Sleeping Love (8 page)

Raoul gestured for her to turn around. She closed her eyes as he kneaded the painful knots in her shoulders. She tried to ignore her conscience that demanded she move away urging caution, but her physical self was firmly in control, rejoicing with each careful and sensual touch of her body.

Raoul’s mobile phone rang, jerking her eyes open. His hands ceased their pleasurable movement and rested flat against her skin, simply holding her body still to prevent any escape. He sighed deliberating whether or not to answer the persistent ring.

Sabrina was agonisingly torn between insisting he get the phone and begging him not to stop. This was dangerous. There was no telling where this simple massage could lead to. His gentle persuasive touch told her she was in trouble if she didn’t stop it now. She couldn’t afford to let her guard down however much she wanted to.

‘I suggest you answer that. It could be important,’ she said.

Raoul glanced at the offending object on the table with a frown and got up. By the time he picked the phone up, Sabrina was in the bathroom locking the door behind her.

* * *

Raoul stared at the closed door. He couldn’t believe she had just walked back into his life from nowhere, just at the point he was beginning to think she was dead. She was his beautiful Sabrina, yet different, all at the same time. She still retained her sexy, irresistible, feisty nature. He couldn’t wait to have her back in his bed underneath him so he could tame it again. He had so many fond memories of mastering her stubbornness the first time around. The very thought made him ache to be inside her that very moment. It was an effort not to go to her in the shower and take her there and then under the hot steaming water just like he used to.

The noise of the shower running interrupted his thoughts and made him feel a warmth inside that he hadn’t felt in a long time. It was feeling of snugness, of belonging to another. They were married for only five years before she disappeared, but it felt like a lifetime. Just hearing the noise of the rushing water was comforting, he wasn’t alone anymore. It was just as though she had never left.

Raoul started to dress. He always took great care with his appearance, but today he would take more. It sounded old fashioned, but he was courting Sabrina all over again, seducing her back into their marriage and his bed. His strategy was to present himself as both the old and new Raoul, a man she would want to go back to. He looked at himself in the full-length mirror. She always said she loved him in a suit. He grinned. By the time he was finished, her resistance would be futile.

Chapter Seven

‘You have amnesia, Madame Valoire,’ the Consultant told her with a smile that did not sit easily on his face.

‘Please call me Sabrina.’

As if I didn’t already know that. And if anyone calls me Madame Valoire once more I am going to hit them. I want to keep my own name.

She caught sight of Raoul’s mouth curving into the briefest of smiles. Every time he did that it was another sign, another confirmation she was indeed his Sabrina. It was more evidence of the identity she’d lost. It frightened her more than ever that she really didn’t know who she was and to some extent was living a lie. Even worse was the fact that Raoul and many others possessed the advantage of knowing more about herself than she did. She felt out of control, incredibly vulnerable and totally dependent on Raoul to help her recover her lost life.

The Consultant moved from his position next to the roaring fire in the lounge and sat down. Sabrina glanced at Raoul. There was sympathy etched into his features, and he covered her hand that gripped the arm of the brown leather chair. She could feel his strength and support seeping inside, warming her heart.

‘You experienced a severe emotional trauma, and your mind shut down, subconsciously burying emotional and physical pain. It is the mind’s way of protecting itself.’

‘Yes, I know that already. My own doctor explained,’ Sabrina announced impatiently. ‘But why did I need to forget who I am? I can understand that I might want to forget the attack, but why my identity? I still can’t get my head around that part.’

‘In severe cases it happens. Your mind has made you believe that those events happened to someone else and has created a new identity for you to live in.’

He sighed and ran his hand through the bristly grey beard covering his chin.

‘Patients with this condition may leave and relocate, function normally but without knowing their past.’

‘So what about recovery? How long will it take for Sabrina to regain her memory?’ Raoul asked, the impatience and eagerness in his voice unmistakable.

‘It can happen all of a sudden or may take a while. It depends on the individual or she may never regain her memory.’

Sabrina watched a frown crease Raoul’s smooth brow, as he considered the possibility of her never knowing him. But it readily disappeared to be replaced by avid determination. The grip on her hand tightened positively. She got the feeling that never recovering her memory of their love for each other and their marriage was not an outcome Raoul was prepared to tolerate. She gave him a nervous look. He was never going to give up, and deep inside she was relieved.

‘But this type of dissociative amnesia is usually reversible. The best course of action, Madame, is to move back to your home and get back into a normal routine as soon as possible.’

‘But my life. I have so much going on in it.’ She felt frustrated. She couldn’t be expected to just dump the life she’d spent years building up to make her feel safe. ‘I live in London now. I’m a doctor of history, a lecturer. I’m in the middle of writing my second book. I have a dog and a fish for heaven sake.’

Raoul laughed. It was the wrong thing to do, and his face turned serious when she glared at him.

So you think I will just give up my life and run back into your arms after seven years? You’ve got another thing coming, Buster. There must be a good reason I chose to forget you.

She quickly stood, yanking her hand from his hold and folded her arms across her chest, taking the floor as if holding a lecture.

‘I won’t be dictated to like this. I don’t want to give up who I am. I like who I am. What was I before? Your little woman who sat around looking pretty, letting you dictate and control her life?’

Raoul stood up quicker than she had done herself, a dark cloud of anger covering his face. She found herself backing away, feeling the fire from the fireplace right behind her legs.

Why do you always make me do that? I refuse to be afraid of you.

‘You are not a decorative part of our marriage.’

He took hold of her arms and pulled her towards him. His voice was angry but level.

‘The Sabrina I knew and loved was an independent courageous woman. But she was also incredibly vulnerable, and she needed me to look after her as well. She needed me as much as I needed her. It’s this vulnerability you are afraid of knowing again, you are frightened of being hurt. I won’t hurt you, Sabrina, and I will not allow anyone else to either. If you don’t try to recover the old Sabrina, you and I will always be incomplete.’

She stared at him hard, feeling her chest rising and falling with each agitated breath. There was no reply, he was right, and she had to face it. She was frightened. Her new identity protected and shielded her insecurity. She wasn’t sure if her mind would ever let go of it.

How can you force me to remember being raped?

She picked up her army of creams and indulgent skin luxuries and tipped them into her vanity case. When she turned back with underwear from the drawer, he had removed the bottles and put them back on the dressing table and was beginning to unpack her suitcase. She looked at him as though he had committed the crime of the century. Yet, she offered no protest when he took the rest of the clothes from her hands and laid them on a chair. He took her hands in his and sat her down on the bed beside him, smoothing the gentle stray wisps of hair on her forehead as he talked.

‘Sabrina, you do not have to be afraid. I am here for you. We are going to do this together.’

‘You keep saying that, but I have to do this on my own. You are hell bent on destroying who I’ve become to get back what you lost, without even thinking about what I want.’

‘Why are you so frightened?’ his voice lowered to a gentle caressing whisper. ‘Are you frightened about what you might find out about the old Sabrina?’

She tried to lower her eyes, but his penetrating gaze was unavoidable.

‘I don’t know. Yes, I suppose I am afraid of what I will find out.’

‘The old Sabrina isn’t the mild mannered walk over you take her for. Don’t insult her. I deeply love her and you hurt me when you talk of her that way.’ He gave Sabrina a gentle smile. ‘She is intelligent, very strong and has a ferocious temper when riled. She has never been a walk over in our marriage, and I don’t want you to think of her like that. It’s unfair. You shouldn’t judge people you don’t know,’ he laughed gently. She couldn’t help but smile with him.

Raoul raised her fingers to his lips and kissed them lightly.

‘God knows I don’t want you to re-live that nightmare, but I need to know who hurt you, and you need help. You have to confront what happened so you can move on. I will be with you every step of the way.’

Sabrina only noticed the force of her tears when they ran down her cheeks covering his fingers. Raoul reached up to wipe them away and then swept his arm around her shoulders drawing her into the comforting shelter of his arms.

‘I let you down, Sabrina. I wasn’t there to protect you. I won’t ever let anyone, any man hurt you like that again,’ he said kissing the top of her head.

‘I don’t believe you. You are always trying to control me, Raoul. Don’t you ever get sick of it? I know I do. Let me go. There isn’t any way I am going to live my life according to your rules . . .’

Raoul sighed heavily interrupting her passionate speech.

‘I am not trying to control you. I just want to make sure that this time I can protect you properly. I want you back, Sabrina. You took a vow to be with me, forsaking all others. I have a right to take back what is mine. Forgive me for being over-bearing just this once, Sabrina. It’s the only way I can deal with this and keep you safe. I don’t care if you hate me for it.’

Sabrina parted her lips to retaliate, but Raoul effortlessly captured them with his mouth, silencing any errant protest she was about to make. His fingers raked through her hair. Possessively, he tugged at her ebony curls. Her palm pressed weakly against the tight unforgiving muscle of his chest, reminding her of how fragile and helpless she was in his hold. She might have felt frightened, yet there was warmth and comfort in his embrace making her feel safe and cherished. Slowly, her resistance melted and her hand fell away. She felt Raoul smile with triumph against her lips and begin lowering her back on to the bed.

Raoul leaned over her devouring her mouth. His fingers swept to the tie of her black wrap dress and quickly undid it. Sabrina gave a gasp the moment he opened the dress and splayed his hand across the exposed flesh of her thigh above her lacy hold up stocking. He raised himself from her lips, seductively brushing her thigh with his fingers in a feather light touch. She looked up at him expectantly, out of breath with arousal when his fingers began to skim the edge of her panties.