Snared (Jaded Regret #1) (17 page)

At some point, I realized tears were running from her eyes again. I pulled back, confusion on my face. What was happening? Was this her goodbye?

She shook her head, apparently reading my confusion. “I’ve never met anyone like you.” I watched as the tears dripped from her cheeks and hit my long-sleeved shirt. I was completely out of my element here.

“Why are you crying?”

“I’m falling for you. I’m terrified to tell you that, but I am. I know we don’t know each other that well, but what I saw today, Beau? I know I’m right about you. You’re selfless, thoughtful, and . . .”

“Fucked up,” I said, interrupting her. “You don’t want me, April. You deserve someone so much better than me.”

Her forehead wrinkled as she processed my words. “Do you want me, Beau?”

Did I want her? My immediate answer was to tell her no, I didn’t want anyone. But I couldn’t force myself to say the words. “April . . .”

“Stop thinking so much.” April caressed my chest and up to my neck. “I’m offering myself to you. We can take it as slow as you want. I’m not scared of you, Beau. I’m not afraid of your past, who you are now or who you will be in the future.
I see you
, Beau Anderson. I. See.
You
.”

She didn’t see me. Not really. She saw what I wanted her to see, and she thought she liked me. But she didn’t know the darkness inside me. What I was. What ran through my veins. “I’m not worthy of you.”

“That’s not what I asked you,” she said. “The answer is simple. I already know it. I see it when you look at me, and I feel it when you touch me. When we kiss, Beau? It’s beyond anything I’ve ever experienced.
Ever
. The question is . . . will you admit it?”

“Why me?”

“Why you? Beau, why
not
you? When I’m around you, I feel alive. You make me smile. I think about you every second we aren’t together. When you touch me, I tingle from head to toe. When you watch me, even when you think I can’t see you, it’s like I’m floating on a cloud.
You
do all those things to me.”

Could I make someone feel that way? It seemed unfathomable to me. Could I admit it? She saw right through me. She was right. When I touched her, my head quieted. She was better than playing my drums. When her body pressed against mine? It energized me and made me feel like a man.

I thought of my mom, the woman who was supposed to teach me how to love, and Robyn, who I thought had shown me what it was like to have a girlfriend. Then I thought of Natalie and the love she’d shown to me our entire lives, and Bex, the woman who had no blood relation to me yet loved me like family. I’d been given more than a lot of other people had. The last sixteen years of my life had been better than my first twelve, hands down. Yet I still held on to that. I was still letting it rule me.

I nodded, framing her face with my hands. “I thought you were kicking me out of the car.”

She sighed. “Why would I do that?”

“Because I don’t deserve you.”

April closed her eyes, leaning her face into my hand. “Beau. That is so far from the truth. Answer my question. I need to know if I’m beating my head against the wall here.”

I had to kiss her. Just before my lips brushed hers, I whispered, “Yes,” against her mouth, “I want you.” I felt her smile as our lips met, effectively silencing both of us.

April

A COMFORTABLE SILENCE
settled in the car as I drove to get lunch. Every few minutes I’d peer at Beau, just to make sure I hadn’t dreamt this and he was here. But then he’d lace his fingers with mine and a smile I couldn’t control would spread over my face. He’d admitted it. I had no idea what that meant for us from here on out, but I’d take the little bit I was given and we’d figure out the rest later. Hell, he was going to be gone for a month on tour. That sucked.

I thought back to what he did today with Robbie. Never in a million years would I have thought Beau would be the one to get through to Robbie like that, for several reasons. One, I knew Beau wasn’t the kind to share part of himself with someone he didn’t even know, much less a child. Two, because Robbie hadn’t said a word to anyone up until that point.

I’d listened at the door after seeing Beau had him under control outside. I hadn’t been able to hear every word, but I’d gotten enough of it to know Beau shared something with the little boy. He’d told him things he never told anyone. They’d understood each other. I thought back to what Beau had said to me about being sedated when he was a child and not wanting that to happen to Robbie. I had so many questions, but I knew I had to be patient for the answers. I may never get to know everything I had questions about, and I would have to be okay with that.

I pulled into the parking lot and killed the engine. When I glanced over at Beau, his eyes were on me, that small smirk on his lips. God, I loved when he did that, but I couldn’t wait until the day I earned a real smile from him. I had the feeling it would melt me into a puddle on the floor.

“Can we . . . take it to go? Is there a park or something nearby?” Beau turned away from me and focused his gaze out of the window at the busy sandwich shop.

Well, of course. I hadn’t thought about the repercussions of taking Beau out for lunch. I giggled, thinking of the day I’d seen him and Johnny at the other restaurant being surrounded by fans.

“Of course. I have to get used to your fame, I guess. I’m not used to having to worry about someone seeing me out in public. But I know just the place. What do you want to eat?”

“Surprise me,” he said. “I’m not a picky eater, so whatever you get will be all right.”

“Okay.” I reluctantly removed my hand from Beau’s. Before I could open the door, he grabbed my neck and pulled me to him. He stopped when we were just centimeters apart. I looked into his eyes, reading the desire he felt for me like they were words on a page in front of me. I never believed it when people said they fell in love so quickly without fully knowing someone, but seeing him in front of me, I knew I was well on my way. It scared the shit out of me to think I could put my heart in the hands of this beautifully broken man, but it was happening anyway.

“Is this place . . . private?”

What was he asking me? What did he want? “Y-yes,” I whispered against his lips. I ached for his touch, but I didn’t want to push.

“Get lunch quickly.” Just before I thought he’d take my lips again, he turned his head and took my earlobe into his mouth, sucking gently before biting me softly. My eyes rolled back in my head as desire shot through me so quickly I began to shake. I’d never been more turned on in my life than being around Beau, and we hadn’t done anything but kiss.

His soft beard tickled as he kissed down the exposed skin of my neck. “B-beau.” If he didn’t stop, I was going to strip him down right here in the parking lot and climb on him.

“Still want that sandwich?” I’d never heard him sound sexier in my life. It was like something had switched in him and he was showing me who he was inside that tough exterior. I liked it. No. I loved it.

“N-not really.” I moaned as he moved to the other side of my neck. I needed him to touch me. Anywhere, everywhere.

Beau pulled back just as quickly as he’d started and smirked at me. “Get lunch. I’ll be waiting.”

I gaped at him. “That wasn’t nice.”

He quirked an eyebrow at me. “No? Okay, I won’t do it again.”

Was he . . .
flirting
with me? I wasn’t sure how to respond to him, so I didn’t. I opened the car door and stepped out, my legs almost giving out on me. They felt like Jell-O, and I knew exactly why. I put both hands on either side of my neck; the tingling from his lips on my skin seared into my memory. I knew one thing.

I’d never recover from Beau Anderson.

Ever since I’d gotten back into the car from the sandwich shop, Beau had been back to his usual self. I wondered if I’d dreamed him kissing up and down both sides of my neck and teasing me, but I knew the desire zinging through my body wasn’t made up.

We were sitting under a huge tree in my favorite park, hidden behind a massive concrete wall and overlooking the river. There was no one in sight. Beau wrapped up the trash from his sandwich and stuffed it back inside the bag, leaning his head back against the tree. His fingers moved slowly on his legs, drumming a melodic beat.

I’d figured out that when he drummed slowly, it was because he had a song in his head and wanted to play it. When he drummed quickly, over and over and over, it was his way of trying to calm himself. When he closed his eyes while he drummed, it was his attempt to get past whatever images or words his mind had conjured up. When he smirked while drumming, he’d thought of something new. When he fiddled with his nose ring, he was anxious. When he clenched his fists at his sides, he’d thought of something painful and needed to rid himself of it.

Watching him was fascinating.

Our time was rapidly diminishing. Not only did I have to get back to work, but he had less than forty-five minutes to be on the bus to leave for his tour. My heart sank at the thought of not seeing him for another month. What if he changed his mind while he was gone and didn’t want to talk to me or see me anymore? How would we see each other or date or whatever we were if he was either on tour or in South Florida and I was here?

I had no answers to the million questions in my mind, but I had to relax. Whatever happened would happen. Before today, I’d had zero hope that Beau wanted anything to do with me. At least I knew he liked me.

“I have to get you to the bus soon.” I broke the silence. He cracked his eyes open and nodded, twisting his hands in his lap. What was he nervous about? I wondered how honest I should be with him before he left. While I’d figured out a lot about him, there was still so much that was a mystery to me. “Beau, do you want to keep in touch while you’re gone?”

His hands stopped moving, and he reached them out for me. When I put my hands in his, he pulled until I was in his lap, straddling him. My core immediately responded, having not forgotten what he had done to my libido just an hour ago. I fought against the urge to rub against him in the hopes of alleviating the pain of my arousal. Beau glanced around, seeing there was no one near, and rested his hands on my hips.

“I’m not good at talking.” He kneaded his fingers against my hip bones. My hope deflated. “But, I’ll do my best to speak to you while I’m gone.”

I couldn’t talk to him one more second. He had me all wound up and needing to do something about it. “I don’t want to talk right now.”

Beau raised an eyebrow at me.

“You got me all riled up in the car earlier, and I have less than thirty minutes before you leave for a month.”

“What are you saying, Ms. Knight?” His deep voice reverberating against me didn’t help the raging inferno throughout my body.

“Touch me, Beau. Please. I need you.”

His eyes widened. I knew little about how experienced he was in this area, and I wasn’t nearly as forward as I came across in this moment, but I was desperate to get relief. “April . . .” His voice was barely a whisper. “I . . .”

I didn’t let him finish his thought. I lifted his shirt and ran my hands over the taut skin of his stomach and chest. He froze, his hands still on my hips. I wanted to study every single bit of ink on his magnificent body, but I had no time for that now. I leaned over and pressed my lips to his neck, biting and sucking like he’d done to me earlier. His grip tightened as I continued, his breath ragged against my face.

I couldn’t stop it anymore; I began to rock against him, satisfied when I felt how hard he was for me. The warm breeze lifted my hair as my lips met his. He pulled me into his body, rocking with me as our lips met. A grunt came from his throat as I nipped and sucked his tongue into my mouth, fueling me further. I wished we were at my place right now. I’d never wanted a man more in my life.

When his hands began to move, and I wanted to cheer. He skimmed my sides, stopping abruptly when his thumbs were within centimeters of my breasts. I gripped his shoulders, tilting my head to deepen our kiss. He moaned again as I rocked on him, no longer caring if I embarrassed myself or not.

Touch me
, I willed him. I didn’t want to push him, but my God did I want him to send me skyrocketing to the moon. His thumbs brushed my nipples through my bra and shirt, and I moaned into his mouth, taking our kiss deeper, harder, longer. He reciprocated my every move, sucking and biting my tongue and lips.