Six (23 page)

Some emotion flickers over his face, but disappears just as quickly. “What do you want most?” His question throws me off. It is wildly vague. It is not a specific trap like Lana likes to set with her questions. Like the time she made Bec confess what she did with a male darkling…in front of everyone. Finn wants me to answer this question however I understand it. I could say many different things yet, I tell him the only thing I know as truth. It is what I have wanted since the moment I felt happiness.

I pluck a larger piece of glass from my hair. Finn watches my every move like he wishes it were his hand touching my hair instead. “I want a happily ever after,” I say. I take a deep breath. “With you and Lana. I want everyone to have everything they ever hoped for. Most importantly, I want everyone to have something to believe in.”

Finn stares at me longer than is normal and Lana remains oddly silent. When I glance her way she is lost in thought, silver eyes glassed over. Finn clears his throat and smiles weakly at me. I catch them off guard with my answer. Way off guard.

“Is something wrong with what I said?” I ask.

Finn shakes his head, still smiling. “No, it’s perfect. Lana, your go…truth or dare?” he says.

Lana sniffles then establishes her normal bravado. “I’ll keep with the trend and pick truth, but you better give me a good question. No open-ended bullshit. Make me blush,” Lana quips.

I ask a question so quickly that Finn does not have a chance. “Tell me what happened after Finn killed Louis.” Lana’s mouth hangs open. It slowly closes and reaches a full smile. She stares at Finn.

“You can’t get mad at me. Fair is fair, Finnegan,” she says, wagging a finger at him. I feel Finn tense beside me. Lana must answer truthfully and he knows it. Even if she did not take this game so seriously, she would have to answer somewhat truthfully. She stands and leans against the counter. “Finn got in big trubs for offing Louis. You know darkling males are rare. The transgression was so large that all the other circles asked for Finn’s head on a stake as retribution. It’s the reason we were targeted at the oh-so-fun scavenger hunt.” Lana pauses, watching Finn closely. “At first they wanted to kill you, Emma. Obviously, that didn’t fly, so he bartered,” Lana says, trailing off.

Finn’s voice cuts through the room like a razor blade. “That’s enough, Lana. Stop. No one is killing anyone.” It is an order. Lana does not say another word. I feel a lump form in my throat. I want to know why I am so important to Finn. I could have been easily disposed of like the other darkling in the desert circle. I am nobody. Tension hangs in the air like the heavy smoke outside.

“Pick, Finn,” I say, my voice sharp. I need to ask him a question. It is burning.

Knowing I will probably ask him even if he chooses dare he says, “Truth.” His look is resigned and weary. Lana’s face is hardened. The game has turned. I think it will be the last time she suggests truth or dare for a long time. If we make it back the darkling women will thank me.

They both look at me. I try to catch my breath, but the alcohol is still warming my body, causing reactions I am unused to, though my mind is crystal clear. I pin Finn’s gaze with mine. “Why have you protected me all this time?”

Finn hikes his shoulders, grabs both of my hands in his. I know something huge is coming. He wears the same look as my mother on the day she told me of my fate. I was so young and I still felt…and it scared me. Finn’s face right now scares me.

His hair falls into his eyes but he does not push it back. “I protect you now because of the way you make me feel,” he says. He almost looks relieved. “But I protected you and worried for you in the beginning because I made a promise to someone to do so. If I ever came into contact with you, that was.” Lana’s absolute silence scares me. I hear nothing from the outside world, only Finn’s words reverberating in my mind.

“Who? Who did you make a promise to?” I whisper. He opens his mouth and then closes it again. More silence.

With a great sigh he speaks. “Your mother.”

I grab my chest as the room begins to spin. The drinks are not controlling my body any longer. My emotions take over, threatening to shatter me into a million pieces. I hear an odd sound and I look around the room frantically. I realize the noise is my erratic breathing. Lana just gapes at me. Finn looks at me with worried eyes. I feel it then, another emotion.

Surprise.
I am not sad or angry that Finn kept this from me. I find it
astonishing
and
amazing
. I think a lot of things about the choices my mother made for me. This single decision to go to the circles and procure a safe place for me tells me the truth about everything I worried about.

She did believe in me. She has given me another fate.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

July 27th, Late night

Finn paces around the room as he tells the story for the fifth time. “Your mother said that if I were to ever stumble upon a darkling with light hair and eyes, I was to protect you…to help you find your way. She wanted you to feel.” He looks at me with a concerned look in his eye. I know he thinks I am upset, on the verge of losing it completely. I jerk my chin, urging him to continue his story. “She looked for us and found our circle by herself. I agreed because it’s what we try to do when we find any darklings anyway, but I honestly never thought you’d escape. She said your eighteenth birthday was approaching and you only felt one emotion. I wrote it off as a lost cause. I didn’t make the connection until the day in the forests when you told me you stayed indoors…so much time had passed, hundreds of new world years. It was impossible. ”

I think how the savages leave humans alone and I am thankful she did not encounter the things that I did in the forest. I think her brave, nonetheless. I am also glad Finn is the person she came across. It could have been anyone, yet it was him. I am not sure why I sense he holds something back from his story, but I do. It is why I ask him to tell it so many times. Perhaps he will give away another detail that will help me better understand. I also feel like I am getting a tiny glimpse of my mother with the story. Something about her I never knew.

“You should have told Emma,” Lana hisses from the corner. “What’s an eleven letter word for omission?” she sneers, playing one of our word games. She does not wait for a response. It is obvious her punch line is coming. She jabs a pointed finger in the air, aiming straight at Finn. “F-u-c-k-i-n-g-l-i-a-r.” Finn groans, folding his arms across his chest.

Sensing Lana’s anger is directly related to the fact that she did not know, I feel the need to defend Finn’s choice. “I am not mad at Finn. I am glad to know she wanted more for me. If he told me about the promise he made to her before I felt joy, I would not have cared, Lana. I was unable to. It would not have made a difference to me.” I hear Finn sigh and watch the strain in his shoulders relax. I continue. “Now I know, even if it was a fleeting thought, she thought I may get free. She thought I would want more
.
She hoped I might feel.
”

The emotions fill me. I do not know how to tell Finn and Lana how strong I feel with the addition of surprise. I have never been more human than in this very moment. I have five. Realizing what that means scares me. I will be defenseless. My magic buries itself deeper and deeper each time a new emotion takes root. For the first time since I hopped the dreaded wall, I wonder if feeling love in six days is impossible after all.

I look at Finn quietly for a several moments. “I am
surprised
you were able to keep that from me for so long,” I say. Finn smiles, a beaming, wide-toothed grin.

Lana squeals in delight. “Oh heck yeah! Surprise? I love that fucking one! Only one more emotion to go—you guys really need to get on it. Only five more days,” she proclaims confidently. She briefly looks wistful, her smile wanes. When she sees me looking in her direction the odd expression disappears.

I tilt my head in question. “What was that?”

She grabs her bow and begins gathering our stuff around the room. “Nothing,” she grumbles when she breezes past me. “It’s time to find a place to sleep if we can’t stay here. I’m hungry, too.” Lana dips down and brings a few more food items out of my bag. We eat quietly, looking at each other, knowing we have no clue what will come next.

I wonder where the sorceress is—she says she is coming. I worry for Finn and Lana. Now that I feel it, I am surprised how much risk they are putting themselves in. I tug my hair into a ponytail and watch as Lana helps Finn pack his tools into his bag. She readies her bow, he stows his gun in his belt and they both turn to me.

“Ready?” Lana asks before she licks her fingers to savor the remaining sugar.

Finn’s expression is anxious. He clenches his fists. His face is my warning of what is to come.

“I was hoping the sorceress would come before we had to leave this fun place,” she says, laying a hand on the door to the outside world. She pulls the metal door open with great effort and the dizzying smoke hits us like a punch. I feel Finn grab my hand and lead me forward and up the sketchy steps. I bring my shirt up to cover my nose and mouth. I sense the magic flowing through the air. I realize the bar below seems to be sealed off from the charmed atmosphere that pulses around us. Finn and Lana sense it at the same time. Lana picks up her pace and Finn tightens his grip on my hand, like something as small as a held hand will keep me from being taken to my other fate. I do not feel love. Though at this moment in the despairingly swirling smoke, new memories spike into my consciousness.

“Sleep tight, Em. I love you, baby,” my mother says as she tucks me into bed. “I made you this doll out of scraps of fabric, do you like it?” She smiles at me when she hands the doll to me. My mother’s eyes sparkle, the doll is beautiful. I hug it to my chest.

And then another memory.

“I like hearts,” I squeal. My mother sits cross-legged on my bed with a tool in her hand. She is carving tiny hearts into my wooden headboard. “I love you, mommy.” I whisper, dipping my tiny finger into a heart she has finished.

These memories cause my chest to lurch and tears prick my eyes. I remember feeling love. But I do not feel it now. All the memories do is make me acutely aware of the hollow place inside me. The place that is not filled, the emptiness that will force me back to the Enchanted Palace and back into Liam’s bed. I stop short before we get to the top of the steps. Darkness surrounds us.

“What is it?” Finn asks beside me. I hear Lana stop and come down a few steps. Her breathing is heavy.

“Promise me something,” I say, choking through the smoke. They both remain silent. “If they are going to take me back to the palace, I want you to kill me. I do not want to go back there. I cannot go back there.” I nearly gag on my words. I know how selfish and cowardly it sounds when I say it, but I do not care. A false life is worse than death. With nothing to believe in, life is nonexistent.

Finn releases my hand. “No. I could never do that,” he chokes out. “I would always try to find a way to get you out of there, Emma. Forever is a long time.” I notice Lana has said nothing and it is as good as her silent agreement. She saw what I had to deal with. She knows of Liam and the haunting window from my past. She knows I will never live there happily. She could never live there happily either. I respect her for this.

I take Finn’s hand, somehow knowing exactly where to grab in the darkness and start to climb again. “Fine,” I sputter out. Finn notices Lana’s silence, and I know it does not please him. He knows her better than I. To him, her silence speaks in loud volumes.

The gray haze is above us and I know we are almost back up to the broken street. The sky that rains hell is now visible in between the deconstructed towers. When we get to the top I realize two things, one being the smoke is indeed some sort of spell to safeguard our temporary hiding spot. The second, and the more concerning thing, is that throngs of savages surround us in a semi-circle. Some are the intelligent breed and others look like feral, slimy beasts. In between their snarling forms dark witches intermingle. Lana gasps and that is when I let my fear take over. The savages are somehow spelled to leave the witches unharmed.

We stand stock-still. We are three against an entire army. The savages growl and the witches just gaze around with detached animosity. They want to be out of the wretched city just as much as we do. Although there are no fires in sight, the heat up here makes me sweat. The smell from the savages is worse than the smoky hallway. I swallow down vomit. I slide my sweaty palms down the side of my jeans and grab my knife. Finn notices and he grasps his gun. Lana laughs, a menacing sound, and swings her bow from behind her back and grabs an arrow from her quiver. I silently hope she can pick off all the dark witches before they spell us into submission. Finn and I will try to ward off the horned, sneering beasts. Her arrows cannot decapitate the witches, but can surely slow them down.

“Why aren’t they attacking?” Lana mutters. I feel a bead of sweat roll down my nose and drop off my chin. The savages and the dark witches are not moving.

“The smoke is charmed. It is warding them off somehow,” I say. I take one step back into the thicker wisps. With a small cough, Lana does the same when she realizes I am right. Finn stands at the front of our defensive triangle, still leery. I feel the slight urge to use magic, but in this moment the line is definitive. I am no longer a dark witch. I am
with
the darklings next to me. I am more human. I want to be more human. I am also more vulnerable than I have ever been. The savages and witches have the ability to take more than emotions from me. They can take Finn and Lana, which is something worse than a false life.