SM 101: A Realistic Introduction (64 page)

BBS’s (Computer Bulletin Board Services)

SM and sexuality-oriented BBSs exist in many parts of the country. Current listings
may be found in the periodicals
Prometheus, Sandmutopian Guardian, Boudoir
Noir,
and
Leather Journal.

Videos

Fiction - Mainstream

The Story
of
O
The Punishment of Anne
Venus in Furs

Fiction - Adult

Diary of a Dominant Woman, volumes 1-3
Bad Kitty Productions
San Francisco, CA

Painful Mistake
Blowfish Productions
San Francisco, CA

Pain Suite, Journey into Pain
Bud Russell Productions

Blush Entertainment has produced a number of lesbian videos that contain mild to
moderate SM scenes. Two in particular are
Hungry
Hearts and
Clips
.
Educational

Blood Sisters: Leather. Dykes and Sadomasochism
Michelle Handelman

Learning the Ropes
(a series of SM how-to videos)
Ona Zee Productions
Culver City, CA

Safe. Sane. Consensual SM -A Documentary
B&D Video Production and Distribution Co.
San Francisco

Welcome to SM
Oranj Productions
San Francisco
(I appear briefly in this one.)

SM Workshops

The House of Differences
[email protected]
(Note: Differences also puts on several other types of events.)

QSM
P.O. Box 880154
San Francisco, CA 94188
(415) 550.7776

SKIN (Seattle Kink Information Network)
Crossroads Learning Center, Seattle, WA
(206) 368-0384

Taurel Enterprises
250 W. 57th St. #260
New York City, NY 10107
(Mention this book, please.)

SM Clubs

I cannot recommend strongly enough that those who are interested in SM, or those whose lovers are interested in SM, contact a local group for proper orientation, instruction, and support.

Groups form and disband frequently, and some groups prefer to maintain a low profile. The following are some of the largest and best-known, and may be able to refer you to a club closer to your location and/or interests. If your club would like to be listed in future editions of this book, please contact me with your address and other pertinent information.

Note: Friends of mine who travel the country report that they have had good results by stopping at “alternative-type” leather stores and simply asking if any local clubs exist. Gay and lesbian bookstores, adult bookstores, and the local newspapers they carry, are often also helpful.

Current listings on national and international clubs may be found in
Prometheus, Boudoir Noir,
and
Leather Journal.

National Club (chapters in many cities)

National Leather Association
(pansexual but primarily gay & lesbian)
3439 North East Sandy Blvd., #155
Portland, OR 97232
(614) 470-2093

Pansexual Clubs

Alternative Erotic Lifestyles (AEL)
P.O. Box 80676
Albuquerque, NM 87198
(505) 345-6484

Arizona Power Exchange (APEX)
P.O. Box 67532
Phoenix AZ 85082-7532

Black Rose
P.O. Box 11161
Arlington, VA 22210-1161
(202) 686-5880

Chicagoland Discussion Group
3023 N. Clark St. #806
Chicago, IL 60657-5205
(312) 281-1097

Club X
P.O. Box 3092
San Diego, CA 92163
(619) 685-5149

C. O. P. E.
1015 S. Gaylord St. #200
Denver, CO 80209

Group With No Name
P.O. Box 18301
Austin, TX 78760-9998

LBW
3140-WB W Tilghman #1 39
Allentown, PA 18104
LBW1 [email protected]

OPC(Omaha Players’ Club)
P.O. Box 34463
Omaha, NE 68134-0463

PEP New Brunswick
PO Box 812
Morrisville, PA 19067
(908) 281-8689

PEP Philadelphia
P.O. Box 812
Morrisville, PA 19067
(215) 552-8155

The Phoenix Society
1131 S. Clinton St.
Baltimore, MD 21224
(410) 385-3331

Rose City Discussion Club
P.O. Box 1370
Clackamas, OR 97015
(503) 650-7052

SAAFE
BOX 42014 Postal Outlet
Calgary, Alberta, T2J 7A6
CANADA

Sacramento Leather Association
P.O. Box 5789
Sacramento, CA 95817

Service of Mankind Church
P.O. Box 1335
El Cerrito, CA 94530
(510) 232-1369

Society of Janus
P.O. Box 426794
San Francisco, CA 94142
(415) 985-7117

Threshold
2554 Lincoln Blvd Suite 1004
Marina Del Rey CA 90291
(818)782-1160

United Leatherfolk of CT
P.O. Box 281172
East Hartford, CT 06128-1172

Vancouver Leather Alliance
P.O. Box 2253
Vancouver, BC V6B 3W2
CANADA

Important note: Most of the clubs listed above are open and friendly toward people of all genders and sexual orientations. However, if you prefer men-only, women-only, or gay- and lesbian-oriented clubs, please contact the National Leather Association (see p. 365) to see if they have a chapter near you, or get in touch with one of the following:

Clubs on College Campuses

Several of these clubs are struggling for official recognition from their campuses. Please support them if you can.

Conversio Virium
Ferris Booth Hall, Columbia University, NY
[email protected]

SM Aces
Bard College, Annandale-on-Hudson, NY
[email protected]

Society for Human Sexuality
University of Washington, Seattle, WA
[email protected]

Glossary

Words

Age play:
Role-playing the persona of someone substantially younger (or sometimes older) than your actual age.

Alpha Dilemma:
The problem faced by someone who is normally dominant (particularly in a vanilla kind of way) regarding where and how they can safely express their submissive side. Can be particularly difficult for women.

Animal games:
A form of role-playing in which one person pretends to be some kind of animal - often a dog or horse.

Assertive fantasies:
A “code phrase” sometimes found in personal ads to indicate dominant interests.

Best/worst/most memorable:
A structured method of reviewing a session to determine its most prominent features. Often combined with “on a scale of one to ten, how good, bad, or memorable was it?”

Blue:
A safeword often used to indicate “Please, no more of that particular activity.”

Body-fluid monogamy (also “body-fluid bonding”):
A safer-sex practice in which an HIV-negative, non-monogamous couple agrees to practice safer sex when playing with other partners.

Bondage:
Physical materials applied to a submissive to restrain their ability to move and/or to otherwise restrict them. Also, the act of placing the submissive in such materials.

Bottom:
A slang term for a submissive and/or masochist. Many people use the word “bottom” to mean specifically someone who enjoys being given various sensations, as opposed to a “submissive,” who enjoys being controlled.

Bottom’s disease:
A habit of taking a submissive attitude toward others without justification or negotiation. Generally considered undesirable and a bit clueless. See Top’s Disease.

Bottom space:
The psychological “head space” or attitude of being submissive.

Boy:
A submissive (often, but not always, male) who relates to their dominant in a child-to-parent mode. More common among gay men and lesbians.

Brat:
A submissive who enjoys rebelling in a childlike way against their dominant.

Brats
are fairly common in the spanking scene.

Brown showers:
The act of one person defecating on another in an erotic context.

Burning Hands Syndrome:
An unintended burning sensation of the hands that sometimes results after play using menthol-containing creams without wearing protective gloves.

Caning:
Using a reladvely long, thin, flexible rod to whip someone. The rod is usually made of supple, varnished rattan, although some canes aremade of manmade materials like fiberglass. Caning is often more damaging than a novice might expect. Novices should be careful.

Cat:
Cat-o-nine tails. A multi-tailed whip in which the tails are braided.

Cinch loop
: A bondage technique in which coils of rope, or other bondage material, are wound between wrists after they have already been encircled by other bondage material. Cinch loops can closely regulate tightness.

Clean:
Has no sexually transmitted diseases.

Cock and ball torture:
SM concerned with giving strong sensations to the male genitals.

Consensual:
An activity done with the consent of adults competent to give that consent. One of the central features of SM play.

Counting games:
Rituals engaged in during whipping, or during other forms of flagellation, in which the submissive is required to keep count of the number of strokes delivered, often thanking the dominant after each one and asking for more. Example: “That’s five, Mistress. Thank you, Mistress. Mistress, please may I have another, Mistress?”

Crop
: Riding crop.

Crossdresser:
One who dresses in the clothing of the other gender. Male to female or female to male.

Cunt torture:
SM that involves giving strong sensations to the female genitals. (Note: using the word “cunt” for female genitals is not as taboo in SM culture as it is in most parts of the straight world.)

Cutting:
An SM activity in which very shallow decorative cuts are placed on the skin, usually with a sterile scalpel. Requires considerable knowledge to do safely.

Daddy:
A dominant (usually, but not always, male) who has a submissive “boy” or “girl,” and who relates to that submissive in a parent/child mode. More common among gay men and lesbians, but gaining currency among heterosexuals and bisexuals as well.

Deal-breaker:
A point on which players are so far out of agreement as to prevent their playing together. Frustrating, and better discovered earlier in negotiations than later.

Discipline:
Training by a dominant in how they wish their submissive to behave. Also, the punishment and correction administered by the dominant when the submissive fails to act in the proper manner.

Do-me queen:
A submissive who is more interested in what the dominant can do for and to them than in what they can do for the dominant.

Dominant:
One who enjoys assuming control. One who decides what happens and when. A dominant may or may not be sadistic.

Dominatrix:
A female dominant.

Dom:
A male dominant.

Domme:
A female dominant.

Erotic power exchange:
A somewhat genteel term for SM.

“Feet last, feet first”:
A safety slogan used during bondage. People standing with their feet tied together are in an unstable position. This is therefore minimized during SM play.

Feminization :
An activity that involves dressing the submissive in female attire and requiring traditionally female behavior. May also be played as “forced feminization,” in which the submissive is “forced” to dress or act like a woman. Feminization may be perceived by the submissive as humiliating or as a privilege.

Fetishism:
Sexual responsiveness to items, body parts, or behaviors that are not innately sexual. Most people are at least to some degree fetishistic.

Fisting:
The practice of inserting the entire hand into the vagina or anus. This practice takes time, training, and special equipment