchased as simple property. Simple property, with no free will of my own, and no autonomy to make decisions of my own, and no-"

"You have got to be kidding me." Turning on his side, Blake finally opened his eyes.

"Really. You have got to be kidding me. You actually think there's any chance that you're still 'simple property' at this point?"

"Well, I don't know. That's what I feel like. And how could I
not
when I'm saying that I have a plan, it's a good one, and I want to do it. And yet you and Steven are saying no. As if you both control me. As if what you both want trumps what I want."

"When what I
want
is to keep you safe, then what
I
want trumps what
you
want, yes, absolutely."

I bit back a sigh. "As I've said before, I understand that. I understand why you would
feel
that way, I appreciate your concern about my safety. But can you at least see why I might feel like
my
wishes and wants are being discounted, here? It's as if what you and Steven both want automatically trumps what I'm willing to do to save your father. What I'm willing to do, and what I...what I feel I'm brave enough to do."

Blake's candlelit expression had been a bit on the stern side, with maybe just a hint of exasperation, but now it softened, becoming one of tenderness.

"You don't have anything to prove."

  "But-"

"Not to me, and not to Steven. Not to anyone. I've noticed during our previous conversations about this subject that you seem to have this desire to
prove
that you're brave; to
prove
that you're capable. And I greatly admire that in a woman. I greatly admire that in you. But you don't
have
to prove it. Just because for one thing, you already have. You proved your bravery when you willingly offered yourself up to be sold at auction for the benefit of your family."

"Well, my little brothers were starving. What choice did I have?"

"Well, you may think that you didn't have one, but you did. You could have fled your town. I know some young women do, rather than be sold at auction. You could have even fled the auction hall at the very last minute, and you might have gotten away."

I recalled how I actually
had
almost done that.

Without consciously even thinking of the action, I began caressing the hard curve of his bicep. "Well...okay. Maybe that was some
form
of bravery that I didn't do that. I didn't run out of the auction hall.
Resigned
bravery, maybe. And I guess you're right. Maybe I
do
have some desire to prove my bravery. Bravery of a less resigned kind and more of a...a truly brave kind.

“Can you blame me? I've lived a quiet little boring life my entire twenty-two years. As you're well aware, I'm also working on becoming a mother, which requires strength and bravery in and of itself, obviously, but before I do...before I move on to
that
kind of bravery...that more daily kind of bravery...I guess I'd just like to do something I can tell my son or daughter about someday. I want to give them a reason to be proud of me, like an act of bravery I performed even before they were born.

“I want something I can remember even just for
me
when I'm old and gray." Looking into Blake's unreadable coal-gray eyes, I paused for a moment. "So, I guess...yeah. Maybe I
do
have something to prove. And not to anyone else, but maybe just to myself. And that's why I'm asking you to let me do this...to display the bravery I know I have in me by helping to rescue your father. Who I'd want to rescue anyway, even if I
didn't
feel like maybe I have something to prove to myself. Just because he was kind to me. And someday soon he'll be my father-in-law, which would make this a very noteworthy story to tell my future child or children. 'I rescued your grandfather. I was truly fearless and brave for once in my life.'"

  Blake sighed, and I steeled myself for his response, but he didn't give it right away. I waited one long moment, and then two, before he finally issued a single word.

"No."  

I suddenly disentangled myself from his arms, rolled onto my back, and stared up at the ceiling.

"Easy for you to say,” I cried. “Just 'No.' Easy for a shifter who's been fighting heroic battles against the Destroyers almost his entire life.
You'll
have a lot to tell your child about.
You'll
have a lot. 'Amazing, Dad, but what did Mom do?' 'Well, Mom allowed herself to be sold at auction, son, and we all thought that was pretty brave.'"

Blood officially boiling now, I let my breath out in a huff. "That's how it always seems to be, though. The men get to take all the credit for brave deeds and actions while we women are just expected to sit back and cheer. That's how it was back in Quincy; that's how it seems to be here; and just judging from old books, that's even how things seemed to be, for the most part, pre-Freeze."

Now staring up at the ceiling himself, Blake heaved a sigh. Though a sigh that was just teetering on the edge of a groan.

"I understand what you're saying, Kira. I really do. I definitely understand wanting to do something to make your mark and prove your bravery to yourself." He turned his head to look at me. "But let me ask you this. Considering how much I love you, how remiss would I be to just let you walk into danger? How remiss would I be to just let you offer yourself up to The Destroyers? The way you seem to perceive being protected as being controlled, it's like you're completely unused to being protected and cared for. Which maybe shouldn't be so surprising to me in light of the few things you've told me about your father."

I let that sink in for a little bit. It really hadn't occurred to me that it was possible that I simply wasn't used to being cared for and protected. And that because of that, I had perceived it as being controlled and had been more than a bit bristly as a result.

My father had certainly never protected me.  In fact, I could only remember a couple of particular instances over the course of my life when he'd even shown the slightest regard for my well-being at all. He'd mostly always seemed indifferent. Except when it had come to my fertility and how much he could sell me for at auction, that is. Then, he'd been pretty concerned.

With a pang of guilt, I realized that Blake hadn't been simply trying to control me, like it had felt. He loved me, and I had no doubt about that. He wanted to keep me safe; I had no doubt about that, either. However, I still couldn't help but want to make an attempt to help free Tom. And prove my bravery, if only to myself, at the same time.

I rolled onto my side, facing Blake again. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I've been taking your protectiveness as your wanting to control me. I know that's not your intent at all. And I really should have thought this through and come to this realization before now." Studying his dark gray eyes in the candlelight, I paused. "But-"

"I really hate your
buts
."

"But just listen. Just listen. Please. What would be the harm in trying my plan? It's simple. You hand me over; your father is released; shortly thereafter, you and your men cause some sort of distraction in or around Dimwood; and during that time, I escape and rejoin you. We all make the rescue and leave Dimwood together."

Dimwood was The Destroyers' city, a few hundred miles to the south.

Blake stifled a groan, though not very well. "And it would be
just
that easy, wouldn't it? Nothing could possibly go wrong."

"Look. I know things could go wrong. But-"

"Just for one, The Destroyers might not make good on their word. Even if you
were
handed over, they still might not release my father. And then what? Well, then, Steven and I and my father's men have
two
captives to rescue. And even
if
this weren't the case, even
if
they made good on their word and released my father in exchange for you...there's still no fewer than a thousand things that could go wrong. Just for one, they may not leave you unguarded, not even for a second, even if Steven and I, and the other shifters caused some sort of a distraction to divert their attention away. Not to mention that you might already be hurt or violated by the time we could cause a distraction for you to escape. Which I can hardly even bear to think about.

“And for another thing, what happens if Steven and I and the men cause a distraction; you escape, but then all of us as a group aren't able to flee before The Destroyers catch up with us and engage us in a fight?

“Then, I'm faced with the problem of having the woman I love caught in the middle of a battle involving probably hundreds of dragon shifters, maybe even more if they send out all their men."

Blake paused just long enough to take a deep breath.

"So, my final, final answer is no, Kira. This is absolutely not happening. Way, way too many potential complications. You won't be exchanging yourself for my father. Period. End of story. And not to sound like a father myself, but I don't want to hear any more about it. You've made your case, and I've listened, but I'm saying no. And not because I want to control you or because I consider you my property, but because I love you, and I just can't let you get hurt."

Resting my head on my arm, I sighed, now completely and totally resigned. I knew Blake wasn't going to change his mind. And I also knew Steven was behind him a hundred percent about this matter, and for the same reasons.

And, if I was being completely honest, I knew those reasons made sense. A city full of fierce, violent dragon shifters was no place for a mere human woman to display bravery or prove anything to herself. It was no place for a mere human woman to make an attempt to help. I got it. I understood. But I still didn't quite like it.