Sleepless Nights (The Donovans of the Delta) (12 page)

Was he remembering, too?

The nostalgia, remembered but not spoken, made her soft toward him. When they left the restaurant, arm in arm, it felt like old times. At her house, he surprised her with a tender goodnight kiss, and she surprised herself by not insisting that he take back the jewelry.

Before he got in his car and drove away, Tanner said, “Tomorrow is another day,” echoing the famous line from
Gone With the Wind.
Amanda stood on her doorstep watching as his car vanished, watching and wondering if he was planning their future together while she was still trying to accept the reality of their future apart.

 o0o

The next morning Amanda woke up reluctantly as usual, squinting at the unwelcome morning through one eye and hoping she was wrong about the sun peeping through her window. Somewhere in the distance she heard music. Her crazy neighbor singing as he went to get the morning paper, she thought. She reached for her clock. It showed a full fifteen minutes till the alarm would ring. Groaning, she pulled the covers over her head, clock and all. She couldn’t believe she’d ruined fifteen good minutes of sleep by waking up.

The music seemed louder, more persistent, and it wasn’t coming from next door; it was right under her window. She stuck her head out from under the covers and listened. The song was
Nobody Does It Better
” and the singer was Tanner Donovan.

She pulled the covers back over her head and mumbled, “I should cover him with chunky peanut butter and feed him to the birds. I ought to string him up and hang him from the tree at City Hall.”

The sound of music penetrated her warm cocoon of blankets, and she grinned in spite of herself. “Audacious man. Maybe he’ll give up and go away.”

As she lay there waiting from him to go, it occurred to her that she wanted to see him. Had to see him. Not for any romantic reasons, she rationalized, but she needed to look at him— just a glimpse, or maybe two or three. She didn’t know why. She didn’t want to know why.

She hopped out of bed, scattering blankets hither and yon, and hurried to the window. Without thinking, she threw it open and leaned out.

Tanner was there, dressed in his white cowboy outfit, one boot propped on the front fender of his car. Nobody had the flamboyance and style of Tanner Donovan.

Her delighted peal of laughter sent a cardinal into flight.

“You scalawag. You’re going to wake everybody in the neighborhood with that racket.”

Tanner gave new meaning to the Southern expression, “rared back.” He didn’t lean back; he rared. Mandy felt as if she’d discovered Christmas for the first time, and she knew that one glance wouldn’t be enough.

“And you’re going to start a riot in that scanty pink lace thing you’re wearing. I’ll probably have to challenge every man in the neighborhood to a duel.”

She reached over and pulled the curtain around her body. “It’s all your fault. Go away.”

“Invite me in. I’m bearing gifts.”

“I’m not accepting any more jewelry from you.”

She didn’t notice her slip of the tongue, but Tanner did. She wouldn’t take any more, but he’d be willing to bet she’d keep the ones she had. He knew that if he put them on her, she wouldn’t be able to give them back. Amanda loved jewelry— the more elaborate, the better.

“How about food?”

She could imagine what goodies he’d brought from Anna’s kitchen, but she stood firm. “No.”

“Gingerbread.” He held the gingerbread to his nose and sniffed. “Heavenly.”

She licked her lips. “That’s sneaky.”

“That’s smart. I’ve discovered the way to your heart, Amanda. Are you going to let me in?”

“You wouldn’t consider leaving it on the doorstep?”

“It’s a gingerbread man. He’d feel abandoned.”

“All right, then, but you can stay only long enough to give it to me.”

“I’m in love with a greedy woman.”

“None of your tricks, Tanner. Promise?”

He held up his hand. “On my word of honor.”

She put on her bright pink silk robe and hurried to the door. Tanner looked twice as good today as he had the day before. She supposed it had to do with the gingerbread he held in his hand.

She opened the door wide.

He stepped through. Holding the gingerbread in one hand, he pulled her against his chest with the other.

“I dreamed of how luscious you’d be with your hair tumbled from sleep. You’ve exceeded my wildest expectations.”

“Tanner, you said on your honor.”

“I have no honor.” He tightened his hold. “You make me forget all my plans to woo you properly. I want you.” He bent down and skimmed his lips down her cheeks, around her jawline. His mouth hovered close to hers, so close that she almost could taste him. “I want to take this bit of silk off and see your body.”

“No, Tanner . . . don’t.” Her words came out in small, breathless spurts.

“I remember every delicious inch of you; those gorgeous legs, that tiny mole inside your right thigh, your rosy nipples and the way I could make them hard by looking at them.” His gaze held hers as he caressed her through her silk robe. “The way they are now. You want me. Say you do.”

“Yes . . . oh, yes.”

“I love you, Mandy. I want to marry you. And I don’t know if I have the patience for a long courtship.”

“No.” She could barely speak the word, but she knew she had to. “Please don’t, Tanner.”

“I believe you love me, Mandy. Can you deny it?”

His hands were still on her, doing remarkable, wonderful things. She could see so deep into his eyes, she imagined she’d glimpsed his soul.

“It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“It matters—to both of us.”

“Forget what I once felt for you, or what I feel for you now. We can never have a future together. Claude—”

“Will never come between us again.” His expression became fierce. “Dammit, Mandy. Say you love me.”

Her laugh was shaky. “You’re wasting your time with me.”

His mouth covered hers swiftly, greedily. She leaned into him, fitting every inch of herself to his muscular body. Her emotions were in a frenzy because she knew that what they shared—something so wonderful, so right, so good—had to end.

She tried to pull back from his kiss, but he took her mouth again, this time with an aching tenderness and an unbearable sweetness. She felt as if he were wrapping rainbows around her heart. The brightness radiated through her, and she caught a glimpse of what it would be like to be his wife. He was a man who knew how to cherish a woman.

What she couldn’t say to him earlier, she spoke through the kiss. She loved him. Now and always. No matter how many years or how many miles came between them, she would never be free of Tanner Donovan. With all her heart she wished Claude would vanish, would disappear as if he had never existed. She knew she was being foolish and selfish and childish, but there was no other way they could be happy together. The knowledge shattered her.

Tanner held her long after the kiss had ended. Tucked close to him, she felt secure and needed and loved. She rested her head against his shoulder and let the feelings wash over her.

She placed a soft kiss on his neck. “I have to go to work.”

“I know, love.”

“You have to release me.” Her voice was gentle with love.

“Only temporarily.” He eased his hold. “Your breakfast, my darling.” He placed the gingerbread boy in her hand. “It goes well with a tall glass of milk. I want the mother of my children to be healthy.”

“I can accept your food and your friendship, Tanner, but nothing more.”

He smiled. It was a little-boy-trying-to-be-brave look that made her want to cuddle his head to her breast.

“I have four older brothers who’ve all wooed and won the women they love. It would be a shame to break the Donovan track record.”

“I know losing is not your style, Tanner, but you’ll just have to get used to the idea.”

“Mandy, love, when my brothers get through tutoring me on the finer points of courtship, you won’t be able to say no.”

She remembered him as a little boy, bringing bitter weeds to his mother. Saying no to him made her feel like a miserly old hypocrite. Lord, she thought, what a mess life could be sometimes.

She held out her hand. “Good-bye, Tanner. Please thank Anna for the gingerbread.”

“It was her pleasure—and mine.”

He kissed her hand. “Remember the milk, Mandy. And by the way, there’s a note in your kitchen I think you should see.”

He left, whistling.

Amanda stood in the doorway watching until she could no longer see his car. Then she went to her kitchen. The note, propped on her table, was the first thing she saw. He must have put it there Monday night, she decided, after she had taunted him with her striptease act.

She laid the gingerbread aside, picked up the note, and read. “This time, Amanda, you’ll choose me.”

She felt tears forming. Tearing the note in half, she threw it in the wastebasket.

“I won’t cry.” She shut her eyes. The tears eased out from the corners of her lids and inched down her cheeks. She rubbed them away with her hands. “I will not cry.” Her gaze fell on the gingerbread boy. She remembered what Tanner had said about the milk and the children. She covered her mouth with her hands as the sobs shook her. “Oh, Lord, Tanner. Am I wrong?”

She choked back her sobs and stood very still, listening.

The silence in the house mocked her.

 o0o

Maxine had already opened the shop when she arrived.

“I’m sorry I’m late.”

“Ten minutes is not late. It’s common sense. Especially when you look like you do.”

Amanda placed the gingerbread boy and the half-pint of milk on her desk. “How’s that?”

“Beautiful but pale. Are you sick?”

“No. Just tired. I haven’t been sleeping well. It’s the Christmas rush, I guess.”

“I won’t burden you with my opinion on that subject.” Maxine took a stack of petticoats out of a trunk and began to hang them in a massive walnut armoire. “I’m glad Dorothy and Janet are coming in tomorrow to work the rest of the Christmas season. They love it, and we need their help.”

Amanda sat down at her desk and began to eat. The gingerbread was spicy and the milk was cold. She tried to clear her mind, but as she nibbled first on the head and then on the arms of the gingerbread boy, she thought of all the Donovan grandchildren crowding into Anna’s kitchen, waiting for a hot batch fresh from the oven.

She put the thought firmly out of her mind.

“I’m glad you’re changing the petticoats. They show up better over there.”

“I thought so, myself. Think what a clever woman Wilford is getting.”

“I agree.” She ate the last crumb of gingerbread and tossed the empty milk carton into the wastebasket. It was amazing how much better she felt. She stood up, smoothing her blue wool skirt and sweater. “Time to open shop.”

They were busy until well after lunch. It seemed to them that half the women in Greenville had chosen Wednesday morning to shop. The stock of velvet and satin dresses dwindled, and even the wedding gown they’d bought at an estate auction in Vicksburg was sold.

“Shall we bring out the one you got in Savannah?” Maxine asked.

It was Amanda’s favorite, a shimmering concoction of antique satin and lace with intricate beading that today’s seamstresses would never attempt. The dress was a perfect size eight. Her size.

“No. Let’s wait on that one.”

Maxine smiled but said nothing.

They took advantage of the lull to bring out some Victorian blouses and make minor repairs. They had moved their chairs close to the window to be nearer to the light.

Maxine was the first to see the lavender car coming up the street.

“Would you look at that?”

It was a 1967 El Dorado Cadillac convertible with the top down. Two Texas longhorns were attached to the front fender. The woman driving it looked like a Gypsy. Her wild black hair was blowing in the wind, and the arm she had hanging over the side was covered with bangle bracelets.

Amanda’s mouth fell open. In the passenger seat was Tanner Donovan. Her heart did a quick rhumba, then settled into a painful thud. She knew she should be relieved that he had finally given up on her, but she wasn’t. Furthermore, she wanted to shove that Gypsy woman out of the front seat and into the dirt.

“It didn’t take him long, did it?” she muttered.

The car came closer. Crowds of curious onlookers blocked their view. Maxine stood up so she could see.

“I might have known. It’s Hallie Donovan.”

Amanda felt as if she might float off to Mars. “Hallie? Are you sure?”

“Yes. I should have known. They say all she took from her divorce to that rich man was the lavender El Dorado Cadillac and two dogs. Can you imagine that? Just an old car and two dogs. As a matter of fact, that’s them in the backseat.”

Once Amanda had spotted Tanner, she hadn’t noticed the dogs. She stood up and peered over Maxine’s shoulder. Two great Danes, looking as big as Shetland ponies, were sitting on the backseat, their upright ears saluting the December breeze.

Amanda smiled as she watched Hallie swing the car into a parking place without checking her speed. Hallie always had been a wild one, more like Tanner than any of his other brothers or sisters. They even looked alike; both had dark hair and silver eyes, and both were tall, handsome, and reeking of self-confidence as they descended from the car, acting as if riding around in a lavender Cadillac with bullhorns on the front was a natural thing to do in Greenville.

“Life will never be dull for those two,” Maxine remarked.

Amanda silently wished she could find out.

Tanner stood beside the car, looking across the street directly at her shop, while he waited for Hallie to give orders to her dogs. When Hallie leaned into the car to talk to the animals, every man within view almost had a heart attack. Her trim rear, perched high and tight on her long coltish legs, was encased in jeans so snug, they looked as if they had been painted on. To make matters worse, she talked with her whole body, jiggling her bracelets and her derriere with equal aplomb.

A crowd the size of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir gathered around the Donovans, impeding their progress as they started toward Amanda’s shop. Tanner and Hallie dispensed handshakes and hugs as if they had invented them.