Sloth (Sinful Secrets #1) (26 page)

I put my hand over my chest and watch his back and shoulders ripple as he pulls his pants on. I take a few deep breaths and try my best to forget about my throbbing pussy.

Fuck his moods. I gave him a blow job because I wanted to. I was in control.

Why did I want to? Why did I enjoy it so much? Because... I feel this weird regard for him. An inexplicable... not fondness exactly. More like interest. I’m so damn interested in this guy. So attracted to him. So when I saw the chance, I guess I wanted to make him come undone. Not even want—I
needed
it. I don’t know why he stokes such strange feelings in me, but I’m not going regret it now.

I remind myself that just before this, he was the one initiating things in the stock room. What was so wrong with me doing the same?

Doubts whirl through my head. I shut them down as I sit on my heels. I gave a fabulous blow job—no question about it. The way he jerked and writhed... the way his cockhead leaked a river... All those dirty words... the mindless moans. There is no denying it. He wanted what I gave him.

I want to hold out judgment, give him a few more minutes to collect himself and start acting normal again, but as he puts his shoes back on, I feel fury. Spurned fury, born of the embarrassment I just can’t shake.

Did I read that wrong?

Is he sending mixed signals?

I thought half the point of this ridiculous acquaintanceship was messing around. Is Kellan some kind of blowjob hater?

The back of his biceps ripple as he gets the last boot on his foot. He straightens up, and my stomach curls into a little ball as he turns around to face me. I can tell he’s trying to keep neutral, but his features are taut. Troubled.

I can’t stand it, so I look down at the floor. I spot the remainder of the bud I plucked and scoop it up. It’s a little nugget: no longer than my pinkie.

I drag my thumb over it, then find the nerve to hold it out to Kellan. He blinks down at it. He looks pissed off. No—he doesn’t. His mouth twists, and I think that he looks desperately unhappy.

I curl my hand around the bud. He watches me without a word, without a breath.

I try to read his face, and when I can’t, I feel the weight of everything I don’t know about him. My heart is pounding as I whisper, “Why do you do this, Kellan?”

“Why do you?”

“I asked you first.”

“I have a lot of reasons.” He blinks. His handsome face is now on lockdown.

“Name one.”

He shrugs, the motion quick and angry. “It should be legal. As medicine, for recreation. I give it to people who need it.”

“You mean like people with ailments? Chemo patients and... whoever else?”

“Yes.”

“Do you have a lot of people like that on your list? People who use it as medicine?”

He shifts his eyes away from me, then back. He locks his jaw, then holds my gaze for a long moment. “I sell so I can give it to the med patients for free.”

“So... you’re like Robin Hood.” I look at his stark face, trying to find the kindness that I know is there. “How many of those patients do you have?”

“A lot.” He sighs and rubs his brow, as if he has a headache.

I nod slowly, wishing I knew him well enough to ask what’s wrong right now and get an honest answer.

His brows lift. “You disapprove?”

“No—I’m... surprised. Impressed, I guess.” I stroke a fingertip over the nugget in my hand. “I used to want to be a nurse, but I was afraid hospitals would remind me too much of my dad and sister.”

I watch his shoulders lift with one deep breath. He lets it out—and then his hands curl into fists.

“Let’s get out of here, Cleo.”

His voice is bitter.

I have no idea why.

THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED.

It’s not Cleo’s fault. It’s mine.

I’m not doing this right. Maybe I
can’t
.

I can.

I just have to focus. Like now. I’m driving. She’s beside me. I don’t need to talk to her. I haven’t since we left Pecan, and why should I? The only way Cleo is different than the last girl hanging from my ropes is that there are more rules—for me. She’s not one of my submissives, but I think I could work her into that role. As a stand-in, anyway.

I would love to break her down and make her mine. I would love to see her tanned skin marked. I’m hard just picturing her round ass in the air, her blushing cheeks against my sheets. The way her shoulder blades would draw together when I pull her arms behind her back and bind them at the wrists.

I want my cock to live inside her throat. Inside her cunt. Inside her ass. I bet she would feel good from behind. She’s not a virgin but I’m guessing no one’s been inside her ass. These Southern girls don’t always go for that. Something about the Bible and sodomy, I think. Fucking literal interpretation if you ask me, but who would?

Cleo shifts in her seat. Can she feel my dirty thoughts? I almost hope she can.

But there’s the rub. I need to refrain from lusting after her until it’s time to get my rope out. I need to think of her as Cleo, possible business partner, until the need for her body becomes too great. I won’t let myself think of her sweet pussy until we’re walking up the stairs. Every other moment, it’s just business.

I don’t need her to be funny. I don’t need her to be kind. I don’t even need her to learn the logistics of stock and delivery—not really. When I go, I’ll shut down the import part of my little supply chain, as well as the smaller grow house on LaMont. The Pecan house is all she and Manning will need to continue turning enough profit to supply my VIP clients—the ones with medical needs—and pay themselves enough to make it worth their while. I know it won’t go on forever. I’ve got a plan for checking in on things, for discerning when Manning is ready to stop without asking him directly.

My hope for Cleo is that she can be the face of my enterprise for the VIPs and help Manning when he needs her—while padding her pocket book, of course. I’ll put Matt in charge of all the dealers. I’ve already started laying groundwork for that, although I haven’t told him. I won’t until it’s almost time for me to leave.

Cleo starts to hum.

My fingers twitch over the volume key on my steering wheel. This girl is all about the questions. I don’t want to answer any, so I let her hum “Friend of the Devil” without mentioning it’s one of my favorite Dead songs.

I think of Truman back at the Pecan house and I grit my teeth. I should have brought him with us. Manning doesn’t want a dog, and Cleo was ready to write songs about him. Tomorrow maybe. I couldn’t do it today. I don’t know why. It doesn’t matter.

I inhale deeply, working hard to keep my chest from rising with the effort. I may be unraveling, but I can fix it so Cleo never knows. I can keep my thirsts and all my pains a secret.

Three weeks. We said three weeks, but I may make it less. I may leave early. It wouldn’t hurt her. Nothing about my situation will touch her. I make that promise to myself as I park the Escalade beside a pear tree and kill the engine. Midday sunlight streaks in through the windshield, playing over Cleo’s heart-shaped face. After a minute of sitting there in silence, she casts her eyes to mine.

“Are you going to be this way the whole time I’m here?”

“What way?”

She lifts her brows. “A moody prick.”

My mouth twitches. It wants to bloom into a smile. I clamp my lips down, giving her a stern look. “You think I’m a moody prick?”

She shrugs. “I think you’re hot and cold. You say you’re going to protect me, we get high and mess around, and then you just ignore me? That’s annoying. I don’t want a boyfriend, Kellan, but if we’re going to mess around, you’ve gotta at least be cordial. I’m not
that
hard up for money, you know?”

So if I keep being “hot and cold,” she’ll leave. That’s what she’s saying.

I suck air in. Blow it out. “Fine.”

“Fine?” she echoes. She’s looking at me as if I have three heads. “What the hell does ‘fine’ mean?”

“It means fine. I’ll keep it lukewarm, just for you.”

She rolls her eyes. “Perfect.”

I pop the knuckles of my left hand, enjoying the dull throb. “For the record... you look good choked on my cock.” Too fucking good. I don’t blow down any woman’s throat. I seem to break that rule every time she puts her lips around my dick. I can’t let it happen again.

She quirks one elegant brow. “Well, as long as there’s that...” She rolls her eyes—but Cleo doesn’t get it. I haven’t accepted a blow job on a whim since I left USC in January 2011. Gillian came to see me in New York, but...

I shake my head. “It won’t happen again like that. I don’t get high,” I tell her, forcing myself to meet her eyes. They’re crystalline green—a color that I’ve hardly ever seen except on her. “I initiate what we do,” I add. “Every time.”

She shrugs. “Unless you don’t.”

“You want to get your pussy paddled?” The words spill from my lips as my dick stiffens.

“I don’t
not
want to.” She locks her jaw. Her eyes on mine are steely. Challenging.

Fuck me
. “No?”

She thrusts her lower lip out. Fucking minx.

I breathe so deeply, I can feel my nostrils flare. “Do you want to get your pussy paddled, Cleo?”

“I don’t care.” Her eyes are emeralds; I can see the twinkle of rebellion there.

“Are you sure about that?”

The corner of her mouth wavers. Then she nods.

“Get out of the car then, Cleo. Go inside and wait up in your room.”

This is what we’re doing, then. I don’t know what. I don’t know what it’s called, but I can feel it taking shape inside me: something dangerous and beautiful.

I walk slowly up the stairs. I want to hear his footsteps, but the house is quiet and empty.

He told me to lie face down on the bed and take my leggings down. I spend a moment in the room, and then I go out on the balcony.

It’s a windy day. The treetops sway slowly. Pine bristles tremble with orchestral restraint. All around their roots, the river spills—an open vein. The rushing water hurts my ears, like someone turned the volume too loud.

I wait for him with my hands on the cold stone railing. I daydream him behind me. The way he will scoop me up. Throw me over his shoulders. Take me to the bed.

I didn’t plan on this. I didn’t plan for how exciting things would be with him.

I hear him moving—really there now. I can’t breathe. He grabs my elbows. I am whirled around. His face is cold and hard. I try to match his look.

“You’re a defiant girl, Cleo. It’s time for you to get your due.”

“What’s that?” I ask, smiling naughtily.

“I’ll show you.” His low voice is strained. His cock is bulging in his slacks. I smile wider.

With his hands around my elbows, he pulls me down to the cement balcony. He urges me onto my hands. He yanks my tattered leggings down, pulling so hard they get stuck on my boots.

My stomach twists as I remember when he tore them. Then he smacks my ass—so hard I yelp. I rock forward on my arms.

“That’s for making me come down your throat.”

“What?” I snap.

He smacks my ass again.

“Ungrateful bastard!”

He hits me again.

“You loved that! I could—”