Snow (14 page)

Alec came home when night was giving way to the first flicker of morning. He wasn't quiet when he came in--he bumped against the table, swore, and took off his coat too carefully, like moving was hard for him or something he had to think too much about, and swore again when it fell on the floor.

"Are you hurt?" David said, scrambling out of bed, and Alec looked at him. David sucked in a breath. Alec's eyes were crusted red in the corners and his shirt had been buttoned wrong, gaped open across his collarbone. "What happened?"

"You should be asleep," Alec said, and his voice was sharp, angry.

"I was waiting for you to come home."

Alec's mouth twisted, drawing tight, and then he stalked across the room. Up close he smelled like ale and bitter smoke and David could see a few twitching creatures swimming in his eyes.

There was a mark on his neck, blue purple, a bruise. It was shaped like a mouth and when Alec saw David looking at it he smiled, ran his fingers along it. Then he moved his fingers a little lower. There was another mark just like right below his collarbone, this one punctuated with tiny little indentations. Teeth marks.

"You shouldn't have," he said. "I forgot you were here."

"Because of the wormwood?" David said, feeling sick and sad and confused, and watched the things inside Alec's eyes flip slowly, losing strength.

"Because I wanted to."

"You--you wanted to? Why?"

Alec shrugged. "I suppose I could share the details, if you wanted," he said, and leaned in closer.

His mouth looked bruised, his jaw line marked red like it got after they--

"Oh," David said and he wasn't confused anymore.

"He was gorgeous," Alec continued and his voice was lilting and mocking, mean. "I couldn't help myself."

David felt the floor crack cold under his feet. "Are you coming to bed?" he said quietly.

Alec laughed, a sharp sneer of sound. "I don't think I'm up for another round right now."

"That's not--the sun will be up soon. You--you need to sleep."

"So understanding," Alec murmured, and the words were sickly sweet, false. The things in his eyes were gone, leaving only the dark angry brown of his gaze. It was worse somehow, to have Alec looking at him that way with clear eyes.

"I--" David bit his lip. "I don't know what I've done. Will you--"

"Shut up," Alec said harshly, cutting him off. "I don't know why--why are you still here?" he shouted and then stopped, clenched his hands into fist by his sides. When he spoke again his voice was harsher still but barely a whisper, like the words were being torn out of him. "What do you want from me?"

"I want you to be happy," David said quietly.

Alec's face shifted, something in his expression shattering, but he didn't move any closer. "Go to sleep," he said and went over to the fire, sat down in his chair facing it. He never came to bed.

He didn't say goodbye before he left either, and when he came back that night he wasn't alone.

"This is Henry," he said as he took off his coat and the man standing next to him stared at David for a moment, eyes widening, before he unhooked his own cloak and turned to look at Alec with one eyebrow raised. He was tall and blond and as he turned toward Alec David saw the line of his shoulders was long and broad.

"He's going to stay for a while," Alec said and his eyes were clear and very bright, sparkling with challenge and something else, something desperate. David nodded but Alec wasn't even looking at him, was looking at Henry who was staring at Alec with a knowing grin on his face. He was handsome and golden, looked strong and sure, like he understood the world and everything in it.

And when he said something, low-voiced, Alec smiled and then shrugged. David knew that smile.

"Do you--" he cleared his throat, voice gone all sticky. "Do you want something to drink?"

"Nah," Henry said, looking at him again, and his voice was playful, soft. Wanting. "What's your name?"

"Oh," Alec said, and his voice was pure honeyed poison. "I forgot to make introductions. That was stupid of me." He looked right at David and said, "I guess I forgot you were here." Then he put a hand on Henry's arm, stroking once, twice, and said, "That's David. You don't mind that he's here, do you?"

"Not at all," Henry said, still looking at him. "In fact, I think--"

"We all know what you think," Alec said, sharp laughter in his voice, and Henry looked back at Alec, grinned broad and shrugged, then leaned in toward Alec and said, "And if I remember right, you like how I think."

"Something like that," Alec said and kissed him. It was the first kiss David had ever seen and he watched, startled and confused and intrigued, saw Henry's smiling mouth open under Alec's, watched the brush and twist of their lips against each other's. It was pretty, tall blond Henry bending down toward short dark Alec, the two of them straining toward each other, kissing like they had to, like they couldn't stop. It hurt. His hands were cold. He'd left the lamp lit, burning strong, and Alec's tongue was a bright flash of red sliding into Henry's mouth. Henry moaned, pulled Alec closer. David folded his fingers into his palms. They were shaking. Alec's eyes were open, looking directly at him, his gaze hard and glinting.

Then he closed them and that's when David knew Alec wasn't going to stop. That this was something Alec wanted him to see.

It hurt, watching, but at the same time he couldn't look away, couldn't stop watching Alec's face, his mouth meshing with Henry's, their hands and bodies moving, flashes of skin and then more than that, Alec's head tossed back and Henry's mouth moving across his chest and then down, lower. Henry tossed him a smile as he backed Alec into a corner, a backwards glance and a sly tug of his mouth, and then he turned away, back to Alec. There was sound and movement, most of it blocked by Henry's shoulders, but David heard Alec moan, saw his hands on Henry's arms, heard him laugh lilting and say something, his voice no different than how it was when it was the two of them together. Henry sank to his knees and suddenly Alec was in view again, looking at him.

"I told you," he said, and he was smiling.

"I know," David said, because it was true, and Alec's smile faded, mouth working. Then he closed his eyes again and his hands fisted in Henry's hair, hips thrusting hard, deep. David wanted to be where Henry was. He wanted to be where Alec was. He watched and thought of Alec telling him that they were just now, that what they had wouldn't last, couldn't. He watched the red of Henry's mouth, the red of Alec's cock, how they moved in tandem. He was so cold he was shaking with it and the floor was slick underneath him, his feet sliding across it, drawing him to where Alec and Henry were. Henry's mouth was moving furiously and Alec shuddered once, twice. David was close enough to touch him now. He reached out and put a hand on Henry's head instead, curling his hair around his fingers. It was smooth and golden, soft.

Henry turned toward him, licking the corner of his mouth, a slow lewd slide. "Not so shy after all," he said, and his voice was silky, beautiful. David stared at his red mouth and didn't move.

"I should probably ask first," Henry said and grinned at him, easy and knowing, and then slid his hand across the front of David's pants. "But I don't want to give Alec a chance to get pissy."

"He wants this," David said as Henry's hands stroked, shaped. His skin was cold, painfully so, and he needed warmth, needed something, anything. This. He pushed his pants open. Henry's eyes flashed sharp and then filled with pure heat, eagerness, and David could feel the dark bitter part of himself waking, rising, wanting Henry to touch him. Wanting Alec to see it.

He looked at Alec then, saw him watching them, his expression impossible to read. It wasn't what he wanted to see, he wanted more, but then Henry's mouth was on him and David didn't care about anything, was sinking inside a place he'd never been.

It wasn't like it was with Alec. He wasn't aware of anything but what was freezing over inside him, a rising dark tide. Henry's mouth was hot and that was all he thought of, wanting more and more and now. He sank both hands into Henry's hair, holding him tightly, and felt it crunch brittle under his hands. He watched ice bloom on the walls as Henry sucked, heard it crackle as he pushed, pushed. Inside him he knew he could do more, whatever he wanted. He pulled Henry's hair hard as he came, and the dark shadow inside him stretched, pushed forth. He twisted his fingers into Henry's scalp hard and groaned, body shuddering again as he saw the tears that came to Henry's eyes roll crystal sharp down his face to plink shatter on the floor. He was so cold he was burning with it. It didn't hurt at all anymore. He shoved Henry backwards, watched him sprawl on the floor and felt a smile shape his face.

"Get out," he said and his voice was empty, dismissive. Henry's mouth was open, the pink of his lips tinged blue-white and his eyes were shocked, dazed. Lost. He nodded dumbly, standing up and backing toward the door, staring at David as if he couldn't look away.

"Don't forget your cloak," David said, and he was laughing, watching Henry fumble for it, watching the fear and want in his eyes and seeing his mouth still frosted with cold. He could call him back right now and Henry would come, do whatever he want, stare at him like that forever and ever. He thought of the guide, Joseph, suddenly, of the way he'd looked at his brother and sister, and shuddered, clamping his mouth shut. He could still hear his laughter echoing though, could still feel cold commanding words welling up inside him, see things he could do and wanted to, not caring who he hurt, what he did. He looked around then, desperate and terrified of himself, and saw Alec staring at him. He wasn't looking at him like Henry was, wasn't staring at him with dazed eyes. Alec was just looking at him, and David knew the expression in his gaze was mirrored in his own, saw pain and regret and grief. The ice on the walls split, shattering, falling just like snow. He turned and stumbled blindly to the loft, fumbling.

"You need to go," he heard Alec tell Henry. He lay down on the bed and pulled the blankets up around himself. He didn't feel any warmer. His pants were still open. He closed them with shaking hands.

After the door closed he heard Alec cross the room, heard him climb up and felt him slide down under the blankets next to him. David turned his head and Alec was looking at him. "Don't,"

David said, and squeezed his eyes shut, not wanting to see what was in Alec's gaze. He didn't want to see anything.

Alec moved toward him then, pulled him into his arms. "You're safe," he said. "I shouldn't have--

I'm sorry." David shuddered, once, twice, and then pressed his face into Alec's neck, breathing in his scent, his warmth.

"You just--you have to understand," Alec said as the sun was starting to rise, light testing the corners of David's closed eyes. They'd lain together all night, nothing but silence between them.

"I can't forget that you won't always be here. I had to--I can't let you--you and I can't be everything for me."

"I know that," David said, weary voiced. "You've told me. Shown me. And now I just--I have to know--do you want me to leave? I…" and he had to pause then, force the words out. "I will, if you want."

"No," Alec said and his voice was sharp, pained. "That's just it. I don't. But you will one day.

That's what you have to understand. What I won't forget. You and I aren't forever. The world doesn't work that way. This--" he touched David gently, a hand curving over his ear, fingers tangling in his hair, "--this is just now. It isn't anything more." He kissed him softly. "I won't forget that. You can't forget it either."

"But I--I like now. I want you. I don't care about anything else."

"You should."

"Maybe," David said and finally opened his eyes, looked directly at Alec. "But I don't."

She heard the rumors first. A miner, they went, gone away and returned again, a careful pause on every word. A miner, they went, living with someone different. Someone who wandered through the city looking as if he'd never seen anything like it before. Not lost, she was told, but like it was all brand new. She didn't care about that; country-bred souls always saw the city that way. But the miner and those pauses--she asked discreetly, delicately, and the miner's name was one she knew, the place where he lived familiar. She steepled her fingers together when she heard that and then nodded once, decision made. "Wait," she told the person standing in front of her.

"Watch." She didn't ask if she was understood.

When she spoke, people listened.

***

Alec came home from the mines, face drawn tight with exhaustion and something else. He kept his head bowed as he shrugged off his coat, shook his head when David asked if he wanted to eat.

"I'm tired," he said and stepped carefully around him.

"Alec--" David said, and when Alec looked back at him he wouldn't meet his eyes.

David waited until he was asleep. It took a long time but David finally heard his breathing even out, deepen. He turned out the lamp and went to bed. In the dark Alec's face was nothing but shadow but David waited and his eyes grew used to the dark, showed him the curves of Alec's face. They were softer in sleep, gentler, not pulled with worry or anger or fear. David traced the curve of his cheek with one finger, then two. Alec didn't stir.

David kissed him. Softly at first, careful to be gentle, and then, as Alec's mouth opened sleepily beneath his, harder, deeper. Alec woke up when David began to touch him but kept his eyes closed. David kissed the curve of his closed eyelids, touched him until Alec moaned and spread his legs, urged him forward by locking his legs around him.

Alec kept his eyes closed. David linked their hands together as their bodies moved, felt Alec's fingers close around his. He kissed him again, open-mouthed and deeply, and then whispered,

"Wake up," in his ear as his hips flexed. Alec arched up under him. His eyes opened.

"This isn't just now," David said. "All I'll ever want is you."

***

She received word in the evening, a sealed note waiting for her on a gilded tray as she stepped into a long crystal hallway. She read it as she walked. Her face, reflected a hundred times in the clear shining walls, never changed expression, kept the same disarming smile she always wore.