Sins of Sarah (39 page)

'Nothing, I promise. I just want you to hold me, Nick, please,' she begged.

'If I've done something to upset you, Sarah, you only have to say,' he soothed her gently. 'I'd never deliberately hurt you.'

'I know, I know. Let's go to bed. I'm tired and I'm sure you are.' Shrugging, Nick put her strange mood down to depression at the film ending; she was often like that for a few days after shooting finished. 'Ireland did you good, though,' he commented later as he watched her brush her hair, something she knew he loved to see her do. 'All that location catering. I'm sure you've put on weight! You certainly haven't been pining for me!' Sarah felt the shock of his comment and struggled not to show it.

'I certainly hope I haven't,' she said quickly. 'I'm working on Monday and they wouldn't appreciate it if the frocks didn't fit. Polka Dot are as mean as NGA when it comes to clothes.'

'Working for the opposition, are we?' he teased. 'Do you ever stop?'

'It's only a two-day job. I like working for Rob; he's gentle and he doesn't yell like you do.' Nick came up behind her, curving his palms caressingly over her naked breasts, making her ache with pleasure.

'Yelling at you and being violent!' he commented softly. 'Is this a time for pointing out my faults?'

'Could be. It may be important.'

'As important as this?' He swept aside the swathe of her hair and slowly kissed the curve of her neck. 'God, Sarah, I've missed you these last few weeks! Why don't you forget all the work here and come out to LA now? I really don't want to live without you any longer. I don't care what Diana or the Press think. I want you now - you're mine and I want the world to know it!' Sarah turned in his arms. It was all she wanted, and yet she knew she couldn't do it - yet.

'Nick, I can't let people down,' she protested. 'I start the new Barbara Bentley in a couple of weeks. And anyway you'll be in South America or wherever for months, and you've already said you can't take me with you.' She could just see herself giving birth somewhere in the depths of the jungle where she knew his film was set!

'I know,' he sighed. 'I know all the sensible reasons. Well, at least put the flat on the market soon and start cutting the work down, then you'll be ready to slip away to the States the moment I get back from Brazil. Let Oscar and Seth work out all the ramifications of Green cards and stuff for you - that's what Oscar is paid for, after all.' His hands were slowly driving her wild, to the point where her legs were trembling so much she could hardly stand, and she was finally clinging to him just to stay upright.

'I want to be with you too. Nick,' she whispered. 'Every day and every night.'

'So you will be, darling.' Nick lifted her into the bed, his own body eager for her, and Sarah pulled him down, her arms tight around his neck.

'Now, Nick,' she pleaded 'I can't wait ~ please, I want you now!' He was only too eager to acquiesce to her demands.

'At least come back out to LA for a few days after the Polka Dot shoot,' he suggested some time later, when all their pent-up needs had finally been met. 'A friend of mine is selling a property over in Palm Springs, I'd like you to see it.'

'Palm Springs? That's the desert, isn't it?' 'Partly.' He smiled. 'But it's also a luscious green oasis, and the house is in a stunning location with three acres of garden - far more space than Malibu. It would give us a chance for real privacy. At least let's look at it?'

'It sounds expensive,' she said, worried.

'So? You don't ever have to worry about money! It will be my wedding gift to you, darling.' It all seemed so perfect. She agonized about the wisdom of the trip, knowing that in a week's time she would be four months pregnant. It would be impossible to hide her condition from him much longer, she was sure. But finally she decided she would take a chance and go, and sighing with contentment she wriggled herself into the warm comfort of his body.

Even in sleep Nick always held onto her, as if he couldn't bear to let her go, and she smiled happily to herself.

Tomorrow, perhaps, she decided. Tomorrow she would tell him about the baby. She lay awake as Nick slept peacefully, his hand possessively about her breast, and she fantasised about living with him and their son - or daughter. In her dreams Nick welcomed and loved his new child, as he loved Charlotte - it would work out, she promised herself - it had to!

CHAPTER 22

But still she couldn't bring herself to tell him. She cursed herself for being so cautious, but Nick didn't notice anything different about her figure, apart from teasing her that she had put on a certain amount of weight. Now she was into her fourth month, the sickness had quite disappeared, and even she actually found it quite difficult to believe she was pregnant. Certainly no one else guessed, and she flew to LA with Nick thinking that perhaps that was the place to tell him, when they were relaxed in the sunshine of Malibu.

However, even that plan came unstuck. Nick was busy with the planning on his Brazilian film, and for the first few days he rushed off to the Waterston offices in Burbank every morning. There was very little time to relax together, and in the evenings they went out, as he seemed determined to proudly introduce her to most of Hollywood. In England they were still very careful not to attract attention, but in LA Nick didn't seem to care who knew about their relationship, much to Sarah's surprise.

She'd thought she would be lonely during the day, and half wished she hadn't come as she'd waved him off that first morning, but within a few minutes of his departure Miriam Waterston had arrived to whisk her off in her chauffeur-driven Mercedes for a day's shopping. She had finally persuaded Seth into marriage the previous autumn, and it was a state she highly recommended to an amused Sarah.

Enveloped in Miriam's warm friendliness, she had no time to think about much. She shopped and lunched as she was directed, and spent hours being pampered in Miriam's favourite health club before being returned to Malibu for the evenings with Nick.

'This is exhausting!' she complained a few days later as they dressed for the premiere of a Waterston film that Nick had felt obliged to go to. 'I thought we'd get a rest!'

'Not yet!' he laughed. 'Not just before a picture is due to start! God knows, I didn't want to do it, but now I am I have to give it my best shot. However, I have wangled a couple of days off. Tomorrow we'll drive over to Palm Springs to look at the house, as I promised we would, and we'll stay the night. Would that make up for it?'

'Yes, of course it would!' She sighed. 'I don't mean to sound whingey. Nick, really I don't.'

'I know, darling!' Nick hugged her. 'All I want is to spend time with you! I certainly don't want to spend the next three months in Brazil. Damn Seth and his silver tongue! I should have stuck to my guns and said no to him.'

'Well it's too late now; you're stuck with it. Maybe you'll win another Oscar,' she suggested. 'That will more than make up for it.'

'More likely I'll fall flat on my face! I'm about due for a flop, and this movie has disaster written all over it, I'm afraid. Seth has a mania for finding film scripts in turn-around and then expecting me to come up with a bloody miracle!'

'It happened with King's Daughter,' Sarah reminded him.

'That was a complete one-off. And they don't happen twice - at least not to me,' he complained. 'Come on, let's forget about it for the day. We'll concentrate on us for a change.' He drove the Jaguar as fast as he dared, bearing the speed limit in mind all the time. He had been picked up too many times to ignore it, especially now he had an American licence that proclaimed his residency. But it gave Sarah time to view the spectacular scenery as they drew closer to Palm Springs, and to exclaim over the thousands of windmills that lined the desert road on the outskirts.

'A power experiment, I believe,' Nick said, casually as she questioned him. 'Amazing, aren't they?' She cried out with pleasure at the sight of the immaculate state of the desert town too when they finally reached it. It was the perfect oasis, green-lawned and flower-filled along every street, each car they passed seemingly more luxurious than the one before.

'The grass is watered every evening,' Nick told her. 'Not the time to walk around town - you get soaked! We'll book into the hotel and then go over to Joe's place. The caretaker is expecting us.' Even the hotel made her gasp, with most of its huge foyer taken up by a real lake. A luxurious motor launch ferried guests out through open windows to disembark at the restaurants on the edge of the outdoor part of it.

'Anything is possible in this town,' Nick laughed. 'It has some of the wealthiest citizens in the world. Bob Hope had a house up on the mountain that cost millions of dollars, and he only used it for parties! The medical facilities are pretty fantastic too, and you can even get dried out.'

'Of course - the Betty Ford Clinic!' 'Not somewhere you'll need, I hope, darling!' Nick opened their room door and swung her into his arms. 'This is a cure for most ills!' 'Lovemaking?' Sarah giggled as he rolled her onto the bed. Nick was in holiday mood and she was loving it.

'Most of the time, but maybe not quite now,' he said regretfully. 'I really should learn to curb my baser instincts!'

'I'll tell you when that's necessary,' Sarah told him. 'But for now . . .' Somehow she manoeuvred him over her, and she found herself being very thoroughly kissed before he regretfully let her go.

'It's that or we'll never get to Joe's place,' he told her. 'I have only a certain amount of control, and I come very close to losing it every time you come near me! Now let's go!'

His friend Joe was a producer in commercials, and very successful, Sarah thought, if his house was anything to go by. She managed not to cry out with shocked delight as Nick drove in through the gates of the exotic, lush-looking development. How Maggie would love this, she decided with a wicked smile.

The house he aimed for was huge. A white-painted Spanish-style hacienda, with the soft terracotta curved tiles now so familiar to her, it seemed to ramble for ever with endless cool arched walkways and fountain-strewn courtyards.

'Nick! You can't be serious about this?' She stared at him in astonishment. 'It'll cost an absolute fortune!'

'If you like it, I'll buy it,' he said simply, 'I've always liked it and if I'm really honest, I've coveted it for years. Now thanks to Seth and his rotten Brazilian film I can afford it, and at last I have someone to share it with.'

They were left to themselves to look around, and Sarah ran from room to room shrieking with delight like a small child on a treat. The whole house thrilled her almost senseless. There was nothing in it that she even remotely wanted to change, from the vast, immaculate kitchen to the wildly opulent master suite. Situated at the top of its own staircase it had curved walls, with huge French windows opening onto a balcony. The view of tall palm trees and mountains from it quite took her breath away - what was left of it.

'I'd want the house for this view alone!' she gasped. 'Oh, Nick, yes! I want it - desperately!' She leant perilously over the balcony rail to catch a glimpse of the obligatory California pool carved into the immaculate lawns, and thought of her child growing up in such beautiful surroundings, learning to swim in the pool, running and playing under the walkways, at home here. She turned to tell him about the baby - this time she would tell him, she decided - but, ironically. Nick was already halfway down the spiral staircase.

Slowly, Sarah walked away from the balcony and went back downstairs as the thought hit her. It was impossible to tell him about the baby. The time would never be right. And if she couldn't tell him that, where did it leave their relationship?

Ten seconds later, the reality of that horrible truth hit her. Nick paused in the doorway of what was obviously a nursery and laughed. 'Well, we won't need this room,' he said. 'But it might make a nice gym for you, darling.'

'Nick,' Sarah said, nervously. 'I know what you said about Charlotte, but don't you ever want more children?'

'No - no I don't!' Nick paused then at the look of pain that crossed her expressive eyes. 'Surely, darling, you must know that by now? Anyway, there won't be time - certainly not for a year or two. I want you to succeed in the business first. Does it bother you? Not having children? I've never made a secret of not wanting any more, I thought you'd accepted it?'

'I have - well, more or less,' she admitted, trying to sound casual. 'But I'm sure it wouldn't affect my career that much. Nick. After all, Angelina has children, and look where she is!'

'Perhaps later,' Nick acquiesced. 'When you're really established and we're properly married. Then I might be persuaded - though I think I'd have to be blind drunk for nine months to cope with it! I certainly couldn't envisage having a child out of wedlock. It wouldn't feel right at all. Sorry, does that make me sound old-fashioned?'

She knew then, miserably, that she would be taking her secret back to England with her. There was no other way but to keep it from him until he was back from Brazil and they were finally together. It would be almost time for the baby to be born by then and Nick would have no choice but to go along with it. At least, she reasoned, he wouldn't have months to worry about her if he didn't know.

That thought was the only thing that comforted her on the interminable flight back. Knowing they were parting for at least three months made them both desperately unhappy, and at that point Sarah almost gave in to his pleas that she abandon everything and stay in LA with Miriam and Seth. Only her own strict sense of loyalty kept her from doing as he asked. It would be totally unfair to the cast and crew of the Bentley drama she told him gently, and of course he knew she was right. Nick, like Sarah, had a very strict code of behaviour when it came to work ethics. Nevertheless, she was close to tears almost the entire journey, and she was thankful for the luxury of being able to hide in the first class lounge at LAX before she boarded the plane.