Snared (Jaded Regret #1) (34 page)

Robbie nodded again, but didn’t speak.

“I didn’t want to ever be upset and angry with a child, so I decided not to have any. That doesn’t mean at all that I don’t want you, Robbie. I
do
want you. I wasn’t lying to you when I said that. I’m your dad, and I’m going to be here with you every single second. I’m sorry you had to hear me say that to April, but please believe me when I say I didn’t mean it at all the way it sounded.” Beau paused, giving Robbie a moment to absorb everything he’d said. For a man who didn’t like to talk and had been rather mute when I’d first met him, he was doing fabulous with expressing his feelings.

Robbie hiccupped and then began crying, moving carefully so he was closer to both of us. His tear-stained face looked up at the two of us, breaking my heart with every tear that slid down his face.

“Robbie, we both want to be here with you. We aren’t leaving you. No matter what happens—whether it’s good, bad, or in-between, we’re going to be here with you.” As the words left my mouth, I hoped Beau was in this for the long haul, because I wasn’t going to disappoint this child. Maybe I’d been a little premature in assuming I’d be part of Robbie’s life for the long term, but I wanted to be.

Beau reached out a hand and touched Robbie’s arm. “Robbie, I know we don’t know each other very well yet, but I want that to change immediately. I’m going to the court to take official custody of you and ask them to declare me your legal guardian. Then I want to take you home with me.”

Robbie lifted his head, his large eyes blinking as he digested the words. “You don’t live here?”

“No. I live a few hours from here.”

Robbie’s eyes snapped to mine. “But . . . she lives here?” Confusion furrowed his brow. My gut clenched, wondering how Beau was going to handle this one.

“Yes. This is April’s house.”

“B-but.” Robbie’s lip quivered again. “I thought you guys . . .”

Beau smiled. “We’re going to figure that all out, Robbie. Don’t worry, okay? All you need to know is April and I are both going to be here for you.”

My heart jumped in my chest.
We’re both going to be here for you
. His words reverberated around my head. We hadn’t had a single conversation about what was going to happen once Beau was ready to go home. After all, his band had been staying here since he’d been hospitalized and they all had to get back to their real lives soon.

So he was saying I’d be included in their life.

Their
life.

“I’m sorry for running away.” Robbie twisted his hands in his lap.

“You scared us,” Beau said. “Next time you’re upset, can you promise me something?”

He nodded, worrying his lip between his teeth again.

“Don’t run away. Talk to me. We’re both men, right?”

Robbie grinned at being called a man. “Yeah. We’re both men.”

“So men stay and talk. We can figure whatever it is out, together.”

“Okay.” Robbie shifted his eyes to me. I smiled and reached out for him. He moved gingerly and wrapped his arms around me. He looked back at Beau. “I’m really going to be Robbie Oliver Anderson?”

“That’s right. Did you know that’s my middle name, too?”

“Really?” Robbie said. “That’s so cool.”

“Do you understand what your dad meant by what you heard him say?” I asked.

Robbie nodded. “Yes. I’m sorry for not believing you, Dad.”

“You don’t have to be sorry for anything.” Beau shifted on the branch. “But hey, can we get out of this tree? It hurts my a . . . butt to sit here.”

Robbie giggled. “I know that word.”

“I’m sure you do,” Beau said. “I’ve heard you say quite a few of them. But you aren’t saying them anymore, son.” He held on to the branch and helped me up. I reached the ladder first and reached for Robbie, settling him on the ground. I stood behind Beau to make sure he got down okay and then all three of us stood under the tree, crisis averted.

“Dad? Can you do something?”

Beau slung his arm across my shoulders and kissed my temple. His fingers began tapping a beat on my shoulder, and I smiled. There was my Beau. “Of course, buddy. What’s up.”

“Can you teach me to drum when we get home? I liked banging on the drums with your band.”

Beau grinned. “Hell . . . heck yeah! That’s my boy!”

Robbie whooped and led us into the house. Beau laced his fingers with mine as I closed the door behind us. “I want you with me.” His words were laced with promise and meaning. Whatever we needed to do, I’d make it happen.

Beau

“I NEED YOU,”
I said into the receiver.

“Are you okay?” Concern laced her voice, and I fucking hated it.

“Yes. Can you bring the band with you?”

“Okay,” Natalie said, uncertainty drawing out the sounds. “It’s probably a good idea anyway because they’re going batshit crazy worrying over you. I barely kept them away from April’s house last night. The only thing that stopped them was knowing Robbie needed to have time. We need to make a plan on when we’re returning home. Allan’s been on my ass to schedule some events in New York and LA, too, but I’m trying to put him off.”

“That’s going to have to wait. I’m not going to be traveling for a while. How soon do you think you can get over here?”

“Let me see what Bex and Johnny are up to. I’ll call you right back.” Natalie paused. “How are you doing, Beau? Really? And how’s Robbie?”

I was glad she’d given April and I last night and today with Robbie, especially after the crazy events of this morning. After we’d recovered from the near-fatal mistake I’d made with that comment, we’d settled in together quite well. I learned that Robbie loved hot dogs and hated peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

“He’s good. We had a few bumps, but things are great.”

“Great. And April?” My eyes slid over to the two of them, and my heart filled with pride.

April was in the kitchen showing Robbie how to make brownies. My heart tripped over itself as they both laughed. “Wonderful.” It was the only word I could think of to describe what was happening between us.

Natalie sighed. “God, I’m so happy I could burst. Let me round them up and we’ll be over as soon as we can.”

I hung up the phone and walked to the kitchen just as Robbie tasted the batter. He nodded, his eyes wide. “That’s so good! Can I eat more?”

“No.” April laughed. “You’re the taster. See how it has eggs in it? They aren’t cooked, so we can’t eat a lot of that.”

Robbie nodded, looking much younger than nine at that moment. “I’ve never made brownies before. I always thought they came in wrapped packages.” He laughed nervously.

“I love to bake, so you’re in the right place.” She turned and slid the pan into the oven. Robbie caught sight of me and smiled. It was almost like we hadn’t almost lost him a few hours ago from my stupid comment. I needed to be more careful with what I said and the way I said it. I had a child to think about now.

“Is the band coming over?” Robbie asked, sliding onto the barstool next to me.

I nodded. “Yes. They’re dying to spend time with you, now that you’re officially part of our family.”

Robbie jumped up and down a little. “That’s so cool. I mean, Jaded Regret is a big deal, right?”

I shrugged, trying to downplay it. “Well . . .”

“Uh, yes, they are.” April interrupted me. “They’re a
huge
deal. Your dad is part the
hottest
rock band in the country, if not the world.” She might’ve been exaggerating slightly, but it made my heart swell with pride.

“I want to listen to your songs,” Robbie said.

Little did he know he was going to live this life with us now. I wondered how I’d manage going on tour and making promotional stops with Robbie. It wasn’t like I could leave him. Who would I leave him with? We had no family, and the family I did have would be with me on tour. How would he go to school? I shook my head. I wasn’t equipped for this sort of thing. I tapped my fingers on the counter.

April covered my hands with hers, stopping my tapping. She eyed me but didn’t say anything. She was able to read me like Natalie did. I wasn’t sure if I loved it or hated it. “Of course you’ll hear all of their songs,” April answered for me. “You’re going to be around the band all the time now.”

I thought again of Robbie being around all of them. What would it be like to have him there? I mean, we’d barely adjusted to Bex and Johnny having two children, and Robbie was older.

“Do I get to go with you on tour?” Robbie’s question shifted my thinking and made me pay attention to my son.

“Well, I would think so. Where I go, you’re going to go. I’m not sure what all that looks like right now, but we’ll figure it out as we get to it.”

“I have a family,” he said. It was amazing how he could seem like a little boy and also like an adult within just a few seconds.

“Yes, you do,” April said.

“Robbie, you remember Bex and her husband Johnny.” Robbie nodded, smiling politely. For a kid who hadn’t had much of a childhood, he sure had great manners. My chest filled with pride as I watched him.

Bex put out her hand, and Robbie took it. “It’s so great to see you again, Robbie. These are my kids. Lennox, say hi to Robbie.”

Lennox smiled. “Hi, Robbie!”

Bex kissed Jaden on the forehead. “This is Jaden. He’s just a baby now, but he’ll be ready to run with you and Lennox very soon.”

Robbie looked back up at me and then back at Bex and the kids. I wondered what he was thinking. I watched Bex, thinking how different she was for the millionth time. Before Johnny and their kids, she would’ve never been crouched down talking to my child.
My child
. Even thinking that still sounded funny.

“Hey, buddy.” Johnny shook his hand and ruffled his hair. “You okay with being stuck with all of us?”

Robbie nodded. “Yes. It’s
so
cool that you’re my family.”

Johnny’s eyes met mine and he nodded. “That we are, Robbie. From here on out. You can come to us with anything. Got it?”

“Got it.” All of this was overwhelming for me, so God only knew where Robbie’s head was at.

“Welcome to the family.” Tanner stepped forward, also shaking Robbie’s hand. “You seem like a cool kid. Are you gonna let your dad teach you to drum? You know he’s like
the
drummer in all of rock music, right?”

Robbie’s mouth dropped slightly. “Really? Like the best one?”

Tanner crossed his arms over his chest. “Yes.”

“Wow,” Robbie whispered. “That’s super cool.”

Tanner leaned down and whispered something in Robbie’s ear. He beamed and nodded. As long as Tanner wasn’t giving him hints on how to get women, we’d be all good.

Everyone settled around the living room and kitchen area. Robbie and April offered the brownies they had made, and I watched every single one of them with Robbie. It was like he’d been here all along. Everyone made small talk, but I just sat and took it all in, trying to process everything that had happened over the last week. When I thought about the giant turn my life had taken, I almost couldn’t believe that it hadn’t been a dream.

Robbie shoved another brownie into his mouth, his face covered in the chocolate fudge he and April had spread over the top. I should probably stop him since I was now his dad and all that shit, but I didn’t have the heart to tell him to stop eating them. I might regret that later. April shifted her eyes from him to me, her eyes lingering on mine long enough to make desire flood though my body. I was sure she’d noticed me being quiet, but it wasn’t that anything was wrong. I was just taking it all in and trying to memorize every detail of my new life.

“Here, Lennox! Want another brownie?” Lennox turned her big eyes on Robbie. She’d taken to him immediately, not leaving his side since the band had arrived fifteen minutes ago. Jaden sat happily in Bex’s lap, watching the two children.

“Wait, Robbie.” April said. “Let’s ask Lennox’s mommy if she can have more.” Oops. Yeah. I guessed I had a lot to learn about parenting. Thank God April was here.

“It’s okay,” Bex said. “One more, Lennox. That’s all. I don’t want you to get a stomach ache.” The little girl nodded in agreement.

April was here. We were in her house. But we had to leave to go home, and we wouldn’t be here anymore. What would that mean for April and me? What did I want it to mean? Panic shot through my body as I thought about doing this without her, and I didn’t just mean parenting Robbie.