Smoky Mountain Dreams (57 page)

“Daddy, you did not bring your…your…” Christopher honestly
thought Jackie was going to say whore, but she finished, “Your new
thing
to Gran’s funeral.”

“This is my fiancée, Kristin Massey, and Kristin, these
gobsmacked faces belong to my two oldest kids.” He turned to Joe and clapped
his shoulder. “Good to see you, Joe. Looking fine in that suit. And who is
this?”

“Jesse Birch.”

Christopher watched as Jesse introduced himself and put out
his hand. He wanted to tell Jesse to pack up the politeness because they were
leaving, but his father pulled Jesse into a hug, and said, “I’m James Ryder.
Nice to meet you. I guess you’re Christopher’s lover, then?”

“
Oh my God
,” Jackie murmured. “Lover?
Lover?
”

His father released Jesse. “Isn’t that what young people
call it these days?”

“No, bunny,” Kristin laughed. “That’s very
nineteen-seventies. I believe it would be whatever they prefer? Partner?
Boyfriend?”

“Fiancé?” Joe said.

“
No
, not fiancé,” Christopher
said, reaching out to steady himself on the roof of Jesse’s car. The funeral
had been so relatively uneventful. He should have escaped when he had a chance.

“Bunny, maybe?” Joe asked. Jesse snorted, but Jackie whapped
his arm hard. “Ow, babydoll,” Joe muttered.

“You! You
whore
!” Sammie Mae’s
voice rang out.

“Oh, Jesus,” Joe murmured. “Someone get…I don’t know.
Someone.”

Christopher pushed past Jackie and grabbed hold of his mother’s
arm. “Mama, settle down. Don’t make a scene.”

“He has no business here.” Sammie Mae jabbed her finger at
James. “Man-whore. Slut.
Sinner
. He’s the reason you’re
a lost soul, Christopher. It’s
his
seed that damaged
your heart in the very making of it!”

Christopher didn’t let go of his mother’s arm, because if he
did, he was pretty sure she was going to fly at his dad, and her nails looked
poised for scratching his face off.

“Bunny, is this Sammie Mae?” Kristin asked, breathlessly,
like she wasn’t sure if she was going to laugh or scream.

But then Bob came around the edge of the car next to theirs,
face red, and body heaving with effort. He pointed his stubby finger at
Christopher’s dad. “James, you have no business attending the services of a
woman whose daughter you betrayed time and time again.”

“Betrayed? She never put out! What was a man to do? I’m sure
you don’t need to get laid, all high like you are on the word of God, but I
need a woman to give physical affection and—”

“I gave you affection! I gave you the best years of my life!
But you! You couldn’t keep your dick in your pants!”

“Sammie Mae, baby, don’t let him lead you into the sin of
wrath,” Bob scolded. “He’ll pull you to his level and let you wallow in the
filth, and walk away holding the hand of Satan.”

Sammie Mae jerked out of Christopher’s grasp.

“Fuck me sideways,” Joe groaned, and his eyes flicked over
to where his kids were now huddling by the church steps, watching. The hearse
was pulling out of the parking lot with Gran inside. “Bob, just
shut up
.”

Bob wasn’t done, though. “To think that I tried to counsel
you and your devil-infected son—”

“Nope!” Joe yelled, clapping his hands together loudly. “Just
nope! Everyone clear out!” He waved his big arms and Sammie Mae, Bob, and James
with his little Kristin all backed away. Christopher half hoped that a car
would careen through the parking lot right at that moment and take all four of
them out, but then he felt guilty because Kristin probably didn’t deserve that.

Jesse unlocked his car and took hold of Christopher’s arm,
whispering, “Come on, babe. Let’s go. Let this play out. It’s not your
responsibility.”

Christopher blinked. His mother strained against Bob’s hold
on her, still wanting to go at his father. He took in Kristin’s shocked expression,
Jackie’s narrowed eyes of rage and humiliation, Joe’s red cheeks and look of “
done, done, so very done
” and he couldn’t make himself
meet Jesse’s eye.

“Christopher?” Jesse said quietly.

 “Yeah, we’re done here.
I’m
done
here. Joe, Jackie, I’ll text. The rest of you…” he motioned at them all. “Just…just
go to hell. You all belong there.” His voice shook, and he felt like his chest
was being sliced open and his heart yanked out the hole. This was it. He was
truly done with his mother. Once and for all. And it fucking
hurt
.

Christopher pushed past his gaping mother and the sputtering
Bob as he walked around Jesse’s car to climb in the passenger side. When he
heard the driver’s door shut and felt Jesse’s heat beside him, he couldn’t bear
to look, so he kept his gaze on the gray asphalt, the gray mountains, and the
gray sky leading up to where Gran was watching and probably cackling her head
off that the family hadn’t even been able to get through her funeral without
everyone going ballistic.

Christmas lights shone from the store windows they passed,
and the electric trees on top of the buildings looked like triangles of wire in
the murk of late afternoon. He was silent as Jesse drove toward the Comfort
Inn, waiting for the questions, the outrage, the laughter, or some sort of
pity. He didn’t know. He just knew that his family was a disaster and being
near them was something he never wanted to be again. At least not like that.
Not his father, or his mother, and sure as hell not Bob. Jackie and Joe, yes,
but not if they were going to argue for him to make up with Sammie Mae.

He rubbed his chest where it ached so badly.

“Hey,” Jesse said, as he pulled into a parking spot near the
entrance to the hotel. “Look at me.”

Christopher sighed and turned slowly in his seat.

“Tell me what you’re thinking about,” Jesse murmured. “Because
if you’re thinking that anything said back there has any merit, or if you’re
thinking that you’re somehow—”

“No, that’s not it.” Christopher half-smiled at Jesse’s
concern that he might consider himself the hellspawn of his father’s sin. “It’s
just that I never wanted you to see that. To see them. To see what I’m like
with them, through their eyes.”

“Oh.” Jesse swallowed and then nodded slowly. “I understand.”
Jesse ducked his head to catch Christopher’s gaze and held it meaningfully. “I
guess there were a few things we weren’t ready to share with each other yet,
but the world didn’t end.”

He shook his head. “It’s humiliating.”

“Why, babe? They’re…horrible. Well, not Jackie and your
brother-in-law, but the others…yikes. Though that Kristin child just seems
misled. But your mother…” Jesse was silent a minute, looking out the front
window. His voice was gentle when he turned back. “Like you’ve said, she’s been
gone a long time when it comes to mothering you.”

Christopher snorted softly. “And my dad, well, he never even
tried to be a father after he left. Bob tried harder than Dad did.”

“Bob is a monster.”

“Bob is deluded by his own warped beliefs.”

“That’s…generous of you, Chris.” Jesse smirked and shook his
head. “You’re far too generous to people.”

“Like who?”

“Well, Bob, obviously. Your mother. Gareth. And, well, you’ve
been really generous to me. When I didn’t deserve it.”

Christopher laughed softly, and it felt stifled behind
something heavy. “What? Would you rather I was harder on you?”

“No. I just think you need to protect yourself better.”
Jesse smiled. “But if you won’t, then I want to help protect you. I should have
stepped in earlier and made us leave before it escalated, but it was…well,
honestly, I just had no idea.”

“No one does. Or could. It’s impossible unless you’ve seen
it in action before.”

“Joe had the right idea. He’s got a good head on his
shoulders.”

“Handsome head too. Jackie got a good one this time.”

Jesse chuckled. “Yeah, nice hands. Big arms. Ass to bounce a
quarter off. Good thing he’s not my type, or I might have been tempted to see
if there was a bi hair on his body.”

Christopher’s lips turned up gently. “Pretty sure he’s
straight as they come, but I’m glad he’s not your type since the chances of me
ever having a body like his are nigh on zero.”

“Nigh on zero, huh? A little time around your family, and I
hear the Appalachian creeping in.”

Christopher smiled and leaned back in the seat, peering out
at the gray winter skies and the brown trees ringing the parking lot. “Do you
believe in God, Jesse?”

“I used to.”

“But you don’t anymore?”

“Not really.”

“Not since Marcy?”

“It was before that. I don’t know. It happened sometime when
Brigid was four or five. She was making up a very logical and completely
incorrect explanation about where the wind came from. See, she’d learned from
somewhere that light came from the sun—it traveled through space to the earth.
She’d also learned that Neptune is apparently the windiest planet. So she’d
decided that the wind came from Neptune, through space, to Earth. It was
brilliant, but obviously incorrect.”

“She was a smarty-pants.”

“Sometimes she still is. Definitely still a magical thinker.”

“Yeah.” Christopher smiled fondly. “She’s special. I
mean…she’s tough and strong, and yet so…I just want to love her until she’s
okay, you know?”

“I do. It’s something I really appreciate in you because she
hasn’t made it easy.”

“Maybe I like a challenge.”

“Well, we’re doomed then, since we were both easy as hell
when we started.”

Christopher snorted. “Nah, our situation is plenty
challenging. Believe me.”

Jesse nodded and reached over to lace their fingers
together. “That it is. Anyway, after that Neptune explanation, it was like a
light bulb went on for me. I thought, ‘This is what happened. Someone was
trying to explain life and they made it all up. Every last bit of it.’”

Christopher sat with Jesse’s words. He heard them but it
didn’t change the fact that he still believed. “That makes sense. I believe in
God, though. And Jesus. I believe in the Jesus whose greatest commandment was
to love thy neighbor. I don’t think I have to go to church, or not be gay, or
do anything at all other than try to love my neighbor.”

“That’s a good philosophy.”

“I don’t think I love Bob, though.”

Jesse squeezed Christopher’s fingers. “Well, if I did
believe in Jesus and God, I think I’d have to say that the Bible seems to imply
that the only person who successfully loved everyone was Jesus, right? So, I
figure you try and do your best. Jesus will understand. Especially when it
comes to Bob.”

Christopher laughed, but it hurt in his chest. They sat in
silence for a few minutes until Christopher leaned into Jesse’s shoulder. “I’m
tired. Can we just get my stuff from the hotel room and go? Will you take me
home?”

“Of course. The kids are missing you. We’ll get home and
order pizza. Maybe watch a movie with them. Something low key. Something fun.”

Christopher had meant his Gran’s house, but the thought of
Jesse taking him back to the place where they might build a life together was
everything he needed. It was the home he wanted.

“Hey, Jesse?” Christopher sat up, still gripping Jesse’s
hand.

Jesse’s warm, brown eyes met his. “Yeah?”

“I love you.”

A heart-melting smile, and a sweet, vulnerable expression
touched Jesse’s face as he leaned over, placed his hands on the side of
Christopher’s face, and whispered, “I love you too, babe. I love you too.”

I
T
WAS PAST MIDNIGHT WHEN
Christopher woke Jesse, rubbing against him in
the bed in the guest room, eager to get his hands on skin, his mouth on cock,
and his cock in Jesse’s ass. If Jesse would let him. After the chaos of the
funeral, he didn’t want to be taken—he wanted to be the one doing the taking
instead.

Jesse blinked blearily. “Christopher?”

“Can I fuck you?” he whispered. “Would that be okay?”

Jesse hesitated. “If that’s what you need, yeah. We have to
be quiet.”

“Do you hate it?”

“No, shh. Don’t talk that way. Just make love to me, however
you need it. Whatever you want. I’m game.”

Christopher groaned and shook his head. “No. I can’t do that
when I know you don’t like it.”

“I could try. Anything for you, babe. Whatever you need.”

Christopher kissed him again, feeling the heat and urgency
rise. He couldn’t be gentle, and Jesse never bottomed, and…no, he wasn’t going
to fuck him, but he wasn’t going to get fucked either. He was going to be in
charge of
something
today.

“Want you naked.”

Jesse quickly stripped off his pajama bottoms and underwear,
and Christopher did the same before rolling on top of him.