Skaia (54 page)

Oh, Belenus. Oh, Belenus. No, no, no.

Fighting back his tears, Skaia touched Gotus’ shoulder. “I will get Thaddeus.”

XVI

The ashes were interred; the final ceremony was complete. And now that he was finally home, Thaddeus slowly walked to his bed and collapsed into a sit. Skaia hurried to kneel before him and began to unlace his shoes, finally pulling them off. “Master,” he said softly. “Is there anything I can do for you?”

“
Get me out of these damn clothes. They still reek of the priests’ incense. After that, I want to be alone. Go somewhere else—do something else. Just let me be for a while.”

Helping Thaddeus out of the toga, Skaia realized it would have to be sent to the fullers. It did indeed smell.

With the outer tunic removed, Thaddeus just waved Skaia away.

Bowing his head, Skaia returned to his own pallet, upset at such a curt dismissal. Thaddeus had needed him since his father died. Had counted on him. But that would be over now. The funeral ceremonies were complete, as were the times of public mourning.

Skaia remembered when his own grandfather had died. A day of mourning. Then a day of feasting; and his grandfather was buried at sunset. At the base of a great tree.

It was all so different for the old master. Paulinus’ body had been draped in flowers, and laid out in the atrium for four days. Decay could not be stopped—and he’d begun to smell. Finally, the body was driven, in an open cart, to the cremation site more than a day from the city. Followed by paid mourners the entire way.

Skaia had not been allowed to be present for the cremation, nor for the ceremony afterward. That was only for free men. But later, Castor had taken him to the great tomb on the Via Appia where Paulinus’ ashes were interred.

He hadn’t been permitted to see that ceremony either, so Castor explained it all to him. Told him how the priests would cite their incantations, and burn offerings in Paulinus’ memory. He explained that the mausoleum would be visible to all who traveled the great road, so Paulinus, and all the Suetonius dead, would never be forgotten.

Skaia had remained steady and not cried that day. Until Thaddeus left the mausoleum and came to him, pulling him into the family litter to return to the domus. Out of the public eye, Thaddeus had cried on the way home. And Skaia had wept with him.

Now, back in his master’s room, Skaia picked up the towel that waited on his pallet, held it tight to his face, and wept again. Though he tried to keep quiet, fearing that Thaddeus would hear him and be annoyed. Finally, he forced himself to stop, and could hear Thaddeus was crying as well.

Skaia was hesitant to intrude, having already been sent away. But he got up, fetched a cloth from the wash-stand, wet it, and walked to his master.

Thaddeus lay on his side, with his legs drawn to his chest. He turned and looked up as Skaia approached him, his eyes spilling tears and his nose running. Skaia wiped the man’s eyes tenderly, and handed him the cloth. “Blow your nose, sir. I will get more cloths.” Thaddeus did as he was told, and promptly turned to his side again.

Skaia went to the kitchen for hot water, and more cloths. Castor approached him as soon as he entered. “How is Thaddeus?”

“
I don’t…” Skaia couldn’t pull forth the energy for a lie. “He’s terrible, sir. It was like… he fell to pieces… when we left the tomb. He hasn’t stopped crying. And… I don’t know what to do for him.”

Castor noticed that Skaia had cried, too.
Not good for Thaddeus,
he thought, but said nothing of it. Instead, he patted the boy’s back gently. “It will take time, Skaia. Such complex rituals as Romans have are very difficult for those who grieve. Just… be with him.”

Skaia had no idea what that meant. What good would his being with Thaddeus do?  Thaddeus didn’t want him—and he mourned for Paulinus, too.
The first person in the household who was kind to me.
Fighting away his own tears, he gathered what he thought Thaddeus needed.

Returning to his master’s bedside, he used a warm wet cloth to wipe Thaddeus’ face again, and discovered that he was no longer sobbing. Remembering what Castor said, he came to a quick decision. “Master, may I stay with you?” he asked. “Please… I don’t want to be alone, sir.”

Thaddeus looked up at him and, after only a moment, opened his arms. “I was wrong. I don’t want to be alone, either,” he admitted.

Skaia gratefully curled himself on Thaddeus’ chest, and felt his master’s strong arms encircle him. They both remained quiet for long minutes, simply enjoying the warmth of another body so close. Finally, though, Skaia whispered, “I hope Master Paulinus may be with Lucius now.”

Thaddeus’ arms tightened for a moment. “Yes. And with my mother and my brothers.”

Skaia had not thought of Paulinus’ family. But of course, he had loved ones more important than a slave. “I… I will take good care of his gardens, sir.”

“
I know you will. He would appreciate that.” Thaddeus was quiet for several moments, gaining composure before he spoke again. “My father was a good man, Skaia. He loved his family. He always took the best care of us.”

“
He was very proud of you, sir. And of Glaucus.”

Thaddeus shifted to look in Skaia’s eyes. “He told you these things?”

Skaia laughed softly. “Not exactly, sir. He just always said that I should trust you.”

Thaddeus smiled. “You must have thought he was insane.”

Sometimes.
Skaia leaned against Thaddeus’ chest. “No, sir. I trusted his judgment.”

Thaddeus hugged him again. “I’m sure I didn’t always live up to my father’s expectations.”
Especially about you…

“
I think you did, sir,” Skaia lied.

Thaddeus knew that the boy did not speak the truth, but he took comfort in the words regardless. “Thank you, Skaia,” he whispered.

It was only a short time before he slept, and Skaia followed quickly after.

There were two more weeks of private mourning, as the family—indeed, the whole household—came to terms with Paulinus’ absence. Thaddeus slept late and frequently immersed himself in reading. He spent time with his children and encouraged them to play games. And keep a journal of their feelings.

Skaia’s life was more usual. He spent a good part of each day in the gardens. And although he continually found himself looking at Paulinus’ bench, his ability to control his tears increased with time. He still slept with Thaddeus every night, and with ever greater regularity, his master wanted sex.

And finally came the day when Thaddeus declared, at breakfast one morning with his children, that the mourning period was over. Seeing their father sitting erect and in control comforted them, assured them that life would go on. They talked of Paulinus and how they would all miss him. Though there were still a few tears shed, no one broke down again.

Thaddeus stayed with them until they left the domus to resume their daily lessons. And sincerely hoped life would begin to settle to its new routine.

Returning to the outside table where they’d eaten, Thaddeus called Skaia to him. “I want to thank you again for your help, Skaia. For everything you’ve done for me this entire awful time. I’m not sure how I could have dealt with the difficulties without you.”

“
You would have, sir. You’re strong.” Skaia lowered his eyes, and his voice lowered as well. “But, I am glad I could be of use, Master.”

Thaddeus shook his head. “I hope you know you’ve been far more than useful.” His eyes brightened with moisture. “You’ve been the one source of support I could count on.”
Just as my father said.
Turning away, he left the table and headed for his rooms, blinking rapidly on the way to dispel the threatening tears.

He sat at his desk for some time, looking through various reports of problems that had arisen during his absence. When Skaia arrived, he got up and went into his bedroom. “Help me change clothes. I need one of my better tunics.”

Skaia obeyed and refrained from asking questions. Thaddeus looked up as he added coins to his purse. “I am going to several specialized slave markets this morning. Castor was almost hobbling today and I can no longer pretend that he will live forever. You may come with me, or stay at home. Whichever you wish.”

“
Please, I would like to stay at home, sir,” Skaia answered.

“
As I suspected,” Thaddeus said with a small smile. “Very well. You have something to do?”

“
Clean your rooms, sir. And then I will work in the gardens. Is there anything else you require?”

“
I want you to go to the baths with me this afternoon. But nothing else.” Thaddeus walked to the door. “Check with Castor to see if he needs you for anything.”

Skaia bowed, and watched him leave. He thought that indeed, everything was back to normal…

Thaddeus was back earlier than expected and he called Skaia from the garden. Together, they returned to their rooms. For the first time, Skaia realized that he thought of them as
his
, too. There were too many complications to that thought, and he was grateful Thaddeus called for him to strip and get in bed.

“
Roll over to your stomach,” Thaddeus said softly. Skaia obeyed him immediately, trusting now that his master would not hurt him. When Thaddeus joined him, he ran his hands over the boy’s back, examining each mark. “You’re healing well,” he concluded. “Not all of the scars will be permanent.”

“
Yes, Master. Thank you.”

Thaddeus turned Skaia to face him again. “A strange thing to thank me for,” he smiled as he leaned over Skaia and kissed his lips, all the time rubbing at his nipples. When the little nubs of flesh were hard, he took them in his mouth, alternating and sucking.

Skaia’s nipples were always sensitive, but he craved more. He wanted harsher, harder play and tried to pull Thaddeus’ head closer, all the while pushing his chest up to his master’s mouth.