Slow Ride (Riding with Honor) (17 page)

He led her through the kitchen and dining room and then back into the living room and up a set of stairs.  At the top of the stairs were four doors.  Opening the first door he turned on the light and she was shocked at what she knew was Gretchen’s room.

“I tried to get her to put some girly stuff in here but yea… this is Gretchen,” he said.

Posters of old cars and motorcycles hung on the wall
s.  The room looked like a 1950’s diner had thrown up all over the place.  The single bed in the corner had a bedspread on it with a design of a large old style jukebox.  Above the bed hung a wooden sign with the phrase ‘kiss my grits’ on it.

Walking further into the room she noticed the motorcycle model she’d bought
Gretchen, fully put together and sitting on her nightstand next to her bed.  Walking over to it she touched it and her eyes burned with tears.  She missed the little heathen.

“She misses you too
,” Tommy said.  After a few minutes of looking around they headed back out into the hall and Tommy shut off the light and closed the door.

He opened
another door and briefly showed her the bathroom across the hallway from Gretchen’s room and then led her down the hall and opened a third door.  Turning on the light, she saw what was the beginning of Melody’s room.  A crib sat in the far corner with a mobile hanging over the head of it.

Walking over to it
, Tommy said, “Watch this,” and after hitting a button she recognized his voice playing through the mobile and the sounds of his guitar.  A rocking chair sat near the crib but the room wasn’t painted and no curtains hung at the windows only blinds.

“I need help with this one
,” he said, turning the mobile back off.

“What do you mean?” s
he asked.

“Gretchen was an easy baby, hardly ever cried and slept through the night by the time she was six weeks old.  She didn’t become hell on wheels until
after
she learned how to walk and talk.  Potty training was a little fun but other than that…pretty easy,” he said.

“Melody scares me
, Dana… she’s so little and still pretty sickly and you heard Doctor McGinis…. what if she does end up having half the problems he talked about?” he asked.

“I don’t understand…”
she said.

Taking her hand he led her out of the room, again turning off the light and closing the door.  He led her across the hall and opened the last door and turned on the light.  The largest bed she’d ever seen sat in the middle of the room with the headboard against the far wall. 

A night stand stood on each side of the bed and a dresser sat along the far wall.  A door stood open showing a walk in closet and in the corner were two electric guitars and an amplifier.  Another closed door was along the opposite wall.

“Master bathroom
,” he said, pointing at the closed door.

“I didn’t realize you made that much at the shop
,” Dana said, looking at him.

“I don’t but I uh…
I bought the house with life insurance money my mom left me.  She wanted me to use it for college but… I like working at the shop… can’t see myself doing anything else.  I wrote some songs… sold them… and I get royalties from them, so we do ok,” he said, sitting down on his large bed.

“That is the largest bed I’ve ever seen.  I realize you
’re tall but wow…” she laughed.

Smiling he said
, “Have you ever bunked in with a four year old that kicks like a pack mule?”

Laughing she said
, “Don’t you mean five?”

After a minute of silence he looked at her and said
, “What was tonight about, Dana?  There is a lot I don’t know about you that I’d like too.”

“That guy…
Jason… I let him set a value on me as a person when I was in high school… what I was worth… instead of me declaring my own value,” she said.

“I
’ve spent the last ten years too afraid to put myself out there for fear of being rejected again.  It wasn’t his fault… it was mine.  Tonight was about capturing my own self-worth and I didn’t realize until I got there that I never needed to go,” she said, sitting down on the bed next to him.

“Is he why you’re not married…
why you’re a… virgin?” he asked.

“Actually
, no, he’s not the reason I’ve never been married.  And he’s not the only reason I’ve never been with a man,” she said, looking away from him.

“I don’t understand…
tell me because I don’t get it.  You have fire, and passion, you’re great with kids, fun, and erotic,” he said.

“I won’t ever have children
, Tommy… of my own.  I’m infertile… I can’t…” she choked.

“You already have children…
you’ve been more of a mother to my girls than they’ve ever known.  Gretchen has been righteously pissed off at the world since you quit working at the preschool and even Melody…
I
can’t even console her sometimes,” he said.

“What?” Dana asked
. “What are you talking about?”

“The girls!”
he nearly shouted. “I’ve seen you with them… you look at them like… like a mother is supposed to look at her kids.  I want that for them. You told me to think about it… how important it was to have two parents.  You meant for me to get back together with Casey… which will
never
happen… but I did think about it and you are right… they need to know who their mother is… and that’s you Dana.”

She could only stare at him.  “Did you say that I am erotic?”
she finally asked after processing all that he’d said.

“Yea, I look at you and all I can think about most of the time is sex.  I’ll get over it though…
eventually… it doesn’t change anything,” he said sighing heavily.

“I don’t understand…?”
she said.

“Look
, you said that you are infertile and can’t have kids.  I’m guessing that that means you have medical problems too that keep you from… you know… having sex… the virgin thing.  I get that… I’m just saying it doesn’t matter.  I still want you to be here with the girls…with me,” he explained.

“
I’ll even setup another room in the basement… you can have this one.  I can’t share a room with you and not want to… I’m a man remember?  I wish you would have told me a little sooner though.  I mean we came pretty close that day in your apartment… I would never have forgiven myself if I’d hurt you,” he finished.

“I can
have
sex, I just never did… the only thing that ever stopped me was me… my self-worth… my value.” she said.

“You
mean to tell me that you have never had sex because you don’t think you’re pretty, sexy and worthwhile… not because of a medical issue?” he asked in disbelief.

“Yes… I was too
self-conscious to even go there,” she whispered.

“Your apartment?”
he asked, clearly confused.

“I wasn’t turning you down…
I just wasn’t sure you… really liked me like that.  Then when you… touched me I got caught up in… the moment,” she said, looking at him.

His eyes burned into hers and then he was kissing her
, sucking on her bottom lip and touching his tongue slowly to hers. 

He broke the kiss and whispered
, “I need you, Dana… but the girls, they need you too.  If you don’t want this with me… tell me now.  I don’t want to cost them you.  They’ve paid enough for my mistakes.”

She had never wanted something so bad in her life… other than to be a mother.  He was offering her a chance for both.

“My point is, if you want him I can promise…he’s all yours…just tell him how you feel.”

“Tommy?  You’re so good looking and sexy and you flirt with me…
with me! Dana Atkinson!
  I spent most of my high school years trying not to be noticed for fear of what they would say about me or to me,” she began.

“
Then I went off to college and spent six years getting my Master’s Degree in Education and then I took additional schooling to specialize in working with younger children.  The whole time in College, I’m dealing with this devastating diagnosis about being infertile,” she continued. “Then I get out of school and spend a year working for my Dad, the whole while keeping my nose buried in the books to avoid a repeat of high school.”

“
Then the first real job I have in my chosen profession and there you are morning number one all sexy grins and hand kissing.  I didn’t know how to handle that.  Then when I think I’ve got you pegged with your smooth talk and pick up lines you go and tell me something like, ‘I want to spend more time with you, Dana,’ It was all happening so fast I couldn’t breathe and I couldn’t fathom that it was real,” she finished.

“Are you saying you want to slow down?  I can try to do that…” Tommy offered
.

“No…
I’m saying you are
not
a mistake and neither are your girls.  Without you being who you are, I would never have got a chance to know what it’s like to hold a newborn baby in my arms or a sleeping five year old.  Stop saying that they are paying for your mistakes… a mistake would have been walking away from them or God forbid giving them to Casey.  You didn’t do that.  The only way you could cost them me is if you change your mind and decide you don’t want me around after all…because I want to be here…
with you
…right now,” she said.

“Why me?  Out of all the guys out there?  I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve you.  You are incredible in more ways than one
,” he whispered as he kissed her mouth. “This is like the first time for me too.”

“The first time?”
she asked breathlessly.

“Yea
, the first time I’ve wanted a woman’s heart and soul and not just her body.  It’s like I want to consume you… be everything for you.  It feels like the first time for me too,” he said capturing her mouth again.

Pulling away from her
, Tommy removed his shoes and socks and then lay back on his bed looking up at her expectantly.  “Undress for me, Dana, I want to look at you.  I want to see you in in nothing but all that hair.”

She could only stare at him with his sexy grin.  “Ok
,” she said nervously as she removed her boots and socks.

Standing up
, she removed her jewelry and laid it on his dresser.  His eyes never left her and she could feel his bold gaze as it drank her in.  Turning, she pulled her blouse over her head and dropped it on the floor.

“You have an incredible body
,” he said.

“I’m too skinny
,” she said with a nervous laugh as she unzipped her jeans and pushed them down her legs and then stepped out of them.  After removing her bra and panties she said, “And I’m too tall.”

“Chuck’s right… you do have legs up to your neck and if your hair wasn’t distracting enough, the thought of those legs wrapped around me too…mmm
,” he said.

She could feel herself blush at his scrutiny…
he wasn’t lying because the fire in his eyes spoke the truth. 
He wanted her!

He sat up and then stood up in front of her and began unbuttoning his shirt.  Opening it up after the last button he said
, “Touch me, Dana.  Along with dreaming of your hair and legs… I dream about your touch.”

This seemed so surreal.
  Reaching out she touched his chest softly and slowly slid her hands across to his shoulders. Moving his shirt down his arms and then gathering it up in her hand, she tossed it on the corner of his bed. 

Heat seemed to jump from him to her as she slid her hands back up his arms, down his chest and to his stomach.  He had well defined muscles in his abdomen and Dana could not help but stare at him. 
His body was as hot as his handsome face.

Groaning he let his head fall back.  “As much of a hedonistic bastard as I am, you
have
to stop touching me… it feels
too
good.”

She could not seem to control her hands…
she had wanted him like this since the first time he’d kissed her.  She continued to touch him until he pulled her hand away from his stomach and brought it to his mouth where he placed her index finger between his lips and sucked on it before biting it gently to keep it there.

Reaching down he unsnapped and unzipped his pants
, pulling them away from his body.  Then grasping her wrist, he released her finger from his mouth and guided her hand down into his pants. 

“I don’t want to rush this or you…but I’m too excited.  Seeing you like this…
knowing you want me… and your touch.  I can’t wait… I’m sorry.  I need to take the edge off so I can slow this down,” he ground out.

He guided her hand
, wrapping her fingers around him.  His gaze was like a fire that burned her skin as he moved her hand up and down the length of him.  This was similar to what he’d done to her in her apartment.  His first sharp intake of breath seemed to unleash something in her and she took control.