Slave (16 page)

“We have spoken of this before, Jacinth,” he chided me. “I am but one man against many.”

“True, but there are plenty of them around that you could pick off one by one, you know.”

“But I must travel to find them,” he said reasonably.

“And I find that I do not wish to travel anymore.”

“Well, what
do
you want to do, Cat?”

Lips curling into another smile, he began to purr.

I couldn’t help but laugh. “Walked right straight into that one, didn’t I?”

His purr was a low rumble as he rolled over and pushed himself up onto his hands and knees. Crawling toward me, he said, “I have made my wishes known to you, Jacinth. It is for you to decide.”

Looking up into his glowing eyes, for a long moment there I had a hard time remembering why my answer had always been no. Then, slowly, the reasons for my reluctance took shape in my mind once again.

Fear of rejection, fear of that loss of control, fear of
losing myself to another. Those fears put walls around me—solid and impenetrable walls. I wanted him, wanted him to love me, wanted to feel free to love him—without limits, even—but I was too damned afraid to admit it, and was absolutely terrified of taking that first step.

Ranata had been in love many times as a teenager and she had flitted from one boy to the next with no fear of losing either her heart or herself. Why was I so afraid to do it? What was wrong with me? I wasn’t afraid of anything else; why this? Why couldn’t I not give a damn? Just have fun with Cat and not get into a sweat over the details?

Then I realized something. I couldn’t be nonchalant about it, because it
did
matter to me. It mattered so much that a little fun and games wouldn’t cut it. I wanted it all—probably could have had it, too. But I’d let him go.

He could have been my slave forever. I had owned him once; he’d been mine, and, stupid me, I’d given him away. I reminded myself that as his owner I could have made him pretend to love me and to let me love him, but I couldn’t truly make him do it. It’s no secret that love cannot be commanded or bought; it can only be given, and must be given freely.

“What are you thinking, Jacinth?” he asked, peering into my eyes as though seeking the answer there.

“That I’m a coward and an idiot,” I replied with brutal honesty. “I could have you and yet I keep pushing you away.”

“You are neither a coward nor an idiot,” he said, reaching out to touch my cheek. “You are brave and
very wise, and you have given me something which no one else has ever done.”

With just a simple touch of his hand, I could feel my body beginning to tremble—and I
never
tremble! My voice was a bit shaky, too, and I didn’t even know if I’d be able to speak, but I managed to croak, “What’s that?”

“You gave me my life, Jacinth,” he replied. “It did not belong to me until you gave it back.”

“No, I didn’t,” I argued. “You could have been free long ago. You could have escaped from slavery somehow.

At some point in all this time, you could have escaped.”

He shook his head. “There was no reason for me to escape because I had nowhere to go, Jacinth. My people were all gone, and my planet destroyed. There was nowhere that I even
wanted
to go. But that has changed now, and I have said that I will remain with you always.

Why do you doubt it?”

“I have no idea,” I whispered. “Maybe it’s because I’m just too jaded and cynical for my own damn good.”

“You said you needed someone you could trust,” he reminded me. “And that someone is me. If you do trust me, then you must believe me as well. I will not lie to you, Jacinth, but I have nothing to give you and no way to prove that what I say is true. I have nothing but myself. You gave me my freedom; now I am giving it back to you.”

“But you can’t do that!” I protested.

“I am a free man,” he stated firmly. “I am free to do whatever I wish.”

“But I don’t want a slave, Cat!” I sputtered. “Slavery is an…an abomination!”
“Then you must take me as your lover,” he said, leaning closer. “Or you may take me as your friend. But either way, I will remain your slave.”

I was astonished. I didn’t know what to say. I mean, what
can
you say to a man who has just given himself to you? Thanks, but no thanks? Sorry, but you’re on your own now, kid? I couldn’t shrug it off; I couldn’t say something funny. In fact, I couldn’t say anything at all.

So I kissed him.

I might have made the first move, might have taken him by surprise, but Cat seemed more than willing to follow it up with some moves of his own. I’m not sure he was expecting me to do that, but he pulled me into his arms with very little hesitation and began kissing me in earnest. Ever since that time, whenever I think of love, or someone else utters the word, the image of that night lying on the banks of a creek in the middle of the Statzeelian jungle is what flashes through my mind. The soft night air, the rushing stream, the sound of Cat purring while his lips touched mine in a soft caress—oh, yes, these are the things that I remember most vividly. In my mind I can still see his jet-black curls catching the moonlight, can still feel the strength of his arms as they encircled me, can still savor the taste of him on my tongue, can still feel the heat of his body and the passion of his kisses.

I knew for certain then something I had always suspected, which was that I had never been loved before, and, God help me, I would never know it again—not like this, and not with anyone but my Cat. This wasn’t momen-tary or fleeting; no, this was eternal and forever, and I was hopelessly lost. And you know what? I didn’t care.
Oh, not that I didn’t care that I had fallen in love at long last; it was simply that all of my fears no longer held any power over me. They had all crumbled into dust only to be swirled upwards into the air and dissipated as though they had never been. I knew now that I was in love, and probably had been from the moment I’d laid eyes on him. I believe I even said it aloud, though the words may have been drowned out by the chirping of Statzeelian crickets or the loud purring of my Cat. I’m sure I said it with actions at least, for I held him close to me like the precious jewel that he was, caressing his body with a worshipful touch. I was in heaven, a perfec-tion of feeling marred only by a sharp sting on my right ankle where some insect must have gotten past the repellent I’d used.

I drifted on in a haze, kissing Cat, feeling his hands on me, and being kissed in return. I felt his hair tickling my arms as I reached around him, felt his warmth until my skin became suffused with a numbing heat. The sound of the crickets increased, swelling to an ear-shattering intensity before dropping down to a soft hum and then fading out completely. When I next opened my eyes, it was to look upon the bright sunshine of a new day.

Slave 221107.qxd 1/30/08 4:36 PM Page 143

THE FIRST THING I NOTICED WAS THAT CAT WAS NO

longer in my arms, but was already up and bustling about, apparently working on getting breakfast ready.

The next thing I noticed was that he was making more noise than he usually did, and also that he seemed, well, pissed.

Rolling over, which took a great deal more effort than usual, I felt a stabbing pain in my ankle where I’d been bitten the night before. I tried to sit up to take a look at it, but realized that at some point during the night, the marrow of my bones must have been removed and then replaced with a lead core, because I felt too weighted down even to move. My head felt easily three times its normal size, and if I’d ever been hungover like that before, I sure as hell couldn’t remember what I’d been drinking at the time! It took a couple of tries to get the saliva going enough to work my swollen tongue loose from where it was stuck tightly to the roof of my mouth. Just the simple act of opening my mouth made my head swim and though I’m quite sure I said the word “Cat,” I’m also just as certain that it came out sounding more like “A-a-th-h.”

Cat ignored me, going right on with his cooking.

Well, I think he was cooking, but it sounded more like he was just beating pans together to make enough noise to annoy me. Which it did.
“A-a-th-h!” I repeated. “Elp ee.”

He ignored that, as well, so I followed it up by taking as deep a breath as I could and letting out a high-pitched

“E-e-e-e-e-e!” Which, of course, got his attention. With eyebrows alarmingly vertical and a glowering, golden glitter in his eyes, he slammed down the pan he was holding and advanced toward me with a menacing step.

Yep, no doubt about it, he was pissed about something!

Towering above me, he let out a growl and spat out,

“What?” in a manner which made me want to knock his feet right out from under him—which, of course, I couldn’t have done, at least not in my current condition.

I managed to swallow with some difficulty and tried to talk again. It came out a little better this time, but not by much. “Ug ite,” I said, attempting to point to my foot with a nearly immovable hand. “Urths.”

I must have been better at pointing than I thought because, with a sharp, exasperated snort, he shifted his gaze toward my feet.

The change in his expression from irritation to concern was so swift and complete, it was downright comical to watch. I would have laughed out loud if I could have, but that was something else I couldn’t do, so I didn’t bother to try.

Kneeling, Cat took a closer look at my ankle and then acted decisively, scooping me up in his arms and carrying me to the water’s edge before laying me back down to dangle my foot in the soothing coolness of the flowing brook. Sighing with relief, I closed my eyes again, as hot tears began to pour down my cheeks. This was turning out to be one helluva trip, I thought grimly. It was no
wonder nobody had tried to stop us from going to find Ranata, for they all must have known full well that this damn jungle would chew us up and spit us out before we ever even got close. Reminding myself that we had passed other travelers coming from the opposite direction didn’t help very much, because, quite obviously, they knew a few things about surviving a trip down this road that we didn’t. Should have consulted the local tourist guide, I decided. Too bad it was too late to buy one now.

Cat came back with a cup of water and held it to my lips. “Drink this,” he said.

I did my best, but most of it wound up running down my neck. Though I might not have swallowed much of it, it still tasted pretty good, and I could already feel the swelling in my tongue beginning to subside. I lay there thinking that it was a wonder I hadn’t occluded my airway completely during the night and died in my sleep! Wouldn’t that have been the ultimate irony?

Having come so far to find Ranata and being this close to actually seeing her again—and finally falling in love on top of that!—only to die from an allergic reaction to a damned mosquito bite! I could just see the inscription on my tombstone: HERE LIES CAPTAIN JACINTH

“BAD LUCK JACK” RUTLAND

ALWAYS A DAY LATE AND A CREDIT SHORT

MAY SHE REST IN PEACE AT LAST

Rest in peace. Now there was a lovely thought! I certainly wanted peace and I could definitely use a rest!

And I wanted to do it with my Kittycat. I didn’t think it was too much to ask….
“I thought you had grown tired of me and had fallen asleep out of boredom,” Cat said sheepishly. “I apologize for my anger.”

I managed a weak smile. “Sthupid Cat! Tol’ you I love you, dinnt I?”

He smiled back at me. “Yes, you did. I should have remembered that.”

“Kithssed you, too, dinnt I?”

Nodding, he replied, “Kiss me again, Jacinth.”

Shaking my head, I said, “Not now, tongue too thick.”

I must have been getting a little bit better, because that part came out pretty well.

“I do not care,” Cat said firmly. “I would like to kiss you, and then I would like to bathe with you in this water, if it is not too cold.”

“M-m-m, no, not too cold. Feelth good.”

Cat pulled off his boots and slipped out of his shirt and breeches. Then removing my peachy dress, he lifted me into his arms again, kissing me deeply.

“Y’know something Cat?” I murmured. “You look better without clothes than anything I’ve ever seen. It’s a cryin’ shame you ever have to get dressed.”

“But I am your slave,” he purred. “You may dress me any way you wish—or not.”

“Oh, yeah, that’s right. I keep forgetting. Well, you do look damn good in those boots. All you need is a sword and boots, I think. And maybe a big, wide belt to hang your scabbard from.”

“And you, my lovely master,” he said, sliding me down into the water. “You I would wrap in flowing…what do you call the fabric from which this dress is made?”
“I have no idea,” I replied, “but I’m gonna buy some before we leave here. I’ll make a fortune on it.” My limbs still felt sort of heavy, but I was at least able to stand up in the water, which at its deepest point, came about to mid-thigh. My ankle still felt stiff, though. From my personal perspective, the longer this bath and breakfast took, the better. In fact, staying put the whole day didn’t sound too bad at that point. “Don’t suppose you brought any soap, did you?”

Cat grinned. “Yes, I brought soap,” he said, holding it up. “And a cup. I am going to wash you, Jacinth.”

“What’s the matter, Kittycat?” I teased him. “Do I smell bad?”

“No,” he replied with a slow shake of his head. “You smell of desire. My only wish is to have a reason to touch every part of you.”

The morning sun was streaming down in beams through the open spaces in the canopy above us, heating the morning dew to a steamy mist. It was already getting hot, and promised to get much hotter as the day progressed, but, quite truthfully, most of the heat I was feeling had more to do with the look in Cat’s eyes than it did with the sun.

“Is that what you wish?”

“Yes.” He was purring again. I wondered if he had any idea what the sound of that did to me. I should probably never tell him, I decided. Wouldn’t want him to know too much…. There were other things I should probably never tell him, either, like how much I liked his hair, for example. The soft breeze had picked it up and was wafting it enticingly across his chest and
around his shoulders, making me long to capture it in my grasp.