Small-Town Dreams (7 page)

“I would imagine so, except these commentaries have lasted through the centuries.” He gestured with his head toward the books piled about him. “Some of these are recent, some were written hundreds of years ago. They rarely disagree on the basic tenets of faith, but they often do on other matters. Each work is one man’s or men’s opinion.”

“Is that why you study so many different opinions?” she asked, rounding the desk. She looked over the books, then turned and leaned back against the desk.

He pushed away from the desk and rocked his chair back so he could look up at her. She looked so sweet with her oversize flannel shirt hanging to her knees and her gamine face so alive and questioning.

“That’s why,” he answered. “And it’s why Henry taught me to search the Scriptures for myself. I never take anyone’s word for what they say,” he explained, then felt a little wary as he caught the probing look in her eyes.

“How long have you been writing Henry’s sermons for him?”

Josh sat up straighter. “How did you—?”

“I started out doing research for Grandfather a few times when he had to give a speech to the board of directors. But he couldn’t put a speech of his own together from the notes I made because they were facts
I
thought were pertinent—opinions
I
agreed with.”

Josh relaxed a little, sure Cassidy wouldn’t hurt Henry by mentioning what she knew. He wondered if Irma had figured it out yet. “He just can’t do both sermons anymore. His eyes tire too easily. I do every other Wednesday’s Bible study service myself, and write the following Sunday’s message for him. By then, he’s able to do the next Wednesday’s by himself.”

“So then you prepare his Sunday message again and Wednesday’s so he can handle the following Sunday himself. Is that about the way it goes?”

“Not too much gets by you. Henry deserves any help I can give him. He and Irma saved my life as well as my sanity after I came to and had nothing to cling to but them. Henry shouldn’t have to step down as pastor until he’s ready to do it. He lives for his church and its parishioners.”

She nodded. “I can see that. So tell me about Daniel. What’s it about?”

“It’s one of the hardest books other than Revelations to study, and one of the most attacked because of how accurate the prophecy is. Many people try to say it was written later than it was. His prophecy is so accurate that he foretold to the day when Jesus Christ would ride triumphant into Jerusalem.”

She picked up the notes he’d finished on the third chapter of John for the following Wednesday night’s service. “’For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not His Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through Him might be saved.’”

Cassie looked up, her eyes alive with hope and questions. He wanted more than to lead her to Jesus at that moment. He wanted to see that wonder and happiness every day of his life. He also knew it was impossible.

“Do you believe this?” she asked.

Josh pushed his chair back farther from where she stood so close. Too close. He was there to counsel her on life—not wish for her to become part of his. “I wouldn’t be sitting here writing sermons and reading seven different commentaries if I didn’t. Those two verses sort of say it all. It’s one of those basic tenets I spoke of earlier. But it doesn’t stop there. You can’t imagine the peace believing those words brings to your life. When there was nothing but fear and trial in my life, Henry taught me those words, and Jesus brought me the peace I desperately needed. I knew that if my eternity was certain, then I could endure anything until that day came.”

She had such an expressive face that he knew a question was coming. “Is everyone saved just because He came? That doesn’t seem right, with all the people running around these days doing whatever they want to do. So many people commit crimes, even to the point of mass murder.”

“Everyone who professes Him as savior is redeemed. Don’t forget, Jesus also said the path to salvation is a narrow one. Here—” Josh rummaged in the top drawer looking for the copy of the New Testament Henry had given him in those early days when his faith was new.

He looked up and something he didn’t remember feeling before slammed into him. At that moment he wanted nothing but to pull her onto his lap and just hold her. It made her nearness sheer torture to his lonely heart. Josh tried to shake off those feelings and went back to his search, moving to the next drawer down.

Finally he found what he was after, and as he handed it to her he prayed she wouldn’t notice his shaking hands or see his heart’s desire in his eyes. “Why don’t you take this up with you and read some of it. If you have any questions, we can talk tomorrow.”

Cassidy blinked, and he almost winced at the confusion that clouded her eyes.

“Sure. I’ll do that,” she said, backing away. “Sorry I bothered you. I can see how busy you are.”

She retreated from the room in a rush before Josh could call her back and try to explain why he needed to cut their talk short. But then, he hadn’t a clue what excuse he’d use anyway. All he knew was that at what he feared had been a critical moment in Cassidy’s spiritual growth, he had let personal feelings intrude. He had prayed she wouldn’t see into his heart but hadn’t prayed that she would let Jesus into hers.

Josh knew he needed to talk to Henry. For the first time ever, he couldn’t do what the pastor had asked of him. Because even though he had no intention of acting upon his feelings, he was too drawn to this woman to act as a spiritual counsel. The proof was blindingly clear. He had failed her, and yet he was afraid to follow her to try to make it right.

C
assidy sat brushing her hair at the old mahogany vanity in her room. She let the hand holding the brush drift into her lap as Joshua once again took over her thoughts. Not wanting to feel the way she did about him didn’t change the truth. Cassidy Jamison, heir to a multimillion-dollar steel company, was attracted to a country preacher who, though obviously intelligent, had no education or financial prospects.

Her grandfather would hit the roof.

And she didn’t care! Not about her fortune or his lack of one. Not about his lack of formal education. Not about the fact that she had only known him for four days. She only cared about him.

Of course, how she felt didn’t matter, anyway. Cassidy saw little chance that anything long-lasting would evolve from their tentative friendship. And not because she thought him beneath her or because her grandfather wouldn’t approve of him. The problem lay with Joshua himself. He didn’t feel the same way about her. If she’d had any doubt before, the way he’d recoiled from her in the study had shown her the truth.

Cassidy had always thought she’d seen herself with impartial eyes, but now she had to wonder if there was something wrong with her that she’d never acknowledged. She had a trim figure and had been told by others that she was reasonably attractive. She didn’t wear her hair in a long and flowing style, but the short cut suited her face and her busy life-style.

It was certainly true that the current condition of her clothing left something to be desired, but she couldn’t imagine Joshua caring about anything as shallow as how someone dressed, as long as it was modestly. Besides, he’d pick out the particular combination she’d put on that morning, so clothes couldn’t be at the root of his problem with her.

So, why did Joshua practically trip over his own feet trying to get away from her every time they were in close proximity? When she caught her reflection in the mirror trying to check her breath, Cassidy tossed the brush down.

There was nothing wrong with her!

She was a big girl and could accept that he felt none of the same attraction she did. Besides, she needed a friend more than a love interest, she told herself. She’d get over his rejection.

Always brutally honest with herself, Cassidy felt a blush heat her face when she thought of the way he’d acted earlier. He had to suspect that she had feelings for him and was embarrassed by it. The only recourse her pride would allow was for her to get out of Dodge as soon as possible—she pursed her lips and stiffened her spine—and until then, she’d just have to hide her feelings as best she could. First thing tomorrow she’d go down to Earl’s and check on her car. With any luck she’d be on the road by noon.

As she reached out to pick up the hairbrush again, she noticed the New Testament Josh had all but forced into her hands as an excuse to push her out of his vicinity. No. There had been sincerity in his voice as he’d given it to her. She had no doubt that he really and truly wanted her to read it. She shrugged. What did she have to lose?

She read the gospel of Matthew and became utterly fascinated by the unfolding of a kingdom that no one seemed to understand, even those closest to the man named Jesus of Nazareth. Then in chapter 19 she came upon a passage that troubled her.

It was the story of a rich young man who kept all the commandments already and wanted to know what else he had to do to be saved. After the young man turned away in sadness at Christ’s answer, He’d told the disciples, “It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.”

Troubled, Cassidy longed to seek Joshua out, but couldn’t bear to see that same panicked look in his eyes that had sent her running earlier. An hour later, that passage still haunted and, she admitted, angered her. She heard Josh move through the hall toward his room followed by the
click
of Bear’s nails on the polished wood floor. After a few minutes the house settled into silence.

Still, those words bothered her and kept her awake. She was the heir to a small fortune. Did that mean she couldn’t go to heaven no matter what she did to earn it? It didn’t seem to fit or to be consistent with Joshua’s evenhanded approach to his faith or with the passage she’d read off his notes earlier. So what could it mean?

She remembered all the books on his desk and her conversation with Josh about how he prepared a lesson. If he could find out what others had read into the Scriptures in those commentaries, then so could she! Surely one of those scholars had answered her questions already.

Luckily, Bear’s night-lights glowed softly throughout the house as Cassidy crept down the hall. She was grateful to the ridiculous dog as she moved down the stairs and into the darkened study. The floor creaked as she tiptoed across the room to the desk. “Please, God,” she whispered, “don’t let Josh find me sneaking around like this. A girl can take only so much humiliation in one night.”

She found references in several books, and after a while she understood that this was one of those passages that the scholars agreed upon. But even so, they all seemed to see different applications in people’s lives.

The first one she read seemed to say that Jesus did not really mean that it was impossible for a wealthy person to enter heaven. The rest followed suit on this, but one author continued on to explain that what Jesus meant was that heaven is impossible to earn or buy. The wealthy tend to think that everything and everyone has a price and that since they can pay that price, they think they can have anything they want. She wondered how many men in her own social circle thought they had already bought their place in heaven through charitable donations.

So, she concluded, salvation is an unearned gift. She couldn’t earn it as she’d thought. No one could.

Further complicating the lives of the rich, another scholar pointed out, are the temptations money brings with it. That was easy enough for Cassidy to grasp. When a CEO friend of her grandfather’s had ordered mandatory drug testing in his company because of falling revenues, it had turned out that drug abuse was rampant in the upper echelon of the company.

Yet another commentary mentioned the way money is almost worshiped in the world of the wealthy and how it is more often than not like a god to them. That was an easy idea for her to translate to her own experience. She’d learned quickly that in the world of cutthroat corporate politics, nothing was more important than the almighty dollar.

Tired of thinking and less content than ever with her life, she leaned her head back onto the big, old desk chair and let it rock back the way Josh had earlier. She closed her eyes and wondered where all this was leading her.

“Cassidy, dear, are you all right?”

Cassidy heard Irma’s voice as if from afar. “What is it?” Cassidy asked, and opened her eyes, blinking in surprise, her mind still in a sleepy fog. “What’s going on?”

“I saw the light on in here and came in to scold Joshua for staying up all night. Instead I found you. What on earth are you doing in here so early in the morning?”

“Doing?” Suddenly realizing where she was, Cassidy sat up. “Oh, I’m terribly sorry. I didn’t mean to overstep myself by using the study without permission.”

“Don’t be foolish. Books are made to be read. You can’t read the print off the pages. So, tell me, what were you reading?”

“Well, last night Josh shoved a New Testament at me and told me to read it in my room. I—”

“Shoved it at you?” Irma cut in and frowned. “Well now, that doesn’t sound like our Josh.”

“He was…um, busy, and I was asking a lot of questions.”

“It still sounds as if he was rude to you.”

He
had
bordered on rude but Cassidy didn’t want Irma making an issue of it. She forced a smile. “Oh, I wasn’t offended. Really. So, anyway, I took it upstairs and read it, and something bothered me. I didn’t want to pester Joshua again so I tried to sleep on it. After a while, when I heard him go to bed, I remembered the books he’d been using to—” Cassidy halted in mid-thought, horrified that she’d almost revealed Henry and Josh’s secret.

Irma smiled gently. “I know he writes Henry’s sermons. He’s been doing it for over six months. Everyone knows, but Henry doesn’t realize the rest of us figured out how much Josh is doing.”

Loyalty was a beautiful thing to behold, she thought, and let the subject drop. “Well, anyway, he had explained what the books were, so I came down here to look up the passage, hoping that I’d be able to sleep after I found the answer to my question. I certainly didn’t mean to sleep here.”

Irma still didn’t look too happy. “Did you find your answer?”

“I think so. It was about being saved and being wealthy and how hard it is to be both. It was the story of the rich young ruler, and I think I figured out that it’s okay to possess money as long as it doesn’t possess you. And that you can’t buy or earn your way into heaven.”

Finally the older woman smiled. “I’d say you did a fine job of finding your answer. Too bad my son didn’t do his as well.”

“But he did. He was just tired and in the middle of the sermon he was working on. I shouldn’t have invaded his privacy. I guess I’d better get upstairs. Please don’t mention this to Joshua. I don’t want him to be any more annoyed with me than he already is.”

Cassidy didn’t wait for Irma’s response. She fled just as she had last night from Josh. She managed to get dressed and be on her way to Earl’s in less than fifteen minutes.

The hood was up on her car, and Earl was hard at work. “How’s it coming, Mr. Pedmont?” she asked, trying to hide her anxiety.

Startled, Earl straightened and smacked his head on the hood. “Ouch! Oh, howdy. Got to your car in the middle of yesterday,” he said as he wiped his hands on a rag. “Ordered up the fuel filter, but it didn’t get up here till late last night. Figured, Earl, you get up at dawn and you could have the little lady back on the road by nine or ten.”

Cassidy looked at her watch. An hour. She could be gone and out of Joshua’s town in an hour. That was a good thing, she assured herself, and wished she didn’t feel as if she were leaving home instead of heading toward it.

Then she noticed Earl’s frown as he looked back down at the engine. He took his hat off and scratched his head. Then he let out a very discouraged and discouraging sigh. “Weren’t the filter. That’s for sure,” he declared.

“It won’t be done?” she asked, somehow knowing she was doomed.

“Nope. I’d suggest we let the new filter stay in, though. I’d say it was near time to replace it, anyway. Now I guess I’d best send for a fuel pump. It may be that.”

“You aren’t sure?”

“Can’t imagine it could be anything else except maybe the carb, and we really don’t want that.”

“Why don’t we want that?”

“A carb’s an expensive piece, especially on one of these foreign jobs. Ain’t a drop in the bucket on an American car, either.”

No, she had to leave today. She saw the perplexed look on Earl’s lined face and suddenly he didn’t seem as competent to Cassidy as he had. “Maybe I should have it towed to a bigger town. Maybe to a foreign car expert.”

Earl’s crestfallen expression nearly broke Cassidy’s heart. “If you don’t trust ol’ Earl, then maybe you should do that. I’ll ask my supplier to recommend some other fella in some bigger town. Just give me a minute to put her back together the rest of the way, and I’ll make the call.”

“It isn’t that I don’t trust you,” she assured him, even though she didn’t. She hated hurting someone who had been nothing but kind to her. After all, how much damage could he do taking out parts and putting new ones in? The money didn’t matter. It was just that she’d wanted to get away from Josh before she made a bigger fool of herself than she already had. But she’d never been comfortable getting what she wanted at someone else’s expense.

“So how’s the car coming along?” she heard Josh call to Earl from across the garage.

“I ordered up a fuel filter hopin’ it would be something cheap so it weren’t too costly for the little lady. But it must be the pump itself. There wasn’t really a way to tell till I got the filter up here. But the little lady was just asking about havin’ herself towed to a bigger town.”

“Cassie? I thought you agreed not to be in such a hurry to leave.”

Cassidy stared at Josh. He looked worried. Had Irma given him a piece of her mind for being rude? She was suddenly furious with him. He
had
been rude. “Actually, I got the feeling that I’d worn out my welcome with you. And if I have, that’s too bad, Joshua Daniels, because Irma seems to like me just fine! And I like this town. It’s…it’s…quaint! And my stomach likes it, too!”

She turned to the elderly mechanic, ignoring Josh’s bug-eyed expression. “Earl, you go right ahead and order that fuel pump, and if it needs that carb thingy, get that, too. You just tinker with that foreign job till it purrs like a kitten. No matter how long it takes. Now if you gentlemen will excuse me, my stomach and I are going to have a nice breakfast with Irma and Henry.”

Josh stared after Cassidy’s retreating back.

“Whew-ee, someone sure put a burr under her saddle, and I’d say that someone was you, Josh. What’d you do?”

Josh grimaced and kneaded the back of his neck to relieve a little of the tension he’d been carrying since last night. Irma’s little lecture hadn’t helped it, either. “Irma tells me I was rude.”