Sisterhood Of Lake Alice (11 page)

Tim had convinced himself that doing this would remove the guilt that stained his soul. It did not. His wife saw a changed man when he returned from his mother’s funeral. She assumed that the death had somehow been more traumatic than he had acknowledged. Whatever had happened, Tim had a deep, empty look in his eyes that she had never seen before.

*

Rebecca’s mother received the certified letter from Tim’s attorney. For several weeks, she thought about how she was going to tell Rebecca that her father thought money was a substitute for a relationship with his daughter. She almost felt sorry for him. He had missed knowing a truly exceptional young woman.

Ever since graduation, Monica was haunted by the look on Tim’s face. His expensive clothes could not mask the empty man who wore them. In July, Monica was shocked when she received the first bank statement from Lincoln Bank showing deposits of more than $5,000. Monica would tell Rebecca that weekend. She decided to get the weekly wash going before starting the emotional conversation.

As Monica was carrying the clothes into the basement, she was daydreaming about the money when she lost her balance. She fell down the flight of stairs, landing on the hard, concrete basement floor. She cried for help for almost an hour before Ruby heard her. By the time the ambulance arrived, Monica knew that she had broken both her left leg and arm.

*

Rebecca received the call at Emily’s house, where she had spent the night. Grandma Ruby was so excited that she had been difficult to understand. Rebecca had no idea what to expect as she rushed to the hospital. She found her mother being prepared for surgery to set both her arm and leg. As she was being wheeled into surgery, Monica looked at the two people she loved most in this world and simply asked them to pray for her.

The following day, Rebecca came to visit Monica with fresh-cut roses from their garden. Monica smiled as she told Rebecca that she needed to share some news with her. She told Rebecca about the transfer of the properties and the joint account that now held $5,000, with more to come each month.

Rebecca was startled by the news. She had worried for a long time about the financial burden for college, which was placed solely on her mother’s shoulders. Even with a full scholarship, there were still many extra expenses. Now with her mother out of work, the news seemed to be a small miracle for them. Instead of being hurt by her father thinking money made up for his absence, she was convinced that this was a gift from God to help them. She took it as a sign to do well at college and to be assured that her mother and grandmother would be okay financially.

Monica simply hugged her positive-thinking daughter and once again said a prayer of thanks to God for her wonderful gift named Rebecca.

*

By the end of August, Monica was beginning to heal. She still wore her arm in a sling and a cast on her leg. However, she was now able to move around their little house with ease. Grandma Ruby had taken over some of the household chores, which she seemed to enjoy more these days. It looked as though everyone was going to survive.

After much discussion, the decision was made to take a small amount of the money out of the bank each month for daily living expenses for Monica and Ruby. They traded in their old car, which broke down on a regular basis, for a newer model. Rebecca would receive a monthly allowance so she would not have to work during school. Monica decided to go from full-time to part-time at her job, which would give her more time to spend with Ruby. She also hoped to do some volunteer work at the hospital.

Because they were fearful of driving in the big city, Rebecca boarded the Greyhound bus to Minneapolis. She was confident that all would be well at home. She was ready to begin her new life at college.

*

Rebecca arrived at St. Catherine’s in the heart of Minneapolis. For the first time in her life, she was in a big city alone. Her clothes, books, and dorm room things had been shipped in advance. St. Catherine’s campus was a women’s college with beautiful, old, red brick buildings that had ivy growing up the walls. There were hundreds of graceful elm and oak trees scattered throughout the small campus. Once you entered the campus gates and found your way to the center of the campus, you would never know that you were in the middle of the city. As she walked into her dorm for the first time, she was overwhelmed with thoughts of what lay ahead for her.

Rebecca’s roommate, Katie, was already settled in and unpacked. As Rebecca unpacked her belongings, Katie sat on her bed and told her all about herself. She was from Wauwatosa, Wisconsin, and had six brothers and three sisters. She had received a full academic scholarship and was planning to teach biology. Katie laughed as she told her that she was grateful Rebecca had not arrived yesterday as the entire family had driven in three cars to make sure that Katie was settled in and comfortable. Her twin brother named Kevin was also on full scholarship at their all-male brother school, St. Thomas, just a few miles away. She had already made plans for Kevin to introduce her to some boys from his dorm.

Rebecca listened as Katie seemed to talk for hours without taking a break. At first, she felt intimidated by her bubbly personality. However, by dinnertime, she realized that Katie would become a friend and perhaps force her to get out of her self-conscious shell. She also discovered that Katie loved to sing.

*

Life quickly settled in for Rebecca. She found each class she took to be challenging and exciting. She saw a notice for auditions for the St. Catherine’s international choral group. Both Katie and Rebecca were accepted on the first round of tryouts. Her days were filled with music and studies.

Within a few weeks, both girls had gotten into a comfortable routine of classes and studying hard. Every Saturday evening, they met Katie’s brother Kevin and some of his friends. It was normally just an evening of pizza and laughs.

By Christmas break, Rebecca realized that she had changed. Both her mom and Grandma Ruby commented on her new self-confident personality. Rebecca carried herself with pride. She laughed more, talked more, and in general, looked happier.

By spring, both Rebecca and Katie had received invitations to go to Europe during the summer for a concert tour. Katie worked extra hours at the dorm cafeteria to raise the money, while Rebecca knew she would be able to tap into her newfound money
.
The tour to Germany and Austria was a huge success; the choir received rave reviews. Rebecca’s name was mentioned in almost all of them.

She was overwhelmed by the beauty of Austria. She prayed and sang in cathedrals that were built before the United States existed. She loved how her voice sounded as it bounced off century-old walls and stained-glass windows. She made herself a promise that someday she would bring her mother and grandmother to see those incredible sights.

*

By their junior year, Katie and Rebecca had moved into a small one-bedroom apartment just off campus. They often had Kevin and a few friends over for dinner. Katie had proven to be a wonderful cook, and Rebecca loved to bake elaborate desserts. Jeff Winkler, a tall, handsome, blond-haired guy, had become Kevin’s roommate. One night after dinner while he was helping Rebecca clean up, he turned to her and asked her if she would ever consider dating someone like him. She simply blushed and said yes.

From that night on, they became a couple. Saturday evening was their date night, and almost every evening they would study together. The relationship was comfortable and convenient. There was seldom an argument and always a few good laughs. There was lots of cuddling but never any sex, which seemed to suit both of them just fine.

Rebecca invited Jeff to come to Fergus Falls during spring break of their senior year. He quickly agreed. She called to tell her mom that she was bringing Jeff home. Monica sounded excited about the prospect of finally meeting her special guy. As they drove home, Rebecca tried to warn him about her humble little house on Bancroft Street. Jeff simply smiled and told her not to worry about it. Although he came from a wealthy family, his parents had a bitter divorce four years before. He went on to explain that he would much rather live in a small, happy home than a big house filled with anger.

*

After that week in Fergus Falls, everyone including Rebecca assumed that Jeff would be proposing any day. The day before Rebecca, Katie, Kevin, and Jeff were graduating, the girls prepared a special dinner for the four of them. Katie had just broken up with Larry, whom she had been casually dating for about a year, and she needed a little cheering up. The boys arrived on time with a bottle of champagne and four beautiful champagne flutes. Katie and Kevin were moving back to Milwaukee. Rebecca was keeping the apartment and had just accepted a teaching position at Holy Angels Academy, where she would be teaching English and music. Jeff was leaving in a week for California, where he had accepted an internship at Universal Studios.

Rebecca was convinced that tonight Jeff would propose, and she was ready to say yes. She already had a shoebox filled with clippings of wedding dresses, flowers, and articles on the perfect wedding. It was after midnight when Jeff suggested that they go for one last walk on St. Catherine’s campus. As they left, Katie winked at Rebecca and pointed to her ring finger. They walked in contented silence through the quiet parklike campus. When they finally reached their favorite bench, they sat down and stared at the full moon and abundance of stars.

Suddenly and without warning, Jeff broke down. He was sobbing so hard that Rebecca could not understand what he was saying. Finally, he took a deep breath and slowly started to explain that he was leaving and would never be back. He explained that he had been dishonest with her. He felt like the lowest scum of the earth, but he knew that he had to finally be honest. He was a fraud, and she deserved better than he was ever able to give her.

Rebecca reached for him and tried to comfort him. She said, “Jeff, I love you with all my heart. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love you for who you are, not who you think you need to be. You have given me so much happiness and love. Nothing is so bad that it cannot be fixed or forgiven. Together, we can make a good life.”

Without a word of response, Jeff stood up and ran into the darkness, leaving Rebecca alone and confused. He did not return to the apartment that night.

Rebecca went through the motions of graduation because her mom and Grandma Ruby had come for the ceremony. Monica asked her why Jeff was not joining them. Finally, the tears came while Rebecca told her about what had happened. Both Katie and her mom assured Rebecca that Jeff was probably nervous about his upcoming internship and not to worry. Men just had more problems dealing with stress and change than women did.

The next day, Rebecca helped Katie and Kevin pack up their car and U-Haul trailer for their journey back to Wisconsin. She promised to call them as soon as she heard from Jeff. The next two days were the longest days of her life. With no school or work, she had nothing to do but worry about Jeff. Her mind went from thoughts of there being another woman to Jeff having a serious health problem. She paced the floors morning to night. She spent hours walking, but nothing eased her worries.

*

It was almost eleven o’clock on the second evening when she heard a soft knock on her door. She opened it to find Jeff still wearing the same clothes he had on three days before. His normally neat and clean appearance was replaced with the looks of a crazed street man. His eyes were red and swollen. He leaned against the doorframe as he softly asked if he could speak to her for just a few minutes. They sat in complete silence for a few minutes. Finally, Jeff cleared his throat and started to speak.

“Rebecca, I want you to know that I have loved you from the first moment I met you. You are the woman I have always dreamed of being with forever. Your compassion and kindness are virtues that are so rare today. I never wanted to hurt you. All I ever wanted to do was to protect you. I have believed that I could make a good future for us. A few months ago, I was forced to face the ugly truth about what a fraud I am. I know now that I cannot hide from the truth any longer. I also know that I am going to hurt you. For that, I am incredibly sorry.

“The truth is that I am gay. I have always felt different from the other guys who boast about sexual conquests. I thought it was because I had not found the right girl. I have been seeing a therapist for the last year, thinking my problems were all because of my parents’ terrible example and lack of love. Then one day, it just came to me that what the problem was had nothing to do with my parents. It had everything to do with me. I am living a lie. With the help of my therapist, I am able to accept who I am. Now I need to start to move forward.

“I would give anything not to have to hurt you. I know you have every right to think that it is time for us to get married. Please forgive me. You need to know that I will always care for you. I am leaving in two days for California. I plan to make that my career and my home. I hope that in time, you will understand.” Without waiting for Rebecca to say anything, he got up and left. He never gave Rebecca a chance to discuss it with him.

She sat in stunned silence until early the next morning. Her emotions ran from anger to despair. In the morning, she called her mom. Rebecca packed her suitcase and headed to Fergus Falls for a few weeks of healing and loving comfort that only her mother and Grandma Ruby could give her. As Rebecca faced her future, she wondered if she would always be alone.

Chapter Ten
 

Emily

Emily graduated from college with a degree in journalism, a six-year-old VW convertible, and a small box of special things. When she went to the doctor, she already knew what she would hear. He confirmed that she was three months pregnant. She had no insurance, no job, and no one to love her.