Sinderella (10 page)

The great white dress hung from the drapes so I might see all the stitchery. I ran my fingertips over the lace and hand-stitched embroidery. It was stunning.

The peace I felt inside of myself was something I had no memory of. I turned and sat in the window of my room and looked up at the night’s sky. A star twinkled bluer than the others and suddenly I was filled with something else. I smiled at the star. “I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish, I wish tonight.” I closed my eyes and made my wish.

When I opened my eyes there was a light in the room, similar as to what had been in the woods that night. I walked to it, seeing her in the mirror. She waved at me, sparkling like she was still a star.

“My love, how are you?”

I shook my head. “I hardly know. I have seen such a journey this last year, I hardly know what is up and what is down.”

Her eyes lit up. “You still have so many unanswered questions. I thought you had the thing you wanted most in life.”

It made me smile. “I do. I have my prince.”

She shook her head. “But that was not the wish you made. That was not the thing you sought. You looked for something bigger than a single man.”

I scowled. “He is bigger. He’s a prince.”

“Does that matter?”

I paused in thought. “No. No, it doesn’t.”

“Do you remember the wish you made, so long ago?”

I had to think about that night in the tower, the way I had been so desperate to not be forced to be a person I was not. I parted my lips but a crushing pain burned into my heart. “I wished to be free to marry the man I loved.”

She smiled at me and then she was gone. All that was left was the reflection of me. But it wasn’t
the me
I wanted to be. Not if I was honest with myself. The girl in the mirror was the person I thought I was.

But someone else had shown me I was not that girl. There was a difference between me and the other girls of the world.

I dropped to my knees and looked into the mirror. If I tried hard enough, I could see the images he had made me see. The truth he had revealed in the mirror.

I could feel him inside of me, taking everything from me but giving me every aspect of him.

The door opened to the room, reflecting light on one side of my face. I saw it then. I was at a crossroads and I needed to choose who I was. Abbi hadn’t been telling me that I should be a certain way. She was telling me that I had to choose my way, not be told which way it was.

Which side of my face did I see myself in?
The side with the light or the dark?

“My love?” I looked up to see my prince in the doorway. “What are you doing in the dark?”

I shook my head. “I think I live there.”

He scowled. “What?”

“Why do you love me?”

He cocked an eyebrow. “Because you are beautiful.”

“Is that all?”

“Isn’t it enough?” He shook his head. “What else is there? You are beautiful and you are always smiling and happy. You love that silly mouse and you care about the people in your life. I guess I love you because you are beautiful inside and out.”

He didn’t know me at all.

“What if I told you I like to be spanked?”

He stepped back and I could see the horror on his face suddenly. “Dear God, why would you say such a thing? I know you enjoyed it when I pulled your hair a little. I didn’t think much of it at the time. Do you wish me to hurt you when we make love? I have heard of it—girls who like to be roughed up.”

I shook my head. It was the truth. I didn’t want him to hurt me. I didn’t see it that way.
I was depraved
,
there was no doubt
. We didn’t match, as much as I had thought we did. I had seen my life with the king as less. It had made me see the king as less or maybe just me with him, like he made me less.

My prince walked to me and offered me his hand. “We have an assembly of people downstairs, for my brother’s wedding.”

I nodded. “I will dress, and meet you down there.”

He gave me a look. “Are you all right?”

I shook my head. “I hardly know. I just wonder how well you can love someone you don’t know.”

He laughed. “We can get to know each other. There is plenty of time for that after we are married.”

“What if we don’t like the traits we discover?”

He shrugged. “I think that is the natural way in a marriage. We grow comfortable. My parents I’m sure, were mad about each other once. Then they got old and it got to be more of a habit. Weren’t your parents that way?”

I thought about it long and hard. “No. My father loved my mother, even long after she was dead. He loved her to the very end of his life. They matched each other.”

He smiled. “I know we are the same. We match each other.”

I nodded, swallowing the lump in my throat. “I am certain you are correct, sir. Now leave me to change.”

He got a wicked smile on his face. “We haven’t seen each other change in a very long time.” He closed the door behind him.

We were alone in the dark. I stood to find him. He grabbed me, I gripped hard but he didn’t. He kissed slowly along my neck, to the swell of my breasts. My hands were trembling with the frantic need to be loved in the way I liked. But I held back. I told myself I could do it, and I would. I would take it slowly. I would let him savor me. I would enjoy making love like respectable people.

He lifted me into his arms and carried me to my bed. When he laid me down, he planted soft kisses along my torso as his hands lifted my dress. When it was over my head, he suckled my breasts, kneading and rubbing every inch of me. But it was exactly the same as it had been the first time. He moaned, he kissed, he suckled and he rubbed. He mounted me, gently putting his cock between my wet lips, swollen with need. He dragged it back and forth, lubricating us both. When he pushed in, it was delightful. His slow rocking was magnificent, but I could feel my body’s natural want to go faster, to fuck instead of make love. I clawed at his chest slightly but he didn’t take my hint. I shoved him off of me, getting onto all fours.

“I want it this way.”

He never spoke, just climbed onto the bed. His body draped over mine and when he entered me this way, his cock went all the way to the end. I cried out, pushing back into each thrust. I felt him back off, so I grabbed his hand and slid it up my body to my hair. “Pull when you thrust.”

He jerked his hand from my head, gripped my hips with both hands and fucked me as hard as he could. I felt him cum inside of me, and for the first time, I felt dirty.

Even before, with Duke Grey, I never felt like I was dirty. There, with my prince, I did. I looked back at him, seeing the worried look on his face in the moonlight coming through the window.

He looked at me. “What was that? Why did you make me rush it?”

I shook my head. “I didn’t. I wanted you to pull my hair.”

“While I mounted you from behind? I will not treat you that way.”

I stopped myself from saying anything else.

He lay down on the bed, pulling me into him. “Just tell me what is wrong, Ella.”

I snuggled into him, enjoying his warmth. He was light. He was someone who thrived in the light. I had done nothing but taint him with my darkness. I would never be a normal girl. I had not ever known normal, only depraved.

From the moment he had met me, he had been unable to function. I would be the ruin of him, because we didn’t match.

I hugged into him. “I like deeds that I fear you won’t ever be able to do.”

He kissed my forehead. “You must just face the fact, you have not ever been loved the right way. I will love you like that. I will keep you safe and happy and love you the right way.” He got up. “Let’s pretend this never happened. Get dressed and I will see you downstairs.”

He left the room, leaving me there feeling like a whore for the first time.

I got up and walked to my massive washbasin. It was filled but the water had cooled off. I dipped myself into it, washing away the bad deeds I had done.

I got dressed in the finest gown I had worn since the night of the ball. It was deep blue and encrusted with real jewels. I pulled on my knickers and walked from the room. I twisted my hair into a bun as I descended the stairs to the ballroom. My prince smiled at me, but I could see the confusion in his eyes.

I grabbed a glass of wine and walked to the window, overlooking the gardens and the cottage on the far side of the yard.

“Do you wish you had not come back to me?”

I looked up at my prince and smiled. “No. I could never wish that. I am grateful to be here right now.”

“Do you wish we could be the reckless people we were that night in the cottage?”

I nodded. “Don’t you?”

He shook his head. “No. I want to change and grow. I want to be king and be a father and live that life. I have been a bit of a scoundrel for a long time. When I see you, I want to be better than that.”

I leaned into him. “You are a good man and you will be an even better king.”

He kissed my head. “I must go and mingle, will you join me?”

I nodded. “In a minute.”

He walked away and I continued to look out over the gardens. I walked out onto the deck. It was cool out there, but I was almost sweating in my gown. The ballroom was filled with visiting dignitaries and family. I didn't know any of them. Had my father not died, I would have been completely comfortable with them.

I walked to the far corner of the huge deck and looked up at the sky.

“There she is.”

I jumped, spilling my wine on my hand.
The king, my cousin to be, walked towards me.
He looked the same.
Tragically beautiful and wicked.

He smiled, setting fire to my blood instantly. He took my hand and sucked the wine from my fingers. I gasped. “You can’t do that anymore.”

He nodded. “I know, and yet, I am.” He released my hand and I closed it, hoping to savor the feel of even a small part of him on me.

He stepped towards me, making me back up into the bricks of the castle. He towered over me. “I have missed you every second of every day. I have missed your face and your smell and the way you make me feel alive again.”

I swallowed hard.

I could see myself in his eyes. The sparkle of blue light inside of them instantly brought tears to my eyes. I shook my head. “You shouldn’t be here.”

He nodded, licking his lips. “I know. I should be at home, with you. I should be inside of you, making you scream in ecstasy.”

I shuddered. My body recalled everything he had ever done to it. It made him smile. My breath hitched.

“I love you, Ella. I love you with every ounce of my being.
The good and the bad, and the light and the dark.
Isn’t that enough?”

I nodded. I didn’t even mean to. I shook my head. “I can’t be with you. I can’t be someone’s mistress—their whore.”

He dropped to his knee and fished a glass shoe from his pocket. “I want you to be my wife, my queen, my love, and sometimes my whore. Forever and always.”

I looked at the shoe, completely confused. “I can’t ever be any of those things for you, you know that.”

He ignored me and lifted my foot. He pulled my shoe off, replacing it with the crystal one. “How?” I asked. “How do you have this shoe?”

He smiled up at me. “You don’t remember dancing with me, at the ball the same night you met Charmant?”

I froze.
The blue eyes and the dark hair and the lips that begged to be kissed.
He was the first man I had ever danced with, besides my father. The man I had been dancing with when Charmant had cut in.

He scowled. “You honestly never knew it was me? I called him my cousin.”

I shook my head. “The prince has hordes of cousins.”

“You must remember telling me about the shoe you had stuck under the stairs at your house, so Drusilla couldn’t say Angelique was the mystery girl. That was at my castle, after we made love.”

The memory barely registered but I closed my eyes and nodded. “We were eating crepes with crème.”

He spoke softly, almost a whisper. “At the ball I asked you how you had ended up with those incredible shoes. Then I asked you again in our bed. You never even realized it had been me you danced with.”

I opened my eyes, shaking my head. “I never even asked how you knew about them. I just told you the story. How do you remember that all so clearly?”

He lifted his hand and dragged his thumb across my lip. “I listened to everything you said. When you spoke I closed my eyes and I realized that when I was with you, you made my life exactly the way I had always dreamed it would be. With you I lived the dream.”

Nothing made sense. He was a monster. Wasn't he? My lip quivered and my chest tightened. Everything I believed in was a lie, my own lie. I had told myself Charmant was my destiny because my mother had said I would meet him. Raindrops started to fall on us. I looked down at the shoe and remembered I was freeing myself in all of this.