Small Town Sinners (20 page)

After school, I visit Dad’s office at the church. The door is open a crack and I start to knock, but I see that he’s in the corner by the window, reading aloud from next Sunday’s children’s sermon. “Proverbs 17:27,” he says. “ ‘A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, a man of understanding is even-tempered.’ And so what does that tell us about the times when we’re upset with others? How can we peacefully resolve even the little things that happen each day, like when an older brother or sister gets on your nerves?”

I stand in the doorway for a moment, not wanting to disturb him. As I listen to his voice, I close my eyes and remember what it was like when I thought he knew everything, when I thought he almost
was
God. His pitch rises and falls with the rhythm of the lesson, always inflecting perfectly to convey the message of the passage he chose.

It’s easier when my father and I are in sync, it’s safer when I believe he can do no wrong. I want to believe that he knew what he was doing—and that it was the right thing—when he didn’t punish Geoff for bullying Dean. I take a deep breath and I choose to believe in my dad.

“Lacey Anne?” He stops reading and I open my eyes to find him facing me with a smile.

“Hi,” I say. “I want to talk to you.”

I tell him about what I saw in the suicide scene—that Geoff Parsons is truly meant to be in Hell House, that I know he’s not being punished because he is God’s voice in that scene, because he will save a lot of souls with his passion.

“I understand,” I say.

He folds me into a hug, and I squeeze back. When I heard the words coming from my mouth, part of me hesitated and felt unsure, but the hug from my father feels so good that I let go of the doubt. I’m so happy in this moment. I want the trust I have in my dad to be strong again, I want to know that he does have reasons for doing what he’s done with Geoff. He’s thinking of the bigger picture of Hell House, the one in which Geoff Parsons is a tool for saving souls.

That night at dinner, Mom, Dad, and I sit down to pray.

“Lord, thank you for bringing this food to our table so we may enjoy time as a family and the sustenance of you, our God,” my father says. “We thank you for another glorious day. For good friends, long chats, and the understanding that comes between fathers and daughters when they do your holy work together. In Jesus’s name we pray. Amen.”

“Amen,” echo Mom and I.

We dig into big platefuls of spaghetti, talking excitedly about Hell House and how great this year’s performance will be.

“Have you seen Ron Jessup in the Cyberporn scene?” Dad asks.

“No!” I gasp. “I’ve only seen Gay Marriage, Domestic Violence, and part of Suicide.”

“You should walk through it all this week, Lace,” Dad says, so animated that he’s talking with his mouth full. “We’ll have Laura Bergen rehearse Abortion Girl so you can get the whole picture.”

“That would be great,” I say.

“Can I have a sneak peek too?” Mom asks.

“Sorry, Theresa,” Dad says. “Creatures of Hell House only, I’m afraid.”

They both laugh and I join in, happy to be smiling with them again. I want to believe that Dad is working toward something larger than my friends and I can see. I know Dean and Starla Joy will understand—we’re putting on the most incredible Hell House this town has ever experienced.

The next day, I meet Dean, Starla Joy, and Ty in the woods. I have to tell them about Geoff, about why he has to be in the show no matter what. I want to explain; for my dad, for myself. I feel like if I say it out loud and my friends affirm my feelings, I’ll be able to shake this shadow of doubt that still lingers in my head.

“You guys, I have to talk to you about something,” I say, once we’re all situated on balanced logs. “I had an epiphany about Geoff Parsons, I think. Or at least a serious realization.”

“Did you realize that he’s a jackass?” Ty asks. “Sorry, Lace, but he deserves a J-word.”

I can’t disagree, but I think back to seeing Geoff in his scene, the pain in his eyes that looked so real out in that parking lot.

“No,” I say, staying calm and trying to figure out how to talk to them about this. “I think I realized that he’s human and that he deserves a little understanding.”

“What?” Ty asks, looking disturbed.

Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to bring him out here.

“Lacey, he picks on me in
church
,” says Dean, speaking softly as he drags a stick in the dirt by his feet. “School is one thing, but I thought that church was different. Like a safety zone. Like I’m on base in a game of tag.”

“It should be like that,” I say, not wanting to hurt Dean.

“Not that that guy has the right to pick on you anywhere,” Ty says.

“No,” I say. “Of course not.”

“And to do it so publicly, during personal prayer time,” Starla Joy says. “It just seems …”

“Bold,” Ty says. “Geoff Parsons hasn’t been punished; he hasn’t had to answer for anything at all.”

“He can’t just keep doing this,” says Starla Joy, sticking to the topic at hand. “Lacey, have you talked to your dad?”

“A little,” I say. “I mean, not exactly about that, but—”

“Why not?” Starla Joy asks.

“I saw Geoff’s scene last night,” I say. “The Suicide scene.”

“Too bad that real-looking gun isn’t a
real
gun,” Ty says. I look up at him harshly, and he says, “Kidding, kidding.”

Then I turn back to Dean. I take in his black-markered nails and his baggy black sweatshirt, and I can’t see his eyes under his asymmetrical hair.

“So how was it?” asks Starla Joy. “How was the Suicide scene?”

I take a breath. “It was amazing,” I say. “Like Geoff knew that character and his pain inside out.”

“He probably does,” Dean says. “Even in first grade I remember thinking that Mr. Parsons was pretty much a giant bastard.” He looks at me. “Not that I thought in those terms back then.”

I can tell by the look in Dean’s eyes that he’s wondering how to feel about Geoff Parsons. Wondering if his pain grants him some kind of pass. I remember my father telling me that Geoff’s going through a rough time at home, which could mean anything. Or nothing. I wasn’t really listening when he said that—I was upset about Dean—but after seeing him act out such raw hurt, I can tell that he knows what pain feels like.

“There’s something else,” I say finally, pretending like I’m on a stage, about to make a big speech. “Something bigger.”

“What is it?” asks Starla Joy.

“I think we’re focused on the day-to-day of Hell House right now,” I say, purposefully not addressing Ty. “So we can’t see the larger picture.”

“Believe me, I know every scene and the position of every lamp and table,” says Dean. He smiles and I see a hint of his normal self again.

“Very nice, prop master,” I say. “Beyond that, though, we have to remember the true purpose of this outreach. I think that’s why my dad has been so permissive with Geoff.”

I see Ty shift in his seat out of the corner of my eye, but I don’t look at him. I’m talking to Starla Joy and Dean now—I’m not sure Ty will understand.

“You guys, Geoff is
really
compelling in the Suicide scene,” I continue. “It’s like he grabs the audience—even me, and I was mad as heck at him!”

“He must have really gotten to you to make you near-swear,” says Dean, and I smile back at him.

“He did,” I say. “I think when people walk through Hell House his scene is going to shake their souls.”

“Like he was shaking Dean’s shoulders?” Ty asks sarcastically.

I glance over at him for a moment, and I flash back to our night at Ulster Park. I felt so close to Ty in the darkness, but in the light my confusion seems weak. It’s the church and Hell House that have been my whole life, not Ty. He’s not my audience right now. Dean and Starla Joy are listening to me, and I know they’ll understand where I’m coming from.

“You’re saying it’s for the greater good,” says Starla Joy.

“Right!” I say. “If Geoff’s scene is a linchpin for people, one that’s going to convince them that Jesus is their Lord and Savior and they are going to walk through this performance and recommit to Him, then we need Geoff in the show. And no matter if he acts like, forgive me, a major jerk outside of Hell House, Geoff Parsons is going to save some souls!”

“You sound like your father, Lacey,” says Ty. I ignore his warning tone and keep looking at my friends.

“I hadn’t thought of it that way,” Starla Joy says.

“I hadn’t either, until I saw Geoff with that gun to his head,” I say. “I almost melted to the floor.”

“It was that intense?” asks Dean, peeking through his veil of dark hair and looking right into my eyes.

“Yes,” I say honestly.

Starla Joy exhales. She looks over at Dean.

“For the glory of Hell House, I shall put aside my Geoff beef,” he says, holding up his arm in a power fist.

He breaks up laughing, but I know I’ve won him over. I smile and reach in to hug him.

“Wait till you see him in the scene,” I say, getting excited.

Ty scoffs with a snort through his nose, interrupting me.

“Are you
serious
?” he asks, sounding disgusted.

“What?” I ask him, leaning back from Dean and crossing my arms over my chest.

“You guys think that because he’s a good actor he doesn’t have to be a good person,” says Ty.

“That isn’t it,” Starla Joy says. “Maybe you don’t know because you’ve been gone for so long, but it’s important for Hell House to be amazing.”

I nod in agreement.

“It saves lives,” I say, uncrossing my arms and reaching out to Ty.

He pulls away. “It’s extreme,” he says.

“We understand that feeling,” Starla Joy says. “Pastor Frist has told us that the media and some people misinterpret what we’re doing, but it all comes down to saving souls.”

“Yeah,” Dean says. “It’s not like we don’t know that it’s shocking. I’m shaping hamburger meat into the form of Lacey’s baby for a prop!”

The three of us laugh then, but Ty doesn’t even smile. He looks hard at Dean. “Do you hear yourself, man?” he asks softly.

“I’m joking around,” Dean says. “Come on.”

“Remember what my dad said to you that first day?” I ask Ty, interrupting them. “
You’ve gotta shake ’em to wake ’em?
It’s really true.”

“Kids get adults talking to them all day long about what they should learn and how they should be,” Starla Joy says, jumping in. “But Hell House is
our
chance to show people our own age what the consequences are if you don’t accept Jesus into your heart. And it’s shocking—it has to be so they’ll pay attention.”

Ty doesn’t move, and now he’s not looking at any of us. I wonder if we’re losing him, if I’m losing him.

Then Ty turns his face toward us, still not meeting anyone’s gaze. His own blue eyes look a little teary, like he’s fighting back a strong emotion. But his mouth is hardened and angry.

My heart aches because I know I’ve probably encouraged Ty’s doubt with my own. I never should have shared that with him. The devil waits for doubt and then makes it spread and fly like dandelion seeds on the wind.

“Lacey,” Ty says, turning to me, “I thought you were opening up. I thought we understood each other.”

I feel Starla Joy and Dean staring at me, wondering what Ty means. I can’t tell them that I, too, have had doubts about the House of Enlightenment, my father, and Pastor Frist.

“I understand that you’re lost right now, Ty,” I say. “And we’re here. We’re always here to help you come back to true believing.”

I grab Starla Joy’s hand, and she grabs Dean’s. The three of us stand there, facing Ty together.

But Ty turns and walks into the shadow of the woods without another word. Starla Joy, Dean, and I stand there for another few seconds. I have the urge to go after Ty, but I don’t want my friends to wonder what I was opening up to him about. I don’t want them to think my faith is wavering.

“I hope he sees the light and love that I’m trying to send his way,” I say. “I hope he feels it.”

“I’m sure he does,” says Starla Joy.

Dean says that he should get going, and we separate then, heading back to our own houses.

I sit through dinner with my parents, bowing my head for prayer and smiling at all the right moments. It feels good to have the tension between Dad and me out of the way.

But later, as I lie in bed and look up at my stars, I let myself think about Ty and what happened this afternoon. The closeness I’ve felt to him is real, and so were the doubts I shared. But they were clouded by my own self-involvement; I wasn’t seeing the bigger picture. Right?

Chapter Twenty-three

A few days go by where Ty doesn’t show up at school. It’s like he’s hiding from the world. I’m not sure if he’s still upset with me or if he feels ashamed or what. But I’m determined to talk to him. I know he’s a believer deep down; I know he’s good.