Skin (17 page)

Kane tried to
single out Tania yet again to ask her about the homework. He wasn’t sure where the hell she was going with that theme. He just knew he didn’t want this to be a sex project. There was no way he wanted their relationship documented, and although she was here to heal, he didn’t want his participation anywhere on paper. As long as she understood then he was good, otherwise…he was done with this assignment. She’d been sitting at the far end of the room after coming back with Jenna. He was surprised at feeling miffed that she hadn’t come up to sit beside him. He wanted her to. He’d waited for her, had even saved her a seat. They were partners, damn it.

And she’d sat at the back of the class by the door. A half hour later when he checked, it was to see her empty seat. He glanced around the room, but there was no sign of her.

He frowned at the table. Given how tired she was, what was the chance that she’d gone to lie down? He continued to check on her empty seat until they broke for lunch. Rather than follow the group into the restaurant, he strode upstairs to her room and knocked quietly.

She opened the door. Her face lit up when she saw him. “Hey.” She covered her mouth with the back of her hand as she yawned. “I just woke up.”

“Ah. I wondered.” He couldn’t help but notice the sexy, tousled look she wore. “I was checking to make sure you’re okay and had no ill effects from last night.”

She smiled and pushed her dark blonde hair off her face. “No ill effects. Nightmares kept me awake, but as they weren’t as bad as they have been in the past, I’ll take that as a good sign.”

“Are you ready to eat again then?” he teased. “It’s lunch break now.”

Her gaze widened. “I was going to have a quick shower, but lunch would be good.” She considered it. “Give me a couple of minutes to get dressed again, and I’ll walk down with you.”

“Perfect.”

Then to his surprise, she opened her door wider to let him in.

“You might as well come in and wait.”

Damn if he was going to turn that down.

T
ania surprised herself
by inviting him in. There had been no need. He could have stayed out in the hallway for those few minutes. She bustled about grabbing her clothes, throwing the bedding back into position. With an embarrassed smile, she disappeared into the bathroom.

“Remember to be quick,” he said.

“Be right back out.”

In the bathroom, she reminded herself: Small steps, small steps. Well, she’d certainly been taking lots of small steps. Inviting him in was yet another one. Realizing the time was wasting as she stared in the mirror with a silly grin on her face, she dressed quickly and washed her face.

She opened the door and said, “Ready.”

“Good, let’s go.” He walked out and turned to wait for her to follow. She closed and locked her door and almost ran into Robin. “Hey, I was just coming to check up on you.”

Tania smiled. “Thanks. Kane here dragged me out of my room to make sure I don’t starve.”

“Ha. After your huge breakfast, you shouldn’t need to eat again for a week.” Her gaze wandered from Kane to Tania and back again speculatively.

Tania refused to let the heat rising swamp her cheeks. She walked towards the stairs – no more elevators for her – and called back, “I’m always hungry.” She laughed and ran down the first flight. She had turned around the railing to start down the second when Kane passed her. He jumped.

“Hey, that’s cheating,” she called after his retreating back. She figured from the laughter floating upward that he wasn’t bothered about any imaginary rules. He waited for her at the bottom of the stairs.

“Besides, your legs are longer.”

He snorted. “So what? Pick yours up a little faster and you’d have made it.”

“I doubt it.” They walked into the restaurant and grabbed a quick meal as the laughter and joking continued. She’d never experienced anything like this relationship between a man and a woman. She loved it.

The afternoon session sent them off to work on their project. She ran back to her room, snagged her camera, and raced back down. Kane waited outside the front door for her.

After the heavy emotions of last night and the sense of freedom this morning, today’s photo shoot couldn’t be anything less than amazing. Life was just about perfect. Okay…maybe it was Kane who was perfect.

She walked beside him and said, “Where to?”

“I’m still not at home and still can’t renovate my bathroom or do my yard work, so that leaves the touristy side.”

“Sounds good.”

“And then as someone took up much of my yesterday, I didn’t get my workout in, so I will need to go to the fitness room sometime today.”

“Perfect,” she said, beaming. It was perfect. There were still some shots she wanted of him pushing his body. And for all she knew, he had different moves, new ones that would give her even better shots.

She almost wanted to start there. Crinkling up her face, she said, “We could start in the fitness room if you want.”

He glanced at her sideways. “Don’t you want to go for a walk first?”

“Sure,” she said, “And afterwards, we can go to the gym.”

He shook his head. “You’re the only female I know who is happy to watch a guy work out.”

“Maybe I’ll do some yoga myself this time.” She rolled her shoulders several times. “Last night left a little too much tension in the muscles.”

“Sorry.”

She shrugged. “All’s well…and all that.”

A comfortable silence ensued as they walked along.

Then, as if he’d been thinking about the issue for a while and the words were just rushing through him, he said, “Is it? Are you over last night, or did it just make it all worse?”

Surprised at his outburst, she said, “I think it’s better. I didn’t wake up screaming in the night like I would have if this had happened a few years ago. I woke up and was aware that I was safe, understanding it had been a bad dream. It took a while to get back to sleep, but there were other reasons as well.”

“Like what?”

“You.” She said it honestly, not knowing how else to be. “You’ve been very patient and understanding with me.”

“And?” He motioned to a bench beside a huge flower garden. “Why do I sense a question behind that?”

“It’s just I don’t want you to feel obligated to do what you’re doing.”

“Obligated.” He rolled the word around on his lips as if testing it, tasting to see what it meant or if there were any hidden meanings behind it. “I don’t feel obligated. I’m sorry for what you went through and am happy to help.”

She flinched.

“Not the right answer?”

“There is no right or wrong answer. I want to hear the truth.”

“But you don’t like the answer.”

She leaned back on the bench. This big man, this mountain of a man, was twice her size with so much more strength than she could imagine herself having. Look at the way he’d lifted her up to his face last night. He hadn’t even struggled, holding her there like a child.

And now, he was worried about having said the wrong thing. “You’re a special man, you know.”

He lifted an eyebrow. “What brought that on?”

She grinned. “You, trying to help but afraid of saying the wrong thing. I’m glad you are helping me. At the same time, I’d hate to think that this is all about the assignment.”

He lifted his shoulders then dropped them. “What does any of this have to do with the assignment?”

And damn if she didn’t believe his bewilderment was for real. “Nothing apparently.” She laughed, the sound rolling freely across the garden. “I’m just letting doubts color my thinking.”

“Look. I’m a real plain, basic man. I’m happy to help you deal with your stuff while we’re here. After all, that’s why we’re here. Right?”

Damn.
Okay, so it was about the assignment, the course, and her being a screw-up. Still, the dark growing pit in her stomach had hoped he’d wanted more. She understood he’d given her – and with any luck would continue to give her – a gift. If she left this place a few steps closer to being whole to pick up a relationship with another man – one who might care for her – then it was a huge gift. He’d already done so much, she couldn’t put her emotional crap around his neck, too. She wanted him like she’d never wanted another man. She understood men could want a lot of women for a lot of reasons, and few of them were the emotional ones that she needed, but maybe that was okay, too.

It was up to her to keep the dreams in check and work on fixing her reality.

Dreams were fine and all, but the reality was…he wasn’t in love with her.

And she damned well better remember that.

*

Kane figured he’d
done or said something wrong as Tania was quiet all the way back to the hotel. He didn’t know what he’d done; he just knew he’d done something. It had been the same with his wife. She would never explain and always left him feeling like he was in the doghouse.

In Tania’s case, he wasn’t sure what had happened, but it was like she’d flicked a switch. She had gone from being bubbly and happy to being more reserved, as if she was putting him at arm’s length, pushing him away.

To hell with that.

He left her to change while he thought about a game plan to get her back to normal, and maybe back into his arms.

He slowed in the act of stripping off his t-shirt. Was that what he wanted? Hell yes. He wanted her in his arms, in his bed, in his life.

He sat down in shock. Was he really saying he wanted a relationship with her? Past the constraints of the seminar? Really? What if she never could get around to having a sexual relationship? Was he ready for that?

When it came to relationships, she’d be work.

He flinched. “But so am I.”

Was she interested in him only as the man who could initiate her into a fulfilling sex life without intercourse if need be? He groaned. His mind filled with images of ways to introduce her to the pleasures of the body.

He wasn’t the only man who could, but he was the man who wanted the job the most.

But how could he convince her they should continue to see each other after this seminar?

Then he realized what he’d said. “Idiot. You told her you were happy to help her out, not that you wanted to be there for her.”

She’d have likely taken his response as being friendly and trying to get through the course, not him being interested in her for her sake.

“Smooth, Kane. Really smooth.” Not.

And then there was another aspect to consider – was she interested in him as anything but experimental material? He hoped so. He didn’t mind being used in this instance. After all, he’d agreed to it, but what if her interests were only self-serving? He couldn’t really blame her…but neither would it make for a start of a relationship.

Then there were his own issues. Trust. Anger. Betrayal.

And none of them seemed important. He’d been feeding the pain to keep it alive to stop him from considering other relationships. Now that he’d found something more important, he could let the hurts ease down where they belonged – in the past.

Damn, he hated when Jenna was right.

T
ania gave herself
a mental talking-to. The man was gorgeous but disinterested. She needed to take what he offered and let him off the hook. Let him return to his life as he wanted it. The attraction between them was probably just proximity and promise. That there was a man who didn’t mind kissing her made her hormones go crazy. Just the promise of dealing with her problems, of finding a man capable of handling her problems, made her jump on board. It wasn’t real. Her feelings needed to be acknowledged but not acted upon.