Sinful Too (33 page)

Richard broke down mentally. He cried over his troubled marriage and waffling relationship. He recognized the work he had cut out, the long road ahead littered with phone calls to check on the kids, plane trips to Georgia, and prayers of winning his wife back on her terms.

After gargling three times with mouthwash, Richard felt convinced he’d rinsed the smell of liquor from his breath. Several times during his career, he condemned carousers and Saturday nightclub prowlers for dragging into the Lord’s house half inebriated and hungover just as he happened to be then.
Pull yourself together, man
, he heard himself say.
You’re the pastor of a prestigious congregation with thousands of followers. You are Dr. Pastor Richard Allamay, PhD. You still got that going for you. Phillip was right and you can’t forget it.
Richard smiled at himself in the bathroom mirror, determined to play the part of a man holding it together.

An hour later, Phillip paced in the pastor’s chambers, reading his wristwatch every thirty seconds. He put off calling Richard’s cell phone, predicting his arrival in due time. The church auditorium was filled to the rim as usual although there was a strangely different vibe circulating. Two of the deacons, who neglected to make the road trip to New Orleans, pulled Phillip’s coattail to get the real story once their phones rang off the hook. His answer was the same every time: “A slight misunderstanding occurred, but the pastor and Sister Allamay are doing fine.” He actually believed they would patch things up eventually so it wasn’t a total fabrication as far as he knew. One immediate problem existed however. If Richard did not show up in time for morning service and the television broadcast, Phillip was slated to fill in and preach in his place. The thought of that made him shiver.

“Richard! Boy, I’m glad to see you,” Phillip hailed when the pastor sailed in. Richard looked shinier than a brand-new dime.

“It’s good to see you too, Phillip,” he answered plainly, as if his world hadn’t been turned upside down.

“You can’t believe how tickled I am that you made it. Second of all, how’s Nadeen this morning?”

“She’s in Atlanta. Nadeen took the girls there late last night. I’m sorry. I just assumed she told Rose.”

Phillip was at a loss for words. “Uh-uh, we haven’t heard. At least I haven’t. I’m sorry too. You are able to preach this morning?” he added, praying for a favorable response. Richard adjusted his necktie. “Why wouldn’t I be? Come on, let’s go to work.” Phillip followed the pastor out of the office, onto the elevator, and into the worship hall. When Richard paused a few feet from the pulpit, the deacon shrugged to question why. “Is there anything I should be aware of?”

“Like what?”

“Like Dior sitting in the front row naked?” The look on Phillip’s face made Richard chuckle. “Ease up, Brother Evans, I’m only joking.”

“Dear Lord, please don’t let that happen today. My heart can’t take it.” He craned his neck to look over the audience. There was not one sign of Dior. He exhaled slowly. “Thank you.”

Richard approached the podium like he’d done hundreds of times. However this one was very different. Absent was his wife, who’d served as a pulse of the congregation when he spoke. If she wrinkled her nose, he knew to back off. When her eyes appeared blank and glassy, she was probably one of a number who had begun to think about the afternoon football game, pot roasts, or other matters he’d rather not imagine.

Richard was smiling when he thought of Nadeen as a fine helpmate and he was lost to the fact that the choir had finished their second selection. He stood alone in a quiet auditorium. One of the camera production managers signaled at Phillip to do something, anything, to get the pastor going.

The deacon rose to his feet. He began to clap his hands, then he belted out the first song that came to his mind. “This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine. This little light of mine . . .” The minister of music almost had a hissy fit when the deacon led thousands of church members in a rousing rendition of a spiritual typically reserved for children’s Sunday school. Eventually, he fired up the organ and joined in. Phillip was suffocating. He felt breathless and faint. Richard simply continued standing there, smiling. “It’s showtime, Richard. You got to pull it together.”

Richard’s lips began to move ever so slightly, as if he were coming out of a fog. He sang the song he hadn’t heard in years, interested why the church was rocking enthusiastically. “Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine. Aaaamen. I’ll take some of that old time religion any day. Good morning, church. I have to apologize, guess I got stuck in yesterday, which is a whole lot better than being stuck in reverse.” He winked at Phillip, to suggest he was back on task. “Can I get an amen?” Richard got more than that. He got a rim shot solo from the drummer. “I see one brother agrees; sometimes that’s all a country preacher needs. Now, I must admit I’m a bit distracted this morning, church. Some of you might have heard rumors of what happened over the weekend.” He paused again to watch Phillip, who he knew would be afraid of the truth coming out. “No, me and Sister Allamay didn’t gamble away the church building at the casino crap tables. You might have heard the saying ‘what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.’ Well, I’m here to tell you how glad I am we didn’t go to Vegas, because there’s a lot to share about what went on in New Or-leens. Church, be proud of the group who sat on those buses, cramped for hours at a time and forced to put up with me all the way to Louisiana and back.” Laughter replaced looks of uneasiness. Nadeen was correct. Richard’s light shined the brightest when he freestyled. “However, in between the fellowship and bid whist tournaments, we put in work. Three hundred and fifty members toiled in the sun and labored like they expected to get paid. Hallelujah. They pulled off rotted wood, hammered and nailed up new lumber, painted and perspired until the job was done. Hear me well, they put in work. I ought to know because I supervised.” Again, laughter lit up the auditorium. “Of course, I’m joking. I worked a little too. Be proud of your congregation because the Lord told us to move and we did. Faith is so hard to maintain during difficult times. This is one of them. Now then, what doth the Lord have to say about it? In the book of John, around about the third chapter and the sixteenth verse, it reminds us that
Faith is the substance of things hoped for and evidence of things not seen.
”

Phillip glanced at Richard peculiarly because the scripture he referred to did not correspond with the passage he recited. Richard was referring to Hebrews 11:1. During the pastor’s sermon, Phillip counted six biblical errors. The elders noticed quite a few more than that. If Phillip hadn’t been as well-versed on the Word, he would have overlooked the host of mistakes. Reasons behind Richard’s strange behavior had to be addressed. After the service concluded, Richard shook hands with hundreds of members near the exit. As long as the line held, he remained.

Tuesday evening, there was an unexpected knock at Richard’s home. He grunted from the upstairs bedroom that he was on the way down, as if the visitor could hear him. He staggered to the landing then took several careful steps to reach the bottom of the staircase. Richard flew off the handle when the insistent knocks continued. “I said I was coming! If that’s not good enough for you, get on back to wherever you came from!” Had he not recognized Phillip’s car when he glanced out of the front window, he wouldn’t have opened the door. “Hey, Deacon,” Richard uttered. “Well, come on in. And keep the mosquitoes out.” He hiccupped then burped rudely. Phillip used the DVD case he’d brought to fan the foul odor.

“Uhhgh, how long have you been drinking?” he asked, shielding his nose.

Richard belched again then flopped on the sofa, wearing the same clothes he’d put on the day before. “That depends on what day it is.” Phillip gave his good friend the once-over. Richard didn’t look good. He hadn’t shaved or bathed in days. It made what the deacon had come to do a lot harder.

“Brother Pastor,” Phillip started in.

“Uh-oh, you sound like a man on church business,” Richard cackled. “Maybe I ought to get the Bible out.”

It couldn’t hurt
, Phillip thought to himself. “Taking into account all that’s gone on and what you’re dealing with now, I hate to be the bearer of bad news.” He shifted his weight then lowered his head. Phillip detested the secret meetings held to oust Richard from the top job at M.E.G.A. Church, now a multimillion-dollar enterprise mainly because of his stewardship. The elders convened an assembly of senior members to discuss grumblings of whoremongering and adultery attached to the pastor’s name. A few of the men in attendance were on hand to witness Richard begging outside of Nadeen’s hotel room to be let in. Phillip sat quietly and listened to them condemn the man he cared about, thinking it would have been easier to speak up had Richard gambled away the church building at one of those offshore casino boats. Arranging for Dior to meet him while on church business was far more unscrupulous in their eyes. Phillip couldn’t argue against them.

“So what bad news do you hate being the bearer of?” Richard sniped. His eyes squinted distrustfully.

“The elders think you ought to take some time off, get your business in order, then come back and have a sit-down to talk about it.”

“Uh-huh,” Richard huffed, dismissing the entire idea. “The elders think that’s what I ought to do? Well, I don’t!”

“Try to calm down. It’s a lot more complicated than that.”

“I don’t care how complicated they think it is. I’ll decide when I need a break and for how long!” he shouted.

“Richard, it’s not up to you. I’m sorry, but the decision has already been made to find a replacement in the meanwhile.”

“Who’s gonna fill my shoes? Is it you,
Brother Deacon
? You went after my job behind my back? Huh?”

“No-no,” Phillip answered in record speed. He quickly remembered the collection of knots in his stomach when he thought he’d have to deliver the last message. “I’m not the right one for it.”

Richard sat up with his forearms resting on his thighs. “They offered it to you though, didn’t they?”

“Yeah, yesterday.”

The pastor sprang to his bare feet. “You’re telling me those old buzzards convened to toss me out?” Phillip nodded his head reluctantly. “How long they been plotting against me?” Paranoia surrounded Richard from all sides.

“It’s not like that. Think of how things look. Dior shows up at the hotel, nobody could miss that. You got busted, Richard! You brought your sideline woman around your wife. What did you expect to happen?”

“The elders are all jealous. Mad ’cause they couldn’t pull a fine young thing like Dior for themselves.”

“That’s nonsense, Richard. You should listen to yourself. As a matter of fact, that’s what I want you to do.” Phillip picked up the DVD case from the coffee table then tossed it at him. “This is a copy of last Sunday’s worship service. It’s one of the only remaining copies. We had to trash the others. They were useless.” Phillip had Richard’s attention then. It troubled him to be so direct but it had to be done. “Because of the erroneous information and the wrong scriptures you quoted during your sermon, the entire recorded program had to be destroyed. I wanted to pitch for you, really I did. When several of the sisters from the ladies auxiliary said they smelled alcohol on your breath afterwards, I didn’t have a leg to stand on.” Even though it was hard to take, Richard was ready to listen to everything Phillip had to say. “People are counting on you, Pastor, people like me who know what a great man of God you are. One who has fallen, but a great man irregardless.”

Richard wore a beleaguered frown. “Oomph, some great man I turned out to be. My wife ran off and she took the kids. I’ve been trying to reach them at her parents’ home, but they won’t take my calls.” He smacked his lips then eyed the DVD cover as if he was finally willing to examine himself. “Is it that bad?”

“Yeah,” Phillip cautioned. “But it’s not the end unless you cause it to be. Just take a break, go to your family even if Nadeen is too hurt or too prideful to take your calls. Patch things up, get her back here, and we’ll work it out. The elders know they need you. But not like this. Not with the drinking and certainly not with Dior on your mind. Do what you got to do, Richard, or the Methodist Episcopal Greater Apostolic Church will have no recourse but to go in another direction without you.”

Richard looked at the messenger from the corner of his eye. “
Recourse
?”

Phillip grinned then threw his hands up defensively. “That’s their word, not mine.” He stood up, then shrugged his shoulders. “When will you get back to me with your plans?”

“I’ll let you know as soon as I come up with some.” Richard shook hands with his best friend then hugged him like a long lost brother. “Just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse.”

“Take care of yourself, Brother Pastor. I’m not ready to stop believing in you.”

“That makes one of us,” Richard jested. “I’ll be in touch, Phillip, thanks again. They sent the right man to straighten me out.”

Thirty-one

Clear Blue Easy

T
here weren’t any words, phrases, or expressions to describe the ghastly feelings flooring Richard after he viewed the DVD Phillip delivered. He understood why the M.E.G.A. Church leadership destroyed the evidence of this horrendous sermon. Richard wanted to ask forgiveness for dishonoring the holy Word of God on the heels of a champagne binge, but he didn’t feel worthy. Serving the Lord in his brokenness was tougher than he thought. Richard wanted his family back, his life back, and the mental health he enjoyed before meeting Dior restored. He needed closure. He needed to end it face-to-face, to remove all doubt that he still wanted her.

A long shower invigorated him. A close shave made him feel like new money. His black Lexus sedan idled inside of the garage, purring to go. Richard tossed his cell phone charger and a number of toiletry items into a duffel bag along with a week’s worth of jeans and sweats, then he slung the travel gear over his shoulder. He’d begun to pick up the shattered pieces of what used to be his life. Richard locked the doors and windows, then set the home monitoring system with a small remote control. He backed out of the garage, staring at the house his ego built. Although elegantly designed, it didn’t hold the attraction it once had.
Empty vessels rarely do
, he thought while zooming down the driveway.