Socially Awkward (19 page)

I sigh, looking away from her, but d
o
n't
try to argue
.

"Think about it, okay?"

After she le
aves
, I spen
d
a lot of time picking the lint from the afghan on the back of my couch, the only activity I c
an do
to keep myself from thinking. I d
o
n't want to admit to myself that there
’
s any truth at all in what my mother ha
s
said, but certain words kept echoing in my mind.

CHAPTER TWENTY

In the morning, with a fresh perspective on my life thanks to my mother, I decide to get up early and do something for myself, just like she said. I hop in and out of the shower, pop in my hearing aids, and hit the road, determined to make today all about a clean slate.

I text Claire an apology, since I know she won’t answer my calls, and tell her I want to talk things out. That’s all I can do for now, I realize, and I’ll just have to wait for her to be ready to move past this. If she really wants to be with Sean… I can’t quite think about that yet. The wound is still too fresh.

Regardless, she’s my sister and we’ll have to find a way to work around that.

In class, I dominate a discussion about social communication via email versus cell phones. It’s nice to finally have some experiences to recount, for a change. I even find a way to work in some information from my research project about the differences I’ve observed. My comments earn a few smiles and nods from Dr. Chase, who lets me leave after class just like everyone else. No more detention from the principal, I guess.

Lyla, too, seems to pick up on my renewed wave of positive energy. She falls into step with me after class as I head down to the library.

“Well hello, Little Miss Sunshine,” she smiles, patting me on the shoulder. “Did you take Auntie Lyla’s excellent advice?”

“You could say that,” I shrug. “But really, I’m just tired of feeling bad about everything. You were right about me making a mistake, but I can’t do anything now but apologize and give her some time.”
 

“Thatta girl!”

“Hey, Lyla…” I say, struck by a sudden thought. “There’s no chance you’re looking for a roommate, is there?”

“Jennifer Smith, you have impeccable timing,” she grins from ear to ear. “How do you feel about living with a self-proclaimed clean freak?”

“Pretty solid, actually.”

“Excellent! You’re hired. My roommate moves out at the end of this month. I’d much rather live with you than some stranger from Craigslist,” Lyla says, steering me toward the coffee house. “Isn’t there a saying about that? The weirdness you know is better than that you don’t?”

“Another greeting card?”

“
If only they were scoring well in the test markets…”

I laugh with her as we head into the coffee house to discuss roommate things and plan ahead for the future. I’ve never realized before what I’d been missing out on by keeping myself so isolated from everyone. Maybe it’s just Lyla that puts me at ease, or maybe it could’ve been this way all along… who knows?

There’s one more thing I need to do before I can say it’s been the best day of reconciliation and positive new beginnings in history… and it involved a stop at Tom’s Workout World.  Luckily, Noah is at the gym just as I expected. Even more to my delight, he looks surprised—and pleased—to see me turn up.

“You’re back!” he says, striding towards me from the front desk. “I was starting to think I’d have to find a new client to fill your time slot.”

“Sorry about that…” I grimace. “I’ll have to repent with extra mileage on that treadmill, I guess.”

“That’s just the beginning of your repentance,” he counters, a mischievous gleam lighting his eye.

I take a deep breath and exhale a sigh. Things might be a bit awkward after what passed between us the last time I was here with him, but it was a relief to see that he didn’t want to make a fuss about it anymore than I did.

Without my hearing aids in, I spent a decent amount of time letting Noah kick my lazy butt all around the gym. He even sent me to machines I’d never touched before, yelling just enough for me to hear him without screaming in my face. It felt good to be back in the zone, clicking with my trainer like this, ready to tackle anything he could through at me.

And holy cow, am I going to have trouble moving tomorrow!

When it’s finally over, I collapse onto the mat with my bottle of water and just exist for a few minutes. I breathe deeply to lower my heart rate, just like Noah taught me weeks ago when we were training outdoors, and close my eyes. The post-workout adrenaline pulses through my body, awakening all my senses and leaving me with a feeling of accomplishment like no other. It’s no wonder I’ve been feeling so down and out lately; all I needed was a good sweat to clear my head.

The mat crunches quietly as Noah sits beside me. He gently touches a hand to my arm and my eyes dart open. “What’s really going on, Jen?”

“School… family stuff…” I say, forcing a half-smile. “You know, life.”

“Come on,” he says, standing up. “My last client canceled today, so I’m taking off early. You’re coming with me, got it?”

Too tired to argue, and a little bit intrigued,
I accept
and
follow
Noah to his car without asking any questions. He thro
w
s
my bag in the back and start
s
driving. Staring silently at my lap, thinking how badly I want to take a shower, I d
o
n’t
even pay attention to where we’re going
.

I guess it d
oes
n’t really matter to me.

“Are you hungry?” he sa
ys
after a few moments. I’
ve
grown oddly comfortable in the silence, so the sound of his voice startle
s
me out of my daze.

“Uhhh… no, not really. I can never really eat anything substantial after a workout.”

“Want to get a coffee or something instead? I’m not really hungry either.”

“Sure.” I look out the window, watching the street lights blur against the snow-covered scenery. Noah
stops in at
a Dunkin Donuts drive-thru and b
uys two medium hot chocolates with whipped cream
.
Aww, sweet.

“Thanks, Noah,” I offers
him a genuine smile as he passe
s
me
one of the Styrofoam travel mugs
. “Where did you want to go with our drinks?”

“I’ve been avoiding saying ‘your place or mine’ for this entire car ride, but to be honest, I can’t think of anywhere else. I’m sure neither of us really wants to go anywhere in public after a day at the gym.”

I laugh at his blunt honesty, and decide to extend the invite to my apartment. At the very least, I c
an
sneak in a shower before we decide to go out somewhere or… I don’t know. I don’t know what I
expect to happen, but I kno
w I should be prepared for just about
anything. Noah i
s full of thrilling surprises,
so
I
’ve
been
learning.

Back in my apartment, which
still
fe
e
l
s
eerie without Claire in it—weird how a temporary guest can shake things up like that, isn’t it?—we s
i
t down at my kitchen table with
our
hot chocolate and stare
at each other.  I try
clearing my throat to get him to talk, pick at the plastic tab on the top
of my hot chocolate, even tap
the table with my fingertips.

“Noah…” I finally sa
y
, my impatience growing into something more lethal. “
What’s going on
?”

Our eyes connect
for a moment, across my rickety kitchen table for two, and then he look
s
a
way just as suddenly. When he does finally speak, it i
sn’t in regards to anything I
anticipate
.

“What happened between you and Claire?”

“Me…and Claire?”

“Yeah, the two of you were so close. I would’ve never thought to see the day you weren’t speaking. If it’s none of my business, just say so. But as your friend…” His eyes s
eek mine as his voice trails off. I nod
for him to continue. We c
an
be friends and that
’
s fine by me. “As your friend, I can’t just sit by and watch you both implode. It’s going to start affecting you, and not just in the gym.”

“Is that what you’re worried about?”

“It’s not the only thing, or even the most important. It’s just the one aspect of your life I can guarantee I’
ll be there to witness.” He stan
d
s up, abandoning his empty cup on the counter, and starts
pacing the tiny square of space in front of the sink. “So what happened? Was it Tom?”

“Kin
da.” I shrug
, for lack of a better answer to that question.

“Did he… try anything with you?”

“Well, not exactly,” I look
away from him. His
pacing
makes me nervous
and these questions
aren’t going somewhere I’m
ready to bring Noah. “It’s kind of complicated and I’m not sure—”

“Jesus, Jen, I have to work with the guy. No,
for
the guy. If he’s messing around with the customers, I can’t just stand by and let it happen. First Claire an
d then you, I just…”  He trails
off, looking to me for the answers.

“Look, it wasn’t like that, okay? Tom’s an asshole, but he’s not messing around with the customers,” I pause, not sure where to go. Noah’s furrowed brow t
ells
me he need
s
to hear mo
re to be satisfied. But there i
sn’t a good way to explain this, ex
c
e
p
t to start from the beginning. “I’m a Sociology student, okay?”

Noah blinks
. “What has that got to do with anything?”

“It features prominently,
trust me,
” I sa
y
, sighing. “Do you want to hear the story or not?”

He nods
and then listen
s
. About halfway through the story, somewhere around the part
where
Sean think
s Claire i
s Olivia, he s
i
t
s
back down in the
kitchen chair. Otherwise, he does
a good job keeping his own personal feelings on t
he subject under wraps. I’m
really sure what his response w
ill be when I finally stop
talking
, but I know that I’m nervous it won’t be favorable
.

“So that’s it,” I say
, talking to my hands. My hot chocolate ha
s
grown cold, my emotions thin.
Until telling the story a second time,
I
didn’t
realize h
ow much the experiences of t
he previous couple of months has
affected me.
Mostly, I’m exhausted,
like I c
an
curl up on my couch and sleep for several days. I also fe
e
l cold and distant, like I’
ve been living in a cave. I never wanted
to be so isolated,
especially
because of a stupid class project.  As I
study the skeptical look in Noah’s eyes
, I ha
ve
to add, “I hope you don’t hate me like everyone else.”

“Hate you?” he bit
es
back his laughter, at least, but the amusement in his face
is clear
. “Why would I hate you, Jen? You didn’t do anything to me.”

I swallow my defensive retort. “But… you think I do deserve to have everyone else mad at me?”