Snow and Mistletoe (4 page)

I
’ve tossed
and turned for the past couple of hours, unable to do much else.

She’s here. She’s really here.

I hate that I’m a coward and completely unable to talk to her. I froze up the second I laid eyes on her, feeling things I’d never felt. We talked for so long, I felt like I knew her, but I wasn’t prepared for seeing her. Nothing could have prepared me for the reality of her beauty.

It’s Christmas Eve, and I feel like a kid waiting on Santa Claus to show up. Only Santa Claus is in my guest room upstairs and I’m scared shitless to go up there. If only there was a way to know what she’s thinking. Is she disgusted by my scars? Is she disappointed in what she found when she showed up? God, how I pictured meeting her, seeing a thousand different scenarios in my mind, none of which included her showing up here in the middle of a snowstorm and seeing all my scars.

Sighing, I roll over onto my back and look at the wooden ceiling. I don’t know what to do. I need a sign or something. I look over at the fireplace in my bedroom. I watch the burning embers and wish for a Christmas miracle.

Suddenly, there’s a pop, and the night light in the bathroom goes out. I sit up, and it’s utterly silent. No refrigerator running, no hum of the heat kicking on upstairs. Shit. This is definitely not the Christmas miracle I was referring to.

I get out of bed, go to the bathroom, and flip the switch. Nothing.

There’s electric heat and air in the cabin, but in the winter, I often lose power. There’s a backup generator, but I never bothered to get kerosene for it. Shit. It’s always just been me, and I can make do with the fireplace in the living room and bedroom. Hell, there’s a cook stove in the kitchen for me to make hot meals on, and outside is basically a twenty-four-seven refrigerator this time of year. I’ve never thought twice about the power going out. Until now.

Looking up at the wooden ceiling in my room again, all I can think about is Noelle getting colder by the minute. I start to walk out of my bedroom and realize I need to put some clothes on. Normally, I sleep naked, but I don’t think she’d appreciate my showing up in her bedroom naked and asking her to come with me.

My cock twitches at the thought, and I reach down, pinching the tip a little to try to get it to go down. I can’t have a fucking hard-on right now.

Taking a few breaths, I look down and see my cock getting bigger instead of softening. “Fuck.” Now is not the time. I pull on some tight boxers and some sweats and a long T-shirt. Hopefully, all the layers will cover it up.

I make my way up the stairs and knock lightly guest room door. When there’s no answer, I knock a little louder. I pause, waiting, but when there’s no sound, I start to panic and wonder if something could have happened to her. Maybe she tried to leave, after all.

Opening the door, I look in and see her sleeping on the bed, still all bundled in her coat. I walk over silently and stand by the bed, looking down at her. The soft moonlight streaming in through the window makes her look like an angel. I never thought in all the times I looked at her picture that she could be more beautiful, but here she is, proving me wrong.

Her soft full lips part slightly, and all I can think about is kissing them.

“
Alex
,” she whispers, and I start. I think for a second she’s awake and knows I’m here, but she doesn’t move and doesn’t open her eyes.

She’s dreaming of me.

The thought has my heart beating out of my chest, and the biggest, goofiest smile crosses my face. She’s dreaming of me.
Me!

I reach down and scoop her up in my arms, carrying her out of the room. She wakes a little at the movement, wrapping her arms around me, her body clinging to mine.

“Alex?” This time when she says my name, I can hear she’s still a little sleepy but coming round.

“The power’s gone out, and there’s no heat up here. You can sleep downstairs with me.” My cock tries to break free of my underwear at the feeling of her in my arms and the image of her in my bed. Even though there are about three feet of layers between me and her body, having her against me is heaven.

The temperature is in single digits outside right now, and the chill is settling in fast upstairs. The house is built well and insulated for the cold, but even a place like this is affected during this kind of winter.

“Okay.” She leans into me a little more, and I feel her cheek press against my neck. I nearly lose my footing on the last step. My body goes rigid with equal parts fear and lust.

I walk back to my bedroom and place her on my bed, and she looks up at me sleepily. “Where am I?” She blinks awake, and I turn away from her to grab some more wood and throw it on the hot coals. The fire comes to life, crackling as the flames lick the logs, and I stand still, facing away from Noelle.

“You’re in my bed. It will be warm in here for you tonight. I’ll sleep on the floor.” I grab a blanket and pillow from the closet and throw them on the ground between the bed and the fireplace. “The fire in the living room is out, and it’s late.” I don’t mention that I could get it going again in about sixty seconds, opting instead to keep that fact to myself.

“The bed is huge. You can sleep up here with me. I’m sure we can manage to stay on our own sides.”

My cock aches at the thought of not only having her in my bed but my being in it with her. Her voice once again penetrates my body and makes a chill run down my spine. What I wouldn’t give to have her read to me.

I turn to face her, the only light in the room from the fire behind me.

“You should undress.” I see her eyes grow wide with shock, and I realize how my words sound. “I mean that you actually stay warmer in cold weather if you’re naked. I mean, you should remove your coat and as many clothes as you’re comfortable removing. It will help keep you warm tonight in case it gets colder.”

I see her nod, and she sits up, removing her heavy coat. I can’t help the laugh that escapes me at her Christmas sweater. She looks down at her chest, and I think I can almost see her blush in the weak light.

She reaches under her sweater and I hear a click, and suddenly her sweater lights up. I actually laugh out loud, and I hear her laughter too as the room is illuminated by the blinking lights. “I should have thought of this when you said the power went out.” We both laugh a little more as she reaches under again, clicking the switch and turning it off. “Better save that for an emergency.”

I love the sound of her giggle, and my own cheeks hurt from smiling. I can’t remember the last time I felt so light and…happy.

Trying not to stare as she removes her sweater, I go around to the other side of the bed, sitting down and facing away from her. I remove my own shirt and slip off my sweatpants, leaving on just my underwear. I’ll be fine as long as I stay on my side of the bed. It’s a king-size, and I’d have to roll over a couple of times before we touched, so it should be totally okay.

When I’m as undressed as I think I can be, I lie on my back and look up at the ceiling. I feel my heart beating a thousand times a second as I try to breathe regularly. Why does it feel as if I just ran a marathon?

I feel the mattress move, and the top comforter rustles. Oh, God, she’s in bed with me. Noelle is in bed with me.

“Thank you, Alex. For everything.” I close my eyes as I listen to her words, her voice hypnotizing me. Suddenly, I feel her cool fingers touch my hand and run up my forearm. “I know this isn’t what you had planned tonight, but thank you for taking care of me.”

“Always,” I whisper as I feel her fingers leave my arm, and a silence falls between us.

I
wake plastered to a warm
, giant body. It takes me a moment to remember where I am. It all comes flooding back to me, but I stay perfectly still, not wanting to wake Alex. It’s still dark out, and I know if he finds out I’m awake I’ll have to move, and I’ll be so embarrassed. I can’t believe how easily I wrapped myself around him.

I guess I’m a cuddler. I’ve never had the opportunity to find out before if I am or not, but it’s pretty freaking clear now with how I’m all over the poor man. Not only did I crash his Christmas, but now I’m taking up his bed and every inch of his personal space.

It’s then I realize how truly all over him I am. I have one leg thrown over him, and it’s clearly resting on something very large…and very hard. Does that mean he’s awake? Do men get boners in their sleep? I try to recall the millions of romances novels I’ve read and narrated, like they’re all factual. I come up blank on the whole boners-when-asleep thing, not having read about it before.

I shuffle a little, making my leg move, and Alex lets out a moaning grunt. I go completely rigid like a dumbass, giving myself away. I wait, but the silence stretches, neither of us calling the other out.

I want to remain still, but my traitorous body takes over, needing to hear that sound again. I shuffle against him again, wanting more of his warmth to seep into me. I feel like burrowing so deep into his heat, I could never get out. I’d never be alone again.

Instantly, I’m on my back. Alex’s big body is over mine as he buries his face in my neck. He’s so big compared to me, and I’m completely covered beneath him. Fear doesn’t hit me at the sudden change in position. A strong dose of lust ripples up my spine and floods my system. It’s like nothing I’ve ever felt before, and I’m immediately addicted.

I lift my hips, needing the contact, letting my legs fall open even more.

“Please. You have to stop.” His voice seems strangled and almost pained, but for some reason I can’t stop. It’s like I no longer have control of my body. Maybe this is what happens when you let yourself go without physical attention for so long. The need for human contact becomes stronger than you can control.

I grip his biceps, my nails digging into his firm muscles. I just need a little more pressure. It’s so close I can feel it. I push my hips up against him, using him for my pleasure. I drag my sex against his, but he remains completely still over me. His hold is firm and steady, and my hips move at just the right angle, and that’s all it takes. I explode against him, his name pouring from my lips and filling the silent room. The delicious pleasure cascades through my body as heat spreads between us.

I hold on to him so tightly, as if he’ll disappear if I release him. Not wanting to let this moment go, I cling to him. For so long I dreamed of having him over me and now that it’s a reality, I can’t let it end. The distance he’s always tried to keep between us vanishes in this moment, and I’m going to savor it.

When I start to come down, the reality of what I just did hits me. I just rubbed myself against him, using him for my own pleasure. I hear and feel his heavy breathing on top of me, both our bodies gasping for air, filling the silence that seems to hang between us constantly. It’s a silence I long to fill with words I can’t bring myself to say.

Then he’s gone. His warmth leaves my body, taking all of mine with him as he shoots from the bed. The blanket that was covering us hits the floor. The cold air makes goosebumps break out all over my body. He doesn’t say a word as he storms from the room, slamming the door behind him so hard I swear I feel the bed shake.

“Holy shit,” I whisper to myself. That’s when I feel the wetness that’s coating the outside of my underwear.

He came.

I thought cumming was a good thing. Clearly Alex isn’t happy about it. He stormed from the room like his ass was on fire. Oh, my God. Did I force myself on him? Wait, under him. Can you force yourself under someone?

I roll over, shoving my face into the pillows. Could this get any more awkward? What is wrong with me? Could I have been any clingier? I’m all too happy to crawl into his bed and strip down at his suggestion. A little self-conscious at the time, but that didn’t seem to stop me from throwing my clothes off and snuggling deep into his bed. I invited him to join me even after he seemed to want to sleep on the freaking floor.

Clue in, Noelle.

Frustrated, I grab the pillow and throw it across the room. Sitting up, I lean against the headboard and try to think of a way out of this. Maybe I could sneak out in the morning.

This is all so confusing. One minute I felt like he wants to be near me, as if he is longing for me like I am for him. Then the next, it’s like having cold water thrown on me.

I remember the sensation of him over me and how it felt so right. The way my hands gripped him tightly, never wanting to let go. The scars under my fingertips. The scars.

It all starts clicking together. He won’t look at me. My heart clenches. Does he really think I’m so vain, or do the scars just bother him that much? I haven’t seen all of him, but from what I’ve seen and felt, he’s perfect. How he could doubt himself, I have no idea. He is pure male perfection.

I have my flaws, too. My skin may be free of scars, but I carry my own marks. I don’t have a perfect hard body like his. I have wide hips and thick thighs. I’m not what you’d call pretty or sexy. Maybe a nerdy kind of cute, but I’ve often thought I’m a little mousy. Random stretch marks litter my body. They’re not scars like his, but they mark me, and I often feel self-conscious about them.

Maybe I could show him it doesn’t matter to me. That none of it does. I didn’t fall for him because of what he looks like. Hell, I was half in love with him before I ever even saw him. Climbing from the bed, I unhook my bra and drop it to the floor, my panties following suit. I take a deep breath to calm my now-racing heart, and I give myself a pep talk. I can do this. It’s all or nothing.

At this point I’ve got nothing to lose. Either he wants nothing to do with me and I’ve lost him from my life, or maybe he does want something from me and is too scared to act on it. I can show Alex that I want him by baring myself to him like I want him to do for me.

When I’m standing in front of the door, I give myself one last pep talk.
Stop living in your head, and take what you want
. As I pull the door handle, I come face to face with Alex. He’s got both hands braced on the door, and his tall form towers over me.

I gasp at the look on his face.

Hunger, longing, need. It’s all there as his eyes roam my naked body before landing back on my face. The angry-looking scars on the left side of his face run down to his neck. They look like they’ve healed over time but still look painful.

I reach to touch him, but he’s on me instantly. He lifts me into his arms. My feet dangle off the floor as his lips crash onto mine. All the hunger I saw in his eyes bleeds through in his kiss. His tongue pushes into my mouth, taking what it wants. I never knew you could feel so much from a kiss. That it could tell you everything you wanted to know.

He wants me. It’s there in the way he’s kissing me. He pulls me closer like he’s trying to enfold his body in mine. I’m lost in him. I know from this moment on I’ll never be the same. I can feel it in every fiber of my body. I’m his.

I feel my back hit the bed, his big body over mine once again. His massive hands come to my face, holding me in place as if he thinks I might try to break away from the kiss. I wrap my arms around him as I kiss him back just as hard, silently showing him I’m not going anywhere. That I’ll stay here forever if he asks.

When my hands start to travel over his body, wanting to feel him, he breaks the kiss and buries his face in my neck once again. It’s as if he finds it painful for me to rub my hands on him. I won’t let him pull away again, so this time I lock my legs around him, my naked body wrapped so tightly around him that if he tries to dart from the room, he’ll be taking me with him.

“Look at me.”