Slim To None (Cedar Tree #1) (19 page)

Emma was waiting in the middle of the bed, eager to see what the surprise was, all but forgotten she was completely naked. With the remnants of her orgasm still flush on her face and the excitement over her surprise in her smile, he felt something settle in him. He put that flush there. He made her smile. He made her happy.

Sitting down beside her on the bed, he handed her the unmarked box to open.

"What are these?" Emma wanted to know when she pulled out the different sized foam wedges.

"Just what they look like. Wedge pillows, with multiple purposes." Wiggling his eyebrows suggestively, he urged her to lie down and moved the smaller wedge under her shoulders so her head was elevated enough to be able to look down her body. The bigger one he slid under her hips so that her butt was lifted off the bed.

"Oh boy! I see what you mean." Emma chuckled. "This is actually really comfy. Where did you get these?"

A little embarrassed, Gus shrugged. "Was trying to figure out ways to be adventurous but still safe and comfortable for you. Found them online, some website I found for people with disabilities. Stuff to help them maintain an active life."

"Come here," Emma pulled on his arm, trying to get him closer. "Come here, you. I'm trussed up like a holiday turkey here, I can barely move, you'll have to come to me." Her voice was husky with emotion.

Rolling over on his side, his head rested on one arm, he stroked Emma's hair back from her face. "You like?"

"I love them, you big oaf." She smiled at him, sliding a hand around his neck and pulling him close. "But what means most to me? Is the thought behind it. The care, the encouragement, the support, the acceptance and, Gus? The depth of the feelings."

The last took him by surprise. He must have mentioned he cared for her, but surely he would remember if he had told her, well ... he loved her. He did.

"Love you, Peach. I do. Never expected it, but you make it so fucking easy. I never stood a chance." With a little trepidation in his heart, he lifted his eyes to look at her and saw nothing but the big smile on her lips and in her eyes. "You're just gonna smile at me? Leaving me hanging?" By now two big tears were making tracks down her cheeks, but given the crazy big grin on her face, he figured those were happy tears, and he wiped them away with his thumbs as he claimed her mouth for a kiss.

"Ditto." Was the choked up response he got, forcing a laugh from him.

"What the fuck? Ditto? Oh hell no, you're not getting away with that, missy!" He grinned, settling himself over her, grabbing her hands and raising them above her head.

"Feel those handholds at the top of the pillow? I want you to hold on to those and don't let go." Settling in between her legs on his knees, he pushed the wedge further back under her so that her ass almost hung off the edge. Then he spread her legs, exposing her completely to his view. She was wet with her arousal already.

"Liking this, are you?"

"Hmmm ..." Was the only response he got, as she impatiently rocked her hips, looking for some friction. Bending down he swiped his tongue through her folds from her ass all the way to her clit, taking the distended bud between his lips and sucking hard. He could hear her mewling and looked up to see her watching from her slightly elevated position.

"More, please." She pleaded, lifting her hips off the wedge.

"Keep those hands where they are, but turn on your stomach."

Helping her to flip over, the wedge now supporting her hips, her ass was high up in the air without putting any pressure on her legs or knees.

"Beautiful." He traced her back with both of his big hands, from her shoulders all the way down to the globes of her ass, kneading her flesh.

"I can't fucking keep my hands of you, darlin'. Are you ready for me?"

"Fuck me already. Gus, please ..."

Her skin felt over-sensitized. With every pass of his hands she was struggling harder and harder to keep her own from moving. Restlessly shifting her hips, she wanted to spread herself as wide as possible for him, wanting to feel him fill her. Fuck her hard. This little control game they were playing had her turned on so much, she was going to come from skin contact alone.

She could feel his hands slide down the back of her thighs, and as they traveled back toward her ass, her cheeks were spread wide open. The sensation of his tongue between her legs, gave her a full body shiver. This time he licked her front to back, briefly tonguing her pussy before sliding further up. His thumbs slid from her labia into her passage, and she involuntarily clenched down on them. God, she wanted to feel his cock.

"Patience, my delicious Peach." Gus rumbled from behind her.

He pulled a thumb from her and trailed moisture up to her ass, started gently probing and pushing through the tight ring of muscle. Never had she been breached there before, and Emma briefly fought the instinct to pull away, but wanting to experience it all, she instead pushed back against his finger.

"Oh my God, Emma. What you do to me. I have to get inside you."

With his thumb still firmly lodged in her ass, he slid his painfully erect cock through her folds probing for her entrance. With one big thrust he planted himself balls deep inside her with a groan, causing her to gasp for breath.

"You okay, my love?" Gus whispered to her.

"God, yes, yes. So good." She whimpered. "Please move ..."

She could feel a hand anchoring her hip and then he moved. Pumping slowly at first, but with increasing speed. He matched the movement of his cock sliding in and out of her, with the thrusts of his thumb. She was overwhelmed with a sense of fullness, a feeling of being completely consumed.

"One of these days, darlin', I want to fuck you here." Gus said, as he twisted his  digit in her ass, which woke up a whole new set of nerve endings an jump started an explosive orgasm, causing her to buck and scream his name.

Using both hands now, Gus grabbed onto her hips with a stronghold sure to leave imprints. Moving more erratically, he pumped into her until he found his own release. Finally collapsing completely spent and gasping for air, on top of her. She welcomed the weight of him, the give of the wedged pillows taking most of it. He had his head buried in her hair and twisting her head slightly, so her lips could reach him, she kissed him. "I love you too, big guy."

"W
e really should talk." Gus said as he walked into the kitchen.

Hard to believe it had been only three hours since Kara left. It felt like so much time had passed already. Her plane should be leaving in twenty minutes or so and Arlene should be back sometime soon, although Emma was pretty sure Arlene would wait around with Kara until the last possible minute.

Then there had been Gus sucking up snippets of time and expanding it a hundred-fold, creating memorable moment after moment. He felt so huge in her otherwise rather limited life. Sweet, bossy, presumptuous Gus; who could bring her to her knees with his thoughtfulness and fierce protectiveness. Not to mention the dirty thoughts he didn't hesitate in sharing and his calm presence.

But calm was not what she felt radiating from him at the moment. When she turned to him, she could see tension in his jaw and in the balled fists he was hiding in his pockets. Something was wrong.

"Talk about what?"

"Us. You and me." Gus stayed on the other side of the counter at a safe distance, looking uncomfortable.

Swallowing down a ball of nerves that had suddenly taken up residence in her throat, Emma forced her next words out. "Is there a problem?"

His eyes met hers briefly before looking beyond her out the kitchen window. "I ... um, maybe. I was thinking while I was having a shower. We haven't really had a chance to talk much. About our pasts. Our lives."

"Okay ..." She was trying hard not to panic at his changed demeanor from earlier that morning. "What is it you're saying exactly, Gus?"

"Just that there is some stuff in my past that you should probably know about. Before, you know... you make any decisions about me." He looked so uncomfortable, it tugged at her heartstrings. Making a decision to throw caution to the wind, she turned around, grabbed two coffee mugs down, filled them and set them on the counter.

"Here, you grab these and let's go sit down for a bit."

Walking right past him, she went ahead into the living room and sat on one end of the couch, waiting for him to follow. It took him a minute to move, but he grabbed the mugs and brought them in, sitting down next to her.

"Talk to me."

He still avoided looking at her directly, but hesitated only for a minute before taking in a deep breath and letting it out. "I married young, too young probably. In part to get out of the house, wanting to start my own family. Getting away from mine. Dad was a cop, mom a stay at home mom who really had nothing much going on outside of taking care of us. Dad ruled the roost, so to speak. With a firm hand."

"He hit you?" She wanted to know.

"Nah. Occasionally if we'd really stepped out of line, but nothing abnormal for those days. He was just... overbearing, controlling. Had high expectations."

"You mentioned 'us' and 'we', do you have siblings?"

"A brother. Five years older. He followed in my dad's footsteps and became a cop. The apple of my father's eye. Two peas in a pod. I was the odd one out, more attached to my mom. More like her too. Too soft for my dad's liking." Gus picked up his coffee and took a swallow. "Still, I followed in his footsteps too. Got hitched young, went to the police academy and ended up joining the Detroit PD along side him and my brother. He always pushed me to join in with some of his 'fraternities'. A bunch of cops hanging out together, trying to find ways to manipulate department policies from the bottom up. I was never one for politics, so I passed. Time and time again. That pissed him right off. Of course my brother was into it, he was right in the thick of things."

Getting up, he started pacing the room restlessly, and Emma could sense they were getting to the meat of his story. Determined for him to tell her everything, she wasn't going to move or even look at him differently. She simply continued to sit there, sipping her coffee, waiting for him to finish at his own pace.

"One day two cops were found dead, our colleagues. Murdered. They had also been part of one of my dad's fraternities. No discernible leads were found, but Internal Affairs suddenly showed up asking questions about those. Apparently they had been part of an ongoing corruption investigation. We were all questioned, but when they got to me, they started asking me about my dad and my brother. Wanted to know about their association with the two murdered cops. I told them what I knew about that particular fraternity and mentioned I'd been to one meeting and wouldn't like ever go again. Just not really interested. Still, they came after me hard, basically accusing me of being a corrupt cop. They had nothing on me, since there was nothing to have, but they did scare the shit out of me. During the interrogations they asked me to identify a number of fellow officers who had been present the one time I had joined my dad and my brother at their weekly get together. I didn't think I was doing anything wrong, I simply told them what I knew."

His voice had dropped so low, Emma had to lean forward to catch every word. Shame and guilt were evident in his eyes, which were completely unshielded. "Turns out their innocent little 'fraternity' was a front for organized extortion from local merchants and small businesses. They took pay offs for covering up crimes and eliminating evidence. The two murdered officers had been informants for the IA, been found out and murdered. My dad and brother were deeply involved. It made me sick. Mom didn't believe it, continued to believe in their innocence. Both were convicted and did time. Dad ended up dying in prison. Mom completely lost it and now lives in a senior's home. It's a small blessing she doesn't recognize anyone anymore, because now I can go visit her from time to time without her kicking me out. After my brother Will was released he disappeared."

With his back to her, Gus stared out the window as he recounted the tragic history of his family. She simply sat on the couch, with her hands covering her mouth; tears streaming down her face.  Her heart ached for him, but still she waited him out.

"Right after the IA investigation, I started receiving threats. Some were anonymous, but most were right in my face. I was transferred when it became impossible to work for the department anymore. But each new placement, and later in every new town or city, the stigma of having sold out my 'brothers' caught up with me. My marriage was never strong, so Karen left after the second transfer, having had enough of me and my fucked up family. I bided my time the best I could. Barely made it to early retirement age and hightailed it out of there. That's when I started out on my own."

Making love to Emma this morning had been mind-blowing, and not just the release after a week's pent up sexual frustration, but so much more than that. Years of restraint seemed to be released when in Emma's arms, something he had no experience with. A need to strip himself of all pretence and veneer and simply share this real honest connection with her had urged him to voice his feelings out loud. But that was not what had set his mind spinning. It was Emma's responding declaration of love that followed their intense moments of shared bliss, that sparked up his insecurity.

Anyone who had ever professed to love him had ended up turning their backs on him and walked away when the going got tough. So even though he was convinced of his own words and the feelings the conveyed, he couldn't help his knee-jerk reaction to Emma's. It wasn't so much that he questioned her integrity, but he would simply have felt a whole lot better if she knew the dirty truth about his past before she had expressed those sentiments.

Now he was questioning the wisdom of laying his whole sordid past out there for her. Fuck. He was a hot mess and felt gutted after dragging all that shit back up again. Looking over, he found Emma curled up on the couch, head in her arms, bawling. Now fucking what? How was he supposed to take that?