So Far Away (California Dreamers #2) (10 page)

But first I need some food.

I shut down my laptop then head out of the office and down the hallway towards the kitchen.

I momentarily panic when I see Jackson and Emerson seated at the table together eating dinner.

Now what
? Should I just skip dinner altogether and make my escape before they notice me?

I could probably get away with skipping the evening meal if I had eaten lunch, but I’m starving.

I don’t even have a stick on gum in the guesthouse.

Before I have a chance to flee the kitchen I see Jackson wave at me.

Reluctantly I make my way over to the table.

I can’t even look at Emerson. I know if I so much as glance in his direction it will be all over. Jackson will know that I’ve slept with his son. As it is I feel like I have a blinking neon
whore
sign over my head.

I lost my virginity when I was sixteen. It was the night of Homecoming and I was dating the captain of the football team. To this day I have no idea how she could tell, but my mom knew right away that it had happened.

I hope whatever parental extrasensory perception my mom has when it comes to stuff like that is unique to her and not something that’s instinctual for all parents.

Otherwise Jackson will know right away that Emerson and I did the nasty.

“Have dinner with us,” he offers.

I gulp. Would it be worse for me to refuse his offer, or to actually sit down and have dinner with them? I have no idea which is the lesser of those two evils.

“Pop,” Emerson says. “Seriously?”

Jackson frowns at him. “Don’t be a privileged snob. There’s nothing wrong with Maddie having dinner with us.”

“It’s okay,” I reply. “I don’t mind grabbing something and taking it back to the guesthouse.”

“Nonsense,” Jackson says. “I insist. It will give me a chance to get to know you a little better.”

I don’t think there’s any way out of it so I agree to have dinner with the guy I’m secretly fucking behind his dad’s back.

And his dad.

“Just grab a plate and a fork,” Jackson tells me. “There’s plenty of pasta and salad.”

I take a plate from the cupboard and a fork from the drawer and make my way over to the table.

I take a few scoops of the bowtie pasta and a scoop of salad.

I notice Jackson staring at my plate. “I hope that’s just the appetizer. You have to eat more than that.”

I take another small scoop of pasta and add it to my plate just to make him happy.

I’m still not able to look directly at Emerson, but I can feel his eyes on me. I know he’s looking right at me.

“So,” Jackson says. “You grew up in California?”

I nod. “I did. Born and raised in LA. My mom thought she was going to become an actress at one point I guess, but she married my dad and had me instead. She didn’t stay with my dad very long though. They got divorced not long before my dad died.”

“How old were you when you lost your father?” he asks.

“Ten.”

I move the pasta around my plate, but don’t have the stomach to eat it anymore. Talking about my family gets me twisted up inside.

“That must have been hard,” he replies.

I shrug. “My mom didn’t waste any time finding a replacement for my father. I think she likes getting married more than she likes being married.”

Jackson sighs. “Marriage isn’t easy.”

“I’d like to get married someday,” Emerson says.

When he touches my shin with his foot under the table, I glare at him.

Jackson pats his forearm. “You’ve got to meet the right girl first. That’s kind of hard to do when you’re tucked away in a lab day and night.”

Emerson presses his lips together like he’s doing his best not to explode. He takes in a deep breath then exhales. Then he says calmly, “I’m almost finished with my dissertation, Pop.”

“Good. Maybe then you can get out into the world and start living.” Jackson turns his attention back to me. “Ever since he was a kid if Emerson didn’t have his nose planted in some kind of scientific book, he was in the garage doing some kind of experiment. I’ve never seen a kid who was so serious and focused.”

“I did more than that,” Emerson says in his defense.

Jackson raises an eyebrow. “Like what?”

“I was on the swim team. Remember?”

“Only because I forced you.”

“I love science. I always have.”

“I doubt you’ll meet someone in a physics lab. When I was your age I had already backpacked through Europe and Asia.”

“I’m not you, Pop.”

Jackson nods. “I know. I just want you to be happy.”

“I am happy.”

When Emerson runs his foot along my leg again I try to swat him away as nonchalantly as I can.

“Is everything okay?” Jackson directs the question at me.

“I think there was some kind of bug on my leg.” I give Emerson a sideways stare. “A gnat or something.”

Jackson shakes his head. “It’s that time of year. Just be careful when you open the slider that you don’t let the beach flies in.”

The three of us sit in silence for several moments. I notice both Jackson and Emerson running their tongues along their top teeth.

Like father, like son
.

“I’d better get going,” I say finally. “I want to take a dip in the pool before it gets dark.”

Jackson furrows his brow. “You haven’t even touched your food.”

I shove a forkful of pasta into my mouth, quickly chew and swallow it. Unfortunately it feels like a rock being forced down my throat.

“I’m not really that hungry,” I admit. Maybe it’s because I’m a terrible liar, and it’s making me sick to my stomach to sit here and lie to Jackson’s face about Emerson.

Technically I guess I’m not lying, but it is a lie of omission and I still feel rotten about it.

“Maybe I’ll take a dip in the pool too.” Emerson rises from his chair.

My chest tightens as I see the expression on Jackson’s face change. There’s a look of suspicion in his eyes. 

Why did Emerson have to say that?

“Remember what I said,” Jackson warns. “No hanky-panky.”

When he points a finger directly at me my heart starts to pound wildly.

“Okay,” is about all I can manage to squeak out.

Emerson waves off his dad’s concern as if it’s nothing. “You know I like to swim every day.”

As Jackson’s eyes move back and forth between me and Emerson I find myself actually praying to a God that I’m not even sure I believe in.

Please don’t let Jackson have that sixth sex sense that my mom does.

“Give me a hand with the dishes before you go,” Jackson requests as he rises from the table.

I grab my plate and fork and quickly dispose of the food I wasn’t able to eat. Then I place the plate and fork in the dishwasher.

I hurry out of the kitchen before Jackson has a chance to see into my soul and realize I’m a terrible person who has already betrayed his trust.

The worst part is that I’d do it again because I want to be with Emerson.

I keep hoping that there will be a moment when I look at him and those overwhelming feelings won’t be there anymore.

But it’s not happening. The feelings just keep getting stronger.

I go out the slider and hurry back to the guesthouse. The place is really starting to feel like my own, and I hate that I feel that way about it.

I could lose it all at any moment. If I keep fooling around with Emerson I most likely will.

I change into my swimsuit, throw an oversized, fluffy towel over my shoulder, and head out to the pool.

The air is just starting to cool, but I know the pool will be nice and warm. I toss my towel on to one of the poolside lounge chairs and climb into the water.

I take advantage of having some time to myself. What in the world would possess Emerson to tell his dad he was coming out to swim with me? Jackson became immediately suspicious, and I don’t blame him.

It did seem suspicious. 

I close my eyes and float around the pool. The only sound I can hear is the ocean waves crashing on the shore.

It’s completely relaxing, until Emerson dives into the water next to me.

When I open my eyes he’s grinning at me. He doesn’t seem bothered one bit that his dad is suspicious. But why would he be? He has nothing to lose if his dad finds out.   

“What was that about?” I spit through clenched teeth.

“What?” he asks innocently.

I narrow my gaze at him. “You know what. You jumped up from the table and told your dad you were going to swim with me. As if that’s not suspicious at all.”

He lets out a breath, but doesn’t reply.

Then I have a revelation. “Do you want your dad to find out about us?”

He looks like I just slapped him with my accusation. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“If your dad
not-so accidently
finds out that you’re screwing his assistant he wouldn’t think you’re some physics geek who can’t get laid because you’re holed up in the lab day and night. I’d get fired, but your dad would see you as a stud.”

His eyes are like lasers burning with anger. “I would never do that to you,” he spits. “How could you even think that? I care about you. I don’t want you ever to get hurt. And I don’t give a shit what my pop thinks. If I did I wouldn’t be getting a Ph.D. in Physics. I’d be riding a motorcycle across Europe banging a new girl in every city. That’s not me. I’m not like that.”

I want to believe him, but I’m so confused I have no idea what’s true anymore.

“What’s your number?” I ask him.

“What?”

“Your number. What’s your number?

It takes him a few moments to finally get what I’m asking. “A gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell.”

I look him dead in the eyes so he knows I’m serious. “I want to know how many girls you’ve been with. I have a right to know. And if you ever want to put your dick inside of me again you’ll tell me.”

He’s silent for what seems like a really long time. When he finally looks up at me his eyes are damp. “Including you?”

I nod. “Including me. What’s your number?”

He bites his bottom lip then says, “Two.”

It takes a moment for that to sink in. I had a suspicion his number wasn’t going to be high, but I didn’t think it would only be me and one other girl.

“Who was she?” I ask.

“A girl I dated in high school. We were together for almost four years. We tried to make things work when we went away to college, but she went to Berkley and I went to Stanford. She left me for a mathematician. They got married last year. They even invited me to their wedding. It was like a dagger right in the heart when she said
I do
and it wasn’t to me.”

I’m not sure how to respond, so I keep quiet.

He continues. “She was my first, and I loved her.” He looks into my eyes and I can feel the sparks flying between us. “But it wasn’t anything like what I feel when I’m with you.”

“I’ve never felt anything like this before either,” I admit.

“I would never do anything to hurt you,” he tells me again. “I hope you know that.”

I nod.

He closes the distance between us and kisses me. My entire body responds to his touch. He may not have been with many women, but he definitely knows how to push every one of my buttons.

“I made a trip to the drugstore,” he whispers in my ear. “I bought several large boxes of condoms.”

He doesn’t need to tell me twice. “Race you to the side of the pool.”

There’s little doubt he was on the swim team. He glides through the water with speed and agility.

I may have dated athletes, but I’ve never been much of an athlete myself. I can get around in a pool, but I’m no match for Emerson.

“Slow poke,” he teases when I finally catch up to him.

He kisses me. “I’ll see you in a few minutes. I’ve got to go inside and get the condoms.”

“I’ll be waiting.” I do a mock seductive voice that makes him laugh.

“I’ll be quick.”

“Just quick getting the condoms,” I clarify. “Not quick in bed.”

“Definitely not quick in bed. I plan on keeping you up all night.”

Five

Emerson isn’t quick at all. I’ve been waiting nearly an hour and there’s still no sign of him or the condoms.

Nellie has already phoned twice and I haven’t answered because I keep thinking that Emerson will show up.

I’m not ready to tell Nellie about him and I’m not sure why. We’re best friends and we tell each other everything.

I think I’m hesitant to tell her about Emerson because she’s much more pragmatic than I am. I don’t want her to tell me all the reasons I should quit seeing him.

I already know all the reasons and I still want to be with him anyway.

When my phone rings again I decide to answer it. Nellie is the most stubborn person I know. When she sets her mind to something she’s like a dog with a bone. She obviously has something to tell me and I know she won’t stop phoning until she tells me whatever it is.

“Why haven’t you answered you phone?” Her voice is filled with concern.

“Sorry, I was out by the pool. I didn’t have my phone with me.”

Not a complete lie, just a bit of a truth stretch.

“Finn is driving down to Laguna and he wants to see you.”

Shit!
He’s the last person I need to see right now. He and Jackson share the same manager. If he finds out about me and Emerson it could get back to Jackson.

“I’m super busy right now,” I tell her.

“I thought you’d be excited. You really seemed to like him. And he likes you. He told Roscoe he’s very interested in seeing you again.”

Shitty-shit-fuck
! Now what do I do? I never lie to Nellie, but I do now, and I hate myself for it. “This job is a lot more than I thought it was going to be. I’m in way over my head. I really just need to focus on work for a while.”

“Friday night,” she tells me. “He wants to meet you for drinks or dinner. You’re not going to be working on Friday night are you?”

“I really need to.”

“You sound very tense. That’s not like you. I’m the one in a perpetual state of anxiety. You’re supposed to be the laidback one.”

“I know…” She doesn’t let me finish my sentence.

“Going out with Finn and having a few drinks sounds like exactly what you need. Have fun and unwind a little. It won’t hurt to take a few hours off. I won’t take no for an answer.”

Before I have a chance to reply there’s a knock on the door. Emerson is standing in front of the slider. He gives me a wave, and I point to my cellphone.

“Did I hear a knock?” she asks. “Is someone at your door?”

“My boss must need something,” I tell her. “I’d better go.”

“I gave Finn your number. He said he’d text you with the details. Be ready for drinks tomorrow night.”

She hangs up before I can refuse.

I end the call and open the slider for Emerson.

“Is everything okay?” he asks.

How am I supposed to tell him that I have to go out with another guy because I can’t be honest with my best friend about the forbidden affair he and I are having?  

“Fine,” I lie because why not just start piling them on?

He takes the cellphone from my hand and places in on the table. Then he puts his hands on my shoulders and looks into my eyes. “Everything is not okay. What’s going on? Who was that on the phone?”

“I was talking to my best friend, Nellie. I’ve never lied to her before, but I couldn’t tell her about us.”

“Why not?” His brow furrows with apprehension.

“She lives with her boyfriend, Roscoe. One of his best friends is named Finn. Finn is the person who is responsible for getting me the job with your father. He’s a screenwriter, a wannabe anyway. That’s not important. The important part is that Finn’s manager is your dad’s manager.”

“So?”

I heave a huge sigh. The story doesn’t really make sense unless he knows the whole sordid tale, and I don’t want to start lying to him like I’ve been lying to everyone else.

“Finn likes me.”

“Oh…”

“He wants to take me out tomorrow night.”

Emerson’s eyes go wide. “On a date?”

As I nod he shakes his head.

“You’re mine,” he says so matter-of-factly I’m taken aback by the bluntness.

I don’t want to even get into the semantics or the implications of that statement right now. We have more immediate concerns.

Like my date with Finn.

“There are two issues with Finn finding out about our relationship. The first is that he’ll tell Joel. I have little doubt about that. That’s social currency in LA. It’s not a matter of if, but when Joel tells Jackson that tidbit of information.”

“As soon as he has the time to drive down to Laguna.”

“And do you see the even bigger problem?” I ask.

“Finn finds out that Jackson has a son he’s been hiding from the public for years.”

I put my finger to my nose. “Exactly. That’s even more social currency.”

The two of us just stare at each other.

“Now you see why I have to go out with Finn. I can’t tell him about us.”

Emerson runs his tongue over his top teeth. “I’m not thrilled about this.”

“Neither am I.”

“Do you like him?” Emerson looks deep into my eyes.

“He’s not you,” I tell him.

“That’s not what I asked.”

“He’s like every other guy I’ve ever dated.”

Emerson nods, but doesn’t say anything else. We both look at the huge box of condoms in his hands. He tosses them on the table next to my phone.

“Have you always used condoms?” he asks. “With all the guys you’ve been with?”

I nod. “Always.” 

“Even though you’re on the pill?”

“I’m very cautious about that. It’s not just because I don’t want to get pregnant. I practice safe sex.”

“I want to be with you without the condoms,” he states.

My throat tightens. No guy has ever said that to me before. Not that I’d ever allow that to happen. I’ve made it pretty clear with my past boyfriends that if they didn’t keep it wrapped it wasn’t getting wet.

“Why?” I fire back. “Do you think that will prove something? Are you trying to mark your territory?”

I’m surprised when he nods. “Yup. That’s exactly what I’m doing. When you go out with
Finn
,” he says the name with so much disdain it scares me a little, “I want you to remember that a part of me is still inside of you even if you’re with him.”

My chest tightens as I think about what he’s saying.  “I don’t want to go out with Finn, but I don’t feel like I have a choice.”

He nods, but he doesn’t say anything. He just extends his hand.

When I place my hand in his he pulls me into the bedroom.

“How did you know which bedroom I was using?” I ask.

“Lucky guess. This is the one I would use. It has the best view of the ocean.”

I’m only wearing a sweatshirt thrown over my swimsuit, but I allow Emerson to remove the little clothing I am wearing.

“I don’t want anyone else to have you,” he whispers in my ear.

“I don’t want to be with anyone else,” I assure him.

He quickly removes his t-shirt and swim trunks.

I think about the brand new box of condoms sitting on the table in the living room. I could ask him to run out and get them.

But his words are echoing in my head.
A part of me is still inside of you even if you’re with him.
As archaic and possessive as the statement sounds for some reason it really turns me on.

Maybe his inner caveman is appealing to my inner cavewoman.

Maybe I want him to
take me
in every sense of the word.

And that’s exactly what he does.

He scoops me into his arms and places me on the bed.

As he moves on top of me his eyes don’t leave mine. Then he kisses me. The most passionate, desire-filled kiss I’ve ever had.

His hands travel over every inch of my body. If he truly is
marking his territory
he’s definitely making sure that no part of me is left unclaimed. 

“I want to be inside of you,” he whispers in my ear.

A slight panic overtakes me. Do I really want him inside of me sans condom? I’m flooded with all kinds of different thoughts and emotions.

But right now my desire to be with him again is overpowering any misgivings I have.

“I want you,” I tell him.

He doesn’t give me a chance to change my mind. He pushes inside of me so quickly that I gasp.

“Does it hurt?” His voice is filled with concern.

“You surprised me,” I tell him. “Keep going.”

He places his palm on my cheek as he slowly moves in and out of me. His eyes seem to be searching mine.

“I’m falling in love with you,” he tells me.

My heart begins to race. It’s way too soon to be tossing the L-word around. But I can see by the seriousness of his expression that he means it.

That creates even more of a panic in me.

I need something to stop all of the thoughts that are now swimming around in my head.

“Go harder,” I tell him.

“Okay.” He sounds confused, but he does as I’ve instructed.

His drives become harder and deeper, and I allow myself to get lost in the moment.

The sex feels so much more intense without any barrier between our bodies. It doesn’t take long before I’m ready to come.

“Are you there?” he whispers between thrusts.

“Yes,” I reply breathlessly.

“Good. I want you to come with me.”

And that’s exactly what happens. We climax together and fall exhausted into each other’s arms.

Physically the sex was amazing and mind-numbing, but unfortunately the mindlessness doesn’t last.

Mentally and emotionally I quickly become a wreck.

When I glance over at Emerson he looks completely content. Like a baby with a blanket and a pacifier ready to drift off to sleep.

I, on the other hand, feel like I’m about to go nuts. When he pulls me into his arms he must feel the tension permeating my body.  

“What’s wrong?” His face fills with worry.

“You just told me you love me,” I say for starters.

He laughs. “That’s a bad thing?”

“It’s a crazy thing.”

“No it’s not.”

“We’ve only known each other for a couple of days. It’s insane. No one falls in love that fast.”

He shrugs. “Apparently some do.”

“How can you be so nonchalant about this?” I’m so completely freaked out my voice sounds like it’s raised a full octave.   

“I’m just telling you how I feel,” he replies.

“You don’t know that much about me,” I protest.

“I know enough. And I want to learn more. I like how I feel when I’m with you. And I don’t want to be with anyone else.”

I gulp. I have to admit that all of those things are true for me too. “I like how I feel when I’m with you too. And I want to know everything about you.”

He kisses my forehead. “What do you want to know first?”

“What took you so long to get over here?”

He sighs. “I ran into my dad. He offered to pay for a trip to travel through Europe as a graduation present.”

“Are you going to go?” Now I’m the one who feels a pang of possessiveness. I don’t like the idea of him traveling around Europe without me.

“I think it was my dad’s way of trying to help me get my freak on.” He pulls me tight. “I don’t think I need help in that department.”

“What are your plans after graduation?” I ask.   

“I was going to take a week off to visit my mom in the Bahamas.”

“Oh…” my voice trails off. There’s that pang of possessiveness again. What is happening to me? I’ve never been one of those jealous types.
Quite the opposite
. I never really cared what the guys I was dating did when they weren’t with me.

“Want to come with me?” he asks.

I frown. “How would that work out?”

“You mean the logistics of it?”

“Exactly.”

“I’m not sure.”

“I don’t think my boss would give me the time off to go to the Bahamas with his son,” I remind him. “And it’s not like I could afford a trip like that anyway.”

I don’t even know what salary I’m earning yet.

“I could pay for your trip. That’s not a problem. It’s the first part I’m not that sure about.”

“How about after you get back from the Bahamas? What then?”

“I’m going to start applying for faculty positions. I’d like to teach physics at the college level. There’s not too much competition in the field right now, so I don’t think I’ll have too much of a problem finding something. I think it will be matter of where I want to go.”