So Much More (Made for Love #3) (30 page)

He made my body bend to his will last night.

As Aria would say—he made my pussy sing.

Even more, this man has my heart.

I see his t-shirt from last night, draped carelessly over the back of the couch. I tiptoe my way towards it and then slip it on as I head into the kitchen.

Brandon’s hair is down and spread across his shoulders. It’s still damp and fragrant from his shower. Smelling his fresh, clean, earthy scent makes me hungry for something
other
than breakfast. I press a kiss against the warm, bare skin in the middle of his back. He immediately reaches behind him, wrapping his arm around me as he continues cooking. I kiss him again. And again. And again. When I lick him, he growls and then turns to face me, wrapping me in his arms as he brings his mouth to mine.

He kisses me like he hasn’t seen me in years and he’s missed me every second of every day of this imaginary separation. I feel myself wilt in his arms, powerless under the influence of his affection. I whine when he pulls away and he grins at me in response.

God—that grin
…

My skin is covered in goose pimples.

“Good morning, Sunshine.”

“Good morning.”

“How’d you sleep?”

“Good. You?”

“I slept with you in my arms. That’s all that matters.” I snuggle against him, tucking my head under his chin. His grip around me tightens.

“I like this better—waking up with you still here.”

“Me too, sweet girl.” He kisses the top of my head before he says, “I made us breakfast. It’ll be ready in a few minutes if you want to hop in the shower.”

“Sounds perfect.”

“We’ve got to leave in an hour.”

“Yeah. Okay. I’ll be quick.” I say the words, but I can’t make my body move away from his.

“I promise I’ll still be here when you get back,” he teases.

“In your underwear?” I ask, grinning up at him.

He winks at me and I giggle as I force myself out of his arms and into the shower.

By the time I emerge from the cloud of steam I created in the bathroom, breakfast is served. We sit together and enjoy eggs, bacon, and toast—
in our underwear
. It’s the best meal I think I’ve ever had.

It isn’t until after we’re both dressed and I’m in the bathroom working on my face that it hits me.
Last night—Brandon made me come with his tongue. This morning—we’re going to church.
After everything I’ve been through this year, after all the ways in which I feel as though I’ve tested God, after the way I’m sure I’ve disappointed Him, I wonder if I’m trying to force my foot into a shoe that no longer fits.

It’s not that my faith isn’t important to me. It’s not that my faith no longer aligns with who I am. It just looks and feels so different now. I feel like I’m breaking all the rules. With Luke—I was wrong. I lost something that I was blessed with, my amazing job, because I broke the rules. Yet, with Brandon—it doesn’t feel wrong. It feels good. It feels right. Still, I’m pretty sure that despite my virgin status, what happened last night would probably be considered fornication—a sin that’s most definitely frowned upon in the Christian faith.

I’m not afraid to don the label of a sinner. We all do. However, to be considered a hypocrite is not something that appeals to me. God is grace, and I understand that, but I know what it feels like to be judged. It’s awful; but if there’s one thing I’m sure of, it’s that no matter what, I can’t give Brandon up. I won’t.

“Hey, you almost ready?” he asks as he fills the bathroom doorway.

I meet his eyes in his reflection before I turn to face him directly. “Do you think we’re hypocrites? When you walk into that church this morning, are you going to feel guilty about last night? Are you sure we should go?”

He tugs his eyebrows together as he takes a step toward me. “This is a surprise. Do you not want to go?”

“I don’t know,” I shrug. “I don’t want to feel bad about our relationship and what we do together.”

“Neither do I, nor will I,” he insists, reaching for my hand. “Where’s this coming from?”

“It’s just that we’re not married and I’ve always been taught—”

“No. Stop. Stop,” he murmurs, lifting his hand to gently palm my cheek. “This is why people get all messed up about religion. This is why people choose not to follow God—they think it’s all about the rules. The dos and don’ts. I get it that you grew up in church and this is how you understand God. I didn’t grow up in church. When I first encountered God, it didn’t matter who I’d been or what I’d done. I choose Him because He loved me first and He loves me anyway. That will never change. No matter what I do—no matter what
we
do.

“God, to me, is hope. He’s love. I get it that He’s got rules, but we’re not chained or bound by them. At the end of the day, we’ve been given the freedom to be ourselves. Last night was amazing. I refuse to feel guilty about it. You’re my girl and I want you and I can’t apologize for that.

“This morning, I choose God, too. That’s what faith is, right? Choosing God. And God says
come as you are.
So, yeah, we got naked. I’d do it again right now if we didn’t have someplace to be. That doesn’t make us hypocrites. It just makes us human. People get so hung up on what it means to be a
good
Christian. Honestly, I don’t even know what that means. To be a good person, on the other hand, that’s something I strive for. But if you don’t want to go—”

“No!” I lift myself up onto my tiptoes so that I can wrap my arms around him. He holds me close, tucking his nose between my shoulder and my neck. “I want to go. I want to go with you.”

“Okay,” he says, rubbing his hands up and down my back.

“Thank you.”

“For what, sweet girl?”

I squeeze him tighter. “For being unapologetically you.”

Twenty minutes later, when we walk hand-in-hand into the lobby of the church, I’m glad that I came. Row spots us and breaks away from her current conversation so that she can come say hello. She greets me with a big hug, which surprises me. When I look at Brandon from over her shoulder, he offers me a wink.

“It’s so good to see you again, Sarah. How are you?”

“I’m good, thank you,” I tell her as she pulls away. “How are you?”

“Wonderful. ‘Course, how could I not be? Look at that smile on my nephew’s face,” she says, turning to give him a squeeze.

“Alright, alright,” he chuckles. “Don’t get all sentimental on me.”

She huffs and playfully brushes him off as she links arms with me. “Let’s go snag us a seat.”

I follow her lead, smiling back at Brandon as I’m amused by the way Row seems to have suddenly become
my
Aunt Row, too. When our eyes meet, I swear it’s as if we share the same thought. There’s something about Row’s acceptance that makes our relationship more meaningful, real, and grounded than it was even just a second ago. This is us, together, outside of the walls of the bakery, outside of the little bubble we enjoy when it’s just the two of us.

After the moment we shared this morning, I understand how much his faith means to him. I also know how much he loves his Aunt Row and how important their relationship is. Getting to share all of this with him, it makes me love him. Now, there’s no doubt in my mind, I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.

I
BARELY SPEAK DURING
brunch. Between Aunt Row, Lu, and Lucy, each one tossing out question after question at Sarah, I’m quite certain not one of my Sunday crew would notice if I wasn’t at the table at all. I don’t mind, though; there is one pair of big, beautiful, bright blue eyes that keep looking my way. Our conversations don’t require words. Instead, we share smiles and knowing glances. Long after we’ve finished eating, I start messing with her—suggestively inching my hand further and further up her thigh. She bats me away more than once, but she can’t hide her playful smile from me.

Shit. I don’t want this weekend to ever end.

“You know when your mother finds out that Sarah’s become a frequent flyer on our Sunday outings, she’s going to make an appearance,” says Aunt Row as Lucy and Lulu walk us out.

“I’ll consider it a compliment when that day comes,” I say dryly.

“Next week, next month, wedding day, either way, she’s bound to meet your mom eventually,” says Lucy.

“
Wedding day?”

She smirks at her mother before she looks back at Sarah and me. “Bring her one more time and I’d be willing to bet on it.”

“
Okay!
On that note, we’re going to get out of here.” Sarah squeezes my hand and I know she’s ready to leave, too. We finish our goodbyes and then we leave the ladies behind—no doubt to gossip about us behind our backs.

“Babe, can we go for a walk? It’s really nice out.”

“Babe, huh? I feel like I’ve been promoted,” I tease, heading in the opposite direction of the parking lot.

She laughs, nudging me with her shoulder. “Just testing it out. It was either that or
cupcake
.”

Now it’s my turn to laugh. “I like babe better.”

“I thought you might.”

We walk in a comfortable silence as we head to the park we’d planned on going to last week before we were interrupted. I pray to God nothing like that happens again. Today, I don’t know if I’d have the will power to leave her side.

“Do you think what Row said is true? Do you think your mom will want to meet me?”

“I don’t know. Maybe. My dating track record is far from impressive. I’ve really never kept any girls around long enough to warrant an introduction. Even with Olivia, she didn’t really know her. She didn’t
try
to know her. Not that Olivia and I were ever really—” I cut myself off, wondering why in the hell I mentioned Olivia.

“It’s okay. We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” I relax, appreciating my
get-out-of-jail-free card.
“I just was curious. About your mom. I meant what I said last week. I hope I get to meet her sometime.”

“Yeah. I think I’d like that too.” I’ve never had someone like Sarah in my life before—someone I was so sure about, someone I wanted to show off. I might not be close with my mother, but that doesn’t take away the significance of introducing her to Sarah. In some ways, I think knowing I’ve never wanted anyone to meet my mom until now makes what Sarah and I have more serious.

“What about you? What about your parents? I know you said you haven’t really spoken to them since you moved. Next weekend’s a long one—Labor Day. Think you’ll see them?”

“I don’t know. I doubt it,” she replies with a shrug. “We’re not in a good place right now. They’re disappointed that I’m not teaching.”

When she falls silent, I can see that I’m about to lose her to her thoughts. Instead of making her laugh, I decide I want to follow her where her mind is taking her.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

The details that define her current circumstance, the holes in the story that is the history behind how she ended up at my bakery, I want to know them. I’ve been keeping my curiosity at bay, knowing how much thinking about all that shit upsets her, but I know she can’t keep it in forever. Besides, I want her to know that she can trust me with the truth. Always.

“You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”

She nods, her gaze trained in front of her, and then she starts speaking. “Luke’s wife thought we’d been sleeping together. Obviously that’s not true, but to her it was semantics. And it’s crazy how gossip spreads. Brandon, it was awful. You tell one mom and it’s like you’ve ignited a wildfire.

“I wanted to believe that it was none of their business. It was my love life, you know? It was my broken heart. They didn’t know what they were talking about. But to them it
was
their business. I wasn’t allowed to be
just
Sarah—I was Ms. Prescott. I was their children’s teacher—the teacher who might steal your husband while you weren’t watching.

“Then it didn’t matter how good I was at my job. It didn’t matter how much I loved it. In their eyes, I couldn’t be trusted.” I can hear the tears she’s choking back. I let go of her hand and wrap my arm around her shoulders. “Before I knew it—I was in a toxic teaching environment. It wasn’t about the students anymore. She made it about me and I just…I just—”