Sloppy Seconds: The Tucker Max Leftovers (26 page)

MEAN #8: ABORTION > DEAD BABY JOKES

SEXTING WITH TUCKER MAX: A/S/LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION

Some of the girls who sexted me were into pretending we were in weird, exotic locations, except they always left it to ME to pick the place. Like because I’d written a book about fucking lots of women, all of the sudden I was some kind of connoisseur of imaginary exhibitionism. I didn’t understand this at first—not only do you want to have fake sex, but you want to do it in a fake place NOT of your choosing??—and I eventually learned to stop trying. Fools act foolish; that’s what they do. You can’t actually try to understand them; you just have to go with it. So I did, and they turned out to be some of the funnier exchanges.

LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION #1: PUSSY PUSSY