Smooth Sailing (32 page)

“I know. It’s been like that for over two years. It’s not a good way to live, but I don’t work harder than any of my peers. Or my subordinates, for that matter.”

“It’s beyond me.” Kaatje lay there, the look on her face slightly troubling to Laurie. It wasn’t like Kaatje was praising her work ethic. More like she was questioning her sanity.

AS THE WEEK wore on Laurie was able to knock off a little earlier every day. The problems started being more routine, and she started handing more and more of them off to Hiroshi. The daily status reports were still her responsibility, but she moved the deadline up to three o’clock, letting her have a little room to breathe. By Friday she was home by six and she was starting to feel less like a robot and more like herself.

She and Kaatje lay in bed that night, Kaatje holding her against her chest. “I can’t tell you how happy my father would be to have you as his daughter.”

Laurie laughed while she patted Kaatje’s encircling arm. “My own father is pretty proud of me. That’s enough.” She turned and placed a soft kiss on Kaatje’s cheek. “Your father loves you. He just worries about you. He’s obviously a guy who values security, and you don’t have a whole lot of that.”

“Yeah, you’re right. And if I wanted to make him happy I always could. I choose not to.”

“No, you aren’t someone who does things for or against other people. You’ve found what makes you happy. You don’t do what you do to annoy him.”

“True. But if you moved to St. Maarten to be with me, he could focus on you. Then both he and I would be happy…forever.”

Laurie slipped out of her grasp and turned to face her. That last word was the kicker. That wasn’t what you said when you wanted someone to come hang out and see how things went. “Are you serious?”

Kaatje’s expression was hard to read, but her eyes burned with intensity. “Completely. I love you, Laurie, and I want to be together for the rest of our lives.”

“You love me?” It was like this was the first time she’d ever heard the words. They were brand new, made just for her.

Kaatje didn’t respond with words. She just extended her arms and Laurie fell into them. They kissed, tenderly, for a long while. Then Laurie lifted her head and said, “I love you too. I think I fell in love with you the first time we made love.” Tears filled her eyes and she didn’t bother to wipe them away. “I love you. I really love you.”

“Come to St. Maarten,” Kaatje whispered earnestly. “Don’t kill yourself working this hard. Life is made for us to enjoy.”

“It is,” Laurie said, having never heard more sage words. “Life is made for sharing with you. If I could remake myself, I’d be just like you. You know how to live.”

“I know how to make
myself
happy, Moppie. You have to find your own way.”

“No,” she teased. “I want to be centered just like you are. You’re content and peaceful. That’s sooo appealing.”

“Well, I like your energy. Maybe it’s the way we’re different that attracts us.”

“No. It’s your body, your mind, your gentleness, your concern for other people, your tranquility. That’s what attracts me.” She grasped her firmly and kissed her until her lips were tired. “If I work as hard as I can I think I can learn to be like you.”

Laughing, Kaatje said, “I don’t think you can work your butt off to be tranquil. I think you’re who you are. You just have to learn to be a little… okay, a lot more moderate.”

“I’m gonna take a first step,” she said, eyes blazing with determination. She jumped out of bed, found her cell phone, and punched in a number, grinning at Kaatje’s puzzled expression.

“Aaron? Laurie. Can you handle the park this weekend? Kaatje’s going home on Monday and I want to spend some time with her.” She nodded, then said, “Fantastic. Call me if anyone dies…and it’s our fault. Other than that, see you Monday. And pick a couple of days next week to relax. Have Andrea do the same. We’re out of the woods, and we have to scale back before we drop dead.”

*

Because Kaatje’s flight was late in the afternoon on Monday, they had most of the day together. But instead of sightseeing, they made plans to spend their last day together in bed. Laurie woke before dawn; the habit was too ingrained to stop. Looking at Kaatje’s still face, illuminated only by the cold, unnatural light from the park, Laurie’s heart clenched with emotion. Meeting Kaatje was the best thing that had ever happened to her. There was no competition. Even if she was eventually made the CEO of Luxor, being loved by Kaatje was the thing that she wanted to be known for.

It was impossible to refrain from touching her, but it was very early, and Kaatje had almost two full days of travel ahead of her. Laurie tried to satisfy her desperate need while letting her lover get a little more sleep. She let her fingertips caress her cheek, just barely contacting the soft skin. As always, Kaatje’s body was cool in the air conditioned chill. Laurie relished the sensation, letting her hand linger for a few seconds to warm her. Kaatje nuzzled against her hand, then let out a heavy sigh. Somehow that sigh encapsulated what was in Laurie’s heart. She wasn’t good at forming her feelings into words, but the sigh spoke for her, and she felt tears spring to her eyes. If there were any reasonable way she could have left with her, she would have jumped at the chance. But she had to honor her commitment —to her employer and her co-workers. She’d worked too hard to be remembered as the woman who walked away before the job was finished. But looking down at Kaatje made that commitment waver. Just a few pleas from Kaatje would have done the trick. But part of what she loved about her was her own work ethic. Kaatje understood. She knew that you had to make short-term sacrifices for long-term gains. It’s just that this sacrifice was cutting out a piece of her heart, and it hurt more than she could have guessed.

*

Kaatje chose to take a cab to the airport and to go alone. That might have hurt, coming from another person, but Kaatje needed her space. When they parted she was always nearly silent, and her being alone was probably best.

Laurie stood next to her, trying to find a quiet place in the lobby of the hotel to say their final goodbyes. “I put riding to the airport with you on my schedule,” Laurie said once again.

“I know. But you can get a few hours work in if you don’t go. Every hour of work you finish means you can come to St. Maarten an hour earlier.”

“I’m not sure that’s true, but if it is I’ll work around the clock.” She leaned against Kaatje, wishing they had just a few more hours to hold each other.

“Don’t work any harder,” Kaatje teased, carefully arranging a few flyaway strands of Laurie’s hair. “You’ll be a mass of tangled nerve fibers.”

“I shouldn’t have told Aaron you were leaving. They’ll all be watching me now that they know I don’t have my moderating influence.”

Kaatje tilted her head and placed several soft kisses on Laurie’s head. “I love you. Please try to take care of yourself for me.”

“I will. And don’t get sunburned or let any of those ropes bite you.”

“Sheets.”

“Definitely don’t let the sheets bite you.” Laurie looked into her eyes and saw the mixture of love and sadness she felt in her own heart. “Take care of yourself for me.”

Kaatje nodded, tears in her eyes. They hugged, fiercely and briefly, then Kaatje pulled away and quickly strode toward the door, turning one last time to meet Laurie’s eyes.

Then she was gone.

BY THE END of the first week they’d moved away from talking about work. There were a million things Laurie could have told Kaatje, but none of them seemed to matter. They were just niggling details about a job she was less and less engaged with. Hearing Kaatje’s voice was what got her through each day, and the last thing she wanted was to rehash the minutia that kept them apart.

“Guess what Fernando brought up today?”

“I have no idea. But I bet it was good since you sound pretty happy.”

“Good guess. He brought up the idea of my taking a leave of absence. Cool, huh?”

Kaatje was silent for a few beats. “Is that possible?”

“Apparently it is. He did a little investigating before he mentioned it. He knows I’m not locked into this stuff like I was before, and I think he wanted to catch me before I could quit.”

“Would you do that?” Kaatje’s voice had a tentative quality to it.

“Yeah. I think I have to.”

“Because you want to live in St. Maarten?”

Letting out a breath, Laurie told the unvarnished truth. This was too important to hide anything. Besides, Kaatje could always tell if she kept even a sliver of doubt inside. “If I could have anything, I’d take a less demanding job with Luxor that I could do in forty or fifty hours a week. We’d live together and you’d run your business out of Marina del Rey. But I talked to people in our legal department who work with immigration and they’re certain you’d never be able to get a work permit. You could live with me half the year and spend the rest of the year with your family, but you couldn’t work, and I need you all year—not just part. I think I’ve got to quit and move to St. Maarten.”

“That’s a very, very, very big decision.”

“Yes, but it was a very big decision on your part to offer to live in Holland.” Laurie waited for Kaatje to toss that selfless act off.

“Yes, it was. But I love Holland almost as much as I love St. Maarten. The same isn’t true for you.”

“Not yet. But it was like a paradise. I’m sure I’ll come to love it.”

“You’d have a better chance of working at a decent job in Amsterdam.”

“Don’t most people there speak Dutch?” Laurie teased.

“Yes, but American companies have major offices there. You could learn enough Dutch to get by.”

“Maybe. But as long as I’m going to leave my job why not move to St. Maarten? Then one of us has her dream.”

“This is life changing, Moppie, and as different as night from day. Are you sure?”

Even though she couldn’t see her, Laurie could picture her expression. It was both guarded and hopeful, just like her voice.

“So was deciding I was a lesbian. I made this decision the same way. Add up the plusses and minuses, and go with the longer list.”

“Once again, that’s not how I’d do it. I can’t have you come here and then decide you don’t like it.That would destroy me, Laurie. I mean that.”

She said those words with such feeling and certainty that they almost took Laurie’s breath away. “I don’t backslide on decisions. Besides, it’s not like St. Maarten isn’t a fantastic place to live. And I really want to travel with you. Being with you has no downsides, Kaatje. I promise.”

“Okay. But keep thinking about it. Don’t do anything rash.”

“I won’t. I’ve been trying to decide when I should resign. I don’t want to hang around long once I’ve done it, but I want to make sure they don’t spend a lot of time finding a new job for me. If I can have a leave, I might as well take it. There’s no sense in losing my benefits until I have to.”

“Does that mean you’d take the leave just to keep your benefits?”

Kaatje was clearly suspicious. But of what? “You don’t think I’m playing around do you?”

“No, that never crossed my mind. I’m just surprised you’d take a leave if you were sure you were going to quit.”

“I’m certain we’re going to be together. But I’m also certain we haven’t figured out the timing. I’ve got to sell my apartment and do all kinds of things to get permission to live in St. Maarten. This will just give us more time. Trust me.”

“I do. You know I do.”

Laurie tried to hear the confidence in Kaatje’s voice. But it was entirely absent. She couldn’t blame her. Up until now Teddy Bear had always won her allegiance. But that was in the past. Now Kaatje was number one and would always be first in her heart.

*

Kaatje called a few days later to report, “Hey, your mom followed through and sent me some pictures of you when you were younger.”

“She did? I didn’t know you’d asked her.”

“If I asked you, I knew my request would go at the bottom of one of those white boards you have. I tried to go around the bureaucracy.”

“Clever. What did you get?”

“Quite a few shots of you when you were a baby, then a big bunch of pictures from your gymnastics days. Boy, you must have been good.”

“I wouldn’t have worked that hard if I wasn’t any good,” Laurie teased. “I would have tried something else.”

“You were a beautiful girl. Really striking. And you were the prettiest girl in your high school class. But…” She hesitated just long enough to make Laurie anxious.

“What?”

“Uhm, you don’t plan on losing a
lot
of weight, do you? I mean…”

“What are you getting at?”

“Just…I don’t know how not to sound shallow, so I’ll spit it out. I’m really turned on by your body just the way it is. I’d hate for you to be skinny like you used to be.”

Laurie spit out a laugh. “I thought you were teasing. Do you really prefer me chubby?”

“You’re not chubby. You look like a woman, and I’m really attracted to women. I’d still love you if you weighed what you did in high school, but you’re much, much sexier now.”