Snow & Ash: Endless Winter (16 page)

She just stands there with wet soapy hands staring down into the sink. This is such a huge risk, probably the biggest risk I’ve ever taken in my life but I don’t know what to do. I have to get back to town and I can’t risk Matty’s life. I know in my gut I can trust this girl with my brother. She would keep him in here safe with her own brother. I also know that if something happens to me and the rest of my group out there she wouldn’t turn Matty out. He’d have a safe place to grow up. I’m about to try and make my case again when she finally looks up at me.

“When, when do you want to leave?”

The breath whooshes out of me in relief.

“As soon as I can.”

“Alright, let’s think about this then. It’s dark outside right now so you’d have to wait at least until morning, right?”

I groan but nod in agreement so she goes on.

“The terrain between here and the closest road is pretty rough. How’s that leg feeling? Do you think you’ll be able to make it very far on it?”

I look away at from those blue eyes and grit my teeth. “I can suck it up. My family’s lives depend on it.”

She nods her head. “Fair enough, if it was my family I’d do the same thing. We can wrap that knee up tight to help and dose you up on pain killers. I’m fine with Matty staying here but I have to ask, what’s to stop you from bringing a bunch of people back here and taking over this place for yourselves?”

Her eyes are dead cold serious. My mouth opens and then closes with a snap. She’s right, why should she trust me? She doesn’t know me and this is a really sweet set up that many people would kill for. I don’t have a good reason to give her so I just shake my head.

“There
is
no reason I can give you to trust me.”

She looks hard into my eyes and then looks over at the boys before speaking.

“My dad, he said never to trust anyone, never help anyone, always stay hidden. I’ve been alone with Ben since I was thirteen. I…I think maybe he was wrong. I’ll keep Matty safe and I’ll trust you not to bring an angry horde with you when you come back for him.”

My shoulders slump in relief. I owe this girl mine and Matty’s lives. I would never do anything to put her and her brother in danger. She gives me a brief smile before addressing the computer.

“AIRIA, what’s happening with that radiation cloud outside?”

“Skylar, it’s a doozy!”

I must have made a weird face because her face goes red and she snaps out, “AIRIA, humor OFF!”

“Skylar Ross, radiation cloud is expected to clear region within three days.”

My fists clench in frustration. Three days? I can’t wait three days to get back to town. Anything can happen in three days! And then something else wipes that away.

“Ross, your name is Skylar Ross?”

She gives me a confused look but nods her head yes.

“Your father, was his name Daniel Ross?”

The confusion leaves her face and terror replaces it for a fraction of a second before they go hard and cold. She reaches behind her back but her hand comes out empty so she lunges for the knife block on the counter and pulls a huge butcher knife out and points it at me.

Where the frack is my gun, dammit! My heart feels like it’s going to pound right out of my chest. I let my guard down. Stupid lonely girl falls for stupid dimple boy. The only way this guy knows my dad is if he talked to him before he died. Like just before he put a bullet in his back.

“You killed my father!” I hiss at him.

His face goes blank in shock and he jumps back a bit while thrashing his head back and forth in denial.

“NO, no way! Your Dad’s my hero. He’s one of the main reasons Matty and I are still alive! He helped us!”

I shake my head. No way, not my Dad.

“My Dad never helped anyone, ever. It was one of his biggest rules! Now tell me how you know him!” My voice has risen and out of the corner of my eye I see the boys have stopped playing the game and are staring at me in fear.

“Wait, he did. He did help us. That first day when all the bombs dropped and everything died, he, you, all drove past us. Matty and I were standing by the side of the road all alone and your truck passed us. You waved at me! He came back! He came back later and you and the lady in the front weren’t in the truck anymore. He came back and he took me, Matty, Sasha and Belle to town to the superstore there. He told us what happened to the world and he helped us get supplies and barricade a room where we’d be safe. Skylar, your Dad saved our lives. The last time I saw him I was eleven and Matty was one and a half. I didn’t kill your Dad!”

Oh God, oh God, if he’s telling the truth that means I killed her. It’s my fault she’s dead. I treated him so badly for not helping all those people that he must of went back out of guilt. He was with them when the baby came and Mom died. It’s all my fault he wasn’t back here to save her. The knife drops from my trembling hand and clatters into the sink. I’m shaking so bad and then I’m doubling over with the pain of it as sobs burst out of me. I’m so lost in my guilt and grief that I don’t even resist when Rex scoops me up and carries me to my room even though it must kill his hurt knee. I think I hear him calming the boys but I just don’t care. My Dad, he helped people. He wasn’t a coward but he wasn’t there to save Mom because of it.

Rex sets me on the bed and grabs a tissue box from the dresser. He doesn’t say anything as I cry out seven years of repressed pain. He just kneels in front of me on the floor with his bad leg to the side and his hand on my shoulder until my crying slows down to hitching breaths. Then he hands me the tissues and waits for me to blow my nose before simply saying,

“Tell me.”

It all pours out, that day, that awful day we ran from our home and our lives. Passing all those people without stopping to help any of them and the harsh words I said to my dad about it. Coming here and learning how the world died and then Mom having the baby with just me there and her dying because I made him feel guilty so he went back to help. I told him about finding Dad’s body and hating the people in the town and wishing they would all die too.

“All those years, I thought he was a coward to never help anyone but he did help and because of that Mom died. It’s my fault and
he
died and now I can never say I’m sorry!”

Rex just stared at me with sad eyes before he took my hands in his.

“I was eleven that day. We were moving from B.C. to Alberta and I was so mad at my mom. For days before that, I gave her the silent treatment and when I did talk to her it was always in a snippy tone. I blamed her for ruining my life, making me move away from all my friends and my dad. She, she died in a car crash when everything stopped working. I never got to say I’m sorry either. But here’s the thing Skylar, we were just kids. There was nothing we could have done to save them and I know, I know they knew we loved them and they also know that we’re sorry.”

I sniffed my nose and cleared my throat but my voice still came out a croak.

“How? How do you know that?”

He smiled in understanding.

“Because, you and me, we’re parents. When Ben is having a bad day and being mean to you, do you know he still loves you? And when he does something wrong, do you know he’ll be sorry for it?”

I close my eyes and nod yes. I do know those things because I am Ben’s Mom even though I’m his sister.

“That’s right. We know what it is to be a parent. Skylar, it wasn’t your fault your mom died. Even if your dad had been here, it probably wouldn’t have mattered.”

I shake my head in denial so he tightens his grip on my hands.

“Was your dad a doctor or a surgeon? Could he have operated and saved your mom?”

I feel the weight that’s always been pressing against me lift off at his words. I know he’s right but it’ll take a long time for that guilt and grief to totally fade away and heal after so many years of carrying it. I catch movement out of the corner of my eyes and turn my head to see two sad little boys with tears running down their faces and arms around each other standing in the door. Ben’s mouth is trembling with tears when he speaks to us.

“None of us have moms and dads. We should all be a family so we won’t be alone anymore.”

Matty nods his head in agreement so I turn to look at Rex and take a deep breath and let a small smile lift my lips.

“I think he’s right. I think that everybody who’s left should be together and help each other so no one’s alone anymore but first, first we should have ice cream!”

I try and lighten the mood because I can’t stand seeing those small boys so sad. There will be time to think about the spark of an idea Ben’s words have given me later.

I steal a glance over at Skylar at the other end of the couch when the credits start rolling on the movie we just watched. The boys are curled up asleep and half under the coffee table covered in a blanket we turned into a small fort. The giant robots that can change into vehicles weren't able to compete with the excitement of the day and the boys only made it through half the movie. She’s staring at the TV but I don’t think she’s really seeing it.

I’m in awe of this girl. She’s so strong from all that she’s had to deal with alone, but she’s broken too. I’d say everyone who’s survived this long is broken in some way but most people haven’t had to be all alone dealing with it. I think she’s embarrassed by her breakdown cuz she’s barely looked at me since then. As soon as we left the bedroom she’s acted like nothing happened, getting bowls of homemade ice cream sprinkled with chocolate chips for everyone and setting up the fort for the boys. I wish I knew what she was thinking. She looks so lost that I can’t help but try and bring her back.

“I just want to thank you again for everything you’ve done for us. Today’s been one of the worst and best days. For a while there, I thought Matty and I were going to die. What you did for us, saving us from that is not something I will ever forget. Taking us into your home and trusting me, I can’t ever repay you for that.” When she still doesn’t respond I continue. “Seeing Matty with your brother and him getting to do all the things that normal little boys used to do is such a gift. He’s missed out on so much since the bombs dropped. Everyday has been just focusing on survival so a lot of the joy and fun we used to take for granted is lacking in his life. You gave him, well both of us, a gift by letting us in here.” She’s still just staring at the now black screen of the TV and I’m feeling pretty awkward so I try a last resort to engage her. “I’m pretty much throwing myself at your feet here in worship for the most amazing thing you gave me…chocolate! Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve had chocolate of any kind? But chocolate chips and ice cream? Seriously, my life now belongs to you!”

Finally, she turns her head slowly to look at me in confusion before she registers the silly grin on my face. Her eyes clear and a grin tugs at her own lips. I hope she’s going to open up again but she just shakes her head in amusement and pushes off the couch to her feet and looks down at the two sleeping boys.

“Should we carry them into the bedroom or just let them camp out here for the night? If we leave them here, you can sleep in Ben’s room.”

I grab the crutch from the floor and clumsily get to my feet so I can see the boys. They look so cute curled up together that I just shake my head.

“Nah, let’s leave them be.”

We just sort of stare at each other for a minute before she nods, “Ok, well, have a good sleep. I hope your leg feels better tomorrow.”

I just stand and watch her go feeling uncertain until she reaches her door where she turns and gives me one last look.

“Rex… I’m glad you’re here. I mean, I’m glad I could help you and Matty and I really hope that I can trust you. Goodnight.”

“Dude, that’s EPIC!” wakes me the next morning. I just lay there completely exhausted from a night of tossing and turning. I spent most of the night rehashing every memory I have of Dad after the bombs fell and what I should do going forward. Having Rex and Matty here with us has made so many things I thought were set in stone shift. Ben’s soaking up Matty’s companionship like a dying plant does water and having Rex here has made me feel things I’ve never felt before. I can’t help but think maybe Ben and I were only half alive all this time and maybe, maybe it’s time to finally really start living.

Peels of little boy laughter ring out from the living room making me smile. Yeah, maybe it’s time to find some real happiness instead of just existing. I roll out of bed and quickly get dressed. I’m sure there are some hungry boys that could use breakfast. As soon as I open my door I freeze. The distinct smell of frying bacon hits me and I try and process how I feel about Rex helping himself to my kitchen. On the one hand, what the frack, who does he think he is? On the other hand, the last time anyone made me breakfast was when Dad was alive.

He has his back to me at the stove when he calls out, “Alright you speed demons, game’s over! Go wash up and get over here before I gobble up all this food and make you eat broccoli for breakfast!”

I grin as the boys make fake gagging sounds and race to the bathroom to wash their hands. Rex turns with a plate full of bacon and eggs on it and almost fumbles it as he sees me standing in my door. He breaks out those big dimples and my stomach flutters.

“Hey, good morning! I hope you don’t mind me invading your kitchen. Those two were grumbling for food the minute their eyes opened. I just thought I could maybe give you a break and let you sleep in for a little while longer and, well, you have BACON!”

I can’t help but smile. This guy, he’s, well, hmmm…

“No, seriously! I gave you my life for that chocolate, but bacon? Skylar, you now own my soul.”

He says it so seriously that the laughter just explodes out of me. I have to wipe away the tears I’m laughing so hard. Ben and Matty come racing out of the bathroom but Ben comes sliding to a stop and gives me a weird look.

“Sky, are you ok?” He asks me in a worried voice.

“Yes, of course. Why?”

He shakes his head and starts to grin.

“Cuz I’ve never heard you laugh like that before!”

I look over at Rex and smile.

“Yeah, well I think there’ll be a lot more reason to laugh from now on.” He gives me a small nod of agreement so I let my heart lead. “After breakfast, I have some things I’d like to show you.”

We dig into bacon, eggs and toast with lots of laughter but I can see the strain around Rex’s eyes. I guess correctly that he’s worried about the rest of his people down in the town so I ask AIRIA about the weather but it’s still too dangerous to go out there. Once we’ve cleaned the table of dishes, Ben and I give Rex and Matty a tour of the cavern and all the back rooms. They ooh and awe over the animals and garden and all the other rooms, but it’s the barracks that affects Rex the most.

He just stands there looking at the huge room with a grim face as I tell him about the storage containers of supplies I found. The boys are running wild around the hundreds of bunks in a game of tag as I wait to see what he’ll say. As his silence drags on, I take a deep breath and ask him.

“How many people, good people, are in that town that could come and live here?”

His head whips towards me with a face filled with hope. His crutch clatters to the ground as he wraps his arms around my waist and spins me around with a shouted “Whoop!” He only makes it one spin before he lets me go and bends over to clutch at his swollen knee.

I’m laughing too hard to scold him properly as I retrieve his crutch and get it under his arm again. Once he has his balance, he rubs his hand over his eyes before he pierces me with a serious look from those green eyes.

“Do you mean it? You have to really mean it Sky. This is a really big deal. There’s over a hundred people in the hotel alone. There are other groups spread out in the town as well that we’ve traded with in the past. That’s a huge step for you, to go from living all alone with Ben to sharing your home with a whole town.”

I look out over the rows of empty bunks and nod without looking at him.

“He should have done it from the start. This place can hold over a thousand people and yet here it is empty except for two. How many people died because he kept it for us?” I turn and look at him. “It’s time to start rebuilding. It’s time to start fixing what was broken.”

A warm glow starts to fill me when Rex takes my hand in his and we look out over the empty barracks that ring out with boyish laughter. Yes, it’s time to start living again.