Sleep Soundly Every Night, Feel Fantastic Every Day (27 page)

  
Sexual touching like fondling, masturbating one's self or another

Another sexsomnia symptom is no memory of the events when awake. The amnesia factor makes sexsomnia the fodder for popular media stories of defense tactics in criminal cases of alleged sexual crimes like assault and rape. A popular media story might go like this:

Jake is a young, single man who drops by a regular Friday night party at his coworker's house. TGIF permeates the drinking mood. The music grows louder and new, unfamiliar faces replace those of coworkers. Jake makes new friends, engaging in conversation and dancing until fatigue and alcohol catch up to him. He crashes on his friend's couch just as he has on other Friday nights. An unfamiliar female sits down on the couch, closes her eyes, rests her head on the back of the couch to relax, and falls asleep. In the early morning hours, the woman jerks Jake out of a deep sleep, accusing him of fondling her.

She yells, “What are you doing? Why are touching me?”

Jake doesn't know and was not aware of the activity. In fact, Jake was just as surprised as the woman.

If the woman had not awakened and accused Jake of the inappropriate touching, he would have never known he was capable of such an act.

If one of your parents or grandparents walked while asleep, you may also. Researchers have shown a genetic link. Other common causes in my patients are sleep apnea, restless legs syndrome, or periodic limb movement that could cause arousal out of deep sleep. Once we treated the primary disorder, the trigger, the sexsomnia went away.

Other possible causes include medications such as Ambien, antidepressants, seizure-related drugs, recreational drugs, excessive consumption of alcohol, unusual stressors, post-traumatic stress, and REM behavioral disorder—a parasomnia that occurs out of dream sleep and can manifest itself as sexual behavior.

If you feel you are experiencing symptoms, consult with a sleep expert. At your consultation, they will most likely ask you for:

  
A thorough review of all medical records.

  
A review of your lifestyle, stressors, sleep habits, and medications. Be sure to relate in complete honesty any of these: episodes of panic or anxiety, alcohol consumption levels, regularity of drinking, drug use including prescription and nonprescription medications.

  
A sleep history of your family by blood—to help in determining a genetic component.

  
An independent, detailed description of the sleep sex behaviors before the incident and behavior immediately after—checking here for confusion, dream mentation, arousal stupor, or amnesia.

  
If violent behaviors have occurred, details about when, how often, level of violence, and the results.

  
Finally, you might expect a sleep study, which takes place in a comfortable sleep center. An associate will monitor your sleep for rhythms and regularities in brain waves, breathing, heartbeat, sleep cycles, and movement patterns.

Eliminating other sleep disorders that may be triggering sexsomnia is the highest priority. If the determined cause is stress-related, exercise, better sleep hygiene (including an appropriate sleep schedule), or activities such as yoga or meditation will help. Certain medications, such as clonazepam, a form of benzodiazepine used to treat panic and anxiety disorders, can help to alleviate symptoms.

Bella shared that her husband Geoffrey, who masturbates while asleep, is not aware of his behavior while doing it. He has no recollection the next morning when Bella tells him what happened. Bella called his name during these episodes, attempting to wake him. Geoffrey's eyes appeared glassy with a far-off gaze. While Bella is concerned about the behavior, Geoffrey is embarrassed and doesn't want to see a sleep doctor.

Geoffrey is not alone in his embarrassment or in his thinking that he cannot be helped. Some patients who find their way to me believe that this nocturnal behavior
is peculiar to them, since it is not exactly a popular topic of party conversation. Patient education, leading to some form of acceptance and a treatment protocol, brings much needed relief to the sufferer of sexsomnia.

Before Bella and Geoffrey made an appointment at the sleep clinic, one of Geoffrey's episodes ended in violence. As he made sexual advances to Bella during sleep, she pushed him away from her and called his name. When he did not respond, she gripped his shoulders and shook him again, calling, “Geoffrey …” He pushed into her and his weight rolled her off of the bed. When her face hit the nightstand, her nose bled. The first thing she thought was,
would her coworkers question her bruises tomorrow?
“Did he hit you? That nice man? Are you going to report this? You guys never argue; what happened?” Geoffrey himself was mortified when he learned about it. The incident caused them to pick up the phone and make an appointment. Embarrassed or not, the time for help had arrived.

Recently, I have received more questions about abnormal sexual behavior associated with sleep from readers of my weekly newspaper column and my Internet blog, both titled
Answers for Sleep.
In one instance, the reader's daughter was concerned because her new husband was instigating sexual activity while asleep. In another, the bed partner and other family members in their bedrooms noted loud moaning that resembled vocalizations associated with sexual activity.

People react differently to sexsomnia incidents. Some couples take the events in stride, finding opportunity for better sex or deeper conversation. Others are embarrassed and concerned. The person behind the acts may end up feeling deeply ashamed and become depressed. In other instances, since most are unaware of their behavior, they feel as if their bed partner made up the story. Communication and trust erode easily when you're tired and on edge and wondering
what's wrong with me.

The important point for couples that experience sleep sex is to bring the behaviors to the attention of your health care provider. A thorough medical history, with a complete sleep analysis, including an overnight sleep study called polysomnography, could reveal the cause. Most patients' conditions are treatable. A recent study from Stanford found that out of 11 patients, 10 were successfully treated and the sexsomnia was eliminated.

Unfortunately, if ignored, sexsomnia behavior may lead to physical harm to the bed partner. There have been incidents where the police were called and legal action taken. Violence has also occurred in cases where the bed partner or a family member attempted to wake the sleeping person.

Serious sexual scenarios involving children or violence have played out in courtrooms where sleep sex is used as a defense.

Most recently, the first case in Denmark using a sexsomnia defense went to court. The defender of a 32-year-old man who was accused of sexually assaulting two 17-year-old girls in 2011, claimed and proved that the accused suffered from a sleep disorder that caused him to act out sexual behaviors while asleep. Previous girlfriends of the accused verified they experienced similar behaviors with the defendant. The court dismissed the case on the grounds that the defense proved their case.