Size Matters (18 page)

But at this point, it was too late. She had to do the show. Eli would either have to understand and get over it, or this thing they’d started was over before it had a real chance to succeed.

“I think we need some wine,” Mia said, and grabbed a bottle from the closet where they kept a stash for just this type of situation.

“I’ll get the glasses,” Penny said.

Bryn just sat there. Soon she would feel better. The wine would help.

CHAPTER
Thirty

E
LI GOT
into his car and slammed the door a lot harder than he should have. Damn it! Why did he have to go all caveman on Bryn? He hadn’t meant to, but when he’d seen the getup she’d be wearing in front of all those people, he’d lost it. He just couldn’t stand the thought of other men gawking at her. But she was right. He didn’t have any right to tell her what to do. She was an independent woman who’d been raising three kids all on her own for two and a half years. He better tone down his emotions if he wanted to keep her in his life.

He should go back in and apologize. Make it right. He got out and walked back to the shop, but when he got to the front door, a guy was standing outside, eyes glued to a mannequin in the front window wearing a black lacy teddy. His cop instincts kicked in.

“You need help with something?” he asked him.

“No,” the guy said, turning to Eli, wide smile. “Just admiring the details of the lace.”

Oh. He must be one of the gay customers who frequented the shop. “Yeah. They sell some real high-quality stuff here. My girlfriend works here.” He hoped she was still his girlfriend.

“Oh yeah? Mine does, too.”

Oops. Read him wrong. Eli had never seen the guy before. Typical blond hair and blue eyes. Obviously he knew it wasn’t Oliver, Mia’s boyfriend. Maybe he was the other girl, Penny’s, boyfriend. He didn’t know her too well yet.

“I can’t wait for the fashion show,” the guy said, interrupting Eli’s thoughts. “I’m getting there early for a front-row seat.”

“Yeah. It should be a good show.”

“I love seeing women in skimpy lingerie. Makes me wanna just . . .” A sinister smile bowed his lips and his left eyebrow rose. “You know what I mean.”

Yeah, Eli did. And he’d be calling his sergeant immediately to round up a few officers to work undercover security at the show. This guy rubbed him the wrong way. How many more perverts would be at the show? This is exactly why he didn’t want Bryn modeling.

She couldn’t stop him from trying to protect her though.

“I guess I’ll see you there.” Eli held out his hand to the guy. “What’s your name?”

The guy took his hand and pumped it a few times. “It’s Joel. First round’s on me.”

BY THE
time Bryn locked the shop door, she was ready to crash. The day had turned into a late night and had been exhausting on many levels. The shop had been busy, plus they had to get everything ready for the show. Throw in the stress of what had happened earlier with Eli and it added up to a crazy day.

Only question now was call him, or wait for him to come crawling back? Assuming he did come back.

The kids were staying the night at her parents’, as well as the rest of the weekend. Step one in mending their relationship. But for now, she was just glad to have the night to herself. As she drove, she dreamed of lounging in a bubble bath. Maybe while she was there she’d have some epiphany on what to do about Eli.

When she pulled into her driveway, the headlights shone on a figure sitting on her front steps, the light from her porch illuminating him and the bouquet of roses on his lap.

Her heart fluttered as she stepped out of her van, the warm breeze of midsummer ruffling her hair. He stood and stepped toward her.

“I was an asshole,” Eli said as he held out the bouquet. “I had no right to act like that.”

“I understand why you did.” She took the roses and inhaled their sweet scent. “Thank you for caring about me.”

“I love you and I can’t promise that I won’t be protective of you in the future. It’s just part of me. But I will try really hard to back off and let you be the strong independent woman I admire.”

“Thank you.” Her fingers itched to touch him. Her body wanted him near her, his skin on hers. “So, if I promise this will be the one and only time I model lingerie, can we still be boyfriend and girlfriend?”

“Yes, ma’am.” He stepped closer, his hands reaching out and pulling her to him. “Well . . . as long as you still model it for me.”

“Deal.”

And then he leaned down, his lips like lighter fluid to hot coals. Her body burst into flames. They needed to get into the house immediately before her clothes melted right off her body.

Bryn pulled away and jogged up the stairs, Eli at her heels. She fidgeted with her keys, trying to get the right one to connect with the lock, but his lips on her neck made it so much harder to do.

Finally the lock clicked, the door opened, and the two of them stumbled into the house. Bryn left the lights off and set her flowers and purse on the little table in the foyer. She took Eli by the hand and led him upstairs. After all this time, and all the fear and setbacks, they were going to make love in her comfy bed. No discomfort against the wall or in a chair. Well, maybe someday they’d do that again. It had been kind of hot. But this time they would take their time and do it right. No rush.

Entering her bedroom with Eli was such a different experience this time. Bryn flipped on her bedside lamp. She wanted to see him. Wanted him to see her. She yanked her shirt over her head and unhooked her bra. No seductive dance. She just wanted to be naked with him.

By the time she’d tossed her bra to the floor, he had his T-shirt off. She pressed to him, the heat of his bare chest on her nipples, his fingertips sinking into her skin. A nice thick bulge pressed into her pelvis. Just thinking about it made her salivate, her panties already drenched.

And then it happened. Again. Her cell phone rang. Even from all the way downstairs, it echoed in her ears. Another interruption from her mother. She must have some sixth sense. But for sex instead of crime. “You’d better get it,” Eli said against her lips.

Bryn pulled back. “I think she does this on purpose.”

“I’m sure she doesn’t. There might be a problem with one of the kids.”

She’d been ready to ignore it and continue with their fun. Obviously Eli was a far better parent than she. “Okay. But if it’s something stupid, she’s going on permanent screening.”

Bryn jogged out of the bedroom, not bothering to put her shirt or bra back on. No point. She’d be right back out of it anyway. The phone stopped ringing, so she called her mother back.

“Why didn’t you answer?”

Bryn rolled her eyes so hard it hurt and tried to stay patient. “I was in the middle of something. What’s up?”

“Cammie woke up screaming. She had a bad dream.”

“Okay. Give her a hug and a kiss and put her back to bed.” Why did she insist on calling for the most basic parenting issues?

“It’s not that simple. She’s hysterical. Dad has her now, but she won’t stop crying. She said she had a dream about her daddy.”

Bryn’s heart sank to the floor. “Oh.” It had been a long time since one of the kids had had a nightmare like that. “I’ll be right over.”

By the time she hit end and turned, Eli was already at the top of the stairs, his shirt back on, her shirt and bra in his hand. She tried to blink back the tears forming in her eyes.

He hugged her. “Do you want me to come with you?”

Her first instinct was to say no. Cammie was her child, her responsibility. But if Eli was going to be a big part of her life—the kids’ lives—she should treat him as such. “Yes, actually, I’d like that a lot.”

ELI WOKE
with Bryn in his arms, her hair strewn across his chest, both of them naked even though they hadn’t done anything sexual the night before. And he hadn’t cared. He wanted a life with her, and in a real relationship with real life issues, no matter how hot a couple was for each other, sex was sometimes just not a priority.

Last night had been pretty rough on Bryn, consoling her little girl as she sobbed and cried out for her daddy. He hadn’t known her and the kids when Johnny had died, and hadn’t yet experienced what that tragedy had done to their family. It was heartbreaking to watch. She’d finally gotten Cammie calm, but she’d insisted on going home with Bryn.

Eli drove them home in Bryn’s minivan, but as he said his good-bye, she asked him to stay. He waited for her while she rocked Cammie to sleep. Bryn had joined him in the bedroom, looking like she’d been awake for three straight days.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to leave?” he’d asked.

“Yes. Please just hold me.”

He’d taken her in his arms and squeezed as she wept on his shoulder. He didn’t know what else to do.

When her sobs had slowed, she pulled away and undressed. “I want to lay in bed with you. Is that okay?”

“Of course.” He’d taken his clothes off, too, and did exactly what she’d asked. He’d held her all night.

Bryn stirred beside him and turned, her gaze filled with what he could only describe as admiration. “Good morning.”

“Good morning to you, too.” He kissed her, a gentle peck. “How do you feel?”

“Good. Thank you for everything you did last night. It meant so much to me.”

“You don’t have to thank me. I’m here for you—whatever you need.”

She put her hand to his stubbly cheek, pulling his face to hers, her eyes staring into his. Was she going to say it?

“Mommy! Eli!”

Cammie bounded into the room and leapt onto the bed. Eli did all he could to keep the covers on him and Bryn.

“Hey, Baby Bean!” Bryn said, her face lit up, the complete opposite of how she’d looked the night before. “Did you sleep okay?”

“Yes. I’m hungry. Eli, are you having breakfast with us?”

“Sure. Are you cooking?”

“No, silly! I can’t cook.”

“Oh, okay. Well, I don’t want to make your mom cook. So how about we go out to breakfast?”

Her little eyes went as wide as pancakes. “Really? Just you and me and Mommy?”

“Yes, ma’am. Does that sound like a good plan?” He looked from the little girl to her mom, a look of glee matching her daughter’s.

“Sounds like a plan to me.”

“Yes!” Cammie said, and jumped up. “I’m gonna go put on my sunflower dress.”

She ran off and Eli turned his attention back to the woman in his arms. “You’re really okay with that, right?”

“Yes.” She kissed him. “You’re a great dad.”

“I love your kids, just like they’re my own.”

He noticed a hitch in her breath, the teariness back in her eyes. Shit. Had he said something wrong?

“They love you, too.”

CHAPTER
Thirty-one

B
RYN FLOATED
as if she were riding on a cloud as Eli drove them back to her parents’ house to drop Cammie off, and then drove her to work. She’d almost told him she loved him. Everything had been perfect. She wanted to say those words, but they’d caught in her throat.

“Thank you for breakfast,” she said, leaning over to kiss him. “I’d give you a much better token of my appreciation, but I’m already late for work.”

“I can wait till later.”

He may, but she might not be able to. “I’m gonna think about you all day. You’ll be at Club Paradise by seven, right? The show starts at eight.”

“I’ll be there.”

He put his hand to the nape of her neck, his thumb rubbing over her cheek, and kissed her. Really kissed her.

“I love you, baby. Have a good day. I’ll see you later.”

Was it wrong that she totally swooned when he called her baby? “Okay. Bye.”

Bryn felt like a teenager as she headed toward the shop, trying not to skip. She gave Eli a little wave before opening the door and going inside.

“Good morning, ladies!”

“Well, someone got laid last night. Or this morning,” Penny said, sorting through a lingerie shipment, an array of sizes of the items they’d be modeling in the fashion show. Had to have them on the racks and ready for purchase.

“Ha. My guess is both,” Mia chimed in.

Bryn just smiled. “Neither. This is just the face of a woman in love.”

“What?” both of her coworkers said in unison.

So of course she had to relay the story. “I can’t say I’ve never felt this way before, ’cause I have, so it’s easy for me to know it’s real. I didn’t know if I’d ever feel this way for someone other than Johnny.”

“I’m so happy for you.” Penny came and hugged her. “I hope I can find that again. Or rather, find it for real this time.”

“You will.” Bryn then turned to Mia, her more cynical, careful friend. “What do you think? I know you have an opinion.”

“I’m happy if you’re happy, but after what he said yesterday, I just want to make sure he’s really the right guy for you.”

“He apologized for that. He said he was an asshole for saying it, but he was purely looking out for my safety. And I believe him. He’s a cop. It’s what he was trained to do for a living. He’s sees sick shit on a daily basis, so of course he’s protective of the people he loves.”

“Okay. I can see that.”

Bryn shook her head. “You need to just be happy for me.”

“I am. Really.” She came and hugged her. “I know he’s a good guy.”

“Good. So let’s get this party started. What else needs to be done?”

The phone rang and Bryn jumped up. “I’ll get that!” She grabbed the receiver and spit out her spiel. “Classy ’n’ Sassy Lingerie and Love Shop. This is Bryn. How can I help you?”

“Hello. This is Heather Meyers from Perfect Ten Modeling Agency. We have a small problem.”

Uh-oh. Bryn didn’t like the sound of that.

“Somehow your male models were double booked for tonight.”

“And?”

“Since the other contract was signed first, we are legally bound to honor it.”

This wasn’t happening. Six hours before the show and they were out two of their three male models? Bryn took a deep breath before she started to hyperventilate. There had to be good news. “You have two other guys to send, right?”

“We don’t. I’m really sorry. We’re not sure how this happened, but the next time you need models, we’ll give you a discounted rate.”

“A discount doesn’t help me now!” Bryn immediately regretted her outburst. Getting snippy with the woman wasn’t going to help the situation. “I’m sorry. I’m under a lot of stress, seeing as we only have a few hours until showtime.”

“I understand. Please call us if we can help you in the future.” And then she was gone.

Bryn wanted to slam the handset down, repeatedly. But all that would get her was a broken phone.

“What was that about?” Mia asked.

Bryn rubbed her temples in an attempt to smooth away the oncoming headache. “We have no male models for the show. Just Logan.”

“No! What are we gonna do?”

“I don’t know.” This was a disaster. Logan was only one man. He couldn’t model every outfit himself, even though he’d love to try. They needed a couple of male bodies, and fast. Bryn let her head roll back, hoping to stretch out some of the stiffness, and when she rolled it to the left, she spotted them. Oliver’s last few remaining dildos on the shelf. He was their only hope. She turned to Mia. “We’ve got one option.”

“I don’t like that look in your eye.”

“Oliver
has
to do it.”

“Uh-uh.” Mia shook her head and crossed her arms. “He already said no. It’s not happening.”

“He’s all we got. You have to beg him. Promise him sexual favors. Anything.”

“I already know what he’s gonna say.”

“Then keep begging until he says yes.” Bryn handed her the phone.

Mia rolled her eyes, then took it and punched in Oliver’s number. After a few seconds she said, “Hey. We have a problem.” She explained the predicament they were in. “I know you said no, but we can’t get anyone else on such short notice.” Mia turned away from Bryn and Penny, her voice low, but Bryn could still hear her. “I’ll do that thing and wear the outfit.”

Apparently Miss Mia was into some kinky stuff. Maybe her sassy BFF was rubbing off on her. And apparently it worked. Mia hung up and confirmed the good news. “But no thongs.”

“Done,” Bryn said, and hugged her friend. “I knew the sexual favors would work. He’s a man, and so easy to manipulate.”

“I hope you appreciate what I’m doing—again—for this shop.”

“Oh stop! I’m sure whatever kinky favor you promised him is just as satisfying for you, too. And I want details.”

“Not happening.”

Bryn would take what she could get. The show had been saved, and that’s all she cared about.

AFTER ELI
dropped Bryn off, he ran a few errands and headed over to Amelia’s theater camp for her summer play. This year they were performing
Sleeping Beauty,
and she had earned the part of one of the fairies. He entered the theater and spotted Kristen in the second row, an empty chair next to her.

“Is that seat taken, or can I sit there?”

She looked up at him, barely moving her head, just her eyes. “It was supposed to be for my sister, but she just texted me she can’t come. I guess you can sit there.”

Eli sighed. Would the animosity between them ever end? He scooted past her. “Thanks.”

His arm brushed hers and she pulled away like he had tried to bite her. It had been a long time since they’d been that close to one another. He wasn’t even sure why she hated him so much. He’d never cheated on her. He didn’t think he’d been a bad husband. The divorce papers had listed “irreconcilable differences,” but he wasn’t even sure what they had been. All he knew was the last couple of years they were together, nothing he ever did was right.

But now that he was starting a new relationship with Bryn, he really wanted to know what he had done wrong in his first marriage. He didn’t want to make the same mistakes.

He turned to her. “Kris?”

“Yeah?” She wouldn’t even look at him.

“Can we have lunch together after the show? I have some things I want to ask you.”

“Ask me now.”

“No. This isn’t the place.”

That made her turn her head. Her eyes narrowed a bit, trying to figure out the nature of his request. “Fine. But I pick where we go and you pay.”

He hadn’t expected it to be any other way. “Okay.”

For the next half hour the two exes sat together and watched their little girl dance and sing and deliver lines like she’d been born on Broadway. Eli snuck a peek at Kristen from time to time, and saw a smile he hadn’t seen in years. It reminded him of when he’d met her and how happy they’d once been. Though he no longer loved her, he did want her to be happy. Maybe there was someone out there who could put that smile back on her face and keep it there.

They hugged and praised their little star and said their good-byes as she headed off to the cast party following the show.

“Where to?” he asked Kristen as they exited toward the parking lot.

“Francesca’s.”

“Of course.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing. I just knew you’d pick it. It’s your favorite.”

“If you had taken me there more often when we were married, maybe we wouldn’t be divorced now.”

“I don’t think that would have helped.”

She huffed. “Well, I think it might have.”

She got in her car and he headed toward his. Great. This luncheon was off to a wonderful start.

Fifteen minutes later he pulled into the parking space next to Kristen at Francesca’s, a very expensive Italian bistro on the west side of town. They didn’t speak as they were led to a patio table and handed menus. They only spoke to the waiter when he asked for their drink orders and lunch selections. Finally they were alone after a basket of bread had been laid in front of them.

“What’s this all about?” she asked.

“I need to know what I did wrong in our marriage.”

“We need an entire month to discuss that, not just a lunch.”

He fought the urge to roll his eyes. “Can we at least cover the top three reasons?”

She made no attempt to hide her eye roll. “Why?”

“It’s getting serious with Bryn and I don’t want to make the same mistakes.”

Her lip curled. “Is that why you brought me here? I’m not going to help you be a better man for some other woman.”

She stood, but Eli caught her hand before she could walk away. “Please. I want to be happy. And I want that for you, too. Can’t we help each other get there?”

Maybe she saw sincerity in his eyes. Maybe she was remembering how good they’d once been together. Maybe she wanted to find happiness for herself again. Whatever it was, it made her sit back down.

“I don’t know if I can even pinpoint one or two things exactly.”

“Can you try?”

She breathed deep and let it out, answering him without an attitude for once. “I guess.”

“When do you think you fell out of love with me?”

She opened her mouth to speak, but stopped. For a woman who usually had so much to say, it shocked him that she was having difficulty now. “I don’t know. I don’t think there was one moment that changed how I felt. Life just got complicated and we never saw each other. I think I started resenting that you were never home. And before you start, I know you were working to help support our family.”

For a long time he’d worked all kinds of shifts. It took years to accumulate enough seniority to secure a permanent day-shift gig. “You know I had no control over when I worked.”

“I do know that. But after a while, it just really got to me. I felt like I wasn’t even married anymore. And when you finally did get day shift, I don’t know, I had my own ways of doing things and you being there just messed with them.”

“I tried to do things the way you wanted them, but it was never good enough. You always had to have control.”

“Someone had to.” Her tone changed, the attitude coming back. “You were so lazy all the time.”

“It looked like I was lazy because I gave up trying to help.” He took a breath, clearing his head. Both of them getting upset was not going to help. “I’m sorry. I thought it would just be better if I stayed out of the way.”

She must have understood his reasoning. There was no snarky reply to his last statement.

“So what else?” He was dying to know what had gone wrong in the bedroom. But could he ask her that? Fuck it. This was his only chance to ask these questions. “Why did we stop having sex? Why did you tell me I was”—he lowered his voice—“inadequate?”

Her cheeks flashed crimson for a brief moment. “I don’t know. I just didn’t want it anymore.”

“Was I bad at it?” Bryn’s words from a couple of weeks back replayed in his ears, alternating between the insults Kristen had spewed for years. He loved Bryn and was working on changing her opinion. He’d succeeded so far. But he never wanted to go backward. He needed to know what Kristen thought.

“I don’t know. It just wasn’t enjoyable with you. I don’t think I ever even had an orgasm until after we got divorced.”

Wow. That was a tough pill to swallow. He had never given his wife of fourteen years an orgasm. “Why didn’t you say something?”

“I don’t know. We were so young when we got together. I guess I didn’t even know what one was really. Not until I had sex with someone else.”

“Well, that had to be an eye-opening experience.” He couldn’t help but laugh.

A smile spread across Kristen’s cheeks. Man, it’d been a long time since he’d made her smile. “Yeah. At first, I thought I was having a seizure.”

They had a good laugh together as the waiter arrived with their entrées.

Eli dug into his chicken marsala, suddenly starved. But one last question nagged at his mind. “Why wouldn’t you ever let me go down on you? Or you on me?”

“You want the truth?” she asked as she sipped her sangria.

“Of course.”

“My mother told me it was a disgusting thing to do. Only prostitutes gave blow jobs. And she had me convinced my lady parts tasted like garbage.”

He laughed and almost choked on his pasta. “Are you serious? Do you still think that?”

“No.” Her face grew flush again. “I know it’s not true.”

“So, you’ve got a boyfriend now? Does he give good head?”

She chugged some more of her drink, cheeks as red as the sangria. A smile played at the corners of her mouth. “Are we seriously discussing this?”

“Yes, ma’am.” He really felt like they had climbed to a new place, a better place, where they could actually be friends again. “I want you to be with someone who satisfies you.”

“He does.”

That’s all he was getting out of her and that was fine. “Good.”

They ate a few more bites in silence, but then she spoke up again. “So things are serious with Bryn?”

“Yeah.” He hesitated, wondering if he should go on. “I’m in love.”

Kristen looked up at him, blinking a few times. “I figured.”