Sins & Mistrust (25 page)

Something wakes me up in the middle of the night. I listen to see if it was a noise, but I don’t hear anything again. Glancing at the clock on the table next to me, I note that it’s only five in the morning. The room is still bathed in darkness, making it easy to go back to sleep. My eyes shut, but it’s only for a few minutes before something causes me to stir again.

I turn to my back and instantly realize that Lincoln isn’t in the bed anymore. I’m still wrapping my head around what went on last night. Not only did we have sex, but I let Lincoln fuck me. I haven’t been in that position in years. I wasn’t lying when I said I like to be in control, and last night I felt very much out of it. However, Lincoln took my nerves into consideration, something I didn’t expect him to do. When he asked me to stay over, I was surprised. I didn’t think Lincoln would be so quick to jump into the relationship lifestyle.

I was even more surprised that I agreed to stay. That was never my intention when I planned on coming over. It’s obvious we have an attraction to each other, but what we seem to struggle with is dealing with our feelings.

There was no embracing and no kiss goodnight. Nothing. It’s easy for us to fuck, but when it comes to the emotion of it, we shy away. I wonder why that is. I like Lincoln the more I get to know about him. Each time I see him, my attraction for him grows. He’s definitely the most attractive man I’ve been with, there’s no denying that. The last man I’ve been with in a sexual way is someone who I only used for blow jobs, because I never fucked him. I was still an escort, and the last time I saw him was the first night I went out with Nathalia.

He’s been wanting to see more of me, but I explained to him that I just couldn’t be in a relationship. Plus, if I’m being honest, he’s not somebody I’d choose to be in a relationship with. He’s not physical enough for me. I need someone like Lincoln, someone who will push back when I push. Someone who can handle my physical force. Someone who gets me all riled up and turned on at the same fucking time. The other guy was fun enough, but sometimes you just know who you could be with in long term, and who you can’t.

James—the blow job guy—comes with baggage, too. I actually met him through a woman I had a relationship with. She and I had a relationship that shouldn’t have happened in the first place. She introduced me to James, someone she had been friends with for a while, and who is strictly gay, and he started hitting on me when she wasn’t around. Kristi and I didn’t have feelings for each other. I think we both understood that. We fucked, we hung out, but we were never in love.

So, one night James and I started messing around when we had been drinking. We were on the side of a nightclub and he had just dropped to his knees and pulled my cock out when Kristi came out and found us. Her eyes almost popped out of her head before she turned and left. She never knew I liked men, and she never thought anything would happen between James and me. I don’t think she was heartbroken, maybe just surprised. Disgusted? Who knows?

She and James are still friends, but I think even that became strained, and she and I never had sex again. I still saw her from time to time, and was able to convince her to keep what she saw to herself, especially since she had been a client.

Yeah, it was fucked up.

Lincoln’s voice brings me from my thoughts. I push the covers off of me and swing my legs over the side of the bed and stand. The walk to the door seems to take forever since the room is so fucking big, but when I get to it, I poke my head out and look down the hall. I don’t see him, but I hear his hushed angry voice again. Maybe he’s on a call, or maybe somebody showed up.

I will myself to turn and walk back in the room, but then I hear my name fall from his lips. He’s talking about me? Inching my way to the top of the stairs, I look over, but can’t see anybody.

“I don’t fucking believe that, and you better learn to keep your mouth shut. You will not say anything to anybody or I will make sure it’s the last fucking thing you say for a very long time.”

Lincoln is pissed! I wonder what the hell he’s talking about, or who he’s talking to.

“You’re goddamn right I am. Stay the fuck away from him and anything he has going on, and stay the fuck away from me.”

I hear Lincoln blow out a frustrated breath, and I turn and wait in the doorway of his room. When he hits the landing above the steps, he falters as he sees me.

“What are you doing up?” he grumbles.

“You woke me up.”

He sighs and pushes past me into the room. “Sorry.”

“What’s going on?” I ask.

“I don’t want to talk about it right now, Marc.”

“I know it has to do with me,” I say, my arms crossed against my chest.

His intense eyes pin me with a glare. “Oh, do you?” I only stare back at him. “Since you know so much, is there anything else you want to let me know?”

My brow furrows in confusion. “Why the fuck does it sound like you’re trying to accuse me of something?”

“Is there something to accuse you of?” he counters.

“Lincoln, I’m not doing this shit. This fucking game you’re trying to play? I’m not playing. The one fucking night I stay here with you, and you’re pulling this shit. I don’t fucking think so.”

“Oh, are you pissed now?” he asks. “That’s funny,” he says with humorless laugh.

I walk over to the bed and start gathering the clothes I left on the floor. “You’re fucking crazy. I can’t put up with this shit.”

Lincoln storms over to me, fire burning in his eyes. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“Home.”

“You’re staying here,” he hisses, grabbing the clothes from my hand and throwing them to the ground.

“You’re out of your fucking mind if you think I’m staying here.”

“I am out of my fucking mind, Marc. Because of you! You driving me fucking crazy!” he runs his hands through his hair in a frustrated manner.

“Well, then let me leave, and I won’t drive you crazy anymore,” I shout, making a move for my clothes again.

“That’s not what I mean! I don’t know how to read you. You fuck me like you can’t get enough, and when you kiss me you steal the breath right out of me. We have this passion that even you can’t deny, but you don’t let me in. You keep these walls up and I don’t know why. I feel like I can’t share intimate moments with you, or even casual ones. We fuck and we fight, that’s it. God!”

His words stop me in my tracks. I still feel pissed off, but he’s given me something to think about. Is the reason why we don’t show tender affection because of me? I didn’t realize it could have been my fault. His words,
you steal the breath right out of me
come back to me. He’s expressing his feelings in this heated moment, but I don’t know what to say. We weren’t even fighting over this.

“Linc,” I start.

“Are you fucking anybody else?” he asks, catching me off guard.

“Besides Nathalia? No.”

“So, I’m the only man that you’re fucking?”

“Yes,” I answer, unsure of where this came from or where it’s going. “Why do you ask?”

“The phone call,” he says, pacing in front of me. “It was from somebody I know, and he told me that you were fucking…somebody else. I really don’t want to talk about it, Marc.”

His body is vibrating with anger. Is he this mad because he’s jealous? He thought I was with another guy? I can tell he’s not telling me something, but I know I’m not going to get much more information out of him right now. He’s too wired and angry. There’s only one thing I can think of to do. I need to show him that he’s the only man I’m interested in. Between him and Nathalia, I couldn’t want anyone else. He says he can’t read me, so I’m going to try to be an open book for him right now.

Maybe I have been fighting my feelings for him, but I’ve had very few actual relationships with men, and the ones I had didn’t work out. Clearly. They also didn’t evoke the passion I have with Lincoln. We’re explosive. There’s no other way to explain it. Anything Linc and I do involve some sort of fiery passion. Whether it’s fighting or fucking, we jump into the chaos with ravenous desire.

I take a slow step towards him. He watches me with curious eyes, but eyes that still hold fire. After another step, I’m right in his face. I stare into his dark blue eyes and allow myself to feel, and more importantly, allow myself to show him how I feel.

Slowly raising my hand to cup his cheek, I let my thumb run across the stubble on his face. The fingers on my other hand run through his black, unruly hair until my hand rests on the nape of his neck. I bring his face closer to mine and lick his bottom lip, causing him to part his lips for me. As soon as his mouth is open, I slide my tongue into the warmth and massage his tongue with my own.

Lincoln makes a noise in the back of his throat before pulling my waist into his. Our kiss deepens, and I pour my everything into this kiss. I slowly back him up until the backs of his legs hit the bed.

“Lie down, Linc.”

He complies without a word, and I instantly crawl over him, grabbing his hands in mine and interlocking our fingers. I kiss the corner of his mouth, and then kiss a trail down his scruffy cheek until I reach his neck. I lick and then suck the flesh into my mouth, and then move to his collarbone. I place kisses across his chest before moving to his stomach. Releasing his hands, I squeeze the muscles in his chest as my tongue licks the ridges in his abs. I feel his cock harden and move beneath me.

I kiss and lick the skin along one of his V lines, and when I get to the waistband of his underwear, he automatically lifts up, letting me pull them down. His thick cock lays heavy on his stomach, a drop of pre-cum glistening in the dark. I lick my lips, finding that I’m craving the taste of him. My tongue licks up the liquid, swirling around the bulbous head before sucking him deep into my mouth.

I hollow my cheeks, offering as much suction as I can give, and taking him to the back of my throat.

“Jesus, Marc,” Lincoln groans, his hand going to my head.

I moan around him, bringing my hand to his shaft, and pulling upwards on the taut skin. I stroke him into my mouth, loving the taste of him on my tongue.

Releasing his dick from my mouth, I let it fall back into place on his stomach, and lick down his shaft until I get to his balls. I suck one into my mouth and Lincoln releases a hiss as he tightens his grip in my hair.

I move to the floor in a kneeling position and bring Lincoln to the edge of the bed. Putting my hands on the undersides of his thick thighs, I lift his legs slightly and let my tongue dart out and lick the sensitive skin below his balls.

“Fuck!” he growls.

I do it again, letting my tongue move lower until I reach the puckered area I’m anxiously waiting to get inside. Burying my face in between his legs, I lick the smooth skin in the crevasse of his cheeks.

“Yes!” he hisses. “Fuck, yes.”

After caressing his ass with my tongue for a few minutes, I find the lube resting nearby, pop the cap, and pour it onto my fingers. I pour some down the crevice, and then push a finger slowly into his hot tunnel.

“Give it to me, Marc,” he begs.

I thrust my finger in and out a few times before adding another finger and getting him ready for my width. With both fingers in his ass, I stand up and suck his cock while pumping my fingers in and out.

“Shit,” he pants. “You’re so fucking good.”

After a while he begins grinding down on my fingers, letting me know he’s ready for more. I remove them, sheathe myself with a condom from his dresser, and lube up.

Lincoln scoots back up the bed, and I slink over him and in between his spread legs. Positioning myself at his entrance, I push in slowly, both of us staring into each-other’s eyes.

“All the way,” he groans. “I want to feel all of you. Now.”

I thrust forward, burying myself deep inside. We both moan out in pleasure and then I lean over his chest, my forearms keeping me up, and my head coming to a stop next to his.

“Fuck, Linc. You feel incredible.”

I bury my face in his neck as I plunge into him. His hands come to rest on my ass, pushing me further inside of him.

I back up onto my knees, and lift Lincolns legs higher and further apart, giving me the perfect view to watch my dick disappear into his ass. He grabs a hold of his cock and starts jerking the rigid flesh hard and fast.

“God, Marc. Your dick is so hard,” he grunts.

“You get it this hard. Fuck, your body is a God-send. I can’t get enough.”

“Mmm,” he moans, closing his eyes.

My thrusts get harder and deeper as my yearning for Lincoln deepens. I need him to know he’s the only guy I’m interested in. I haven’t even thought about another man in I don’t know how long.

Without thinking about it, my hand goes to Lincoln’s throat. I squeeze the sides of his neck, knowing the slight lack of oxygen will enhance the pleasure, and as he orgasms it will feel ten times better. Surprisingly, he doesn’t object. What is surprising is when he brings his hand to cover mine, letting me know it’s okay to squeeze harder. So, I do.

Lincoln lets out a guttural growl as his hand furiously jerks his cock. I dive in deep and hard and only moments later Lincoln yells, the white spurts of his come landing on his chest.

“Fuck!” he drags out through gritted teeth.

The muscles in his body flex and tighten, the sight of his arousal dripping from his cock drive me insane. I release his throat and dig my fingers into the flesh on his waist and plunge as deep as I can inside of his tight channel.

“I’m about to come,” I pant out.

I lean over his body again, my mouth at his chest and when I come, I bite down on the flesh above his nipple. I growl deeply and release the skin before I break it and we both yell out in pleasure.

As I rest across his chest, his hands come up and caress my back. After I catch my breath, I pull out and roll over next to him.

Both of us turn our heads and look at each other. Nothing is said right away; maybe we’re both trying to find the right words.

“I don’t want any other man, Lincoln. I only want you. You and Nathalia are more than I could ask for. I want you to know that,” I finally say. “I hadn’t had sex with a man in years…until you.”