So Gone (21 page)

The family reunion
was exactly what I needed. It was a blessing to be able to share so many
memories and laughter with loved ones. The only downer was when it was time to
go.

I said my tearful
goodbyes and promised to return soon. Then, I got in my car and began the trek
back to Atlanta.

Music kept me
company as I headed home. I was barely an hour out of Memphis, and already I
was missing my family. I called Leesha just to tell her that I loved her.

"Aww, I love
you too, Cuz," she gushed.

We talked for a few
minutes then said goodbye. Traveling down the interstate, I began thinking
about my life. Where was it leading me? I wondered.

It was hard at
times to live in Georgia. I felt lonely not having family there, but I loved
Atlanta. The city was diverse and had a lot to offer. The people were friendly,
like back home, and the weather wasn't so bad. There were many tourist
attractions and great restaurants.

I felt fulfilled in
my career, but my love life hadn't been so wonderful. I wanted to be in love
with someone who would love me back. Blunt had really taken my kindness for
weakness. His type of love, I'd learned, was not love at all.

I didn't know what
to expect out of the relationship that was building with Rocco. I knew that he
made me laugh and feel good about life again, but I was not going to rush
anything.

Too late for that
, the tingle
between my legs reminded me. I squeezed my thighs together to quell the desire
that had begun to mount just that fast in the valley down below. Reminiscing on
the way Rocco had loved me down the other night sent sparks shooting through my
private paradise.

The sound of my
cell phone ringing over the low decibel of the music reached my ears. I fumbled
in the bottom of my cluttered purse until I found the phone.

“
Hello,
”
I answered.

“
Mo’. . . somebody
killed him!
”

I could not make
out the caller's hysterical voice other than recognizing that it was a woman.

“Who is
this?” I asked, feeling perturbed.

“Aniyah.
He's
dead,
Mo. Somebody killed my brother. Oh god! Rocco has been killed,
”
she sobbed.

The realization of
what she had said hit me so hard, the phone slipped from hand.
“Nooo!” I cried out. This could not be happening.

I
picked my cell phone up off the floorboard and put it back to my ear. My body
rocked back and forth as I tried to keep my hand steady on the steering wheel.
I maneuvered over onto the shoulder of the highway until I could clear my eyes
of the tears that poured down. Cars zipped by with a
whoosh
. 

Rocco .
. . dead? Not just dead but killed.

It had to be a
dream. My mouth hung open while my heart shattered. I couldn’t even speak for a
few minutes because I didn’t know what to say. All that I could hear in my ear
was Aniyah crying hysterically.

“How
was he killed?
”
I finally asked.

When Aniyah told
me, I knew who was responsible for Rocco's death. There wasn't a single doubt
in my mind.

“I’m so sorry, this
is all my fault.
” I broke down again.

“What
do you mean? Do you know something about this?” She urged me to tell what it
was I knew.

I pulled myself
together and told her that we would talk when I got back.
“I'm only an hour away now,” I said.

“
Okay,
”
she replied just above a whisper. I could hear the
hurt and pain in her voice.

I ended the call
and laid my head against the steering wheel. I asked myself could I be wrong.
Maybe Blunt had nothing to do with this. I wanted to believe that, but I
recalled his threat.
You can have Rocco. That nigga ain't built like me, and
I'ma show you. I'ma see you at  that nigga's funeral.

I was shuddering as
I pulled back on the interstate. Tears blurred my vision, so I
did not
see the small white vehicle zooming towards me until it was right up on me.
Tires screeched, then
bam!
My head smacked against the windshield from
the impact, and my car spun around in a complete circle. I opened my mouth to
scream, but everything faded to black.

When I awoke, I was
being wheeled into the Emergency Room on a stretcher. 

I was taken off the
stretcher and placed onto a hospital bed in a small room. I thought that was an
awful idea. If my neck was broken or something, this could have worsened my
injury. Then, they actually removed the neck brace, which sent me into a panic.

I used all of the
energy inside of me to tap on the arm of the doctor who was overseeing the
maneuverings. Her deep blue eyes stared down into my pupils. “Yes, honey.
What’s wrong?”

“I’m afraid that my
neck might be broken and you all just removed the neck brace,” I whispered.

“If I thought that
there was any chance of your neck being broken, I would have never removed it,”
she assured. “You’ll be sent to get x-rays to make sure nothing is broken.”

“Okay,” I
whispered. She walked away and closed the door to the room.

I was in pain just
lying still. A young blonde-haired nurse came in. “Miss Alexander, I need to
ask you a few questions before we send the x-ray technician in,” she announced
in a squeaky tone.

“
That’s fine,” I
strained to respond.

“Does your neck hurt
or just your back?” She stood over me with an ink pen and clipboard.

“My neck
and
my back. It feels like something is torn up inside of me.
”

“Don't
worry, we're going to take care of you.” Her kind voice was comforting, but I
was still in so much pain.

Thank God the
x-rays came back negative. I did not have any broken bones, but I had suffered
a slight concussion. My whole body was sore. I was given medication for pain
and remained in the hospital overnight for observation.

The next morning
before I was released, the doctor came into my room to give me a prescription
for pain pills. He urged me to get plenty of rest.
“You
must allow your body plenty of time for rest and recovery,” he expounded in his
thick Nigerian accent.

The doctor wished
me well and left. A nurse came in and informed me that a family member was
there to pick me up. I nodded ok and teared up, expecting Leesha to come
bounding through the door all worried and upset.

I heard the door
screech back open and a face appeared that I did not care to see. “Baby, are
you okay?
”
asked Blunt, rushing to my bedside.
The very sight of him made me want to puke all over
myself.

Shivering, I
replied,
“How did you know I was here?”

He
reminded me that his name was listed on the card that I carried in my purse as
the contact in case of an emergency.

The nurse came back
in with a wheelchair. I tried with all of my strength to stand, but it was
impossible. Blunt stepped over to me. He lifted my arms and placed them around
his neck. Gently, he lifted me and sat me down in the wheelchair.

“Oh
, God. I’m
hurting,” I groaned.

“It's
okay, sweetheart. I'm here now.“

I tried
to tilt my head up to look into his face, searching for the answer to the
question in my head. If he had murdered Rocco, I believed there would be a sign
of guilt in his eyes.

“Oww!”
I winced. It hurt too bad to tilt my head back.

The nurse grabbed
my belongings and pushed me out into the waiting area.

“I’m ‘bout to move
the car up front, and I’ll come back and get you,
”
said Blunt. He placed a kiss on the top of my head, and then went off to get
the car.

Instinct told me to
beg the nurse not to let him take me away from there, but I began doubting the
conclusions that I had hurriedly jumped to. Rocco had once been in the streets,
and maybe he had other enemies. Blunt showed no signs of guilt; I had to be
wrong.

A hospital orderly
wheeled me outside, and he and Blunt helped me inside Blunt's car. Blunt closed
the door for me and sprinted over to the driver’s side. I leaned my head back
against the headrest and closed my eyes.

“Where
is my cell phone? I need to call Leesha,” I said.

“You
can call her when you get home. Just relax and stop trying to talk. It's
obvious you're in pain, baby girl,” Blunt remarked sensibly. But nothing made
any sense anymore.

I
didn't utter another word to Blunt until we arrived at my house, and he helped
me inside. I had studied him every mile that we traveled back home. Once I was
settled in, I let it out.

“Blunt,”
I began. “Do you want to know what caused the accident?”

“You
weren't on your cell phone were you?” He guessed correctly.

“Yes,
as a matter of fact, I was. I had just received a call from Rocco's sister,
informing me that he had been killed.” My voice began to crack with emotion.

“Good
for him, but what that got to do wit' me? And why the fuck are you about to cry
over that nigga?” he gritted.

My
mouth flew open, and I gasped. His callousness didn't surprise me. What shocked
me was what I had just noticed around his neck . . . it was the necklace that I
had given Rocco as a keepsake until I returned.

"What's
up, Mo?" asked Blunt.

"Nothing.
I just want to be alone. I can't do this anymore. Please leave me alone,"
I broke down crying.

"Is
that what you really want?"

"Yes,"
I uttered.

"Aight.
Say no mothafuckin
’
more." With that, he was out the door.

Twenty
minutes later, I was still shaking and trying to figure out what to do.

Fuck Mo', I told
myself as I mashed the fuck out. My head was all fucked up. I rode around for
hours snorting that dust and contemplating my next move.

I had started
snorting a few months ago, but no one knew that I indulged. It was just
something I did when stress built up, and I needed an escape. It wasn't shit
that a nigga was gon' get hooked on. Everybody has some type of vice.

I was rolling down
the highway thinking about my oldest li’l man, Devin. My li'l nigga looked up to
me and wanted to be just like me. He was my worst li’l knucklehead, but I loved
him. He stood out from the rest of my kids with his attitude. He wanted to be a
boss, and only imitated what he saw me do. I wanted better for him. I had to
start being a positive influence in his life.

I looked at the
digital clock on my radio and saw that it was two o’clock in the morning. He
was sleep at Mika’s crib. He needed his rest for school. I liked how Mika held
a nigga down, but she wasn’t Mo’. Mo’ always brought out the best in me and
loved me when I felt that nobody else even cared. She made me want to live for
tomorrow, and start over fresh.

I hit the highway
and the vibration of my cell phone interrupted my thoughts with an incoming
call. I checked the screen and saw that it was Luscious. “Yep, what’s up?” I
answered.

“I’m over Polo's
house right now,” she whispered with anxiety in her voice. “Gimme an hour to
put this coochie on him and put him to sleep. I’ma hit you once he’s out so be
close by.”

“Do what you do.
I’ll be ready.” I hung up and rushed to the room that I had been staying in on
Old National Highway for the past three days.

I threw on black
jeans, black hoodie, and black kicks. I grabbed my burner from under the pillow
on the bed, and was back out the door.

I headed in the
direction of where Polo rested his head. The nigga just didn’t realize that he
was sleeping wit’ the enemy. As I drove on I-285, Mo’s face appeared in my mind
and her voice spoke to me. It seemed as if she was in the passenger seat.
“You
can begin a new life and change if you don’t do what you’re about to do,”
said her voice inside my head.

“I’ll change after
this lick,” I said to myself. I took another bump of dust and blocked out my
angel’s voice.

For the next thirty
minutes, I drove around Polo’s neighborhood until I received the call from
Luscious. “Hurry he’s asleep,” she whispered.

Luscious let me in
to Polo’s crib five minutes later. “Shhh!” she warned wit’ her finger to her
mouth.

“Where he at?” I
asked.

“I’ll show you,”
she mouthed.

I asked her if she
knew where his racks were and she nodded her head. She led me upstairs to a
bedroom where Polo was in bed, up under the covers snoring like a bear. I
pulled the blanket back with one hand while holding my strap with the other. I
smiled menacingly when he stirred awake.