Skippy Dies (64 page)

But not without parallel. Someone else is exhibiting very similar symptoms, although the two of them being at opposite ends
of the academic register, nobody seems to have noticed. Carl’s catatonia, of course, is merely the latest phase in a long
process of disconnection; unlike Ruprecht’s, furthermore, it is shot through with a constant stream of tics and twitches –
darting eyes, glances over his shoulder, jumping at shadows. But in their
walk, the two are identical: they drag their heavy bodies through the corridors like wax effigies, not to say dead men.

For all that, some shade of normality seems to have been restored in the school. Classes resume, tests are given, games played;
the story fades from the news, and Skippy from the forefront of memory, to be visited only in obscure asides of conversation
as a fatal example of getting it wrong: ‘It’s like Tupac said, G – money before bitches.’ ‘Word up.’

‘Life goes on, Howard,’ the Automator says. ‘We all carry a piece of Juster with us in our hearts, and we always will. But
you have to keep moving forward. That’s what life’s all about. And that’s what these boys are doing. I have to say I’m proud
of them.’ He turns to the younger man. ‘I’m proud of you too, Howard. You made a tough decision there. Took real maturity
and strength of character. But I knew you had it in you.’

The night before, Howard signed the contract. He is not quite sure why – a definitive act of self-sabotage? A final, comprehensive
extinguishing of his hopes? He doesn’t care to investigate too closely. Instead, he makes the rounds of his new life, taking
a perverse pleasure in the guilt that aches in his jaw like a rotten tooth from one end of the day to the next. Sitting in
the staffroom, he envies the other teachers their inane small talk, their old jokes, their gripes and whinges, as a world
that is lost to him. He envies Father Green too, and as he leaves on his missions, Howard sometimes has urges to hop into
the car with him, to Help Out, do something good. But in their wordless encounters on the corridor the priest’s contempt is
all-conquering.

As for Tom Roche, Howard can barely turn round these days without bumping into him. It has been decided that he should be
moved elsewhere, away from Ireland, just to be on the safe side; but while the Board seeks out a suitable position, he will
continue to take classes and to coach the swimming team as though nothing had happened. And he does so, quite convincingly;
and that too, Howard thinks, must take maturity and strength of character.

Lori is coping with Personal Tragedy. At school she doesn’t make a big thing out of it – instead she acts like the same old
Lori, she smiles and laughs just like always and it’s only if you’re really paying attention that you’ll notice she’s a tiny
bit quieter, a tiny bit paler, and sometimes she’ll look away, out the window, and a sort of sadness will cross her face?
But Mom and Dad are really worried about her. They keep leaving little presents in her bedroom for when she gets home, and
then on Saturday Mom said they were going on a Girlie Day Out – just the three of them, Mom, Lori and the credit card! They
got their hair done and had facials and went to Brown Thomas and bought shoes, it was so much fun! But then when they were
in the café Lori’s mom put her hand on Lori’s and said, Oh honey, and Lori saw tears coming down from behind her sunglasses
and she started crying too and the two of them hugged and cried, all the other women in the café must have thought they were
crazy!

He was a very sweet boy but he had problems, Mom said when they had finished crying. Your dad was talking to the Seabrook
Principal, who is a very good friend of his, and he said unfortunately this was a boy with a lot of problems. There are people
like that in the world and what you have to accept is that you can only help them up to a point, and after that there’s nothing
more you can do. And – Mom started to sniff again – baby, I know it seems impossible now, but some day your heart will heal
and you’ll be able to love someone new?

And for a second Lori felt a warm mochaccino glow rising up from her stomach but then Mom said that Dad wanted her to see
a child psychologist and the feeling turned sickly cold. A child psychologist poking around in her brain, wanting to find
everything out? Telling Mom and Dad what really happened? For a second Lori thought she was going to puke right there on the
table, but then Mom said, But I told him I didn’t think it was necessary because you’ve been coping very well on your own,
all things considered. You’ve been so brave, she said, I’m so proud of you, and then she started talking about the woman from
the modelling agency who called up after seeing the pictures of Lori in the paper and wanted her to come in. We should really
get you a new outfit, Mom said, and also maybe go to the dentist and have your teeth whitened, you only get one chance with
these people.

Mostly the teachers and nuns and girls in her year have been really nice to her, but of course, like
BETHani
says, wherever there is someone who is getting attention or enjoying success you will find haters and people who try to
bring them down with negativity, e.g. like yesterday when she overheard Mirabelle Zaoum saying, Oh God, all it takes to be
a big star in this school is for some loser to write your name on a
floor
. Janine says, You can’t let them get to you, Lori, and she made Lori a card that read,
Never frown even when ur sad, coz u never know whose falling in love with ur smile
! And it’s true! So as she goes through the school doors into the buzzing swarming nest of blue-uniformed girls it’s with
a big smile for everyone,
!

Janine’s the only person she reveals her true feelings to. If you don’t know her Janine can seem like a bitch, but underneath
it all she has the giantest heart. She wanted so much to help Carl and Lori get back together, it wasn’t her fault the Plan
didn’t work out, and ever since what happened she has been the best best friend anyone could ever ask for. Lori would be so
happy if Janine could find someone to love – underneath her tough exterior that’s all she really wants! And she looks amazing
these days, like she’s totally lost that little you wouldn’t call it a spare tyre but anyhow it’s mostly totally gone? Still,
Lori’s glad to have her to herself until everything gets back to normal.

Today at lunchtime they go up to the mall. Denise and Janine
are talking about KellyAnn, she is totally wrecking everybody’s head talking about her stupid baby, you’d think she’d be embarrassed
about it but instead she can’t shut up and she keeps putting on this wise old woman voice like speaking in this
slllooooooowwwwww soooooffffffft
way, like she knows something you don’t just because she got drunk and let that gimp Titch Fitzpatrick get her up the duff.

I wouldn’t mind so much except she keeps trying to give me like relationship advice? Denise says.

Me too, Janine says, I’m like, KellyAnn, you’ve totally ruined your life, the day I need advice from you just put a bag over
my head and shoot me.

What do you think will happen when Sister Benedict finds out? Do you think she’ll be expelled?

I don’t know, Janine says, but if KellyAnn had any cop at all she’d be saving her money for a little holiday.

Lori is shocked. You mean go for an abortion?

There’s no way she’ll get an abortion, Denise says.

What else is she going to do with it?

Well, maybe Titch will help her take care of it?

Janine laughs. Have you ever met Titch’s mother? She’s like Godzilla in drag. There’s no way she’s going to let her precious
Tom-Tom’s life go down the tubes just because some slutty Brigid’s girl couldn’t keep her knickers on.

I heard she just gave him a BJ, Denise says.

You can’t get pregnant from a BJ, Janine says.

I know this girl whose sister’s friend gave this boy a BJ and then she got pregnant even though she was a virgin.

Did she spit it out? Janine asks.

I don’t know, Denise says.

And it’s so weird, one moment Lori’s listening to her friends and the next she’s on the ground and the shops on the mezzanine
are whirling around her head like bluebirds in those old cartoons when the coyote gets whacked with an anvil or something.

Oh my God, oh my God, Denise flaps above her like a skinny
bird. Janine is crouched down beside her. Oh sweetie! A security guard appears and looks down with dark-brown hair and a kind
stupid face. Is she OK? he asks in a voice like Lilya’s. She’s fine, Janine says, she just needs some air. He moves in closer.
She’s
fine
, Janine snaps and the guy cringes away like a dog you’ve thrown a stone at. Sweetie, she murmurs again and hugs her and for
a moment Lori can hide in the warm friendly darkness, the Janine-smell she knows so well. But then everything comes down on
her again, the day the night the Plan, she knew it wouldn’t work the moment she called him, the moment Daniel answered the
phone she knew it was a bad idea, lying to him like that felt wrong, it made her angry, and he kept asking her questions –
What’s wrong? How long have you had it? Do you have a temperature? – so she had to lie more and more when she just wanted
him to go, and she felt so awful but she is a terrible person because then the second Carl appeared she forgot about Daniel
completely, everything that usually made up Lori like memories and things she liked was instantly washed away and it was just
her and Carl walking through the park, he looked so sad I missed you he said it was the first time he’d ever said anything
like that she started to cry and then when he held her to cry and laugh at the same time I missed you too and that was just
the beginning because then next he started to talk like really talk in a way he never did before like about how he didn’t
think she cared about him he thought she was in love with Daniel How could he think that when he knew about Janine’s Plan
but he did he thought she didn’t love him not like I love you he said oh my God but I do love you I love you I love you but
he didn’t think she did because she wouldn’t have sex that doesn’t have anything to do with it she said but he wouldn’t believe
her that’s why she did it the doughnut shop roof was sore against her knees the doughnut was like a giant halo round his head
he kept saying I love you she felt like she was drunk with happiness his thing tasted strange but not terrible but it was
weird the way it moved in her mouth like it was alive a little blind creature she liked the feel of his hands in her hair
but then he shot the
stuff and he wouldn’t let her take it out and it was going down her throat it kept coming not letting her breathe it was like
she was drowning and then she saw what he was doing oh my God why Carl why she couldn’t get the phone from him he was shouting
she broke free and jumped down from the roof she twisted her ankle and had to run all the way home on it she was crying and
when Mom asked her why she had to say Amy Doran’s cat got run over and when Mom tried to hug her she wouldn’t let her because
she was worried she might smell the stuff she couldn’t get the taste out of her mouth she could feel it on the back of her
teeth all slimy she used up a whole bottle of mouthwash it didn’t do any good and the next thing Mom calls her down from her
room and Daniel is there holding a frisbee why did he bring a frisbee in winter he always did everything weird like that like
texting her poems that don’t even rhyme but anyway he’s looking at her all white with big round eyes and she knows that he’s
seen the video and maybe she could have just pretended nothing happened he would have believed her but before he can even
say anything before she even knows what she’s doing she starts screaming at him, screaming at the top of her lungs Get out,
get out, fuck off, what’s your problem, I never ever ever want to see you again, screaming and screaming the most horrible
things that came into her head loud as she could till Dad came out and put his arms around her and told him it was probably
best if he went and he was looking back at her dad like he didn’t know where he was and she turned round and ran up to her
room and next thing Kelly-Ann is calling her crying from the doughnut shop and then there are police cars outside her house
and I am so sorry, I am so sorry, Daniel I am so so sorry! But she still knew in the middle of everything she wasn’t going
to tell them about Carl.