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I sank down in the nearest chair as he sat back down. “She’s not so bad in small doses.”

Charlie chuckled. He knew all too well that Megan was so unpleasant she was almost a caricature villain. The guy beside him leaned forward and extended his fist. “Hey, man. I’m Joe.”

I nodded and smiled at the tall, dark-haired dude. I’d heard the name before. If I remembered correctly, he’d been Charlie’s roommate at some point, and Ash knew him quite well. He was pretty hot too, though he was clearly straight. With some guys, you just knew. “Aren’t you the one who moved back to Seattle?”

Joe shook his head with a rueful grin. “It didn’t work out, so I’m here until someone drags my ass back to screw things up again. I’ve got a place up at Lakeview. You live in Lincoln Park, right?”

“Right.” I nodded, but there wasn’t really much else to say. Sometimes I thought living with Ash had killed my conversation skills.

“So, how’ve you been, dude?” Charlie said when the introductions were over. “We haven’t seen you for ages.”

I shrugged as Ash appeared beside me and passed me a beer. “Work, man. You know it keeps me busy.”

Charlie grinned. “Yeah, too busy. My mom was asking about you yesterday. She wants you over for dinner soon.”

“Sure,” I said, but my attention was abruptly diverted as Ash dropped onto the arm of the chair I was sitting in and slid his hand under my shirt.

He traced the deep bruises splayed over my torso with the pads of his fingers. I stayed still as he conducted his examination. I was bruised and sore, but his touch was light, light enough to relax me. I leaned into him without much conscious thought. After a moment, he answered the movement with a final, featherlight brush of his thumb, then left his hand where it was.

“So,” Charlie said, leaning forward with a bottle of vodka in his hand, oblivious to Ash’s hand or my reaction to it. “I saw on the news about that guy attacking a paramedic. Was it anyone you know?”

“Must have been another house,” I said, waving away the hard liquor. Ash did the same, but he bristled as the events of the day before came rushing back to both of us.

“Still,” Charlie said. “The guy looked pretty crazy. Did you hear what he did to his wife? Almost beat her to death with a baseball bat and just left her there. What kind of head case does that?”

I shrugged, hoping if I gave him a vague enough answer he’d shut the fuck up. “Who knows?”

It worked, eventually, but the damage was done. Ash got up and put Ellie to bed, and when he came back he didn’t say a word more—he just lolled his head on my shoulder and watched the world go by with half-lidded eyes. I let him be, knowing he was half-asleep. Charlie paid us no heed, and Joe didn’t seem to notice. No one else could really see us, and in Ellie’s place we felt pretty safe. I didn’t realize how wrong we were until Megan’s new boyfriend suddenly appeared in my eye line.

“What the fuck is this? Are you two faggots or something?”

D
ESPITE
being the drunkest of all of us, Charlie responded first. He put his vodka bottle down and swiveled round in his chair. “What the fuck?”

Sean leaned against the doorframe and shrugged, like the hate seeping out of him was nothing out of the ordinary. “They look like queers with their hands all over each other like that.”

Across from me, Joe’s eyes bugged out. I was vaguely amused to see him belatedly figure out who Sean was sneering at. It made sense. Though Ash had known him a while, it wouldn’t occur to him to divulge his love life. It never did. Apart from my mom and a few close friends, not many people knew we were more than roommates. Neither of us fit the stereotypical image, and it was rare that an outsider worked it out for themselves. Our scruffy hair and tattoos had stereotypes all of their own. We’d even fooled each other when we first met, and under different circumstances, Joe’s wide-eyed surprise might have been funny, but I didn’t laugh. There was nothing funny about the bullshit coming from Sean.

“Yeah, queers,” Sean said. “Ass bandits, whatever. Hey, Meg? You didn’t tell me your brother and his crew were faggots.”

Enraged, Charlie jumped to his feet. I considered intervening as Sean stepped forward to meet him. Charlie was no fighter, and Sean had a good twenty pounds on him. Sean’s words meant nothing to me, but I didn’t want to see Charlie get hurt.

Joe beat me to it, standing and placing a restraining hand on Charlie’s back. “Leave it, Chas. He’s not worth your time, man.”

His tone was placating but it didn’t do any good. Sean’s words had struck a chord with Charlie, and I knew why. Ash aside, he was probably the only person in the apartment who knew Ellie was also gay. His anger was in defense of her, for the little sister he adored, and deep down, though I was worried he’d get his ass kicked, a part of me cheered him on. I sat up straighter, keeping half an eye trained on Ash, and watched the scene unfold. In the past, Ash would have been up and swinging punches before Sean had drawn breath, but he’d mellowed in recent months. So far, his only reaction had been to sit up and plant his feet on the floor. Cautiously, I put my hand on his shoulder.

Sean caught the movement and sneered again. “See? Fucking queers.”

Ash stiffened. The muscles in his back turned to stone, and I was almost sure I felt his blood run cold. My instinct to protect him hit me like a wrecking ball. I stood and stepped in front of him, moving faster than my aching back really wanted to. My body blocked him from Sean’s view. If Sean wanted to get to him, he’d have to go through me first.

I stared at Sean, widening my stance. Unfazed, he looked me up and down and shook his head.

“I don’t like faggots.”

I leaned forward and cocked my head to the side. I made no other movement, but the challenge was clear. “So?”

There was movement beside me as Joe stepped up. “Careful, dude,” he said to Sean. “I don’t think you know who you’re fucking with.”

Sean laughed, but the sound was flat and cruel. “What are they going to do? Hold me down and rape my ass?”

There was silence as his words rang out. I glanced back at Ash, expecting to share mutual disgusted disbelief, but something in his horrified, stricken face stopped me short. Something inside me snapped. I saw red and my fist connected with Sean’s jaw before I even knew what I was doing.

All hell broke loose. Someone restrained me, but I twisted away when I realized it wasn’t Ash. Joe let me go as soon as he saw I was done throwing punches, and Charlie moved forward to finish what I’d started. Punches flew and chicks screamed, but I didn’t hear any of it. I whirled around, searching for Ash, but he wasn’t there. My heart sank when I saw the door to the apartment was wide open. Without looking any further, I knew he was gone.

I ran from Ellie’s swanky, converted apartment. No one noticed me go. Sean was on the floor where my punch had put him, fending off Charlie, and Joe was still trying to calm things down. I ran for the stairs. Ash was claustrophobic—no way would he take the elevator. I jogged down the first few flights, but I had to stop halfway down. My bruised back and ribs had been the last thing on my mind when I’d lunged at Sean, but I was beginning to pay for it. Running down the stairs just wasn’t going to happen.

I took the final set at a slower pace, but I was still breathless when I stepped out onto the street. We didn’t live far from Ellie’s place, but I had no way of knowing if Ash had headed for home. I pulled out my cell, but I spotted him halfway down the block just before I hit his speed-dial.

Relieved, I shuffled across the street. He was leaning against a building, his eyes closed. A cigarette dangled unlit from his hand. I put my hands on his shoulders and roused him, searching his face for the harrowed stare I’d seen upstairs. “Come on,” I said when I found nothing. “Let’s go home.”

He didn’t move, just glanced blankly back up toward the apartment, and the reason for his hesitation was obvious—he didn’t want to leave Ellie with Sean in her place. I understood, but we couldn’t stay. My temper had faded quickly, but I was still pissed—pissed enough to do something stupid if we encountered Sean anytime soon. I didn’t want to hang around. Punching someone behind closed doors was one thing; brawling in public was something else. We needed to leave, before I got my ass arrested.

“Charlie’s staying over with Ellie,” I said. “Her roommate’s there too. She’ll be fine.”

Ash slowly pushed himself off the wall, holding my gaze suspiciously. “You’re sure Charlie’s staying?”

I nodded. “Yep, Joe too.”

It was enough to get him moving, but it didn’t bring him back. He seemed to be in a world of his own as we started to walk home. I left him alone, since keeping my aching body upright required my full attention, but I was baffled as I replayed the scene in my head. It didn’t make any sense, none of it did. Ash wasn’t ashamed of his sexuality, and he knew better than to let someone like Sean get to him. I’d seen him upset, angry, and even so rattled he was spooked by his own shadow, but I’d never seen him as haunted as he’d been when Sean had attacked us. The notion was disturbing, and kept me preoccupied for the short few blocks we had to walk to get home.

I headed straight to the kitchen when we got back to our apartment, grimacing at the slight limp I’d developed on the way home. Ash leaned against the doorframe and stared at the floor as I threw back a couple of Advil. His silence began to irritate me. He’d just watched me punch someone out yet he had nothing to say? Irrationally, I suddenly felt angry with him, but for what I couldn’t be sure. Sighing, I reached up and retrieved the bottle of bourbon we kept in the cupboard.

I’d poured an inch into a tumbler before he finally looked up. “You’re drinking that with those pills?”

I rolled my eyes. I’d only had one beer all night, and I’d drummed it into him time and again that drugs and booze didn’t mix. Advil and a single Budweiser wasn’t quite what I’d had in mind, but it was kinda nice to know he’d listened. Not that I was in the mood to see the glass half-full. I held the whiskey out to him. “It’s not for me,” I said. “It’s for you. Drink it, and calm the fuck down.”

And with that, I left him alone. It felt wrong to walk away from him, but even though I didn’t have a clue what he was thinking, I knew
him
. He wasn’t going to talk until he was good and ready—if indeed he talked at all—and standing over him, analyzing his every move, would just make it worse. Sometimes the best way to deal with Ash was not to deal with him at all.

I made my way to the bathroom and got in the shower. The single punch I’d thrown at Sean had screwed up my ribs even worse, leaving me aching and sore, so I lingered until the hot water began to give out. I pulled on some sweats when I was done, then pretty much fell onto the bed. Ash didn’t come into the room until I was nearly asleep. I heard him undress, but he didn’t get in bed. Instead, he came to crouch by my head, and when he finally spoke it was so soft I hardly heard him.

“I’m sorry.”

I opened my eyes, wincing as I raised my head. “What are
you
sorry for?”

Predictably, he looked away. “I’m sorry I left you up there.”

“So why did you?”

“I don’t know, I….”

He broke off, stammering. I reached out and cupped his face with my hand, something I often did when he lost his focus and couldn’t get his words out. It happened from time to time, especially when he was upset. It was almost like he had an emotional stutter, like he couldn’t decipher what he was feeling and put words to it. “Hey, it’s okay. Just get into bed and go to sleep. You’ll feel better in the morning.”

Ash shook his head. The motion was jerky and frustrated. “It’s not okay. It was like it wasn’t even Sean I was seeing. I thought I saw….” He stopped again and let out a shaky breath.

Instinctively, I moved my hand to his chest. Beneath my palm, his heart beat just a touch too fast. “What did you see? What was it?”

He swallowed and met my eyes for the first time. “I think… shit, I don’t know.”

We looked at each other for a long moment, but nothing changed, because unlike in the past, when I’d been able to read him, this time I couldn’t figure out what he was trying to say.

I
WAS
still none the wiser when the night eased into a dark Chicago morning a few hours later. Beside me, Ash stirred, and a frown crossed his face. I put my arm around him to quiet him as he muttered something unintelligible. He’d been restless all night, but it was the buttcrack of dawn and his day off. He didn’t need to wake up just yet. I watched through heavy eyes as he mumbled some more before he rolled onto his side and settled again. He was always a fucker for rambling in his sleep. Drove me bat-shit crazy half the time. Usually, he talked about food and the weather, but now, as he mashed his face into his pillow, I couldn’t make out a word.

A little while later, after crawling back into bed after yet another hot shower, a noise in the hallway caught my attention. I didn’t look up as the front door rattled open. Only one person had a key, and I’d been expecting her. Ellie opened the bedroom door a few moments later, looking as tired and miserable as I felt.

“Are you decent?”

I nodded and lifted up the comforter. Ellie discarded her coat, tiptoed across the room and slipped under the covers beside me. I flinched. Damn, she was
cold
. “How’re you doing, sugar? Are you okay?”

Ellie shook her head and sniffled. “Charlie told me what happened. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there, Pete.”

“Hey, hey, don’t get upset. It wasn’t your fault, and I’m the one should be apologizing. I’m the one that punched that douchebag.”

“I don’t care about that,” Ellie said. “My home is your home, Pete, you know that. I want you guys to be comfortable there, not afraid to be yourselves because of idiots like him. If I’d had any idea, I’d never have let him in. You know that, don’t you?”

I sighed. “Of course I do, but you should really be careful who you let in your place. We can take care of ourselves, but what if it had just been you and him?”